Re:life with Karmic Gacha (Modern Family)

[Edward POV]

"It's already 9 AM," Robin chimed in as I sat on the couch cross-legged, my eyes fixed on the front door. "Everyone's late," she said with a cute pout.

I smiled and replied, "Well, they are busy people. I didn't expect them to be here on time." I stood up, walked by the coffee table, which had several goodie bags on it, and headed to the pool.

Dad was grilling some burgers and hot dogs by the pool while Frankie helped him with the drinks. I cringed slightly and told them, "They will not be staying. What's even the point of all this?"

"Manners," my dad said assertively, pointing his spatula at me. "Ed, is this done yet?" he asked. "I usually can tell, but your burgers are a bit different," he added.

When we woke up this morning and he knew about the plan, he wanted to make a good impression on the guests I told him were coming, so he bought all the ingredients at the grocery store.

I helped him create the patties and make other appetizers against my will; now he was excited to have a barbecue. Still, it had been a while since he grilled something. I was afraid it would go badly, but it turned out he wasn't rusty.

I checked the grill and told him, "Yeah, it's done. You can take it off now. Should we invite your friends to come?"

"What about your guests?" he asked. I rolled my eyes and told him, "They aren't staying. They are all busy people."

While I was saying that, the first person to get to the party appeared in a unique way. She was sleeping inside the house after all. With disheveled, frilly, puffy hair, Maggie walked groggily to the poolside.

"I smell burgers," she mumbled.

"Get your hand off it." I swatted her hand with annoyance as she reached for the burger I was holding.

"Ow! Uncle Ted!" She tried to get me in trouble, but my dad smiled and said, "You're the one who tried to touch his food. Ed only shares food with the people he likes."

"AH!" Maggie looked at my dad with disbelief. Frankie and I snickered as Maggie stammered, "Not you too, Unc!"

"Maggie, go wash up. Otherwise, you'll be embarrassed," Frankie advised her, but she was being stubborn and said, "No. It's my house—"

"My house," I corrected her.

She was speechless for a second before she said, "Well, I live here now. And if the guests have something against that, then they can leave."

As soon as she finished saying that, the first guest arrived. I had already given Robin the guest list, so she just invited them inside the house.

"Hello~ Good morning~" Ryan Gosling appeared in his casual sportswear. Maggie widened her eyes and immediately hid her face as Ryan came to the pool. "I hope I'm not late," he said cheerfully.

I shook my hand slightly and said, "You're the first one here. Grab a bite if you want. Ignore the girl with the lion's mane behind you."

"Who?" Ryan immediately turned to the lounge chairs, but Maggie had run away. He only saw a silhouette of her as she got back into the house. 

Albeit confused, Ryan didn't pursue the topic and said, "I have to be at the set this afternoon, so I'm only going to be able to stay a while."

I smirked as I turned to my dad. "See? I told you."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Then he can take the food home. You have a lot of disposable containers. I can just pack it for him."

"Oh no, I still have some time to eat," Ryan interjected quickly. "Ed, you're coming to the set too today, right?" He asked me whisperingly.

My dad brightened up, and his face became a bit smug. I grimaced as I told Ryan, "Yup. Let's grab your company's benefit first. We need to get out of here before he starts bragging."

My dad snided, "I told you people would eat."

I ignored him and went inside with Ryan. Then, I gave him a goody bag and an explanation. He left after eating the burger and even taking one home with him, but not before he saw the 100 inch TV on my living room wall.

"What's that?" He asked, his eyes glued on the screen. "I thought it was a painting at first, but it changed."

"It's a TV." I told him with a bragging smirk, "I had it installed yesterday." I turned it on and played a basketball game. Ryan was thoroughly impressed as it felt like we were watching from the courtside itself. 

"Where can I find one?" He asked immediately. I told him that it was not yet released, but I could get him one as a favor. 

At 9:45, two more guests arrived: Margot Robbie and Emily Blunt. Both had hair appointments that morning and left excited after receiving the company benefit. They didn't eat or bring any food back with them, as they were dieting, which saddened the cook.

After they were gone, my dad, noticing the women's excitement, asked, "What are you giving them exactly?"

