Passion (BL Novel)

He actually thought to some extent like that. It wasn’t just because he hadn’t seen the kind of "calmly smiling face beating people like dogs" as often as others described. Logically, he couldn’t explain why, but the man was someone he would probably have to avoid from a distance, yet he didn’t find him a hated or despised figure.
Perhaps it was something his older brother had once said: "You have an excessively neutral attitude towards people." Maybe that’s what this was all about.

"Still, what can I do about these feelings?"
Jeong Tae’s muttered with a sigh. Of course, his thought that if he saw that man from a hundred miles away, he would run away without a second thought, hadn’t changed.
"Hyung."

No matter how much beer wasn’t really considered alcohol, he wondered if he might end up an alcoholic...? As that thought crossed his mind, Jeong Tae finished the remaining beer, and suddenly he heard a voice calling him from behind. He paused, then slowly turned around. He had heard the door open, but thinking it was just someone coming in and out, he hadn’t bothered to look back.
"Shin Lu..."
"It’s dangerous to be out here at this hour. There are a lot of bugs around."

Shin Lu had silently approached like a cat and crouched down next to Jeong Tae. The space was wide enough that there was no need to move aside, yet Jeong Tae instinctively stepped a couple of steps to the side. As the air moved, the scent of soap brushed against his nose. Jeong Tae glanced at Shin Lu. It didn’t seem like he had just gotten out of the shower, but the scent of soap lingered in his soft, fluffy hair. When Shin Lu blinked, the long eyelashes, resting on his hands as he cupped them and leaned his chin against them, seemed like they might make a crisp sound. Still, he was lovable. Even though there was an awkwardness in the air these past few days, Jeong Tae thought that this young man was still endearing.
"Why are you out here at this time?"
"I just wanted some fresh air... What about you?"

"I thought you might be here."
Shin Lu gave Jeong Tae a quick look, only shifting his eyes slightly. When their gazes met, Shin Lu quickly looked down again with a somewhat gloomy expression. Seeing that, Jeong Tae’s heart felt tight.
Jeong Tae thought about what might be the problem. Shin Lu had been trying to convey that he liked Jeong Tae, through his words, his expressions, and his actions. Jeong Tae also liked Shin Lu. It was rare to find such a lovable young man. So, there was no problem with their feelings being mutual. But still, an uncomfortable atmosphere lingered... Why?

"Hyung. As for me..."
Before Jeong Tae could think further, Shin Lu opened his mouth. Jeong Tae listened without interrupting. Recently, Shin Lu had seemed low on energy. Or perhaps it wasn’t that, but he seemed lost in thought. He was handling his tasks without fault, but when there was any free moment, he would just blink as if in deep contemplation. Maybe Shin Lu had been trying to find a solution to their situation. And perhaps he had come to Jeong Tae with a conclusion.
"When I was young, I couldn’t understand people who said they’d throw away their honor and future for love. I thought people needed to first secure the basics to live a decent life. And when I joined UNHRDO, I thought I didn’t have to worry about my future anymore. I’d be able to climb up, and I’m sure you struggled to join UNHRDO too."

Shin Lu spoke with his head lowered, almost as if to himself. Jeong Tae was about to deny his last statement, but seeing Shin Lu’s serious face, which seemed even more gaunt than the last time he saw him a few days ago, he couldn’t casually brush it off with a light "No, no, I just happened to join."
"But, Hyung. I’m sorry, but no matter how I think about it, I don’t like you being here. As long as you’re here, you’ll always be that man’s subordinate, and I can’t stand that. So, I hope you quit UNHRDO. I can take responsibility, so you won’t have to worry about the future. And if you don’t want that, I’ll quit too. I can quit UNHRDO for you anytime."
Shin Lu spoke quickly and firmly. Then, he lifted his eyes and stared at Jeong Tae directly. Jeong Tae was momentarily stunned by the unexpected proposal and could only stare back at him blankly. Quitting UNHRDO? It was a future he had never even considered. Even though he would soon leave this place.

