Side Note

I'm back in the village, and things still look terrible. The only difference is that there are two more corpses. The chief and her artistic sister. So many weapons… I didn't know you could be impaled that many times. I was thinking of spending the rest of my day burying them all, but all those weapons stabbed into the chief seems like it'd take two days to remove. As for the artist, she's dead on the floor, facedown, with a singular stone arrow where her heart is. Looking at the chief, I can see a stone crossbow in her hand. How does a stone crossbow even work?

Eh, whatever. There's also a second reason I'm not going to bother burying them. May is currently eating some of the corpses. I didn't know dragons liked to eat elves. I'm now curious about what elves taste like… no, no, don't do that Madeleine. That's filthy. Unless it's Mel… I've just remembered about my "Fuck a daughter" mission. "Why are you looking at me like that, May? Just hurry up and swallow that dead elf. It's time for us to go home." 

May quickly devoured the dead elf in one chomp, then lowered her head to let me on. I hopped on and into the air we flew. We flew for a while before I realised I had no idea which way we came from. "Hey May, any idea where home is?" May looked at me, then went back to facing forward. I'll take that as a no. Eh, if we get lost, we get lost. 

Hey there, the maid who once accidentally solved a murder mystery, Madeleine here. We've been flying for ages, but eventually, we came across something. A cave. Not just any cave, though. It's a cave with a demon in front of it. I recognise it, it's Mammon. One of those demons Merry summons all the time. I always see her around seven of them, and Mammon is one of them. I mostly remember Mammon because she snuck into my room to steal my jar with eyes in it. I don't know why she wanted them, nor why she's here. I'm guessing demons can just teleport. That would explain why there's always a different demon talking to Merry every day.

"Hello there, Mammy! It's me, Madeleine! You know, the maid who has horn touching privileges with your friend!"

"Please… don't yell in my ears."

"Oh… sorry, I won't." I started whispering in her ears instead. "So, why are you here?"

"This cave, there is gold calling out for me. I must have it."

"So why don't you go in?"

"There is an annoying barrier. Nothing can get through, and it seems almost unbreakable. The only way is to be on the inside and turn it off."

"Like this?" I made a shadow clone rise from one of the shadows inside of the barrier and had it walk over to the hilariously huge switch.

"Yes, like that! Quick, pull down the lever! The treasure, it must be mine!" As soon as the shadow clone pulled down the lever and the barrier lowered, Mammon dashed into the cave. I'm interested in exploring the cave too. It should be better than that empty temple with the dead elf and Merida. I hope there's a weird statue in this cave, too.

"Feel free to sit, May. Unless you want to come in… can you even fit?" As soon as I said that, an entrance opened below us, big enough for May to go through. Through the entrance, I could see Mammon pulling on a bunch of levers, yelling at the levers, asking which one leads to the treasure. I jumped down alongside May and looked at the levers… this is too much.

"Hey, Mammy, why don't you just blow up the entrance?"

"And damage the goods? Hell no." She continued pulling on random levers, each failure causing more frustration. I could help, but watching this seemingly ancient demon fumble about was very fun to watch. Also, May is hilariously trying to pull one of the levers with her mouth. 

"Argh! Fine, what're a few gold coins lost anyways!" Mammy pointed her hands towards the entrance, sending a shockwave of gold energy, turning the cave's rocky interior into gold. She then made a crushing gesture, completely shattering the now golden entrance. The debris fell over to reveal a hoard of items atop of items atop of items. Weapons, potions, chests, statues, all sorts of things. "Jackpot." Mammy immediately ran into the room and started inspecting items, taking care to not damage them in any way. 

May stood in the lever room, about to enter, before Mammy stopped May, saying the dragon's body was bound to damage the merchandise. I, on the other hand, was allowed to enter. Time to explore! I walked past Mammy, deciding to aimlessly wander. 

Besides a bunch of things being littered across the floor, in piles reaching the cave's roof, there was also stuff in glass cases, with plaques of what they were. Ambrosia of Feli, Cloak of Croen, Horn of Castell The Elder, Journal of the Seer, Jester Mask of the Otherworlder, a 1986 New Zealand 50 cent coin. Man, there sure are a lot of things. A shame I have no idea what their names are supposed to mean. 

Eventually, I came across a skeleton, clothed in luxurious clothes, with coins falling out of the pants pocket. Don't mind if I do. I took some of the coins, only for some more coins to fall out. I don't need any more coins, but I do want to see how much there is. I kept taking coin after coin out as if there were no end. Eventually, Mammy came over and took over upon seeing the huge stash of cash. I guess I'll just examine the rest of the skeleton. Time to poke the skull!

Oh… that explains the money. Hmm… if we take this, maybe we can solve the money problem we have. "Mammy, we're taking the skeleton and its pants!"

"We? Don't you mean I will be taking the skeleton and its pants?"

"It's infinite money. You have more than enough to share."

"I don't care. It's mine."

"I'll tell Merry."

"Fine… just let me load all the other treasure onto the dragon."

"She has a name now. It's Mayfield."

"Don't care. Hurry up and load up the treasures." And so we spent the rest of the day loading as much as we could onto May. Mammy will probably make us make multiple return trips. I do wonder who the skeleton is, though.

Character profile: Scorzar The Eternal Hoarder

Sacred power: Pocket Money

Legal name: Scorzar The Eternal Hoarder

Description: The man who had everything. Scorzar spent his entire life collecting anything and everything. He used his infinite wealth to create a hoard within a cave he bought early in his life. Any treasure he could get his eyes on was bought instantly, and there were times he'd buy everything in a store. He died alone, realising too late what he wanted. Funnily enough, many items in his hoard would've let him live longer, but his greed would not allow him to consume them, even for himself.  His avarice was so great that he'd hold on to his treasures and his Sacred Power, even past death

Chapter namesake: The Man Who Has Everything by Chance The Rapper