SALAMISIM

LOUD horns from passing vehicles echoed all around. I held my head, feeling dizzy. I didn't know why I was standing in front of the trash can. The surroundings were enveloped in light from the lights of the vehicles, the streetlights, and the Post Office building.

My bag slipped off my shoulder and fell to the floor, I immediately picked it up and started walking back to the bus stop.

There were also a few people waiting for the last ride. I stopped when a motorcycle suddenly stopped in front of me, "Are you going home now?" he asked then took off his helmet.

I couldn't really see his face because my vision was still blurry and it seemed like everything around me was spinning. "Faye, are you okay?" he repeated then grabbed my arm causing me to realize what was happening. "Yeah, I'm just a little dizzy" I replied, making him look at the road.

"Is there another bus coming?" I nodded at his question even though I wasn't sure if the last bus had left.

"Come on, come with me" he handed me a helmet, I took it and put it on my head. It seemed like I had nowhere else to ride, Mike and I are friends so I shouldn't have refused.

"Are you SURE you're okay?" Mike asked, placing two hot bulalo flavor cup noodles on the table. We stopped at a convenience store, now facing the glass window where we could see the cars continuously passing by on the road.

"I just have a headache, but I took some medicine earlier," he stirred the cup noodles. I just stared at the hot food in front of me.

"You're looking pale, you shouldn't be working overtime. We still have a work tomorrow," he said, then tasted the noodles but his face wrinkled because they were still hot, it looked like his tongue had been burned.

"Just move to our department. Our boss is kind and there's no one rude on the team. Your boss is the most annoying person in the world," he laughed, I just smiled at what he said. I knew he was trying to make me laugh to make me feel better.

"I'm not IT, I might just break all the systems and PCs in the office." he laughed at what I said then got angry again because the noodles were still hot.

"Maybe you're overfatigue, especially from writing," he said, then turned to me. He looked at the cup noodles he bought in front of me, I hadn't touched them yet. "Don't you want it?" I came to my senses, I didn't know why I was so dazed.

"Huh? Ah, I like it" I said then took the plastic fork and stirred it. "It's still hot" I continued, I tried to taste it but it burned my tongue too causing him to laugh.

"What were you talking about earlier?" I asked, he leaned back in the chair then opened the bottled water and drank.

"Maybe you're tired of writing" I looked at him but he just smiled.

"Yes, writing is tiring, but you know how tiring it is to still be happy. It's tiring but not boring," he nodded at what I said.

"I started reading your story, I'm already on chapter six" he smiled, I looked at him.

"You're kidding me again. You're really crazy" I continued eating, he just laughed. I know he doesn't like to read. He always asks me for books but he never reads them.

"Yes, it is! This is true, I promise. I was there at the part where Sebastian and Maria Florencita got engaged," he grinned and took a sip of soup. "How did you get a book? I didn't give it to you."

"I borrowed it from my nephew, she's your reader. She doesn't want to believe me that ur my co-worker, that you always poop in the office" he laughed, causing the cashier to look at us. We were the only two customers today because it was almost midnight.

"Are you drunk? You can't drive drunk," I complained but he just laughed. "You're really judgmental. I'm not drunk, why would I be drunk if I still have a work tomorrow. Is it Friday?" he defended himself while grinning.

I just stared at him, making him feel even more that I didn't believe what he was saying, he just laughed "Yes, I'm not drunk, smell me more" he raised his hand to let me smell his armpits, causing me to gently push him away.

"You're really disgusting," I complained, then moved my chair a little further away.

"I'm serious. I'm not drunk. I came from grandma's place in Quiapo. It's her birthday today so we went on a date" he smiled, I just nodded. A moment later, my phone rang, I immediately took it out of my bag. My sister was calling.

I looked at my phone in surprise, its screen was cracked. "Aren't you going to answer?" Mike asked, I looked at him.

"I don't know why this is broken?" I said, he took my phone and looked at it carefully.

"Didn't you drop this?"

"Ah, I dropped my bag earlier"

"Is your phone inside?" I nodded at his question. "Maybe this is the one that hit the floor directly," he continued, the call was lost but I still stared at my phone, not knowing why its screen was broken.

THE NEXT DAY, I couldn't get into the office. I texted my supervisor and Quin early that I couldn't come in today. It was already noon when I woke up, and I found my mom cooking lunch. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, then set the rice on the table.

I took some water from the fridge and drank it. My head was still heavy but compared to yesterday, I felt better today. Mama came over to me and touched my forehead and neck, "You don't have a fever. You must have been overworked at your office, use your vacation leave to rest" I sat down on the chair and started eating. Mama served the chicken soup and we ate together.

