Sunshine Shower

Moon Seoyoon slowly blinked his wide-open eyes. Did he hear it wrong? Along with a feeling of dullness, the knees he had been hugging slipped from his arms.He only regained his senses when his left foot, which had slipped weakly, touched the rug under the sofa. He didn’t fully grasp the meaning of what Woo Yeonjae had said. He just realized that this wasn’t some absurd situation where he had suddenly fallen asleep without realizing it and that this wasn’t a dream.The soft texture of the rug against his bare feet was proof that this was reality.“…What?”Moon Seoyoon managed to speak, though his throat felt parched. Every time he spoke, a sharp pain shot through his lips, probably because he had chewed on the inside of his mouth too much.“Sex.”The word, which he never thought he’d hear from Woo Yeonjae’s mouth, flowed smoothly from his lips.“If you’re going to do it, do it with me.”What on earth was he talking about? Moon Seoyoon blinked blankly. The soft sensation at the tips of his toes contrasted with the feeling of blood draining from his body.He had come to Woo Yeonjae’s apartment instead of going back to the dorm because he felt ragged. The sudden argument, the arm that had swung up as if to hit someone, and the memories it triggered from a distant past—he was sick of it all.Just as Woo Yeonjae had said, he felt like he would have nightmares if he slept alone. It wasn’t that he was afraid of mere nightmares at his age, but he felt like a child who didn’t want to be alone, wanting to cling to someone.Even so, he had come here willingly because it was Woo Yeonjae who had suggested they sleep together. If anyone else had made such a suggestion, he would have laughed it off, saying that he was too old to be afraid of nightmares.‘What happened to your lips?’He regretted following him when Woo Yeonjae casually approached and pressed his fingers against his lips. He was used to his cheeks or chin being grabbed, so he could bear that, but having fingers press into his lips was something he wasn’t familiar with.‘I… I’m going to take a shower.’So Moon Seoyoon fled.Only after being left alone in the bathroom could he finally cool down his flushed cheeks. The shock from the sudden argument had vanished completely.By the time he finished showering with lukewarm water, he felt relieved, thinking he could blame his reddened skin on the hot water. Plus, since Woo Yeonjae went straight into the bathroom afterward, it gave him some time to collect his thoughts.But maybe he really had fallen asleep for a short while. Even though he knew it wasn’t true, Moon Seoyoon lowered his eyelashes as he looked into Woo Yeonjae’s dark eyes staring down at him. The sensation at the tips of his toes might have been a lie the dream was showing him.“Right now, you…”If it were a dream, the voice would have sounded muffled, as if underwater, but it reached his ears quite clearly. Hearing his own voice emerge from between his lips felt so strange that Moon Seoyoon hesitated for a moment. When he ran his tongue over the swollen flesh inside his mouth, he could faintly taste blood.“What are you saying?”As soon as he finished speaking, he met Woo Yeonjae’s gaze, which slowly aligned with his. At that moment, Moon Seoyoon realized that the situation he was facing was not a dream. It couldn’t be. Not with Woo Yeonjae’s face like that.“Hmm…”Woo Yeonjae hummed, running his fingers carelessly through his bangs. His gaze briefly shifted upward but returned to Moon Seoyoon as his hair fell back into place between his fingers.“I’ve been thinking.”Moon Seoyoon’s gaze followed Woo Yeonjae’s movements, like a sunflower turning its head to follow the sun.With the same calm and slow steps as his tone, Woo Yeonjae approached and sat down, not on the sofa but on the rug. Moon Seoyoon instinctively tensed his arms. His right leg was still bent on the sofa, and as he tightened his grip around his legs, he naturally took on a defensive posture.“You said you like someone.”He did. Right at his feet.Woo Yeonjae, who was sitting crumpled up in a facing position, reached out his hand.“That feeling you have—it’s just sexual desire.”It was only then that Moon Seoyoon became aware that the other hand that wasn’t holding his leg had fallen onto his left thigh. He only noticed when slightly longer and thicker fingers touched the end of it.Woo Yeonjae began intertwining his fingers like a child playing hand games.“What…?”It was only when those long fingers wrapped around the back of his hand, as if restraining it, that he understood the drowsy words.