Passion (BL Novel)

Seeing the young man shedding tears broke my heart. Just a moment ago, he had been smiling as if happy to see me, but now, to see him drop tears all of a sudden, I could tell that he had been struggling with that misunderstanding all this time, torturing himself with it.

It was more important to soothe Shinru’s heart than to make myself seem more favorable.
"Shinru... that's not it. That ★ 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ★ man... he's after you."
As Jeong Tae-ui hesitated and spoke, Shinru suddenly raised his head. His eyes, still teary, widened in shock as he looked at Jeong Tae-ui. It was as though he had been struck in the back of the head.

Did I say something wrong? When someone realizes that they're being watched, they start to be aware of that person in return. There are many feelings that bloom in such a way, and Jeong Tae-ui knew this. He didn't want to say it to Shinru, even though it was hard to believe, because there was always the off chance, no matter how small. Even though Shinru was someone who could pick up on things like this very quickly.
"Irae likes someone like you. Someone kind and pretty, so he doesn’t really get along with me. I... I'm anxious."
Speaking in a depressed tone, like a typical shy man, Jeong Tae-ui mumbled, glancing down. Shinru, however, continued to look at him with a strange expression. Slowly, slowly, his face seemed to soften, the sorrowful expression melting away a bit. Yet, it didn’t completely clear up, and a shadow still lingered.

"So, hyung... you didn’t do anything weird with him, right?"
With a cautious voice, full of worry, Shinru asked. Jeong Tae-ui confidently shouted, "Of course not!" But after saying that, he immediately regretted it. A memory resurfaced—the time when they had "helped each other release their desires" by touching each other's sensitive areas, even if it was just what he described.
As soon as Jeong Tae-ui said that, his expression stiffened slightly and he looked panicked. Shinru stared at him intently, his face hardening. His gaze felt like a glare.

"No, that’s not it... it’s a misunderstanding. I didn’t mean it that way..."
"What did you do?"
"Huh?"

Suddenly, Shinru's voice lowered. The soft and gentle expression on his face disappeared. Instead, a cold and fierce expression took over. His voice, low and chilling, matched his face.
Jeong Tae-ui shut his mouth and stared at Shinru. It felt like he was looking at a stranger. The once gentle, lovable youth had transformed into a fierce, almost cruel man.
Jeong Tae-ui clenched his fists, as though suppressing an unseen heart. Instinctively, he felt a surge of wariness. It was a natural defense instinct that arose when a strong, dangerous person was near.

No, it’s fine. Shinru isn’t someone to be wary of. He’s just angry and anxious. Maybe I should even be happy that he cares about me this much.
Jeong Tae-ui murmured to himself, again, and again, calming his heart a little.
"It’s nothing serious... relax, don’t be mad, Shinru."

Jeong Tae-ui said this and lightly tapped Shinru’s shoulder. When his hand touched him, Shinru flinched slightly, then frowned. At that expression, Jeong Tae-ui felt a bit of relief, as if Shinru’s sweet face had returned just a little.
The next moment, Shinru’s arm wrapped around Jeong Tae-ui’s back. Then, he felt a sharp pain on his lips. Before Jeong Tae-ui could even react, his eyes wide in surprise, Shinru pressed his lips to his. He gently bit his lower lip, hard enough to hurt.
It wasn’t the pain, but the surprise that made Jeong Tae-ui flinch. Shinru hugged him tighter, and Jeong Tae-ui could feel his breath on the inside of his mouth.
What... what should I do?

Jeong Tae-ui thought, his mind blank with confusion. It was something completely unexpected. But in his embrace, Shinru was clearly anxious and uneasy. Suddenly, Jeong Tae-ui remembered the first time he had asked his uncle about the young man he had met in the bathroom. His uncle had muttered, "Hmm, Shinru..." to himself, and had looked at him with a strange gaze.
But before he could ponder those fragments of memory, Jeong Tae-ui sighed and turned his arms around, hugging Shinru back, patting his back. This soft body clinging to him felt like a young animal that might jump in any direction.
Shinru seemed a bit tense, but when Jeong Tae-ui patted his back, he slowly relaxed his shoulders. The bite on his lip also faded away.