Upon reflection, it was true. Leaving UNHRDO would change many things. Above all, it would end all those complicated relationships. Though small problems like housing or other minor issues might arise, it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable as it was now.
...Wait, was the awkward atmosphere between them caused by the people here? Looking back, no one had explicitly criticized or interfered with Jeong Tae and Shin Lu’s relationship, yet somehow, a gritty atmosphere had formed between them over time.
Jeong Tae gazed at Shin Lu. So, if he left UNHRDO, everything might be fine. Maybe that was the answer.
"Hyung. Please. I can’t stand the thought of you being with him... With Righrow. I keep thinking that you’re next to him while I’m working during the day, and it makes my stomach turn. It’s unbearable. Hyung, just stay with me."

Shin Lu’s thin voice clung to Jeong Tae’s ears. Kneeling on the dirt floor, Shin Lu pulled Jeong Tae’s neck toward him. Then, he gently kissed his cheek. In that moment, Jeong Tae felt a chill in the corner of his mind.
— Stay with me.
That pitiful voice triggered a memory. Yilei, entwined with a flexible body. The rough, heated air. The cold, sharp voice. The moment when Yilei had smiled at him with black eyes.

Jeong Tae’s hand, which had been about to embrace Shin Lu, froze just before it reached his shoulder. Not long ago, Yilei, smiling coldly, had bitten this very shoulder. Looking straight at Jeong Tae.
"...The night before Yilei left for Europe after leaving Oryeong..."
Jeong Tae spoke without emotion, as though the words were slipping out on their own. His arm, which had been holding Shin Lu, twitched. The lips that had been touching his cheek now fell away.

Shin Lu slowly pulled away and stared at Jeong Tae. His frozen eyes scanned Jeong Tae’s face. He hadn’t intended to blame him, and he hadn’t planned on speaking about it. But somehow, the words had slipped out.
No, that’s not what I meant. I wasn’t trying to say that you and that man... That’s not it...
Jeong Tae suddenly realized. The uncomfortable, gritty feeling wasn’t caused by Shin Lu and Yilei being physically involved. No, it was something else. Shin Lu had been trying to intrude on Jeong Tae’s life in ways Jeong Tae hadn’t noticed before. That was Shin Lu’s greed. He didn’t want to share time with Jeong Tae. He wanted Jeong Tae’s time. Jeong Tae had known it all along, but only now, suddenly, did he fully realize it.

Jeong Tae continued to stare at Shin Lu, without any intention to blame him. He just felt a strange realization, like "Ah, I see."
"...Hyung."
Shin Lu called out to him. His thin voice wavered briefly, and his anxious eyes darted nervously. Jeong Tae tilted his head.

"Hyung, I... I didn’t want to lose you. That’s why... that’s why I did this..."
His hands gripping Jeong Tae’s elbows tightened desperately. As if letting go even a little would cause everything to scatter and disappear, he grasped Jeong Tae’s arm fiercely. Unexpectedly strong.
"Hyung, I swear, I won’t give my heart to anyone else, not ever again. I couldn’t help it because I was afraid of losing you. Tae Hyung...!!"

Shin Lu shouted urgently. As he gripped Jeong Tae's elbow and shoulder too tightly, Jeong Tae instinctively flinched, but perhaps sensing that his body was rejecting him, Shin Lu clutched him even harder.
"Shin Lu! ...Shin Lu!"
Jeong Tae called Shin Lu with some anxiety. After a few moments of rubbing Shin Lu’s back, he stopped, and Shin Lu, still holding Jeong Tae tightly, glanced at him nervously.

"Hyung, I just want you to stay with me. Please."
Shin Lu whispered while still clinging to Jeong Tae’s arm. Jeong Tae looked down at him, unsure of what to say. Suddenly, Shin Lu’s face changed.
"Don’t look at me like that... Do you hate me?"

His voice trembled as if he might burst into tears any second. Jeong Tae shook his head. He didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t hate Shin Lu, so he nodded repeatedly.
"Hyung, I—"
"You know... even if you’re by my side, you won’t get any fortune from him. His blessing is limited to one person only."

As Shin Lu was about to speak, a slow, relaxed voice came from behind them, slightly above. A faint sound of someone exhaling smoke followed.
Jeong Tae stopped shaking his head. He didn’t need to turn around to know who the voice belonged to. And it seemed Shin Lu knew too. His previously anxious expression turned cold, almost cruel, as he glanced briefly at the person behind Jeong Tae.
"Righrow."

