Redoing My Life (Modern Family)

"So what do you think?" I asked, my eyes still fixed on her as I leaned back in my chair, the legal papers in my hands momentarily forgotten.

Margot sat across from me, wrapped in nothing but a robe, one leg lazily draped over the other. She was applying mascara with surgical precision, using the tiny mirror balanced on the table between us.

"Yeah, I'd be crazy to say no," she said without missing a beat. "I love the script."

I'd offered her the role of Sam in Birdman Iñárritu's next film after The Revenant. It was part of the tangled deal we'd struck a year ago: he'd do The Revenant, and, in return, I'd produce his dream project. Win-win. He got his passion piece; I got another prestige hit. More Oscars for me—for Midas—and maybe one for Margot, too.

"I'm doing Whiskey Tango Foxtrot next year," she added casually, putting the mascara down and stretching her arms behind her head. "So…"

"That won't be a problem," I said, waving it off.

She nodded toward the pile of papers in my hand, head tilted. "What's all this?"

I glanced at the documents, then back at her. "Oh forgot to tell you…. We're being sued."

That got her attention. She stopped, mascara wand still poised, and turned fully toward me. "What? What do you mean we're being sued… again?"

"No, no," I said quickly, holding up a hand. "We're not. Stardust is—by the relatives of the creators of Superman."

Margot blinked. "Why?"

I sighed and leaned back. "It's a long story…umm… Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created Superman in the '30s and sold the rights to DC for, like, a hundred and thirty bucks."

Margot clicked her tongue. "And now it's worth billions."

"Exactly," I said. "The Siegel and Shuster families have spent decades trying to claw some of it back which, ethically, I totally get."

"But didn't DC buy it?" Margot asked. "Like… fair and square?"

"Legally, yeah. Ethically, though, it's been a PR nightmare since the '70s. The families went public and started getting attention. So Nebula, who owned DC at the time, cut a deal: lifetime credit and some compensation. They did it again in the '90s. Signed contracts. You'd think that would be the end of it."

Margot arched an eyebrow. "So what's the problem?"

I tapped the folder. "The Copyright Act of 1976. It gives creators or their heirs the right to reclaim ownership thirty-five years after they sell it, even if there's a contract."

"That's where it gets messy. Technically, they can argue they're entitled to reclaim the rights now. It doesn't mean they'll win, but it throws a wrench into everything—delays, headlines. And now that the DCU is blowing up? They smell blood in the water. To them it's an infinite-money glitch… don't even mention their lawyer, Marc Toberoff; that guy is too good."

"So… what are you going to do?"

"Settle," I muttered. "Quietly. Maybe end this whole thing for good before the next movie comes out."

I glanced down at the contract. "They already got twenty-five grand a year in the '90s deal. The agreement looks airtight."

"But?"

"But Toberoff's a shark—keeps coming at us from different angles, technicalities. Fighting him in court is like battling a hydra."

I was hoping we could come to an agreement with the estate. Dave had told me the board wanted this to be dealt with quickly to ensure it wouldn't become a headache.

Superman was their biggest moneymaker, and none of them wanted anything to jeopardize that.

"Well, you can worry about that after we get back from the wedding," Margot said, rising from the couch. "I'm going to get my nails done, and you are going to shave that beard off."

"Come on," I said, running a hand over my jaw. "It looks good."

"No, Daniel. We're going to a wedding. The beard makes you look like a bum."

I gave her a dramatic look of mock heartbreak.

My phone buzzed on the table. I glanced at the screen, an urgent message flashing. The second I read it, I straightened. "Okay, no time for nails. We have to go. Now."

Margot paused halfway down the hall. "What?"

"The wedding's been moved up. We need to leave—right now."

"But I have so much to do!" she groaned, already turning on her heel and heading for the bedroom. "Shave, Daniel!" she yelled before slamming the door.

An hour later, we stepped out the front door like two people who hadn't been scrambling in sheer chaos twenty minutes earlier. She wore a sleek cream-colored dress that shimmered in the light, her hair twisted into a loose knot. I'd managed to shave and throw on a suit.

We made our way to the car. The driver opened the door, and we slid into the back seat, both still catching our breath.

"Oh my God," Margot said, checking her reflection in a compact mirror. "I look awful."

I turned and stared. Ridiculous. "You look great. What are you talking about?"