"Hyung, Tae-ui hyung," Shinru whispered, his hand clutching the collar of Jeong Tae-ui's shirt, resting against his back. Jeong Tae-ui couldn’t shake the feeling that something was strange... he didn’t know what it was, but something felt off... yet, he just tilted his head in confusion, continuing to comfort the sweet youth’s back.
"...You're such a softie."
As Jeong Tae-ui mumbled that, Towu, who had been buried in the bed, groggily jumped up, full of life again.

"There’s no business with a sick person! Look at how you’re talking to someone who almost died!"
"It’s not sickness, just muscle pain, right? Where does it hurt?"
"Ahh, don’t press there!"

As Jeong Tae-ui pretended to press down on Towu’s thigh and arm muscles, Towu yelped and screamed. Eventually, exhausted, Towu collapsed back into the bed, curling up like a worm in the blankets, groaning.
After the joint training with the European branch, Towu had apparently started feeling sick as soon as the tension had eased. He seemed frustrated, unable to go out and enjoy his time off, just lying in bed.
Tearfully, Towu complained about how no one would greet him even though he was out of the shelter, as everyone else was either out having fun or buried somewhere enjoying their holidays. Jeong Tae-ui had managed to find Towu, groaning on the bed, and sat next to him.

He hadn’t exactly found him—when he returned to the room, Towu was just lying there.
Opening the fridge, Jeong Tae-ui found only a water bottle for Moro. He pulled it out, drank some water, and then placed the empty bottle on top of the fridge.
"Moro’s not here?"

"He left as soon as the holiday started. Said he was going to Hong Kong to meet with a fence... Something about buying a Colt and shooting you first."
"...What a coincidence. I was just thinking about smashing his head in with that puzzle book he put in the shelter."
Jeong Tae-ui muttered to himself as he thought about the books he had left neatly on the shelf for the next person who would go to the shelter. Towu, buried in the blankets, peeked his head out and asked.

"So, how was it in the shelter?"
"How do you think?"
"Everyone came out looking like they had been beaten to death, but you seem okay. I guess that life suited you. You should’ve stayed longer."

"Hmm. You’re not hurting enough yet. You should hurt more."
Jeong Tae-ui glared at Towu, who was still buried under the blankets, then started pressing down with his fist, making Towu scream again. When Towu finally stopped squirming and was gasping for breath, Jeong Tae-ui stopped and froze in place as he approached his bed.
There was already a sign of someone else having used it.

Now that he thought about it, this wasn’t originally his room. This bed had originally belonged to someone else. He had only borrowed it while that person was away on a mission to the South American branch. Of course, that person should have returned after the joint training ended.
"Looks like Ticknat’s back. Anything happen in South America?"
 

Jeong Tae-ui, sitting down on Moro's bed, looked at Towu with a puzzled expression.
"Six? Until I entered, only five people had died at his hands... Ah, did one more die?"
"Yeah. During the radiation response training, they made a stupid mistake with their position. Tsk. If one more had died, it would have set a new record for casualties."

Towu spoke jokingly, but his face still showed a frown. Talking about a comrade’s death was never easy. Jeong Tae-ui nodded, muttering bitterly.
"That’s why we heard the noise all the way to the shelter. I guess it was a big incident this time."
"Yeah, it was a bit rougher than usual. ...Oh? You heard it all the way to the shelter? Well, considering it happened on the sixth underground floor, it makes sense you’d hear it if it’s directly below."

Jeong Tae-ui nodded. While walking to the men's room, he noticed that the southern annex was closed. It seemed they were doing repairs there, and it looked like the radiation training had taken place in that area.
"So where did the people from the southern annex go?"
"They probably scattered to other rooms. The southern annex always had fewer people anyway."

"If that’s the case, they should have triggered the explosion on a floor where fewer people live. If worse comes to worst, they could just blow up the ground floor."
Jeong Tae-ui muttered, and Towu burst out laughing. "If the instructors heard you say that, they’d love you." He then rubbed his stomach dramatically. Lying on the bed without its owner, Jeong Tae-ui suddenly asked, "What’s on the fourth underground floor?"
"Hm? I think it’s empty? I’m not sure, but it probably turned out that way because of how the building was structured."