The voice felt like poison slowly dripping onto clear water. Jeong Tae understood how much Shin Lu hated that man. He couldn’t even stand being in the same space. Like a wild animal fighting for its territory.
Jeong Tae continued to watch Shin Lu silently. He could feel a cold, malevolent energy growing inside him. He thought he knew Shin Lu, but now, he realized he didn’t know him at all. Slowly, Jeong Tae turned around. The window of the building was slightly open, and cigarette smoke was drifting out. Beneath it stood Yilei, resting his elbows on the window frame and looking down at them.
It was unexpected. Unlike his voice, which had sounded playful earlier, Yilei wasn’t smiling. He was staring at Jeong Tae impassively. Then, their eyes met, and a faint smile appeared at the corner of his eyes.

"You... what are you doing there?"
Seeing the smile, Jeong Tae felt an odd, uncomfortable chill and hesitated before muttering. He realized how foolish his words were only after they left his mouth, but there was nothing else to say.
"I was just going to tempt that gentle, lovely boy who was eagerly searching for someone, so I followed him when the conversation seemed to be getting longer. I was just smoking a cigarette while waiting."

Yilei mumbled, cigarette in mouth. Without realizing it, Jeong Tae looked back at the gentle, lovely boy. Shin Lu was staring at Yilei with a look of hatred, as if he couldn’t bear to look at him. Then, suddenly, Shin Lu looked at Jeong Tae. His face was shocked, as if caught off guard, and he clenched his teeth.
"You must have seen it in the report that came to you, right? That the only person who can share the fortune with Jeong Tae is Jeong Tae himself. Did you still want to confirm that?"
Yilei spoke casually. Jeong Tae furrowed his brow slightly. Discomfort surged up, but it wasn’t just directed at Shin Lu. He gave Yilei a fierce glare.

"Shin Lu."
 
Jeong Tae didn’t avert his gaze from Yilei as he quietly called Shin Lu. He saw Shin Lu quickly shake his head at the edge of his vision.

"Hyung, that’s not it. I don’t care about such things—"
"When did you hear the name ‘Gil Sang Cheon’?"
"Hyung, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t care about that—"

"I asked, when did you hear it?"
Jeong Tae clicked his tongue and cut him off. He didn’t doubt Shin Lu’s words. No, actually, he would have been fine with it if Yilei’s meaning was correct. He had lived with a brother who was so well off that getting upset or disappointed about such things seemed unnecessary. But his heart was sinking. It felt like being a blind man who had just opened his eyes, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit down. It wasn’t Shin Lu’s fault. Shin Lu, who had been silently staring at Jeong Tae while he sighed, suddenly spoke in a calm voice, as if the earlier tension had never existed.
"It was after you came here. I found out the day after you arrived. I got a call from home. ...But it wasn’t because of that."

—Well, his family was one that craved too much. I never thought they would go after Gil Sang Cheon.
A phrase he had heard once suddenly crossed Jeong Tae’s mind. He looked at the man who had spoken that sentence. Yilei, with a cigarette between his lips, tilted his head slightly as he looked at Shin Lu. In his eyes, there was a faint hint of a smile, as if he was peering into something obvious.
Jeong Tae sighed deeply, bitterly licking his lips as he scratched his head in frustration. He felt gloomy. At this rate, he might need to seek treatment for depression. Whether it was this person or that, there never seemed to be a peaceful day in his life.

Jeong Tae glared at the ground for a moment, then kicked the beer can, which rolled and stopped against the wall.
"...Yilei."
Jeong Tae muttered, staring at Yilei’s long white fingers that were flicking the ash off the cigarette. Yilei didn’t respond but merely raised an eyebrow before putting the cigarette back in his mouth.

"Why are you—"
Jeong Tae stopped himself from speaking. Shin Lu was standing right next to him, silent. Jeong Tae scratched his head again in annoyance.
"Why are you—what?"

As Jeong Tae kept his mouth shut, Yilei added, "Why are you starting a fight? I clearly told you. I won’t lay a finger on Shin Lu."
"Yeah, you said that. And I’m doing as you said. Did it look like I laid a finger on him?"
Yilei pointed to Shin Lu with a nod. That was when it happened. Shin Lu, clearly upset, spat out angrily.