She waved me off. "You wouldn't understand."

Snapping the mirror shut, she looked at me. "The gift, Danny?"

"Don't worry about the gift," I said, watching the city slide past the window. "She'll be there."

Margot studied me, then grinned. "I can't believe you made it happen."

"I won't believe it until it actually does," I said. "But yeah Joanna has some interesting friends."

The drive continued as Margot and I scrolled through listings for houses we were thinking of buying.

"No, not that one," I said.

"Why not? It's great."

"Because Mel Gibson lives two houses over."

"Nope," Margot said, rejecting the listing.

The car rolled to a stop on a gravel path surrounded by towering trees. Mitchell had told me weeks ago the venue was a ranch deep in the forest.

"Wow," Margot breathed, stepping out. "This place looks amazing."

"Well, Pepper's in charge of everything," I said. "He doesn't mess around."

Margot turned in a slow circle, taking it all in. "Gives me ideas…"

Shuttles began arriving, one after another, guests stepping out in suits and flowing dresses. From one of them I spotted Mom, Nathan and Alice.

They saw me and headed over. Mom, elegant in a soft blue dress, kissed my cheek. Alice, in a puffy white dress dotted with tiny flowers, launched herself at me before I could brace. I caught her mid-air, laughing.

"I'm a f-fwowuh guhl!" she declared proudly, her grin lighting up the woods.

"So why was the wedding moved up?" I asked, shifting Alice as she tugged playfully at my tie.

Nathan adjusted his jacket. "I heard something about a fire nearby."

"Oh, fuck," I blurted then immediately regretted it.

Mom shot me a death glare.

Alice giggled.

I gave a sheepish smile and kissed the top of her head. "Sorry, sorry."

Just then, I spotted a familiar group making their way up the path—Phil, Claire, Alex, Haley, and Luke.

"Dunphys!" I called, raising a hand.

Phil waved back, a broad grin on his face. "Hey! I heard there was a fire or something."

"What? There's a fire?" Claire repeated, her voice tinged with alarm.

Nathan chimed in, "I heard there could be nearby, but it's not confirmed."

Alex pushed her glasses up. "That explains why we're here so early."

Haley, meanwhile, was glued to her phone, thumbs flying across the screen.

Before anyone could panic, a familiar voice cut through the noise.

"Come on, people! Get in here! We've got to get things started!"

Pepper Saltzman stormed past with a clipboard in hand, stress radiating off him in waves.

"He seems to be in a hurry," I muttered.

Nathan leaned in, smug. "Fire. Called it."

We merged into the slow stream of guests heading toward the venue.

The ceremony space was stunning rows of white chairs perfectly aligned beneath a canopy of tall trees. Sunlight filtered through the leaves in soft beams, and delicate garlands hung overhead, catching the light like tiny stars. The altar was framed by rustic wooden arches wrapped in vines and flowers in every shade of blush and gold.

People began finding their seats, chatting quietly. I stood near the altar, taking it all in; then I spotted Jay.

"Jay!" I called, stepping over.

Jay turned, smiled, and offered a firm handshake. "Danny. Good to see you."

He gestured to the man beside him. "Have you met Merle Cam's dad?"

"I haven't," I said, reaching out. "Nice to meet you."

Merle shook my hand and squinted. "You the big movie star Mitchell works for?"

"That's me," I said with a nod.

"Then how come I've never seen you in anything?"

Jay chuckled. "He's a producer, Merle."

"Ah. Right." Merle nodded as though he understood, though I wasn't convinced.

Just then, Gloria swept in, arm-in-arm with another woman I assumed was Cam's mother.

"Hola, handsome boys!" Gloria greeted, kissing Jay's cheek before turning to me. "Hello, Daniel. Oh! You shaved your beard…it looked good on you."

"Aha! So it did look good," I said, shooting a look toward Margot in the crowd.

Jay beamed. "You two look gorgeous," he told Gloria and Cam's mom.

"Gracias," Gloria replied with a bright smile.

"Oh, thank you," Cam's mom added, patting her hair.

"Pretty nice, huh?" Jay said, trying to break the tension with a little humor. "Like a regular wedding."

"Good start, Jay," Gloria muttered, smacking him lightly on the arm.

Cam's mom turned to Merle. "Hey, Merle, it's your son's wedding maybe lose the toothpick?"