"They said the doors were locked and access was restricted to authorized personnel. Why restrict access to an empty floor?"
"Can you imagine how awkward it would be if someone went in and found nothing but an empty space with a sign that says 'Architectural error'?" Towu added with a smirk. "I don’t think there’s even an entrance there, actually. The elevator doesn’t stop on the fourth floor."
Jeong Tae-ui briefly thought about the instructor who had designed the deteriorating building. That eccentric old man had seemed like a perfectionist, so how did he make such a mistake?

"...."
Jeong Tae-ui turned his thoughts to the robot construction room but quickly pushed that thought aside. It didn’t matter. Whether the robot actually existed or not, in six months, he would be gone anyway.
A yawn escaped him. He thought he had been lounging comfortably enough inside the shelter, but walking around outside made him realize just how tired he had been while trapped in there. After all, people can’t live in confinement, no matter how comfortable you make it for them.

"I'm sleepy... When’s Moro coming back?"
"Who knows? He left yesterday, but he’ll be back by Sunday night at the latest."
"I think that guy has a bit of a cleanliness obsession. He’ll probably get mad if he sees me sleeping in his bed."

"Yeah, probably. Be careful, though. Moro doesn’t just have a Colt he’s obsessed with."
"Yeah, I saw a Beretta in his drawer too."
"Wasn’t that a model gun?"

".... Towu... Just go to sleep. Sleep deeply. What kind of world do you think you’ll see with those eyes?"
Towu grumbled loudly, but Jeong Tae-ui ignored him. The last thing he wanted to do right now was move his comfortably lazy body off the bed, especially knowing that, if he opened his eyes, he might find a Beretta's barrel pointed right at him.
Jeong Tae-ui closed his eyes. Slowly, the sounds from outside began to fade. Towu seemed to have fallen asleep again, as he didn’t say anything else. Occasionally, Jeong Tae-ui could hear him groaning like a puppy, muttering "Ugh, it hurts," but that was it.

He planned to sleep a little more before moving his room. There was nothing to pack, but he’d still have to gather his things and return to his room. Wait a minute, though. The European branch guy who was in my room before — that must have been Irae, but he hasn’t come back yet, has he? My room should still be occupied. So where am I supposed to sleep tonight?
But in truth, Jeong Tae-ui wasn’t just thinking about where he’d sleep. The moment he thought about Irae, he also recalled a more troubling thought.
Irae was someone he would never see again. A person he was fortunate not to have to meet again. However, they had spent time together for a while, and although it wasn’t a point of no return, they had crossed a bridge that made it difficult to go back. Wouldn’t it be polite to at least say goodbye?

But the thought felt odd. Saying goodbye to someone who wasn’t bound by the world’s norms felt wrong. It felt inappropriate to give a farewell. Sharing parting words and emotions might be nice, but one should stretch their legs according to where they lie. And honestly, he didn’t feel that close to him, so there wasn’t even an answer to that thought.
Still, Jeong Tae-ui considered that he probably should go, but then quickly got tired of that thought and erased it from his mind. Then, the blackout curtain approached.
"Hey, hey, wake up... Wake up, I said."

Something hard pressed against his temple. Jeong Tae-ui opened his eyes groggily. Damn, just as I joked, it’s really the barrel of a Beretta pointing at me.
"You’re trying to shoot me just because I used your bed? You’re not supposed to do that, Moro."
"Are you kidding me? You drank my water without asking, used my bed without permission — what are you, Snow White?"

"You think I’ll play Snow White with a midget like you? Get that damn gun away from me! You’re waving it around like this in broad daylight — what a mess."
"Broad daylight, huh? Look at the clock and tell me what time it is! Where am I supposed to sleep?"
Jeong Tae-ui grabbed the barrel of the gun and pushed it aside. Moro came closer, yelling directly in Jeong Tae-ui's ear. With that, Jeong Tae-ui covered his ears and rolled around before quickly jumping up.

"You're going to burst my eardrum!"
"You better go back to your room! Why the hell are you sleeping in my bed? The Europeans are gone, so go back to your own room!"
Moro, who had just returned with a few packs of cigarettes for Towu, several puzzle magazines for himself, and a bunch of snacks, seemed to revive his grudge when he saw Jeong Tae-ui sleeping in the bed. He grabbed a Beretta from the drawer and swung it around, although it didn’t quite serve its intended purpose as a firearm.

