Sweet Shot

#17

The peacefully sleeping face looked as if it had been sculpted. A face that perfectly suited both the words “pretty” and “handsome.” Ha-min stared at that face blankly, as if observing it. He raised his hand, not quite touching, as if brushing over it from a distance, and gazed down quietly. How could someone look like this…? Ha-min smiled to himself, sitting down on the floor with his bottom, resting his arms and chin on the bed, and indulged in the view. He didn’t know when such an opportunity would come again.

“…”

The nose was pretty, the lips were pretty, even the eyebrows and tear ducts were pretty. What would it feel like if this person liked me?

I’d have no regrets even if I died. Ha-min’s smiling face gradually sank and became melancholic. I want to have him. No, I want to touch him even once. I want to press my lips against those cheeks, I want to kiss those lips, I want to hug him breathlessly.

I don’t even hope for him to like me. I know the probability of the person you love loving you back is very low. Besides, I was out of the question from the start. Someone who couldn’t even be seen as a potential romantic partner. Even while thinking how miserable this was, being able to see him like this made him think it wasn’t so bad right now. Being close like brothers meant they could sleep in the same room side by side, and he could look at his face to his heart’s content like this.

When he first woke up, his mood had been terrible because of the haunting dream, but seeing his quietly sleeping face immediately improved his mood. That was the effect of his presence. It effortlessly rescued him from a hellish world. Just by existing.

I like you, hyung. So much that saying “like” is far from enough…

“…I like you.”

Ha-min unconsciously murmured out loud, overwhelmed by emotion.

“You like hyung?”

At the sudden response, Ha-min’s languid eyes slowly widened. As the previously closed crimson lips moved, Ha-min was left with his mouth agape, looking as if he might faint from shock.

“You like hyung that much?”

As if he had never been asleep, he turned his body slightly towards where Ha-min was.

“Ah… that’s not it.”

“It’s not?”

The smiling face pouted nonchalantly. Ha-min shook his head vigorously, as if to say that was even more incorrect.

“I, I like…”

“…?”

“…your face.”

Ha-min, at a loss for what to do, responded as if giving up. Instead of stating the subject, he made an excuse. He hated passing off the confession he couldn’t even make as a joke like this.

Tae-rim chuckled with a dumbfounded expression at Ha-min’s muttered words as he fidgeted with his fingertips.

“Did our Ha-min meet hyung because of his face?”

“Wh-what… Stop joking around.”

“You just said it yourself. That you like hyung’s face.”

Even a stranger on the street would say that. It was a face that wouldn’t divide opinions.

“This feels… somewhat ambiguous.”

Despite being the one who started the joke, Tae-rim was the one who got hit back. As if it was an unexpected answer, he stroked his chin and quietly stared at Ha-min.

Ha-min pretended to be nonchalant, avoiding eye contact and lifting his bottom off the floor.

“Do you want to shower first?”

Seeing Ha-min’s attempt to change the subject, Tae-rim chuckled and pulled back the blanket. Just as Ha-min was inwardly relieved that the mischievous teasing seemed to be over…

“…?”

As soon as the blanket was pulled back, he froze at the shocking sight.

What is that? What is that…?

“You’re staring too intently.”

A voice, even more mischievous than before, was heard slowly. It was a joke with an even deeper intensity.

“Ah… uh… well, that…”

What appeared as soon as the blanket was pulled back was Tae-rim’s center, rising as if it might pierce through his pants. Even though he could guess the size just from the shadow on one leg earlier at dawn, seeing it enlarged like this was not just surprising but shocking. …Is this size even possible for a human?

“Can’t help it when you’re healthy, right?”

He casually threw out the comment like a joke at Ha-min’s pale, shocked expression. He had noticed before, but Tae-rim would say such sexual things in front of him without hesitation. Yet when his friend called him “ada,” he would light up with anger and say something. But it was also funny how he himself reacted to everything Tae-rim said. After all, as Tae-rim said, they were both men with the same equipment.

“Why are you staring so intently?”

“Huh? Ah, no…”

He stumbled over his words awkwardly, realizing he had been looking closely without even knowing it. Tae-rim seemed quite amused by his reaction and grinned pleasantly. His eyes crinkled and his tear ducts sparkled in the sunlight.

“What, want to help me out?”

His tone was as if teasing a much younger child. Mischievous to the point of being mean.

“Wh-what do you mean help…?”

“You don’t know?”

“What are you…”

“Masturbation.”