Merle didn't miss a beat. "I'm getting tired of this nagging… I'm leaving you."

Jay, Gloria, and I blinked and said in unison, "What?"

"Not if I leave you first!" Cam's mom snapped back.

"No, no, no—you don't mean this!" Gloria gasped, turning to her.

But Cam's mom merely patted Gloria's hand. "Oh, don't feel bad, honey. You helped me today."

"Thanks for getting me over the hump," Merle added, slapping Jay's shoulder.

The two of them walked off in opposite directions.

I turned to Jay and Gloria. "Great job, you two you just broke up the groom's parents."

Simultaneously they protested, "It's not my fault!" then turned on each other.

"What did you do?" they both demanded.

I shook my head and walked off.

I made my way to my seat beside Margot, Mom, and Nathan. They looked up as I approached.

"Okay," I said, collapsing with a sigh. "Cam's parents just split up."

"What?"

"Oh yeah," I replied. "I had a front-row seat to it all."

Mom blinked. "Oh my God… and today of all days. This can't get any worse."

I turned to her slowly. "Mom, why would you say that?"

"Now something's definitely going to happen," Nathan muttered.

"Relax," Mom said, brushing him off just as music floated from the speakers. She brightened. "Oh! Here comes Allie she looks so cute!"

Alice was coming down the aisle with Lily, both flower girls, tiny baskets in hand. Alice's dress puffed out like a cupcake, petals fluttering with each step. Her face glowed equal parts serious and proud.

She froze when she saw us. Mom gave her a little wave and mouthed, Go on! Alice glanced at Lily, who reached for her hand, and together they continued their slow march to the altar. It was adorable.

Waiting to officiate was a very pregnant Sal Cam and Mitchell's notoriously unfiltered, usually-tipsy friend looking as if she might give birth right there at the altar.

Cam and Mitchell were about to take their places when chaos erupted.

A squad of firefighters burst into the clearing.

"Attention! Attention, please!" the lead firefighter called.

The crowd fell silent.

"The fire has jumped the freeway. I'm really sorry, folks," he said, scanning the guests, "but we need to evacuate everyone immediately."

I turned to Mom. Margot and Nathan looked over too.

"What? I didn't do anything!" Mom protested.

=====

Cam and Mitchell practically sprinted to the altar. Pepper flailed in behind them clipboard in one hand, phone in the other his voice teetering on the edge of a full-on scream.

"Quartet, quartet, quartet!" he shouted, waving wildly at the musicians, who scrambled to lift their bows.

"And cue Sal! Start after your limerick!" he barked, motioning to the very pregnant woman at the altar, now visibly sweating.

Sal opened her mouth, then froze.

Splash.

Everyone within five feet gasped Sal's water had broken.

"Oh, for the love of Barbra Streisand," Pepper groaned, dragging a hand down his face.

In the chaos that followed, Phil thankfully stepped forward. Because he was a registered officiant, he could fill in for Sal. He took her place, the crisis seemingly solved until the firefighters returned.

"Everyone needs to evacuate NOW!" one of them shouted, more urgent this time. "The wind's shifted; it's not safe!"

And that was it. We had to leave.

I walked with Jay through the trees toward the parking lot.

"So," I said, glancing at him, "you patched things up with Mitchell."

Jay squinted. "You know about that?"

"Yup. And now you've broken up Cam's parents."

Jay groaned. "Oh, great."

"Better fix it, Jay." I clapped him on the back.

He shook his head and trudged ahead, muttering under his breath.

Rows of yellow school buses lined the road.

"What's with the school buses?" I asked.

"This is our ride, apparently," Alex said from behind me.

I stared. "Ha…I'm too rich to get on that."

Just then, Margot walked over hair slightly wind-blown but still perfect. "The car's here," she said, slipping on her sunglasses.

I looked back at Alex. " You can come with us Alex… and grab Haley. She's about to be left behind."

Haley stood alone near a bus, still buried in her phone, utterly unaware the wedding had been canceled.

Moments later the four of us Margot, Alex, a dazed Haley, and I piled into the car. As we pulled out behind the convoy of buses, the forest slipped away in the rear-view mirror. We rolled on toward the backup venue that had apparently just opened up.

In the car, things were calm until they weren't. Alex and Haley started arguing.