It's 2:00 PM, I'm sitting on the sofa watching TV but my mind is wandering even though everyone is enjoying the noontime show. I feel like I should remember something but no matter what I do, I still can't remember what it is.

I just went online and read the feedback on my novel Salamisim. I felt even heavier when I saw that it had a low rating in online reviews. I read the comments.

The story is okay, but the progress is too slow. The guards always defeat the rebels. This is the story where it seems like the villain will dominate the story.

I can't feel any love between Lorenzo and Maria Florencita. It seems like love at first sight like wow, Even with General Sebastian, he's not madly inlove with the female lead. There has to be a deeper cause to fight for your love. Sebastian that general fought for his love just because they were young and they were engaged. It's too shallow for me, sorry.

I was interrupted from reading the comments when my editor suddenly called. "Faye, are you free right now? Can you come here to the office?" she said from the other line. I immediately got dressed and headed to the publishing company.

"HEY, how are you?" Ms. Crystal, my editor, greeted me. A young woman, kind and beautiful. She greeted me in the lobby and now we were heading to the conference room.

"Ms. Crystal, is the pitching now?" We were already inside the elevator. She pressed the 18th floor.

"No, actually, it was postponed," she replied, wearing high heels and her new hair color bright pink. I was speechless when she said that the meeting to pitch my novel to producers and directors was supposed to be on Thursday.

More people entered the elevator so we didn't talk about the meeting for a while. Ms. Crystal asked me about work and love life. She was happy to chat. "Finally, we're here" she smiled, we got out of the elevator. As soon as we entered, it was like our office which was also very busy.

Phone calls left and right, rapid typing on the keyboard and employees rushing to deliver papers to their boss's office. We walked a long way until we reached the conference room. There was a long table inside and about twenty swivel chairs. This is where the executives were meeting.

"Sorry, we don't have any meeting rooms available today so we'll just stay here" she smiled, I just followed her until we got to the front where the big projector screen was. It was just turned off. "Please be seated, Faye" she said, I sat down opposite to her. The table was between us.

She took a thick folder from the side and took out the papers one by one. A woman came and set down two cups of coffee. We thanked her.

"Actually, we just received this from the producers we were supposed to meet on Thursday. They're done reading your story Salamisim. And here's their feedback," she said, then handed me the thick paper. The novel was printed out.

It's full of yellow highlights and red marks. There are also many notes written in the margins. Questions, clarifications, suggestions and comments. I looked at Ms. Crystal, I could tell she wasn't comfortable showing me that either.

"You know, they were the first to approach us to create a film based on your story. However, after they read it, these are their insights" I bit my lower lip. I know that receiving criticism is part of a writer's life.

I believe that criticism can help a writer improve even more. I know that I should always be prepared for this, in fact, I have received some good and not so good criticism from different people.

In the end, I learned to accept that I can't force everyone to like my stories because we all have our own preferences.

But now, I feel self-doubt again. I struggle to say that I'm not affected. I can't fool myself that I'm not hurting.

I may have gotten used to it but it still hurts. And even though it hurts, I know in myself that I shouldn't feel that way. That next time I should take it back and do better.

"Here are the common feedbacks coming from our three producers. First, the story progress is slow. They don't know if Lorenzo is sincere in his feelings for Maria Florencita, especially since it seems like love at first sight then after that it's not quite complete. Also, with Sebastian, they also don't see why Sebastian is in love with Maria Florencita. They don't have much in common. Is it still love at first sight? They think Sebastian doesn't deserve to die in the end for his love for Maria Florencita, even though their love for each other isn't that deep."

Ms. Crystal opened the printed script and stopped at page 100. "Also, it seems like the rebels never win on General Sebastian's side. The producers say that if it were like this, if the soldiers always won, then this would just be a story about the general's victory. It's not good for a story where the villain always wins. They say that readers and viewers will be annoyed."

She moved to page 180. "Like I said, they've turned off the flow of the story because the protagonist is always struggling and can't even recover. They only won once, when Berning's group attacked without Lorenzo knowing. Well, Lorenzo is the hero, why hasn't he won a fight yet?" I took a deep breath. The feeling was heavy.

"On the side story, they also didn't like Niyong and Lolita's story. Why is Lolita so stubborn and always nagging Niyong? Niyong doesn't like Lolita so why are they still together? Why not, they should just avoid each other if they hate each other"

"The producers' suggestion is to make Lolita absolutely obsessed with Niyong. Someone should be chasing after someone to make it interesting and cute. So, Niyong will start to have feelings for Lolita because she's chasing him," Ms. Crystal smiled, smiling most of the time to make her explanation easier.

