Passion (BL Novel)

"I really don’t want to keep looking at your face."

The man spoke gruffly with a very displeased expression. Joo Hyuk nodded in agreement and replied in a similarly curt tone.
"I’d rather not see your face either, if possible... but what can we do when the situation is like this? It’s not what I want either."
The man muttered irritably as he slammed the drawer shut. He then grabbed a medicine bottle from inside and tossed it roughly to Joo Hyuk.

"Just take it with you. You can use that for minor bruises, but don’t come here again. We’ve been overwhelmed with patients lately, and I’m busy as hell. Why do you keep bringing injured people here?"
"Again, this isn’t what I want."
Joo Hyuk sighed, holding the medicine bottle—one he had received countless times today—and stared at the bottle. According to the instructions, it was supposed to be a cure-all ointment, Tiger Balm, but it also listed headaches as a symptom it could alleviate. Maybe it could help with this headache.

Opening the bottle, Joo Hyuk dabbed a little of the cloudy ointment onto his finger and made a move to apply it to his temple. But before he could, he was met with another round of scolding from Kyo Ho, who yelled, "Why are you putting that on your head? I told you it works for headaches!" But against Kyo Ho’s terrifyingly loud shouting, Joo Hyuk couldn’t even utter a word.
Kyo Ho, the duty officer, had been complaining nonstop about his brutally busy schedule. He’d even begged the financial officer, another Kyo Ho, to find someone to help, but there was no sign of anyone listening to him. Joo Hyuk, though, could understand Kyo Ho’s position. Recently, the number of patients had been increasing drastically, and it wouldn't be surprising if Kyo Ho collapsed from overwork.
"This is all because of that European bastard. Why did that crazy guy have to come over here and cause this mess?!"

Exhausted and frustrated, Kyo Ho’s language became rougher. Joo Hyuk wanted to say, 'He’s not a European anymore since he’s part of our branch,' but he held his tongue. If he said it now, the atmosphere would definitely turn deadly, so he kept quiet.
"Are you going to take responsibility if I collapse from overwork? Huh?! You guys will be the ones suffering if I get carried away!"
Nodding along with Kyo Ho’s complaints, Joo Hyuk inwardly thought, I’ll probably be the one carried away first, not you.

Whenever someone got injured, they couldn’t move, and it was Joo Hyuk’s responsibility to carry them to the medical office. He even had to endure hearing harsh curses from the injured along the way.
He had expected this situation from the start.
Since the moment Ilay Rigrol, the man, became an instructor at this Asia branch. No, even before he came, no one could have failed to foresee this situation. Perhaps even Ilay himself had known what would happen.

Joo Hyuk vividly remembered the first time the man entered the lecture hall as an instructor. By the time the new instructor’s identity was revealed, everyone knew exactly who it was. So, just before he entered the lecture hall, the room was filled with a heavy, tense silence.
As soon as he stepped into the lecture hall, the silence turned into an unsettling tension, thick enough to cut with a knife.
The vacant position that Ilay took over had originally been held by Kippenhan, who managed information before he passed away. That’s why, despite the ominous feeling, Joo Hyuk had hoped, almost desperately, that Ilay wouldn’t take that spot. He had believed, in the back of his mind, that this would never happen.

In Joo Hyuk’s mind—and the minds of most of the Asia branch members—Ilay was a human butcher. He was someone who could smile and casually kill people without a second thought, with no other skill to speak of. Ilay Rigrol was nothing more than trash. So, naturally, they believed someone like him, who only knew how to kill and fight, shouldn’t be in charge of managing information.
However, the first lecture was nothing like they expected.
Ilay, the human butcher, turned out to be an excellent information management instructor.
There were no pleasantries or formal introductions. He immediately spread out the materials and began the lecture.

Joo Hyuk, standing at the back of the classroom, briefly thought that perhaps this person wasn’t Ilay Rigrol but some look-alike hired to take his place. After all, someone who casually kills people with a smile shouldn’t be able to give a seamless, precise lecture, right?
But Joo Hyuk wasn’t the only one who thought this way. The room was filled with a mixture of anger, fear, anxiety, and tension, as people watched Ilay deliver the lecture.
As the lecture neared its end, one brave member suddenly spoke up.