I turned and asked, "So… what's happening here?"

Alex jumped in immediately. "You know Andy? The nanny? He works for Grandpa."

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I met him once."

"That's the one," she said, then pointed straight at Haley. "This one has a crush on him."

"I do not!" Haley snapped, eyes wide with outrage.

Margot perked up. "Wait… is this the guy you told me about when we were in Australia?"

"No," Haley insisted, a little too fast. "It's not a big deal."

Alex folded her arms. "Andy has a girlfriend."

Haley rolled her eyes. "Who broke up with him. And that idiot is going back to Utah to win her back."

Alex and I, in perfect stereo: "Oh, that's sweet of him."

Margot tilted her head. "Well, if they did break up, maybe you should go for it."

"What?!" Alex and I blurted at the same time, turning toward her.

Haley looked hopeful. "You think I should?"

Margot shrugged. "He is single now."

I leaned in. "Yeah, but he's trying to win her back. They might get together again."

Margot smirked. "She dumped him, and it's long-distance. That never works."

"She's in the Coast Guard or something," Haley muttered. "She broke up with him… she definitely cheated."

"You can't know that," I said, trying to inject some reason.

Margot ignored me. "No, she definitely cheated. You go get him girl."

Haley sat up straighter, laser-focused. "Drop me at that café nearby. Andy's supposed to be there."

"Haley, I can set you up with any of the actor friends I know—you don't have to chase a guy with a girlfriend."

"We have a wedding to get to," Alex reminded her.

Haley shrugged. "This is important."

Wow, she was really into this guy.

We pulled up outside the café. Haley hopped out, adjusted her hair in the window's reflection, then strode inside.

The rest of us stayed in the car, eyes fixed on the café window like we were watching live reality TV.

"There he is," Margot whispered, pointing.

Andy sat at a corner table, sipping something buried under whipped cream. Haley walked up, said something, and he looked surprised pleasantly at first.

Then… not so pleasantly.

I sighed. "Oof. That body language is not promising."

They talked another minute or two. Then Haley turned, came back out, and slid into her seat.

She stared straight ahead. "Let's go."

We didn't talk about it.

The car fell in behind the line of buses, heading to the new venue. It was nowhere near as magical as the first smaller, simpler, definitely a downgrade.

But… it would do.

As the wedding was finally about to begin… again.. we settled into our seats, pretending this was the first attempt. Alice stood poised at the top of the aisle, basket in hand, determined to crush her flower-girl performance for the second time that day.

Mom leaned over and whispered with a satisfied smile, "Looks like everything worked out."

None of us needed to say a word. Margot, Nathan, and I turned to stare at her in perfect sync.

She blinked. "What?"

=====

Half an hour later Mom, Nathan, Alice, Margot, and I were in the car. The wedding had been moved yet again, this time to Cam and Mitchell's house.

Apparently the venue we'd just relocated to had been reclaimed by the original wedding party; their last-minute crisis was resolved, and we were summarily booted out.

Silence filled the car until Mom spoke up.

"How was I supposed to know that would happen?"

I groaned, letting my head thump against the seat.

I turned to Margot and murmured, "We might need to cancel the gift."

She sighed. "It's not fair we had the perfect gift."

Nathan perked up. "Hold on, what is this gift? You two keep bragging it's the best thing ever."

Before I could answer, my phone buzzed. It was Jay.

I picked up. "Jay so we're really doing it at their house?"

"Not if I can help it," he said. "I tried my old country club to move the wedding there, but they're dragging their feet. Could you talk to ours? I'm new there; you know everyone…"

I fell silent as an idea struck.

"Jay, I think there's a better option. Give me a minute…I'll make some calls."

"Good. You do that," Jay said. "I'll keep pushing on my end."

I hung up and immediately dialed again. After two rings someone answered.

"Hey, Jim," I said, sitting up straighter. "I need a huge favor."

=====

When we arrived at Cam and Mitchell's house, it was pure chaos. Pepper was already mid-meltdown, racing from room to room and yelling things like, "Table placement!" and, "No, no, no—these centerpieces are not in the right place!"

Even though Cam and Mitchell had moved into a bigger house recently, it was still far too small for a wedding.

I stepped outside for air. Alex joined me, and together we watched Manny and Luke who seemed to be having a mini-wedding of their own as they stood near Cam and Mitchell's car scrawling JUST MARRIED on the back window.