I smirked and replied, "Nothing for you, though, so don't even bother."

Frankie, standing by my father's side, asked, "Ed, you said only certain people would get the benefit, right? I assume everyone will be celebrities. Does that include, hmm, I don't know—your ex-girlfriend?"

"I did. I don't know if she'll come, though," I muttered casually. Then, I took my shirt off and lay down on the lounge chair.

My dad looked at me in disbelief and scolded, "Put your shirt back on. Do you really expect me to think you're just trying to tan?"

"I kinda am," I replied nonchalantly as I put on my sunglasses. I then slathered sunblock and tanning oil on my torso, making it glisten in the sun.

Guests came and went as I enjoyed the morning with my dad and Frankie. Donald Glover, Judd Apatow, Jessi J, Chris Martin, Pepper, Harvey, and Renaldo also stopped by to grab some food.

My dad made sure they brought food back with them, but he continued grilling, adding more to the already prepared burgers.

"Make sure to bring it all to the ship's crew," I told him as I noticed the excess food on the table. There were around 21 burgers, as he wanted to finish the patties.

He smiled softly and said, "I kinda already thought of that. That's why I'm making more."

I nodded in understanding and playfully said, "Just keep five for me, and there won't be any problems."

It was almost noon when Taylor finally arrived. She brought Selena with her as she entered the house. Wearing a sexy one-piece dress and sporting a dolled-up appearance with red lipstick and blown-out hair, she sashayed into the living room.

Having spent the entire morning getting ready to make me go crazy, she froze in place when she saw me shirtless, tanned, and glistening, her eyes going wide.

I brightened up as I turned to her and said, "Oh Tay Tay. You're really late."

Taylor snapped back to reality at the sound of my voice and said haughtily, "I've been busy."

"It's fine." I stood up from the chair and greeted Selena, "Hey, Selena." As I walked closer to Taylor, her eyes lit up in anticipation. I stopped in front of her and removed my sunglasses, checking her out. "You look great," I complimented, which was exactly what she was expecting. 

Taylor felt a bit smug and snickered to herself. "Thanks. You too." We exchanged smiles and slight laughter for a moment, and I noticed her cheeks flush red. 

"Um, I'm still here," Selena chimed in, trying to assert her presence.

I turned to her and said, "Ah… Um, Selena, I didn't think you'd come, to be honest, so I didn't prepare anything for you. Well, you're not a part of the company though, I don't really have to."

"Prepare what?" Selena asked in confusion and intrigue. Taylor was a bit confused, "It's not a massage?"

I grimaced instantly and said playfully, "There's no way I'm going to massage every single one of them. The girls are still within consideration, though."

"Whore—cough Sorry, there's something in my throat," Taylor said, feigning a cough. I ignored her and walked towards the goody bag.

"The company benefit you're talking about is inside the ten-dollar gift bag from Target?" Selena asked mockingly, disbelief etched on her face.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's only a dollar," I corrected her. "But inside it… it's worth millions."

"Millions?" Selena's eyes lit up before she suddenly recoiled. "Wait, this isn't one of those placenta things, is it?"

"Ew. No." I grabbed a bag from the table and showed it to the girls. "First of all, these are face masks." I pulled out three masks and added, "They work wonders on sun damage and will give you soft, elastic skin. I don't want to explain much; you'll see when you try them."

Taylor looked disappointed with the reveal. She even placed her hands on her hips as she peeked inside the bag. "Anything else?" Selena grabbed the mask excitedly and immediately read the instruction label on it. 

"Um, I think you are underestimating this mask, but whatever." I shrugged and took out some supplementary pills, body lotion, and bath bombs. The pills consist of simple detoxification, hormone regulation, muscle and bone supplement. 

In one of my gacha pulls, I got ten pill recipes from the Nameless Alchemist, and I managed to break down seven of them: the detoxification pill, hormone regulation pill, bone strengthening pill, muscle strengthening pill, flawless skin pill, and internal organ pill.

From the detoxification pills, I created an anti-dependency drug for Vanessa. Using the hormone regulation pill, I developed a lupus treatment for Selena. The masks, lotions, and bath bombs included in the goody bag were derived from the flawless skin formula.

