Reincarnated As The Villainess's Son

It's been so long.

So long since I heard about her.

The girl whom I thought of as my meat shield at the start.

The one who grew on me and the one who tried her best to help me.

Was it guilt?

Was it because I was hurt?

Whatever may be the reason, I just stopped thinking about her as soon as I was put in jail.

Maybe that's why when Arianell told me about her, I froze in place.

Only after a few minutes of silence did I walk out of the church to find a quiet place.

And....

Now, I stood under the shade of a tree in the backyard of the church.

Arianell standing in front of me with her helmet taken off.

Her face was covered with strands of her white hair that she didn't bother to remove.

It's been a while, yet both of us have remained silent.

I sighed, leaning my body against the tree.

"What happened to her?" I asked. "..To Ashlyn."

Arianell quietly looked at me. "...She is being kept as a secret."

"...Why?"

"The church doesn't want her to come in public until all three reincarnations of Gabriel are together," she mumbled, looking away. "They want to make it a grand event."

I nodded my head softly. "Where is she now?"

"Roaming around the continent," Arianell said, smiling softly. "She's helping those in need wherever she is going."

I closed my eyes for a moment, letting her words sink in.

That sounded like Ashlyn, all right.

Always there to help others in need.

"She's… okay?" I asked, barely above a whisper. "Mentally, I mean."

"We were... scared," Arianell mumbled, looking down. "When we heard you were executed, we both were broken... It was hard."

"....."

I remained silent as I waited for her to continue.

"Ashlyn was ready to kill everyone in the church," she mumbled. "If not for Helena telling us the truth, maybe she would have done that."

"....That doesn't sound like her."

"It wasn't," Arianell agreed, her voice quiet. "She changed."

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her.

"She didn't smile for months," she continued. "Didn't sleep and barely ate. She just… wandered, like a ghost. Always clenching that stupid photo she had of you."

"..."

I looked down at my feet without a word.

There was so much I could say, but I didn't want to.

What good will it be to say things now?

When everything has already been done.

"Has she recovered?" I asked, glancing at her.

"She still smiles," Arianell said. "But it's different. Like it costs her something."

A long silence followed.

The air around us was mixed with the scent of rain as the black clouds began to cover the city.

I leaned my head back against the bark.

"I never said goodbye."

"She doesn't blame you."

"Maybe she should."

Arianell's expression softened, her fingers gently brushing her own hair out of her eyes.

"She wouldn't be Ashlyn if she did."

I let out a small chuckle as I kept on staring at the cloudy sky.

Arianell shifted until she stood in front of me.

"Azariah,"

she said, her voice breaking.

"About Christina."

"..."

I quietly looked at her without a word.

Even though I wanted to avoid the topic, it's still better to talk it out.

Arianell slowly bowed her head. "I am sorry for your loss."

Her voice cracked, heavy with emotion. "I know you loved her so much—"

"Christina isn't dead," I replied, cutting her off. "Her soul is safe."

Arianell shifted back, slowly she straightened her back as she looked at me.

"...What?"

"I.. I can save her," I replied, honestly, rubbing my eyes. "I just need some time and she will be back."

Arianell first let out a sigh of relief.

There was genuine happiness on her face before her expression hardened.

She glared at me. "Couldn't you have told me this earlier!?"

I shrugged. "Why does that even matter."

"..What?" she whispered, her lips trembling softly. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to live in guilt of killing someone?"

"...."

I quieted down as I looked at her as she walked closer.

"You could have told me sooner," she snarled, her white eyes burning into mine. "Do you know how bad it was living—"

"Christina died in my arms," I replied, cutting off her words. "She died for me. So, I do know what it feels like."

Arianell froze.

Her mouth parted slightly, but no sound came out.

The wind stirred between us, carrying the sharp scent of coming rain.

She looked down at her feet. "You know... I've lived in guilt every day since that moment I got to know that."

She walked closer before she stood beside me with her back against the tree.

"Every day, I wondered what type of horrible person I was—"

I cut in her words. "It was me who acted like shit."

"Yet, I couldn't see the real you," she replied, a bitter smile on her face. "I was blind to just start hating you."

"...."

I remained silent, glancing up at the dark sky.

"It's hard to live, Azariah," Arianell mumbled. "When you don't have anything to go back to."

"..You can't die as well," I replied, pushing off the tree. "Not after leeching off my life energy."

"..."

She quietly looked at me as I began to walk backwards.