"Sir, this isn't your specialty, is it? I think you might have chosen the wrong field. Shouldn’t you switch places with Instructor Golding? —Although, I guess Golding does teach martial arts, not how to kill people."
Joo Hyuk couldn’t help but furrow his brow at the blatant sarcasm. He glanced nervously at Ilay. There was no guarantee that the crazy man wouldn’t throw a knife at the member who dared speak out. If that happened, Joo Hyuk would have to intervene, no matter what, as that was part of his job.
Damn it, why does he have to always speak like he has a knife in his mouth? If you want to say that, do it when I’m not around, so I won’t have to take responsibility later. Damn it.

Just as he prepared to jump in, Ilay silently stared at the man who had spoken. The classroom fell dead silent. The member who had spoken glared defiantly at Ilay, while the rest watched with a mixture of anticipation and fear.
"Yeah, you’re right, this isn’t my specialty. But neither is what Golding is teaching. You probably already know this, but I’m good at killing, not fighting. So, the one thing I can do well is information management. And since Kippenhan, the one who used to manage information, died, the position opened up, and here I am. If you have a problem with what I teach, that’s not my issue. You should go to your instructor and complain, not to me."
Ilay spoke calmly, without any sign of anger. In fact, a slight smile played on his lips as he looked at the student with an almost patronizing gaze—like a tiger looking down at a cub. Joo Hyuk, despite his nerves, couldn’t help but think that perhaps, despite everything, Ilay was somewhat human after all.

But the situation didn’t end there. Whether the previous student’s words served as a spark or not, another voice rang out from the other side of the room.
"Stop acting so high and mighty in front of us, you crazy murderer!"
This new voice was far more direct and vulgar than the previous one. Joo Hyuk pressed his throbbing temples. Am I really going to have to step in and prevent this room from turning into a bloodbath?

Yet, to Joo Hyuk’s surprise, Ilay showed no sign of responding angrily. He wasn’t upset or even bothered. Instead, he simply clicked his tongue, as if this situation was just a minor annoyance, and responded in a surprisingly generous tone.
"I’m not sure what my ‘true nature’ is, but if you really want to see what you think it is, I can give you a demonstration. Come out here."
Ilay smiled [N O V E L I G H T] faintly and nodded toward the man who had spoken. At that moment, Joo Hyuk’s face twisted in irritation. Ilay’s gaze briefly met his, and Joo Hyuk could see the man hesitate for a moment before adding, in a tone that seemed unusually magnanimous, "Don’t worry, I’ll spare your life."

Joo Hyuk, who had been preparing to rush forward, suddenly realized that Ilay had been talking to him. It wasn’t so much "don’t worry" as it was "don’t interfere." As soon as Joo Hyuk realized this, he decided not to get involved. If Ilay wasn’t going to kill him, then he didn’t need to rush in and risk his own life.
The man who had been confronted by Ilay stood up and stepped forward. Joo Hyuk recognized him instantly. This man was one of the group from the joint training with the European branch, the day when four people had died at Ilay’s hands. This was the same man who had shared a room with the person who had said he would throw a cluster grenade into the group.
As the confrontation escalated, it became impossible to discern the origin of all the hostility. While Joo Hyuk had always believed that the source of all resentment was Ilay’s indiscriminate cruelty, now he found himself unable to say it aloud.

Damn it, this damned instructor…
He had already known, but that man was a monster. There was no other way to explain his body other than sheer resilience—it wasn’t something that could be described as mere toughness. He was a monster, plain and simple. And anyone foolish enough to pick a fight with a monster like that, someone who could take such a beating without even flinching, had no choice but to face a humiliating defeat. A defeat that could only be described as tragic, given how merciful the monster had been in letting them take a hit.
Sure enough, as soon as Joo Hyuk closed his eyes, a tremendous impact resounded, followed by a scream so intense that it nearly drowned out the sound of the blow. The screams continued, one after another, growing louder and more desperate.