Ha-min couldn’t continue speaking, flustered. Ha-min, who could count on one hand the number of times he had even spoken to a girl, let alone dated, was ignorant about sex. He had no interest in that area to begin with. He even avoided porn that high school boys commonly watched. He had been tormented once by guys who bullied him, forcing him to imitate porn poses, so he avoided even looking at it. Masturbation was the same. Though common for men, it was unfamiliar to Ha-min. He had tried it, but found no satisfaction in it, so he stayed away from it.

Ha-min opened his mouth with difficulty, his face flustered.

“I, I’ve done it before…”

“How?”

“Wi-with my hand.”

“With your hand?”

Huh? Uh, that’s…

Ha-min blinked his wide eyes rapidly. With his hand. How…

“Li-like this…”

Ha-min curled his fingers into a circle and moved his hand up and down. As he moved jerkily as if possessed, Tae-rim’s dark eyes fixed on him intently. Ha-min’s neck stiffened and his whole body heated up. At this foolish action, Tae-rim whispered softly.

“Yes, like that.”

Li-like that? Does he want me to do it like this? Ha-min looked at him with extremely tense eyes.

Tae-rim, who had been smiling smoothly, looked Ha-min up and down. His messy bed hair and t-shirt that had slipped down so much it revealed his collarbone, fluttering loosely. His white skin that seemed even paler after just waking up. After intently scanning these features, Tae-rim unconsciously licked his lips. Meanwhile, a voice like that of a young lamb was heard again.

“Like this…”

Ha-min’s face was quite serious in response to Tae-rim’s teasing. He responded earnestly to a joke that would normally make one cringe. Tae-rim chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Yeah. Like that, with your hand.”

“…”

Ha-min rolled his eyes intensely, waiting for the next response after Tae-rim’s casual remark.

He rolled them so hard they seemed about to pop out. His baby-like white skin had quickly turned bright red. Tae-rim, who seemed to enjoy watching this, flicked Ha-min’s nose tip.

Then a chuckling sound hit Ha-min’s ears.

“I’m just kidding.”

“…”

“You’re so serious.”

Tae-rim neatly wrapped up his joke at the face that looked like it might cry if he teased any more. He cleanly ended the joke and got up abruptly. The huge body rising made the bed shake. He got up without any lingering thoughts and picked up the towel that Ha-min had dropped in surprise. That’s when it happened. A trembling voice leaked out from behind Tae-rim’s back.

“I’ll…!”

“…?”

“I’ll… do it for you…?”

He blurted out unexpected words along with a voice crack, seemingly nervous. Tae-rim, who had been moving leisurely, stopped abruptly. Tae-rim’s face, which had been smiling, momentarily hardened. Ha-min’s face was pale despite being the one who had spoken.

“Wi-with my hand…”

Ha-min couldn’t understand what he was saying himself. It was clearly a crazy thing to do, but despicably, he thought this moment, this situation might be an opportunity for him.

If he could touch him even a little… if he could be with him even a little, if he considered a handjob trivial… maybe he could use that as an excuse to do something. Maybe he would accept his offer, thinking of it as a joke too. Hundreds of thoughts raced through his mind in this short time.

“You know, sometimes it happens…”

At Ha-min’s desperate, halting words, Tae-rim quietly turned around. He saw the face that had squeezed out words with a bright red face. Tae-rim quietly looked down at Ha-min. Under the persistent gaze, Ha-min hurriedly made excuses with a face that looked like he might break out in a cold sweat.

“With friends, doing it for each other and stuff.”

“…”

“That kind of thing…”

Suddenly, he remembered the words the guys who used to bully him would snicker about while looking at dirty magazines or videos when he was young. It was like their bad jokes about helping each other out if they got turned on.

Ha-min blurted out words he didn’t understand as an excuse. Words that came out without thinking, unreasonable words that burst out recklessly. Sadly, that was the only excuse that came to mind.

“So you’re saying…”

“…”

“That you and your friends masturbated each other.”

Tae-rim recapped the cliché excuse Ha-min had laid out. A dry swallow went down Ha-min’s Adam’s apple. I’m crazy. He’ll think it’s disgusting, right? What friends, I didn’t even have friends. I just overheard those vulgar things they snickered about in high school.

Ha-min rolled his eyes like a criminal even after saying it himself. Should I say it was a joke now? That since you joked, I was just joking too. But it really wasn’t a joke. It was sincere. It was an unconscious expression of his desire to touch him somehow. It was a pathetic method.

“So you’ve touched a man’s dick.”

“Th-that… it was just like a joke…”

In response to his stammering reply, Tae-rim’s deflated laughter echoed bitterly. He who had briefly seemed rigid now looked almost dejected.

“Ah… fuck.”

“…”

“And here I thought our Ha-min was so innocent.”