I turned around as I began to walk away.

"Az—Himmel."

I stopped in my tracks as I heard her voice.

"Will there be a chance of us going back to how we were before?"

"...."

I didn't reply, I just walked away.

And...

Honestly, I don't think that day will ever come.

***

As soon as Himmel walked away, Arianell fell into complete silence.

She stayed under the tree for a long while, not moving for even a second.

Slowly, she began to lower her body as she sat down on the ground.

"Stupid," she whispered, voice barely audible even to herself. "Why didn't you answer that…"

The answer had already been in his silence.

She had known the moment he paused.

A part of her had still hoped. Foolishly, desperately.

But that was the thing about people like Himmel....they changed.

They grew and moved forward.

And those who didn't, just like her... were always left behind.

Her fingers curled into fists, nails biting into her palms.

'What did I do wrong?'

Since she was a child, Arianell was told only one thing in her life.

That she was the sword maiden.

She was supposed to be a sacrifice.

There was no meaning to her life other than that.

That was the reason she was living.

And...

When that very reason was taken away from her... all there was left was an emptiness.

She was truly lost, with nowhere to go.

She had nothing where she could return now.

All that was left was just a hollow self who was living to not waste her life.

Life that wasn't even hers.

Rain began to pour down from the sky.

A tear also trickled down her eye as she drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

Like she was trying to hold herself together.

Because something inside her had cracked again.

No.

Maybe it had always been cracked, and Himmel's presence had only made her forget how deep the break ran.

'I thought I had no tears left.'

Arianell thought, rubbing her eyes to clear them.

She stood after a long while, water dripping down her pale hair, helmet hanging limply in one hand.

Just as she turned, she found someone else standing beside her.

"How did it go?" Helena asked, tilting her head.

Even though she was getting soaked because of the rain, she didn't care.

Arianell didn't answer right away.

She just stared at Helena, eyes rimmed with red.

"...You already knew what he'd say, didn't you?" she asked quietly, her voice flat. "You always do."

Helena didn't flinch. "I had a guess."

"You sent me anyway."

"I didn't send you," Helena replied, stepping closer. "You wanted to go."

The rain drummed harder, but neither of them moved.

Arianell's grip tightened on the helmet. "It didn't change anything."

"No," Helena said softly, "but it gave you something you needed."

"And what was that?"

"Closure."

Arianell shook her head, water flinging from her soaked hair.

"That wasn't closure, Helena. That was a funeral with no grave."

Helena's eyes softened. "Sometimes… that's all we get."

She turned around and began to walk. "Come with me."

Arianell remained quiet for a while before she followed behind her.

Helena remained quiet for a long while as they moved through the city.

The people had mostly gone back to their homes, hiding from the rain.

Helena's gaze moved towards the children who were playing on the road.

She smiled under her veil.

"Where do you think devils are gone?" Helena suddenly asked, taking her by surprise.

"I.. I don't know."

"You know, there are no devils in hell. The devils are all here," she said, looking at the sky. "We walk among them, or worse, we are them."

She closed her eyes, soaking herself in the rain.

"The church taught us to be against sinning, yet we all still sin."

She turned to look at Arianell, walking backwards.

"Have I ever told you about my nightmare?"

Arianell frowned. "...No."

"I saw a nightmare once," she said, walking towards the centre of the town. "A dream that wouldn't end no matter what."

Helena's voice had dropped to a near whisper.

"I repeated and corrected every mistake, and before I knew it.... I forgot how long it has been."

Helena twirled around, arms now loosely folded in front of her.

"I hear voices. Thousands of them. All speaking in perfect harmony... praising me. Begging me. Worshipping me."

Her smile didn't reach her eyes.

"And the more they begged, the more I bled."

Arianell stood at her place. "Helena...."

"But that's the thing about nightmares, isn't it?" Helena continued, spinning slowly in the rain.

"You wake up… and find out they weren't dreams at all. Just memories waiting to surface."

She stopped spinning.

"That's when I realized this world doesn't want saints."

She looked at Arianell, her veil clinging to her face from the rain.

"It wants monsters who can smile while they burn."

Arianell's throat tightened.

"..Helena."

"This world needs monsters." she said, spreading her arms. "And do you know who that perfect monster is?"

"....."

Helena smiled faintly. "It's—."

BOOOM!!!!

Her words halted abruptly as a thunderous roar boomed within the city.

Helena slowly turned back.

Only to find a mush of flesh behind her.