When the screams finally faded, only intermittent groaning and gasping could be heard. With a sense of unease, Joo Hyuk reluctantly opened his eyes. He didn’t want to see the gruesome sight that awaited him, but as soon as he did, his gaze met Ilay’s. Ilay pointed to the floor and muttered, "Clean this up."
Joo Hyuk had no choice but to look, his eyes locking onto the brutal scene. Two shoulders were dislocated, and a rib was crushed—this was what he later heard after moving the injured man to the medical office. The sight was far less gruesome than Joo Hyuk had imagined, but it still left him seething with frustration. You liar, how can you say this is what your nature is like? This crazy murderer… Despite the rage, he had to admit that the situation wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Joo Hyuk quickly carried the man to the medical office, silently thankful that it wasn’t worse.
Once again, it was etched into his mind: Ilay Rigrol wasn’t human.

Joo Hyuk had thought that Ilay had survived in the cluster dojo by pushing another member into harm’s way, using them as a shield when the cluster exploded. But seeing how Ilay shrugged off such a blow without even flinching made Joo Hyuk imagine that maybe Ilay could have withstood the explosion head-on and simply bounced back like a machine.
Regardless, it wasn’t the instructor’s fault. The rebellious member who had dared challenge Ilay and ended up with dislocated shoulders and broken ribs was solely responsible. The instructor hadn’t been at fault. At first, Ilay had held back, but eventually, when six members attacked him at once, he had taken matters into his own hands and cleaned house.
Those six were beyond the medical office’s capabilities, and they were immediately transferred to Hong Kong for treatment.

In this environment, where the ones who attacked were unharmed while the others suffered, Joo Hyuk was simply fulfilling his duty.
His task wasn’t to fight in place of Ilay, but to act as the instructor’s protector, stepping in to prevent harm from coming to Ilay and handling the aftermath of the battles. Even when members were severely beaten, Joo Hyuk never intervened, not once—except for that one time early on, when he had almost been killed in place of the attacking member.
The moment he intervened, Ilay had immediately swung his booted foot at him without hesitation. Thanks to Joo Hyuk’s quick reflexes, he narrowly avoided a serious hit, but the boot still grazed his elbow, leaving a dark bruise that would make him scream in pain at even the lightest touch for days.

If Ilay had aimed for Joo Hyuk’s chest, he would have surely been lying next to the other injured members in a hospital in Hong Kong by now.
"I still don’t really want to fight with you, but don’t think you can just jump into things. Neither of us wants to deal with that, right?" Ilay had said that evening after the regular shift ended.
To Joo Hyuk, the idea of dealing with something like that again was unappealing—he had his own life to worry about, and the last thing he wanted was to get involved in such a mess. His own safety was more important than anything else.

He had long since stopped trying to intervene in those situations. Every day, as he carried more and more injured members into the medical office, he could only think about when this nightmare would finally end.
But in the end, the physical exhaustion wasn’t the hardest part.
"Hey, give me some Tiger Balm. I think I might have strained something during training."

As Joo Hyuk was fiddling with the Tiger Balm, the door to the medical office creaked open, and a man shouted.
The man had come in, shaking his swollen and bruised arm, which was more than just a little sprain—it was dark and swollen. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing Joo Hyuk, and a few wrinkles appeared between his brows.
"Hey, Ching. What happened? Did you get injured because Yuan Ho messed up again?"

Joo Hyuk waved his hand casually and spoke, trying to ease the tension. The man was no longer on the same team as him, but not long ago, they had fought side by side in the same team. Though they weren’t teammates anymore, they had often joked and gotten along well.
But now, the man frowned when he saw Joo Hyuk, and after a moment of silence, he turned his head and spoke to Kyo Ho, asking for the balm without saying anything further.
Joo Hyuk watched the exchange with a bitter expression and tossed the Tiger Balm to him.

Ching caught it instinctively and checked the contents before looking at Joo Hyuk with a puzzled expression.
"It’s a miracle cure. This Tiger Balm even works for headaches. For a sprain like yours, it should be fine to just apply this."
 