Jeong Tae-ui, waking up from the chaos, grabbed one of Moro’s freshly purchased puzzle magazines and slapped it against his face. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. He thought he had just briefly dozed off, but it seemed he had slept well into the day. It was already past 10.
"That bastard drank all my water. Damn it, he better go refill it right now."
Tired of dealing with Moro’s pestering, Jeong Tae-ui felt the petty grudge about the Colt deep in his bones. He picked up the water bottle and, irritated, trudged out of the room. As he walked toward the water dispenser, he muttered under his breath.

"That bastard Moro... I'll buy hundreds of those damn Colts and throw them at him."
Jeong Tae-ui grumbled as he reached the water dispenser. Filling the water bottle, he glanced toward the end of the hallway where his room was. Irae would stay there until tonight.
Suddenly, the thought he’d been contemplating before falling asleep came back. Irae was someone he would never see again. But wouldn’t it be courteous to at least say goodbye? Or maybe it wasn’t necessary; after all, they might meet again someday, and parting might only ruin the mood.

Jeong Tae-ui snapped back to the present, realizing that he had overfilled the water bottle. As he tightened the cap, he thought again.
"..."
Even so, spending time with someone still mattered. Regardless of whether Irae wanted it or not, whether they’d meet again or not, it was only proper to say goodbye.

Jeong Tae-ui walked toward his room.
However, when I heard that I was leaving early tomorrow morning, there was a strange feeling, even though I should have been relieved. Although I didn’t want to, Jeong Tae-ui had imagined a situation like "Irae trying to force Shinru away" and how, in that case, he would inevitably get caught in between them.
He had said it. He wouldn’t use force, so don’t interfere. As he recalled those words, Jeong Tae-ui remembered the image of Shinru from this morning.

From that look, it seemed like Shinru wouldn’t go to Irae. He seemed like he would stay by his side forever. Unless Irae physically forced Shinru, Shinru wouldn’t go to him willingly. So, in the end, no matter when Irae left tomorrow morning, as he had said, Jeong Tae-ui could be at ease. His anxiety seemed to have been unnecessary.
He sighed lightly. In fact, if Shinru wasn’t involved, Jeong Tae-ui had a fairly decent relationship with Irae. They were acquaintances, and there was no direct grudge between them. He even found their conversations enjoyable sometimes, though he couldn’t always understand Irae’s way of thinking.
"Well, if I’m going to say goodbye, I should send him off in a good mood."

Jeong Tae-ui pressed his fingers to his lips and raised them, forcing a smile like a clown. When he saw his reflection in the mirror on the wall, it looked so ridiculous that he quickly dropped his hands.
"Goodbye to that beautiful hand~. I can’t say I don’t feel a little regret."
Muttering to himself, Jeong Tae-ui headed to his room. He hesitated briefly in front of the door. Am I doing the right thing? he wondered, before opening the door.

The door opened silently, and Jeong Tae-ui muttered in surprise. The room was dark. But there was some movement; the light on the bedside lamp was still dimly glowing, casting a faint light around the room.
Was he already asleep? But Irae didn’t have the habit of sleeping with the light on. Or maybe he had stepped out briefly?
Jeong Tae-ui stepped into his room, and as his tense mood relaxed, he let out a soft sigh. But as he walked through the narrow hallway that led from the door to the room, he saw a large shadow flicker. The shadow, illuminated by the lamp, revealed two people tangled together on the bed. It looked similar to something he had seen before—something he had witnessed at the beach.

He took a step forward. On the bed, there was a man lying down, leaning on it, and as he had seen before at the beach, there was another man with his face buried in his lap.
Jeong Tae-ui froze in place. It wasn’t just the fact that he was witnessing something intimate between others. The two men were people he knew.
The man lying diagonally across from Jeong Tae-ui—no, more accurately, sitting at an angle—was Irae. From the moment Jeong Tae-ui opened the door, Irae had already known he was there, and instead of showing surprise, he looked at him calmly. As their eyes met, a slight smile appeared at the corner of Irae's mouth.