“Should I say it again? You’re confusing it with sexual desire.”It felt like he’d been thrown into a pool with no one around and was left to flounder on his own. His ears felt stuffed up, and his vision blurred, as if he were helplessly watching bubbles rise to the surface. Moon Seoyoon bit down on his lip. The mangled lip slipped out with his voice, which sounded slightly stiff.“So what are you saying all of a sudden?”“Isn’t the feeling of liking someone, in the end, just a desire to reproduce?”It wasn’t entirely wrong. He did feel that way because he liked someone. Even though he never specifically imagined any particular act, his body responded honestly.But his feelings for Woo Yeonjae didn’t stem from sexual desire. He was only sixteen when he started his unrequited love. It was during a time when his mind was filled with nothing but naughty thoughts, as is common during adolescence, but Moon Seoyoon had always been a bit late in that regard. He swore that he didn’t start liking Woo Yeonjae while seeing him in a sexual way.“So, you’re just mistaken right now.”“No, I…”“Your crush—he’s not even a corporate worker, right?”Suddenly, his heart sank with a loud thud.Moon Seoyoon barely managed to lift his trembling eyelashes to look at Woo Yeonjae. Despite his tension, Woo Yeonjae’s face was calm. There was nothing in his expression to suggest that he had just made an unexpected proposition to his childhood friend.Did he know that I liked him? …Is he telling me to back off, even if it means doing this?It felt like he was losing his mind. From the moment the word “sex” slipped out of Woo Yeonjae’s mouth, Moon Seoyoon’s confused mind spiraled out of control, unable to find its way.“I told you, there won’t be a third time.”The grip around his fingers tightened.‘There won’t be a third time, I won’t just let it go.’So you knew it was a lie back then. Feeling like he was about to throw up, Moon Seoyoon pressed his lips together. He couldn’t say anything now. If he opened his mouth, he might actually vomit. He was terrified that he might reveal the emotions he had been suppressing and the seven years of deception toward his friend.“Well, no matter how close you are, talking about a friends-with-benefits situation can be awkward. Moon Seoyoon has sexual desires too, and I didn’t pick up on that?”Woo Yeonjae tilted his head slightly as he spoke. As if he hadn’t just tightened his grip, the pressure intertwined with their fingers weakened, becoming as light as it had been at the beginning.“Woo Yeonjae, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about right now.”Moon Seoyoon finally managed to speak.“He’s your friend with benefits, that guy.”“…What?”Who the hell is he talking about? Moon Seoyoon parted his lips at the unexpected, nonsensical statement. The thin skin-covered area split open, revealing the tongue inside—a vivid red piece of flesh exposed.“You’ve mistaken it for love after having sex a few times.”This had never happened before; it was hard to follow the sequence of his words. Moon Seoyoon just stood there, lips parted, looking down at Woo Yeonjae.He tried to stay as calm as possible. As he took slow, measured breaths, trying to clear his mind, he could finally begin to follow Woo Yeonjae’s words. Even though he couldn’t understand the exact logic, it seemed that Woo Yeonjae had misunderstood that he had a friend with benefits. Moreover, it appeared that he had concluded that this friend with benefits was his unrequited love. Probably.“Are you saying that I’m in love with… a friend with benefits… because of sexual desire?”“Aren’t you?”He had no idea where to begin to correct the misunderstanding. Whether it was the existence of this non-existent friend with benefits or the part about his feelings, his mind was so tangled up that he didn’t even dare to try to unravel it.“So you’re talking nonsense about liking men.”His feelings were utterly shattered.“You said you’d let that go.”Moon Seoyoon replied in a short breath, trying not to show any emotional turmoil.“I would have if I hadn’t realized you were just confused.”His head was spinning. His feelings for Woo Yeonjae were never just a misunderstanding. If they were, they wouldn’t be causing him such pain, choking him, and making it hard to breathe.“Are you saying… you want to have sex… What are you talking about?”“Once you relieve that sexual tension, those ridiculous misunderstandings will go away too, won’t they?”“So… you’re suggesting we do it? Do you know how long we’ve been friends?”“Moon Seoyoon, there’s nothing I can’t give you.”Woo Yeonjae still looked completely unconcerned. His voice was just as casual.“Will having sex change our relationship?”