When Joo Hyuk spoke, Ching reluctantly took the ointment from him, but then threw it back at him just as quickly.
"Keep it. After all, it’s because of the bastard you're looking after that all these injured people keep showing up. Just keep it and use it on them."
Joo Hyuk merely stared at Ching, who muttered irritably. Without showing any emotion, Joo Hyuk silently watched him for a moment, then sighed lightly and put the ointment down.

If only I could grab that bastard and rip his mouth open, I’d have no regrets.
Without knowing that Joo Hyuk was thinking such dark thoughts, Kyo Ho, the medical officer, shot a glance at him with a disapproving face.
"All of them here are like five-year-olds. Seriously, five years old. Tae-i, you’ve been through a lot too, huh? But it’ll be fine after a while. Just bear with it. ...But of course, you wouldn’t hear that. It's all because of that damn bastard you're looking after that all these injured people keep showing up, and now I’m swamped! Keep a better eye on him!!"

"That’s not really my responsibility…"
"What’s the point of being an officer if you don’t take care of things like that?"
"No, being an officer isn’t really about that…"

Joo Hyuk sighed deeply.
Whether it's this bastard or that bastard, they're all just taking it out on me, damn it.
The physical exhaustion was bearable. But the emotional toll…

When he saw his old comrades treating him like this, it wasn’t just disappointment—it made his blood boil.
Are they children? Really?!
If it had been his old self, he would have slapped each of them across the face. But knowing how much they hated Ilay, he held back.

Now that he thought about it, the one who deserved to be slapped was probably Ilay.
By the time the regular shift ended, Joo Hyuk was utterly exhausted.
Going back and forth a few times to the medical office hadn’t been that tough physically. But what wore him down was the mental strain.

There was no one among those he encountered who could be considered an ally. Even the people who had been on the same team as him just recently, when they saw him, made uncomfortable faces.
At his age, he never expected to be ostracized like this, not even when he was a child.
"Now that I think about it, when I was younger, there were more opportunities to be ostracized. I had a handsome older brother, good parents, and a good uncle. Yet, I still had a lot of friends…"

Joo Hyuk mumbled to himself as he took a drag from a cigarette he had stolen from Ilay’s bag. He didn’t enjoy smoking much, but whenever he had to go outside, he would frequently forget to buy cigarettes.
So, he always borrowed one or two from Do-woo. But now, he was in a situation where he couldn’t even ask anyone to borrow a cigarette because he was being completely ostracized.
He wanted to smoke but couldn’t talk to anyone who had cigarettes. The only people he could speak to were the guards or the new instructor, Ilay Rigrol. But among the guards, there wasn’t anyone he was close enough with to ask for a cigarette.

The only one who could give him a cigarette was his uncle, but his uncle didn’t smoke.
So, when Joo Hyuk found a pack of cigarettes in Ilay’s bag, he took it without a word. Let them get angry. It’s because of him that I’m craving this cigarette so badly.
He justified his theft to himself, thinking that this was the simplest thing he could do. He went outside, sat under the thick trees in the yard, and lit up a cigarette.

"Come to think of it, maybe my uncle really hates me."
He murmured to himself while smoking, and he thought about it seriously. I really think he does.
He didn’t know why, but if he didn’t hate him, there was no way he would have brought him here like this. He certainly wouldn’t have made him an officer under Ilay.

The current situation—if he was unlucky, he might end up with his life cut short by Ilay, or even worse, by his many colleagues who hated him.
At least Tow, who had been friendly with him, seemed to feel a little pity for him. When they had crossed paths in the bathroom, Tow clicked his tongue and muttered, almost as if speaking to himself, "Why did you have to become his officer?"
"I didn’t want to, you know!"

Even though he had said this a hundred times, Joo Hyuk had stopped saying it out loud now. I might just end up dying from this heartache.
There were six cigarettes left in the pack. Joo Hyuk quickly smoked three of them, then looked at the remaining three with some hesitation.
Even though I carry these around, I’m always smoking them like they’re the most dangerous things.

After finishing three cigarettes, his throat was dry as a bone.
He was torn. If he smoked the rest, his throat would probably kill him, but if he didn’t, he’d still feel miserable inside.
After a moment’s hesitation, he lit up another cigarette.

