Rose Blumen ~

(Nightmare)

I realized thankfully in time how much my actual self was structured and what it was adapted for.

I managed enough metacognition to see with clarity the lack of alignment between my current organisation and my environment. I wouldn't remain stable for long on this current situation.

I had prevailed and survived on the blood of my enemies while they were numerous, as this was the easiest source of supply, retaking violently what had been mine.

But as they dwindled and my global amount dimmed, I had to adapt. Furthermore afterward as I perceived how much my intellectual structure had adjusted to the fight, letting go of older parts like old feathers.

Now I was starving and not fit to fly, but still had the spirits to adapt and rebuild what I was.

Consolidating my knowledge in patterns through my mind so I wouldn't any longer loose memories so easily.

Rebuilding something biological.

Reaching out of my veins now they were no longer threatened by vampire kind.

I grew out to the streets and parks my pili. I reached out to the sea and sunlight. I breathed for real again, or at last.

I would be free for a while to rebuild myself as I pleased, and focus on what I liked.

Starting with securing what I was, with more permanence in mind.

Less focus on moving warfare and more securing of my stable frontiers.

Consolidating my power in structure as a living being so I would last.

While altogether allowing myself more time to draw on what I like. My sight and attentions could gently care for what's nice.

Once the early human population of this land was definitely gone, a sensation of peace and slower pace of time settled. An older me would have wished more of them had left alive, where another thought on the other hand was willing to pursue extermination beyond this land.

I settled not to pursue these extremes with nicer focuses preoccupying my mind, and a growing sense of self-preservation above absolutist ideals. It had been fundamental in this early nymph.

Their molten fears clouding my mind, I repurposed successfully into a collection of tools to secure gradually the land.

My perceptions of the outer world I also gently grew, a little blindly, to keep an eye and ear to what happened outside.

So much was happening outside, it was a constant ruckus for those willing to listen. Others continued their expansions and then collapsed. Many condensated in smaller stars instead, and scattered.

Others kept appearing, growing and glowing, and going on either path like as many polynomials in geometry and chaos theory.

Some of them have unclear or patterned behaviours with undecipherable outcomes. Most however blow up or collapse over time, and show these trends early on.

But to each their pace, and some of them manage to find a lasting equilibrium.

There is this constant sparkling of activity everywhere I can see, at all different scales I can reach in perception. It's interesting to study.

Furthermore as I begin to focus on my friends biology. How much their organisation as organisms to their macroscopic scale becomes something entirely different on microscopic scale, and even lower.

I discover all these things I need or want to study and see. It's fascinating and thrilling.

And I don't focus so much on the geological scale of things and others' activities away from here. I can see these odd stars in their state of natural selection over the world, but I don't really care.

My ambition and interests draw me more toward the study of my remaining feathery friends in this land and over this sea.

The way fibres assemble on each feather, and how their overall assembly creates dynamic mechanical outcomes. And below how proteins turn to chitin. It's a marvel to enjoy.

The boiling diversity over the horizon and overseas doesn't spark my interest nearly as much as the innate complexity of these surviving animals.

Most things alive met their fate or trial from the white day onward.

As my sense of self is today, my earliest memories start from that violent struggle for survival against humans that seemed endless.

But I still have a few faint pictures of decaying animals and other forms of organisations I didn't understand at the time.

Now I don't have any of these things left to study around here, but I can tell more are appearing and dying outside.

Again, I don't really care what happens outside of this area. I'm curious, but it's not my focus.

It's hard to focus already while keeping myself steady and alive.

But I have passions to help me structure my mind for a lasting while now. Away from what I don't mind.

Interested in these statistics of repeated geometric patterns I observe, less outside and more inside.

How things get naturally structured despite logical limitations at their lower level of elements. The hierarchic and transfers of information from one level to the other. These transitions of scales are key.

From cells and organisms, or genes and cells. From individuals to species and more. How these complexities interact and show countless equations in properties or behaviour.

How cells multiply, fend off, feed and organise. How natural selection causes transformations over repetition, how the stress of a continuous pressure causes reactions.

And always, how the responses and results spread. Some managing fairly unusual homeostasis, some simply collapsing to die, and some oddly flying into the sky.

~