Squidward's Daily Life At The Krusty Krab

Patrick chewed slowly, eyes shifting from left to right as the entire Krusty Krab stared him down.

SpongeBob pointed a trembling finger. "P-P-Patrick… you brought that patty from home?"

Patrick nodded, still munching. "Mhm."

Squidward scoffed. "Oh, please. You can barely tie your own shoes, let alone prepare a burger."

Patrick frowned. "I don't even wear shoes."

"Exactly." Squidward crossed his arms. "So where exactly did you get that Krabby Patty, huh?"

Patrick stopped chewing. His eyes widened as if he had just been caught smuggling gold bars across the border. He swallowed hard.

"Uhh… I found it?"

"FOUND IT WHERE?!" Mr. Krabs practically lunged at him.

Patrick leaned back, sweating. "Uhhh… in my pocket?"

Finley narrowed his eyes. "You're telling me… you just happened to have a Krabby Patty in your pocket… at the exact moment we're investigating a stolen batch of Krabby Patties?"

Patrick blinked. "Is… is that bad?"

Squidward groaned. "For Neptune's sake. Just arrest him and let me go home."

SpongeBob grabbed Patrick by the shoulders. "Patrick, my oldest, bestest buddy… you wouldn't do this to me, right?"

Patrick's lips quivered. "I… I don't think so?"

"Then where did you really get it?"

Patrick rubbed his chin, deep in thought. "Hmm… I do remember being really hungry… and then suddenly I had a Krabby Patty."

Finley slammed his notebook shut. "That's it. Book him."

"WAIT!" SpongeBob threw himself between Patrick and the detective. "There has to be another explanation!"

Patrick beamed. "Yeah! Like… maybe I made it myself!"

Everyone in the restaurant erupted in laughter. Even Squidward had to snicker.

"Oh, good one," he said. "You? Make a Krabby Patty? Please. You probably think 'grill marks' are pirate tattoos."

Patrick looked down, pouting. "That's not true." He gasped. "Wait… are they?"

"Enough stalling!" Mr. Krabs snapped. "Patrick, either tell us where ye got that patty, or I'll start charging ye for all the ones ye ate for free over the years!"

Patrick gasped so hard he almost swallowed his tongue. "NOOOO! Okay, okay! I'll tell you the truth!"

Everyone leaned in.

Patrick took a deep breath.

"...I don't remember."

Squidward threw his hands in the air. "I quit."

Finley sighed. "Okay, okay. Let's do this the real way." He pulled out a small magnifying glass and inspected Patrick's Krabby Patty. "If this is one of the stolen patties, it'll have traces of…" He sniffed. "Grill grease."

Patrick stared. "So does that mean I can eat it now?"

"No!"

Finley grabbed the patty and held it under the light. "If this patty is fresh, that means it was part of the stolen batch."

Squidward squinted. "Are you seriously going to identify a Krabby Patty forensics-style?"

Finley smirked. "Science never lies, Tentacles."

Mr. Krabs leaned in, wiping a tear. "It's beautiful."

SpongeBob was biting his nails. "Please, please, please don't let it be one of my patties…"

Finley hummed as he examined it. "Well… I do see the signature sear pattern… the perfect ratio of mustard to ketchup… and…" He gasped.

"What?!" SpongeBob shrieked.

Finley dramatically pointed at the bun. "A bite mark!"

Patrick looked down. "Oh yeah, that's mine."

Finley groaned. "Never mind." He tossed the patty back to Patrick, who immediately shoved it in his mouth.

Squidward crossed his arms. "Well, that was pointless."

"Not entirely," Finley muttered. "That means the real thief is still out there."

SpongeBob gasped. "Which means the patties could be in danger!"

Mr. Krabs grabbed Finley by the collar. "Find them, detective! Before it's too late!"

Finley adjusted his hat. "Don't worry, sir. I'll crack this case if it's the last thing I do."

"Great," Squidward muttered. "Can you crack it before my shift ends?"

Finley smirked. "Don't count on it, Tentacles. This case is just getting started."