While I couldn't replicate the original formulas 100%—most of the ingredients were otherworldly—I successfully recreated the chemical compounds of several. My versions only had about 5% of the effects the original pills were supposed to deliver, but that small percentage worked wonders.

For example, the face mask had remarkable results. People over 40 who used it appeared a decade younger, with visibly shrunk pores and significant repair to sun damage.

My test subjects, Frankie and Alexandria– Jenna's mom, experienced dramatic transformations after using these products. Small scars from zits, freckles, and other skin imperfections all disappeared after their third use.

The bone and muscle strengthening pills proved equally effective for the sailors on the ship. Their chronic back pain and arthritis significantly improved, allowing them to work harder. I swear I wasn't aiming for that, but it was still a good thing. 

Ryan took the muscle and bone pills on the spot, eager for relief from his prolonged back pain from weightlifting. I wasn't sure why he trusted me so much, considering I was offering him drugs of ambiguous origin, but it all worked out nicely.

The muscle pills also aided ligament repair, helping the older guys regain the spring in their steps. I could've explained the benefits to Selena and Taylor like I did for the others, but I didn't want to.

"Anyways, there are instructions in there. You can read them when you get back," I said curtly as I handed the bag to Taylor. Her brows furrowed, and she sniped, "What's with the attitude? You didn't even want me here!"

"First of all, you guys are late," I replied sassily. "I have to get to the film set in half an hour. Secondly, you're dressed way too cute for me to think straight. So I'll have to kick you out of here, capisce?"

Taylor was flattered, and her dissatisfaction melted away. Selena gazed at the goody bags and pointed, "There are still three more. Can't I take one?"

"It's for Vanessa, Maggie, and Miss Daddario. They're for people working for me, even temporarily," I teased.

Selena raised her hand and said, "I can be an extra in your movie if you give me one."

Taylor looked at her, bewildered. "What are you doing?"

Selena ignored Taylor and hugged my arm. "I want one!" Taylor, alarmed, quickly pried Selena away from me. Just then, Miss Daddario entered the house with an unexpected visitor—Gloria.

"Hola, hola~!" Gloria announced herself loudly as she walked toward me. "I'm here!"

I widened my eyes slightly at her arrival. "Gloria, what are you doing here?" Daddario was completely overshadowed by Gloria, her eyes darting around nervously as she approached me.

"For lunch with Frankie!" Gloria said cheerily. "Ay, what are you guys doing?" She teased, noticing the awkward position Taylor, Selena, and I were in. Gloria was intrigued by the beauty products, having overheard my explanation to Miss Daddario. Taylor's dissatisfaction grew as she realized I had explained everything to Daddario but not to her.

"She has the courtesy to inform me she's going to be late, unlike a certain someone," I was about to tease Taylor when Robin suddenly sounded the alarm.

"What?" I turned to the TV immediately, as it was Robin's procedure to show everything there instead of using holograms when people were inside the house. 

It was footage from the front of the house. Agent Walker and Agent Casey stood at the door, blood splattered across their clothes. 

Sarah had a deep cut on her forehead, causing blood to flow down the left side of her face. Casey grimaced, revealing a severe wound on his leg where he had been shot by a shotgun. 

"Oh shit." I cursed before I ran to the front door to help them. Frankie saw it and immediately shouted, "Ed! What's going on? Who're these guys?' I help carried Casey inside the house and laid him down on the couch. The blood from his leg stained the floor, which made it look like a scene from a horror movie.

"He lost a lot of blood." I told Sarah. "Why are you guys here?"

Sarah panted heavily and replied, "We were hunted down by a team of black ops when we were transporting the black box to you. Casey got shot trying to protect me."

"Where's the box? Give him the box!" Casey grumbled, mission was the only thing in his mind even though he was on the brink of death. I cut off his pants and checked the wound, "You have a partially ruptured artery. You'll die if you don't get surgery."

Sarah immediately turned to Casey, "We need to get you to the hospital now."

"NO!" Casey grunted as he stopped Sarah. "Newgate, you need to decrypt the password on that file immediately. The fate of the entire country rest on your hand."

