ROSES AND THORNS-BEING REAL

CHAPTER NINE- REALITY

Waking up, I reach out for my phone which is almost dying right now. The screen lights up and it's around one in the afternoon. Last night I was really drunk and don't remember much of what I said. But Milan was sobber. A chill of coldness passes through my spine, what did I even tell him. I remember the last time I got that drunk I revealed some secrets. What secrets did I possibly tell Milan.

I check my phone and find four texts from an unknown number. I open them;

Morning, it's Milan, just wanted

To check up on you.

Milan

I hope you're okay and please do text back

to show you're okay.

I swipe through the third text.

Milan

If you're mad about last night then don't take

it seriously. That kiss meant nothing.

"Kiss." That word makes my ribs hit up. I knew I shouldn't have drunk that much yesterday. But if I wasn't going to drink, then I was definitely going to cry and I didn't want to. But the kiss; does this mean I and Milan kissed last night? God, this is bad. I say pushing my hair backwards. How I'm I gonna face him and what will he think of me.

"Oh, alcohol." I curse as I hit myself in the head. 'Take a deep breathe.' I tell myself and inhale a large amount of air and exhale it all at the same time.

"What a perfect way to destroy our friendship. He's prolly out somewhere having some lobsters and all the fancy wine the rich folks have." Not like I care about their amount of wealth, but just to make a point that Milan doesn't care. I decide to freshen up and change into new clothes. I get another text from Milan.

Milan

Listen Real, if you're okay then just hit the damn keyboard

 and tell me you're okay, coz it's freaking me out.

"Too much care for a fucked-up girl like me."

 I can't seem to gather the courage. About fifteen minutes go by and I hear a knock on my door and at I take my time as I am folding my clothes. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I open the door after some time and find the one and only Milan Valencia. My heart skips a bit. So, I just invite him inside, I'm still unable to look him in the eye. So I decide to make him some coffee.

"Coffee." I say offering a cup.

"Thanks." He says taking the cup.

I get my own cup and take a sip as I stand close to the coffee maker. I pick off some clothes from the bed to make some space for myself.

"I'm sorry it's a little messy." I say putting the clothes away. That does it. I think to myself.

"Let's discuss about yesterday." Milan declares and I swear I almost choke on that. The thought of that night alone gave me chills. I just froze as I held my cup and sat on the bed next to him.

"Are you okay?" Milan asks.

"Yeah, I totally I'm." I lied to him.

"You don't seem okay."

"H-how about we seat out on the benches. It's pretty messy in here." I say and looking around, Lan replies;

"Sure."

We go out on the benches. The sky's clear and the sun is just a bit warm; in a nice way. I look over at Milan and he seems to be thinking of something. So, I decide to break the silence.

"I'm really sorry about yesterday. I wasn't being myself." I say and he looks over at me.

"I know."

"So, did I like create a scene or sum?"

"Yes, a big one."

"Really?!" I ask wide eyed. I'm freaking out right now.

"W-what did I like do?" I ask desperately.

"Relax, I was only pulling your leg." Milan says. I take a long sigh.

"Wow, I never knew we were that close to crack joke with each other." I speak.

"Yeah, and I bet you never knew and I also never knew that we were that close that we'd kiss."

A chill of coldness pass through I'm spine. I'm kind of embarrassed right now. He just knows what to say.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, I know I always mess up when I'm drunk. But I swear it's never intentional."

He asks me if I wanna hear about what I did yesterday night and I'm so eager. He starts explaining everything I did and except the kiss though. I can't say I regret it through, Milan has cute lips and I mean who wouldn't want to kiss 'em LOL. I can't believe what I did or said to him and he tells me of how I explained about my entre family. He tells me of what I told him about coming to me when he needs someone to talk to and I'm firm on my decision and he tells me to be careful with his mood swings.

"So you really do have temper problems now, don't you?"

"I don't know, my parents say I let my anxiety take control over me. So, where do your siblings stay?" Milan asks.

"They're in London."

"London, then why you here?" Milan asks.

"You see when I was little, my mom told me to never be at a place I'm not needed. So, I came here."

"Now that's Greek to me."

"Lemme put it in this way; my mom was black and my dad was white, so all my siblings are and well, I'm kinda different."

"But I don't see you as black." Milan says.