Ms. Crystal placed the page at the very end, "Even the ending, the villains were just robbed of their wealth and exiled. The producers were also not satisfied with the ending, Sebastian just died in the cell. Their suggestion was that Sebastian, Don Antonio and the other officials should be garroted" I looked at Ms. Crystal, I couldn't explain to her why the story suddenly turned that way.

If you ask me, I feel like my writing of Salamisim is also superficial. Was I out of my mind when I wrote it? To be honest, I also feel disappointed because the story is not good.

Did I write this? Because if so, I definitely wouldn't let the ending be unfair. Why is exile the only punishment I set for the villains?

"Hope you understand Faye. I know you're very understanding. Producers won't just give up money. Just imagine, they'll invest millions in your story to make it into a movie and then the audience won't like it?" Ms. Crystal continued, I just drank the coffee next to me.

They do have a point, if I were the producer myself, I wouldn't be willing to spend millions on a story that there's no guarantee the audience will enjoy.

"Anyway, the producers have another offer for you. If it's okay with you, only the title and characters will be used in your story. Then, the flow of the story, scenes, lines and everything will be changed," she said and showed me the contract.

I stared at the script full of highlights, comments, and crosses. Why do I feel like Salamisim was okay before but it seems to have changed now? I'm not sure what's going on anymore.

I was staring blankly at the coffee vending machine while waiting for my coffee. It was lunch time but I didn't feel like eating so I just had a coffee.

"Maybe that vending machine exploded while you were deep in thought," I realized when Mike spoke. He was already next to me, wearing a hoodie. Both of his hands were in his pockets.

"Mike" I looked at him, he approached the vending machine and pressed the coffee he wanted to buy. "Why?"

"What do you think of my story?" he handed me my coffee. He stood next to me again while looking at the vending machine. "Which one is it? You have so many stories," he smiled.

"The salamisim" I said, making him think and hold his chin. "I'm only on chapter six, I didn't read it last night because my brother and I played video games" he laughed. He also took his coffee but we just stood there.

"Okay, even though you've only read six chapters. What's your honest feedback?" I looked at him now. I wanted to hear an opinion from someone who doesn't like to read.

He thought again and looked at me, "I can't say it's pretty... I can't say it's ugly either. I won't know until I finish reading a story," he said and drank the coffee but his face wrinkled because his tongue was burned again.

"For me, it's not okay to judge a novel if I haven't finished reading it. Just because I read a few chapters, should I immediately judge the entire story? What if there's a cruel plot twist at the end? What if the moral lesson of the story is actually in the ending." he laughed, he walked towards the pantry, I followed him.

"I believe I can't judge you based on one story I read. You have so many novels, different genres. A writer is improving, just like a new employee. Of course, at first you're not good, but sooner or later you'll get better. When you started at this company, did you already know everything you need to do in the office? You didn't, right? But look at you now, even though you're eyes close, you can still finish your work," he laughed, making me smile too.

"You're also a sensible person," I joked, he just laughed and then burned himself again with the coffee he was holding. "And because of that, I'll be waiting for your free snack later," he insisted and walked back to their office area.

I went to a bookstore to look at a book, I'm also going to buy our food for dinner later. I didn't work overtime today, and Quin doesn't plan on working overtime with our damn boss either.

My books were neatly lined up on a bookshelf. Salamisim was in the front. I picked one up and opened it, briefly reading a few lines. I couldn't understand why I couldn't remember the scenes and characters I had planned.

The bookstore was about to close, and I saw the cashier counting the money. A woman, one of the staff, approached, carrying a box. I was surprised when she took my Salamisim novels and put them in the box.

"Wait, Miss, why are you putting it away?" the woman looked at me, "I'll pull this out, we'll return it to publishing," she replied and continued what she was doing.

"Huh? Why? The books aren't damaged," I said, and she looked at me again. She seemed tired from work and didn't feel like talking anymore.

"This book's sales are low, we have a delivery of new books coming in that we'll replace here," he replied, then took the box and took it to the stockroom.

I feel like a mother who has been taken away from her children. They have taken all the books and have no intention of returning them to their rightful place. I cannot accept that this is what happened to Salamisim.

WHEN I got home, I immediately went straight to my room and opened my laptop. I also took the script from the drawer, which was full of highlights and comments from the producers. I had to save my story. I had to find a way to make people accept it again.

I wrote all night, I drank a few cups of coffee. I didn't feel sleepy or tired all night because I was so focused on writing. I immediately changed most of the story, I followed the producers' suggestions. If you ask me, this is also how I wanted the story to happen. The heroes should be the ones who win in the end, even if the outcome of Lorenzo and Maria Florencita's love is bitter-sweet, but everyone should be given justice. All the villains should face a horrible death.