Jeong Tae-ui stared at him, but after a moment, his gaze slowly drifted down. The man’s bare back was visible as Irae’s lap was being licked by the other man. The sound of wetness echoed in the room, sticky, filthy. But the man didn’t just stop there; with delicate and loving hands, he fondled Irae, massaging him until Irae’s body became fully erect. Then, thinking the moment was right, he raised his body and brought his bare lower body closer.
"Just like I said earlier. With this, never touch Tae-ui hyung again. I won’t let it slide."
The man’s voice, low and cold, came from above Irae. Jeong Tae-ui’s face drained of color. That familiar back, that familiar voice. His heart raced. He bit his lips, which had lost their color.

It was Shinru. Even though he looked different now, as if he were a stranger, his face was unmistakably Shinru. His cold voice, devoid of any trace of a smile, made Jeong Tae-ui remember the expression Shinru had briefly shown a few days ago in the shelter. That cold, aggressive face.
Jeong Tae-ui and Irae’s gazes met again. Irae looked at Jeong Tae-ui for a moment, his expression unreadable. A faint smile seemed to flicker in his eyes.
"Good. After all, this is a good deal for me. If there’s someone I like around, it’s better to embrace the one who suits my taste."

Irae’s slow voice continued. His white, beautiful hand grasped Shinru’s waist. Shinru flinched slightly as if uncomfortable, but still, he remained silent. Slowly, under Irae’s guidance, Shinru lowered his waist. The man’s lewd member pressed against Shinru’s backside.
At that moment.
"I told you, I’ve made a deal with him."

Jeong Tae-ui, who had been about to rush forward to pull Shinru away from Irae, froze at Irae’s slow words that whispered into his ear.
"I told you I wouldn’t force myself on you, and if I didn’t, he wouldn’t interfere. And now you’ve come to this room of your own accord."
The voice bound Jeong Tae-ui in place. It felt like being hit in the back of the head with something, as his feet wouldn’t move. His body, his hands, his mouth—his tongue, which wanted to shout—couldn’t move. Only his eyes moved, fixed on them.

"Yes, I came first. So don’t go near him again! It’s unpleasant!"
"You think I’ll go near him? If it looked that way, I have nothing to say. But fine, I’m satisfied with tasting this body at least. Besides, I didn’t even care about him in the first place... Relax."
With a sharp slap, Irae hit Shinru’s backside, then laughed. His hand, which had been holding Shinru’s waist, pulled him down further. The man’s lewd member pushed into Shinru’s soft body.

Jeong Tae-ui covered his mouth with his hand. It felt like a scream would escape from him. Should he rush in and break them apart? Was it right to interfere and make a scene?
But Jeong Tae-ui’s internal conflict didn’t last long. As Shinru, receiving that monstrous thing, let out a strained breath, Jeong Tae-ui could tell from the side profile that he was clearly excited. Whatever reason brought him to this room, Shinru had willingly slept with Irae. And he was feeling pleasure from it.
Jeong Tae-ui slowly turned his eyes. While Irae relentlessly thrust into Shinru, he never took his eyes off Jeong Tae-ui. The narrowing of Irae’s eyes seemed to mock him. His expression, filled with cold, raw desire, never wavered as he stared straight at Jeong Tae-ui, with a smile playing on his lips.

It felt like a cold shower had been poured over him.
Jeong Tae-ui took a step back. Irae laughed more joyfully. When Jeong Tae-ui reached the door, Irae’s laughter erupted. At that moment, Jeong Tae-ui finally realized something he had already known, but couldn’t fully feel until now.
Irae, the man known as Irae Rigrue, lacked any sense of emotional connection with the people around him. To him, everyone else was just an object. There was no emotional link, no intimacy. The man had never been interested in Jeong Tae-ui himself. He had only wanted Shinru’s most intimate companion, or the nephew of Jeong Chang-in, or the genius Jeong Tae-ui’s younger brother.

When Irae said he had no intention of fighting Jeong Tae-ui, it wasn’t because of who Jeong Tae-ui was. It was because he was someone’s guard, nephew, and brother. And in the end, Irae had gotten exactly what he wanted, right at the last moment before leaving this place.
Jeong Tae-ui quietly stepped backward and left the room. His hand, still gripping the doorknob, felt cold. Standing there, holding onto the doorknob, he thought.
This wasn’t anger. It wasn’t the loss of Shinru. It wasn’t even his own sense of futility. But at the same time, it was all of those things.

It felt like he should laugh, but no laughter came.
The final goodbye to a human. That was the last farewell, just like this.