"I told you, didn’t I? Never touch Tae Hyung again. Don’t even come near him! And you said you understood, didn’t you?"
Jeong Tae frowned slightly. He didn’t like this kind of conversation, and he didn’t want to be in this situation. Moreover, he couldn’t even pinpoint the point of the conversation. Just as he was about to speak, his gaze met Yilei’s. Yilei was looking down at Jeong Tae, deep in thought. Every time he blinked, he would slightly shake his head, as if analyzing him. Watching someone shake their head while looking at you didn’t feel good. Jeong Tae clicked his tongue and grimaced. Yilei, having apparently finished his thoughts, or perhaps noticing his expression, let out a small laugh and then turned his attention back to Shin Lu.
"Yeah, I did say that. I didn’t mean to cause any misunderstandings, but it seems I did. I apologize for that. But just so you know, I didn’t touch Tae. I didn’t want to do that."

Jeong Tae, who had been standing out of Shin Lu’s line of sight, felt a sharp surge of anger. Though Shin Lu hadn’t seen it, Yilei must have clearly noticed the disbelief on Jeong Tae’s face. He laughed aloud, covering his mouth slightly but still grinning as he looked at Jeong Tae.
But he wasn’t lying. From his point of view, he hadn’t touched Jeong Tae. It was just that his standards were far removed from those of others—especially Jeong Tae’s.
Yilei saw Jeong Tae as an easy target, someone to play games with, but there was no particular reason for it to be Jeong Tae specifically. Jeong Tae glared at Yilei with mild displeasure. He was itching to throw a verbal jab, but he wasn’t foolish enough to make unnecessary remarks.

Fine, do as you wish. I have no idea what’s going on. The only thing I know is that I’m feeling more and more down.
"But you know..." Yilei suddenly said in a low voice. He flicked the ash from his cigarette and mumbled, "Watching you two play so cutely, I can’t help but feel a bit twisted. I just want to test you."
Suddenly, Yilei grabbed Jeong Tae by the collar as he was about to mutter something about not properly putting out his cigarette. He pulled Jeong Tae closer and then, using his other hand, cupped Jeong Tae’s cheek, forcing his mouth open. Yilei then forcefully pushed his tongue into Jeong Tae’s mouth.

"...!"
"…!!"
It happened almost simultaneously. When Jeong Tae instinctively swung his fist at Yilei’s jaw, Shin Lu lunged forward. Yilei, as though anticipating it, effortlessly dodged Jeong Tae’s punch and shot a quick glance at Shin Lu. In the split second, Shin Lu had already grabbed Yilei by the collar. And when he did, Yilei raised an eyebrow. A faint smile, something like a grin, appeared at the corner of his mouth.

That’s when it happened.
Jeong Tae’s expression hardened.
He ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) knew that face of Yilei’s. The way he narrowed his eyes, as if smiling in a way that wasn’t quite a smile.

"Don’t, Shin Lu!"
As Shin Lu tried to pull Yilei’s collar, Jeong Tae stepped in, just in time to intervene. Jeong Tae, who had swung his fist to pull Yilei’s collar away, struck Shin Lu’s other hand with a forceful blow, then blocked Shin Lu from getting any closer. They were now standing so close that it was hard to tell them apart.
Yilei, half out the window, looked down at them with indifference, while Jeong Tae, standing with his back to Yilei, faced Shin Lu. And in the space between them, Shin Lu had almost struck Jeong Tae with his punch. Shin Lu stared at Jeong Tae with wide eyes, clearly stunned. As if unable to believe that Jeong Tae had stepped in to protect Yilei, his eyes were wide with disbelief.

"Tae Hyung... why..."
"Idiot, fight with your opponent in front of you!"
Jeong Tae, his heart still racing, couldn’t contain himself and shouted. Shin Lu, who had never been yelled at by Jeong Tae before, looked up in surprise. Jeong Tae, realizing his outburst, clicked his tongue and softened his expression.