It was morning when I finished changing some of the scenes and the story line. My alarm went off, signaling that I should get up and get ready for work. I opened the email, I was going to send it to my editor. Hoping that he and the producers would like it too.

Ms. Crystal also called me last night, she said that Salamisim had been pulled out of bookstores because its sales were so low. There were many new books coming out so they had to do that.

She also said that they would not reprint Salamisim because the feedback was not good either. I asked her if I could edit Salamisim again and if she liked it, maybe we could print it again. She and the head of the publishing company agreed. So now I put all my effort into fixing Salamisim.

I turned off the alarm, turned off the laptop, and put my things away. I opened the drawer to put the script back in, but I stopped when I saw a piece of paper where I had drawn a male general.

I don't know why I drew that. I have no idea who he is either. But I feel like I know that man in the picture.

"IT was great! Are you serious that you edited everything overnight?" I could feel Ms. Crystal's joy from the other line, I'm at the coffee shop right now with Pia. I just finished work at the office and the two of us hung out here.

"Actually, I sent it to the producers earlier, they don't have any feedback yet, maybe they're just reading it. But so far, I liked it. There are a lot of scenes involving the two leads. That's how it should be for them to develop. Also, for Sebastian, it's also good that he has a lot of scenes with Maria Florencita, so I feel like he really loves our lead" I smiled at what he said, Pia stood up to take our frappe order.

We were next to the coffee shop window. My laptop was open so I was ready if Ms. Crystal wanted to change something. "I'm also excited about Niyong and Lolita. Lolita really has a crush on Niyong. I hope Niyong realizes that" she laughed, Pia sat down and placed my frappe next to me. She was also busy because she was talking to her boyfriend on a video call.

"I'm sure the producers will be happy because the rebels are winning. Even though they don't always win, their hard work must be paying off. And most of all, I liked the ending too" I was nervous, for me the most important part of the story is the ending.

"Although sad, it's only right that the Guerrero family and their official accomplices pay for all their evil deeds. By the way, I'll call you later, I'll let you know about the producers' feedback. I hope the movie pitching continues after this," she said, then laughed for a moment and the line was cut off.

I put the phone down on the table and then turned my gaze back to the laptop. I just sighed, not knowing whether to be happy or sad because of Ms. Crystal's good feedback.

"What's the news?" I came to my senses when I heard Pia's voice, she had already put her phone down on the table. I took a deep breath again, "It's okay, they liked it" I replied, Pia drank her frappe. "Oh, why are you still frowning?"

"I don't know, it's like I'm not satisfied with the ending" I looked at the window next to us, it started to drizzle. There was a couple standing outside, the man opened his umbrella and gave the woman a hug then they walked across the street.

"Why? What's the new ending for Salamisim?" Pia asked, I looked at the laptop, staring at the cursor that was blinking next to the word End.

"The Guerrero family and the other officers were sentenced to death," I replied, Pia nodded. "What kind of death? The one where Sebastian died in the cell?"

I shook my head, "No. I changed that. He's going to die in front of a lot of people. He's going to be behead with Don Antonio." Pia wasn't surprised, she even agreed with what happened. "I feel like I want to change it again. It doesn't seem right."

"How is that not right?" she asked, leaving me speechless for a few seconds. I just sighed again.

"I feel sorry for him," I replied, Pia looked surprised. "Who?"

"To Sebastian," she looked at me as if she was making sure I was serious about what I said.

"Do you feel sorry for Sebastian? Well, he kills a lot in the story, right? He also tortures a lot of prisoners. Maria Florencita is also suffocating because of his strictness. What's so pitiful about that?" she said while drinking a frappe.

"Besides, there should really be justice in the story. The villains need to face their karma. If you feel sorry for him, did his character feel sorry for all the people he tortured and killed? He should just die in the ending," Pia said, I understand her. She often gets carried away by the stories and teleseryes she watches. She always curses and bashes the villain characters on social media because they make the heroes of the story suffer.

I just sighed again, why do I feel like something is wrong? It feels wrong for me to be cruel to the villains.

ON Saturday, I was invited to the opening of a book collection museum in Intramuros. Along with the entire publishing team and other authors. There was an old collection of books, paintings, and antiques.

The formal opening party began at noon. The women wore formal long dresses, and the men wore formal suits and ties. After the opening pictorial, we were free to explore the entire museum.

This is an old building that has been standing inside Intramuros for a long time. They say that it was once a courthouse that became the office of various officials, a camp for American and Japanese soldiers, and is now a museum.