Whatever. If my throat or my lungs go to hell, then so be it.
He sighed deeply.
And then, suddenly…

"...Hyung, don’t you think you’re smoking too much? That’s going to be really bad for you."
A hesitant voice called from above.
Joo Hyuk, cigarette still in his mouth, looked up.

The voice came from inside the window, half-hidden by the leaves. It seemed like they had been standing there for quite a while.
"...Shin-ru. When did you get there?"
Joo Hyuk greeted him with a forced smile.

But Shin-ru didn’t answer. He simply stared down at Joo Hyuk with a melancholy expression.
Joo Hyuk’s heart tightened.
"...You’ve been busy, I guess. Haven’t seen you much lately."

Joo Hyuk continued to speak, but Shin-ru remained silent.
Joo Hyuk clicked his tongue inwardly. This wasn’t just recently. Ever since he heard that the new instructor was Ilay Rigrol from Europe, Shin-ru had been avoiding him, almost as if on purpose.
Before that, Shin-ru would come to his room every two or three days and send him messages. So when it all stopped suddenly, Joo Hyuk was honestly shocked. When he sent a message, there was no reply. When he went to visit, Shin-ru would talk, but it always felt reluctant.

The reason was obvious.
It was because Joo Hyuk had become Ilay’s officer. Nothing else.
"Are you doing well, Tae-i? You’ve been with the new instructor a lot. You two must get along well."

"No, it’s tough. His personality is impossible to figure out. I’m exhausted."
Joo Hyuk confessed, and Shin-ru looked at him with a subtle expression, still with an air of melancholy.
But it wasn’t directed at Shin-ru, and certainly not at Ilay. It was the frustration from the whole situation.

When Joo Hyuk sighed deeply, Shin-ru, sensing his mood, suddenly looked like he might cry.
Seeing that, Joo Hyuk whispered to himself, I’m the one who wants to cry.
Before he even realized it, he found himself staring at Shin-ru with a face that almost seemed like he was going to burst into tears himself.

When Shin-ru saw that expression, he flinched.
Wait a minute. Joo Hyuk remembered something that Carlo, the self-proclaimed Casanova, had once proudly taught.
When there’s tension and awkwardness between two people, don’t say anything—just pull them in and kiss them. He said that would resolve almost any argument.

At the time, Joo Hyuk had scoffed at that idea, but now, in this situation, it didn’t seem so impossible.
Joo Hyuk gazed at Shin-ru, thinking, I just want someone to say something kind to me right now.
When no one else seems to be on your side, just hearing one kind word could make all the difference.

"...Why are you staring at me like that? Like I’ve done something wrong."
Suddenly, Shin-ru mumbled, on the verge of tears. Joo Hyuk, with a helpless look on his face, tilted his head.
He didn’t even realize what kind of expression he was wearing. He was simply exhausted.

"Don’t cry... Shin-ru, don’t cry."
But when Shin-ru looked at him with those teary eyes, it made Joo Hyuk’s heart hurt. I made this adorable, lovable kid cry.
Joo Hyuk reached out and gently placed his hand on Shin-ru’s head, softly stroking it. The feeling of his soft hair against his palm felt soothing.

Then, suddenly, Shin-ru cried out, voice breaking.
"Tae-i, you’re being unfair. Why are you hanging around with that bad guy? I could have tolerated it with anyone else, but I really can’t stand him! I can’t stand the thought of you being around someone I can’t handle! But why are you looking like that? Like I’m the bad one!"
With a sudden outburst, Shin-ru grabbed Joo Hyuk by the collar and pulled him in, kissing him fiercely.

One kiss, then two, then three, until Joo Hyuk was out of breath. When he couldn’t breathe anymore, he had to tap on Shin-ru’s shoulder to get him to pull away.
"...!"
After Shin-ru finally pulled away, Joo Hyuk gasped for air, wiping away the saliva on his lips with his fingers, still in shock. Shin-ru, with a face full of tears, looked at him again.

Joo Hyuk was stunned, eyes wide open, as he stared at Shin-ru.
Shin-ru began to cry again, letting the tears fall.