Maybe Shin Lu wasn’t as fragile or weak as Jeong Tae thought. Perhaps he was even stronger than imagined. But even if that were the case, Jeong Tae could never imagine Shin Lu overcoming a monster like Yilei. And the expression Yilei had just shown. If things had gone as they were, Shin Lu most likely wouldn’t have been able to stay intact. But Shin Lu didn’t seem to think so. With an angry face, he shook his head.
"No, that’s not it. Even if I’m not strong enough, how could I just sit back and do nothing in this situation? I can’t do that!"
"Then you’ll fight Tae. After all, Tae is my subordinate."

Amidst Shin Lu’s shout, Yilei’s voice, mixed with a laugh, could be heard. Jeong Tae, without realizing it, clenched his fist. The desire to turn around and land just one punch on that face was just as strong as Shin Lu’s. But the reason he didn’t act on it wasn’t just because of his position as Yilei’s subordinate, but also because Jeong Tae had the virtue of facing his opponent directly. Shin Lu turned his gaze from Yilei back to Jeong Tae, then asked in a low voice.
"Hyung, is he right?"
Jeong Tae paused in silence. When Shin Lu had compared himself to Jeong Tae, he wondered if joining forces with him and fighting Yilei would have a chance of success. ...No, it didn’t seem like it. Moreover, if only he were at risk, it would be one thing, but Shin Lu would be in danger too. He sighed involuntarily.

"Yeah, he’s right. If you insist on fighting Yilei where I am, I’ll have to stop you."
At Jeong Tae’s answer, Shin Lu bit his lip. He looked at Jeong Tae with a look of resentment. But it was only for a moment. After lowering his head for a while, Shin Lu slowly relaxed his fist. Still frustrated and unconvinced, he must have realized he couldn’t fight Jeong Tae, so he took a deep breath and relaxed his body.
"Tae Hyung. Please just answer me one thing."

Shin Lu looked at Jeong Tae seriously. Jeong Tae tensed up. He hoped Shin Lu wouldn’t ask something difficult to answer, slowly nodding his head.
Shin Lu, with a tense face, asked seriously:
"Tae Hyung... do you like me more, or Righrow?"

Jeong Tae coughed and took a deep breath, his mind momentarily blank. He looked over his shoulder, realizing he hadn’t understood the question. Behind him, Yilei, who had been casually lighting another cigarette, paused with a surprised look on his face. Apparently, he was just as surprised by Shin Lu’s question. Jeong Tae opened his mouth to respond but found himself at a loss for words.
He never imagined he’d be asked such a question at his age. Hesitating, scratching his head, he saw Shin Lu waiting expectantly with a very serious expression. Jeong Tae stared at him, flustered. In truth, there was no real dilemma. The answer was simple. But right now, at this moment, with the exhaustion he felt even from Shin Lu, he didn’t feel like answering.
How did he feel about this young man? The answer was simple. He still liked him. Shin Lu was still lovable and pitiable. It was no longer that fragile, anxious feeling he had before, like a glass bead, but even now, Jeong Tae didn’t hate Shin Lu. Even if Shin Lu had come to him with different intentions, that didn’t change.

Shin Lu was still waiting for an answer. Behind him, Jeong Tae could hear Yilei lighting another cigarette. He sighed softly and raised his hand to brush the hair that had fallen over Shin Lu’s cheek.
Of course, I like you.
It would have been easy to answer that. But he didn’t respond. He just wasn’t ready to answer. As Jeong Tae gently patted Shin Lu’s head, Shin Lu slowly lowered his head. For a long time, he only looked down at his feet.

"Hyung... I like you. I like you so much... so much."
His faint, trembling voice was barely audible. Even though he had his head lowered, Jeong Tae silently nodded.
Then, the smoke drifted over Jeong Tae’s shoulder. He glanced over at Yilei, who was quietly exhaling smoke. Yilei was looking down at them with indifferent eyes, his expression showing no hint of a smile, staring at Jeong Tae as if he was thinking about something.

Does this amuse you? Does this look funny to your eyes, which never attach any real meaning to anything?
Jeong Tae clicked his tongue, feeling a bitter mix of anger, sorrow, and melancholy. He silently stared at the top of Shin Lu’s head. Again, the smoke wafted past from behind him and disappeared.