I'm wearing a red long gown with a long slit on the side. It's off-shoulder with long sleeves. It also has a silver lining at the waist. My hair is tied up in a bun that Pia put a silver headband on. I'm also wearing the silver necklace and earrings that Mama keeps most of her.

I took each step slowly because I wasn't used to wearing my silver shoes with high heels. I was standing by an old painting of an angel when a wine glass landed on me. "Congratulations, Faye" Ms. Crystal smiled, I smiled as I took the red wine she was offering.

"It all went well. The producers liked the edited version of Salamisim. They immediately set up a meeting for us. They said no need to pitch because they will definitely make it a movie!" she smiled, I was taken aback by what she said. I didn't expect everything to happen so quickly.

"Our executive producer, Mr. Roman said that he really likes the ending. He really wants to meet you. He's also imagined what will happen on screen. He wants a dramatic scene with Sebastian and the others being garroted. He's thinking if we can change it to firing squad" I couldn't speak in shock, Mr. Roman is a well-known veteran actor who is now a successful producer. Almost all the movies he produces become blockbusters.

"Also, we're planning to publish the new version of Salamisim. Readers will notice that it's more suspenseful, more cruel, bloody, more action and there's actually justice in the end" she raised the wine glass she was holding and drank it.

Ms. Crystal was about to speak but a coworker of hers approached, her manager had called her because she was going to introduce her to a producer. Ms. Crystal touched my shoulder, "Anyway, congrats again Faye and cheers for more stories to come" she smiled, I nodded then followed her gaze until she reached the group of producers.

I took a deep breath and then drank the wine straight away and placed it on a table. I looked back at the painting of an angel. I wanted to go home, I don't know why I felt even heavier. Shouldn't I be happy now that I've sorted out everything about Salamisim?

I walked into a hallway, trying to remember the way out. The guests were busy chatting with each other, constantly discussing the symbols and secret meanings of the paintings hanging on the walls.

I gradually felt dizzy, I didn't understand why but it couldn't be because of the alcohol I had drunk. It shouldn't have taken effect that quickly. I still continued walking, holding on to the wall to keep from falling. I even bumped into a woman who was standing behind me. "I-I'm sorry" I said, luckily she didn't get angry.

I was already holding my forehead, I even left my phone inside the car. I stopped when I noticed a large row of bookshelves on the side. Inside were old book collections. There was thick glass blocking the books because of their age.

I blinked as I noticed a book lying open inside. I stepped closer to take a closer look. I wasn't sure if I was just squinting because the pages were falling off.

The old papers were unwritten but still kept unraveling inside the book. The lights inside the museum also started to turn on. I looked up at the chandelier and antique lights on the ceiling. They were now dimmed but the other visitors didn't seem to notice.

I just closed my eyes and shook myself. It must have been the alcohol. I shouldn't have been drinking. I wasn't used to drinking yet. I opened my eyes and continued walking down the long hallway. The floor was made of wood so every step I took was noisy.

I was almost at the door at the end where we had entered earlier but I was stopped when suddenly a door came out. An old man with white hair and beard. I looked at him from head to toe, he was wearing a friar's robe like those worn during the Spanish era.

He was holding a lamp, I looked at that familiar lamp and at that moment I remembered that I had seen it several times.

Everything appeared in my memory one after another, in the cell when Sebastian talked to me, on the dark road home when Sebastian said he had a dream.

"F-Father Emmanuel?" I stared at him almost unblinking, I even covered my mouth in shock. "This is not the way out" he said, suddenly the lamp went out. At the same time, the lights all around also went out and darkness reigned.

The light came back on, I was surprised to see that Father Emmanuel was no longer in front of me. The lamp he had been holding earlier was left behind, it was placed on a small table next to the door. I looked around, there were no people inside the museum. Could it be that I was inside this story again?

I immediately walked back, unable to walk properly because of the long dress I was wearing that was tight on my body and had a long slit on the side. I stopped when I heard faint voices from inside a large double door.

It's in the very center, we weren't able to go in here earlier for the pictorial because the museum owner said it wasn't finished renovating. I pressed my ear to that big door, there were people inside.

I took a deep breath then grabbed the door and bravely opened it a little, but because it was so heavy, it swung open, causing everyone in the room to look at me.

Everyone was looking at me seriously, even the chief judge sitting in the middle was looking at me. I was inside the court!

"I-I'm sorry..." I said, I was about to leave but I was stopped when I saw who was being arraigned in court. He was kneeling in front, his hands tied behind his back and a sword pointed at his neck held by a general.

Even he was looking at me in surprise. I couldn't believe that I was back inside Salamisim and that we were already in chapter fifteen!

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