"If you don't see the blackness in me, then you don't see me." I tell him. Black is what has always and still defined me. I tell him of how my siblings think of me as a black barbie and have always bullied me because of my body and he assures me that I'm just okay and that a lot of girls hurt themselves just to look like me. But that doesn't make up for all the times I've been made to feel bad about my body and that it's a curse. But hearing it from him just makes me feel kind of special. I see a lot of guys lusting over my body, but he's a different case, and that's why I like him. He's so cool and doesn't show no harsh feelings.

Milan takes out a cigarette and putting it to his mouth in between his lips, he takes out a lighter and lights it, then extinguishes the flame. Smoke flickers out of the cigarette and he takes a long puff and blow the smoke in a line and it moves in a line and spreads around him; around us.

"Want some?" Milan says offering hid lit cigar.

"No, thanks." I tell him.

"Don't worry, it's just narcotics." He says taking another puff.

"No, I'm good." I tell him and watch him smoke his lungs out.

"So, what do you wanna do with your life?" Milan asks.

I haven't really thought of that.

"I don't know, maybe complete what I'm here for (finding Erica) and if I have a chance build a career in music, coz my life is not all rainbows and Sundays." I explain.

"Too much sunshine makes a desert. You're okay the way you are. You can just take it as a lesson." Milan says taking another puff of his cigarette.

"Okay, so you go to school?"

"Yeah." Milan replies.

"Securing your future huh." I jokingly tease, smiling.

"Sort of, do you?"

"Nope." I say shaking my head.

"Why not?"

"Coz, I know what I want, and it's definitely not school."

"You're nuts." He says.

"Well, someone told me school is scam, all you gotta do is invest money and once you get the paper, you don't find the job. Oh how convenient." I say.

"At least you go home with some facts." Milan defends.

"It's only okay to people like you who can still earn without a paper and your parents can afford your college expenses. So tell me about your school life." I eagerly ask.

"Fucked up, everything's just fucked up with me." He says and I don't believe him.

"You aren't the type to have a fucked-up school life from my point of view. I think you're the kind people call the 'cool kids.'"

"Shit just happens sometimes." He replies and takes another puff.

"Tell me about it."

"My grades are excellent, but every Monday and Thursday I have to meet my crazy ex-girlfriend who's my biology class desk mate and I'm not allowed to change."

It kinda stings though. He clearly still loves her.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Everything, I can't concentrate." He says.

"You still love her?"

"What?"

"Do you still love her, your ex, are you still in love with her?"

"I don't know." He shrugs.

"She just drives me up the wall sometimes and I don't like it, she acts as if we still together and it just hurts me coz, I know she ain't my girl anymore."

I totally understand him.

"What if she still loves you?"

"Real, do I look stupid to you?" he says taking my hand and it sends a shockwave through my spine.

"Of course not."

"I have nothing to do with her." he says and I understand him.

"Do you need help from me?" I sincerely ask.

"It better be good." He responds.

"Fine, when she tries to speak to you don't give her any attention and tolerate her." Milan puts his hand on the cheek and gives me his full attention.

"When she touches you, just remove her hand, don't let her touch you. If she has dignity then I assure you she won't bother coz the most important thing to a girl is attention. Just simply pretend as if she don't exist."

"I like it." Milan smile for a split second and gets back to smoking. I'm just proud of myself and seeing him smile just makes me happy. He's smiled for the first time and it's because of me.

"I'll always come to you for an update."

Yaay! I say a silent yaay, like I really want to know Milan more, even though he doesn't talk that much.

"Sure." I tell him.

"Yes, and do visit more often, my mom is always asking about you."

Lan can't be serious right now.

"Oh, is that right?" I ask smiling.

"Yes, you kinda special because you're the first person I'm ever sharing how I really feel. Just tell me when you need anything and I'll always be there." He says taking my hand and eyes lock.

"Can you help me find Erica?"

"Erica Banks, it's really hard to find her."

"Please?"

"Fine, I'll see what l can do, I can't make any promises, but I'll give it my best. You will find Erica, Real." He says and I can feel it coming true.

"It means so much to hear it from you."

Milan asks me if I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Telegram or Facebook and I tell him no, coz I really ain't.

"Come on Real, everyone's on Facebook."

"I ain't on that either."

"Then what do you spend your time doing?" he asks.

"Thinking of ways to survive."

"You're missing out on a lot."

"I just let some stuff pass me by." I reply.

"Yeah right, like you did with school."

"At least I got my junior year certificate, plus, I hate rules."

"Rules?" Milan asks confused.

"Yeah, I mean in schools everybody's given rules, don't wanna be ruled. I just wanna be me." I explain.

"Rules are rules Real and everybody has to obey."

"That's why I don't wanna go."