"What do you mean? What's happening?" I asked with a slight urgency. Robin suddenly turned on the news.

The reporter on the TV stood in front of the White House as she reported, [" What we're witnessing today is nothing short of a national crisis. Just moments ago, armed assailants breached the security perimeter of the White House, taking control of the premises and holding hostages inside."]

The screen cuts to aerial footage of the White House, smoke rising and sirens wailing in the background. The camera shakes as it captures frantic scenes of security personnel rushing to the scene.

["The situation escalated rapidly. Reports indicate that several gunmen entered through the front gates, overpowering Secret Service agents in the process. Eyewitnesses describe a scene of chaos—gunfire, explosions, and panic as staff and visitors attempted to flee."]

The footage shifts to terrified civilians running from the building, some stumbling as they escape.

["Sources confirm that the President and key officials are currently inside the White House, and their safety is our top concern. Security teams are working tirelessly to regain control, but reports suggest that the assailants have taken strategic positions throughout the building."]

"Shit, it's White House Down," I mumbled as I understood the situation. 

Casey suddenly shrieked, "Newgate. Ignore me and decrypt the password now. In your hand is the only thing that can save the President of the United States—"

"Shut up. I got it," I interjected, cutting him off before he could finish. "But you're going to die if this continues. Sarah, go to the basement and create a clean room. I have everything down there. Frankie, can you help Sarah? You'll need to prepare for surgery. Robin will guide you on what to do."

I turned to the others, who wore terrified expressions. "I'm sorry for this, girls, but can anyone help me clean up the blood on the floor? I'm pretty sure someone will pay us a visit, and I don't want to be caught with my pants down."

"I'll clean it up," my dad said, emerging from another room in his captain's uniform. He loosened his tie and added, "Ed, you're going to explain to me what exactly is going on after we get through this."

"Alright," I replied, turning back to the girls. "Gloria, we need a distraction."

"Me? ...Okay!" Gloria agreed eagerly. "What do you want me to do?"

"Wear an itsy bitsy bikini and go sunbathe. Daddario, can you do it too?"

"What?" Both Daddario and Gloria looked bewildered. Selena and Taylor exchanged glances, caught off guard by the request. Selena offered her help in exchange for one of the goody bags, while Taylor remained silent, her expression a mixture of confusion and disbelief.

Just then, Vader ran toward me, purring and rubbing against my leg, trying to offer some comfort. I reached into my pocket and swallowed two more anti-anxiety pills, feeling a surge of determination ignite within me.

"Robin, they're going to track the agents. I need you to do this—"

…

[General POV]

"Do you have any clues on the whereabouts of the agents?" a stern-looking agent barked as he stepped out of a black SUV.

"No, sir. We lost track of them," his subordinate replied gruffly. "We're scouring the area and checking potential locations, but it'll take some time."

"What about Newgate?" the agent pressed. "They're definitely going to reach out to him for help. Not many people in the world can solve the Rubicon."

Just then, a black helicopter flew overhead, circling Edward's house. Agents inside used binoculars to scrutinize the scene below, but one agent's gaze was immediately drawn to a woman suntanning by the pool.

"Anything to report?" another agent asked as he activated an infrared scanner, scanning the house for heat signatures. "Nothing except I've interfered with the goddesses' fun time."

The faint outlines of bodies appeared on the screen, revealing movement inside the residence. "We've got heat sources," The infrared agent said, eyes narrowing. "Looks like there are at least three people in there, but the layout is unclear."

Those three heat signatures were only from Maggie, Selena and Taylor who were sitting in the living room. The scans couldn't penetrate deep enough to get to the basement. 

"Keep a close watch on those signatures," the lead agent ordered, his expression hardening. "We need to make sure those agents don't come here. Otherwise…we might have to kill everyone inside."

(This arc only has 3 chapters. I won't drag them out. Just want to do a blockbuster like thing for the 300th chapter.

Seriously, how did we even got to 300th chapter when we're still not even halfway through season 1 of Modern Family Lol. 

For those who enjoyed this story so far, do consider supporting me on Patreon. Even a month of support would mean so much to me. 

you can support me at patreon. com/ relifewithkarmicgacha minus the spaces. )