"You got all of that on video, right?" I asked, nodding toward the scene.

"Oh yeah, every second," she said, snapping photos.

After a moment she asked, "Do you really think you'll find them a new venue?"

I exhaled. "Well, your grandpa's working on something, and I'm waiting on a call. We'll see."

I changed the subject. "So… how's the Haley situation?"

Alex opened her mouth to answer then froze. Her eyes widened. "Oh my God. Look."

A yellow taxi had just pulled into the driveway. Inside sat Andy the nanny, phone to his ear. He spoke to the driver, and a second later the cab pulled away.

"Five bucks says he was on the phone with Haley," I murmured.

Alex nodded.

I met her gaze. "Your call whether you tell her he showed up."

She didn't reply just stared at the now-empty spot the taxi was.

My phone rang. I glanced at the screen and answered. "Jim?"

"We're good," Jim said on the other end. "Bring the wedding party. Everything will be ready."

I closed my eyes, finally exhaling. "Thank you. I owe you."

Hanging up, I grinned at Alex. "We just saved the wedding."

Inside, Cam and Mitchell stood by the fireplace, clearly on the verge of calling everything off. They looked exhausted. Across the room, I caught Jay's eye and gave him a thumbs-up; he nodded and sprang into action.

I found Pepper pacing by the dining table.

"We're moving," I said.

He blinked. "What?"

"To the Bel-Air Bay Club. Jay and I lined it up. Everything's set. Do your thing."

Instantly, Pepper's frantic expression melted into euphoria. "You beautiful man!" He kissed me on the cheek and bolted for the door.

Jay was already herding guests outside.

In the hallway I pulled out my phone to alert our surprise gift. I dialed. "Hey, it's me change of plans…"

=====

By the time we reached the Bel-Air Bay Club, everything was ready.

Somehow miraculously Pepper had worked his magic. The ocean glistened in the background as the sun dipped low, casting a golden glow over the scene. Chairs were perfectly aligned, flowers were restored, and the day's earlier chaos felt like a fever dream.

At last, the wedding could begin.

At the altar Phil stood ready, with Claire beside him and Cam's sister, Pam, next to her their joint "best persons."

The music started, and the crowd fell silent.

Mitchell appeared first, Jay at his side. Jay leaned over and whispered something too quiet for us to hear and Mitchell smiled. Together they walked down the aisle, Gloria joining them halfway and linking arms with both men. Cam's mom and dad quickly rose to escort Cam in the same way.

The ceremony unfolded without a hitch. Phil officiated beautifully warm, funny, heartfelt. When he pronounced them married, the crowd erupted in cheers, applause, and camera flashes. Cam and Mitchell shared their first kiss as husbands under the setting sun.

The reception began shortly afterward. There were toasts, cake, champagne plenty of tears and laughter.

And then…it was time.

The small stage where the band had played earlier was now hidden beneath a long white cloth and being made bigger. The DJ was packing up. 

With Margot on my arm, I headed toward Cam and Mitchell, both of them already looking suspicious.

"What's going on?" Mitchell asked.

"Yeah," Cam added, "what's happening? Don't tell me something went wrong again."

I grinned. "This is the music-and-dancing portion of the evening, and I thought it'd be the perfect moment for…our gift."

"Don't faint," I warned, glancing at Cam. "Especially you."

"Don't faint?" Mitchell echoed, puzzled.

With that, the cover dropped.

The sheet fell away, and standing center-stage was…Lady Gaga.

The crowd gasped; you could feel the air leave the room and rush back in.

"Surprise!" Gaga said into the mic, beaming. "I'm your entertainment tonight…especially for our happy grooms, Cam and Mitchell!"

Cam froze, hands over his mouth. "Is that—IS THAT LADY GAGA?!" he shrieked. "LADY GAGA?!"

I burst out laughing. Mitchell turned to me, wide-eyed. "How?!"

"Don't ask," I said. "Just enjoy it. No one's ever topping this wedding moment in your friend circle."

Lady Gaga launched into her set. Cam and Mitchell yanked me into a hug, practically vibrating with joy. Everyone crowded near the stage to watch the performance.

Margot grabbed my hand and pulled me into the dancing, too.

After the fire, the detours, all the chaos…it ended perfectly.