Taming the Obsessive Attachment

It felt as if every light in the world had gone out, plunging everything into darkness. His limbs froze, as though trapped under tens of tons of concrete. Even if he were thrown into a scorching desert, buried in a pit of searing sand, it wouldn’t be as agonizing as this.

“No.”

Kwon Jae-jin stubbornly shook his head.

Then, he tried to pull away from Seo Eui-woo, who was soothing him, attempting to comfort him. He pushed against Eui-woo’s chest and retreated to the edge of the bed.

“No, you…!”

“……”

“Not you… I… ah, fuck…”

Jae-jin suddenly scrunched up his face. Hidden in the darkness of the unlit bedroom, his expression was obscured, but his ragged breaths gave him away. He panted, struggling to steady himself, tormented by the lingering traces of a nightmare. It took him a while to break free from it, to return to his senses.

“Seo Eui-woo, I’m sorry… I just had a strange nightmare.”

Jae-jin barely managed to get the words out, apologizing first.

The pitch-black darkness was thick, preventing him from seeing Eui-woo, who was on the opposite side of the bed. Only a faint sliver of moonlight, filtering through the deep twilight of dawn, allowed him to make out his silhouette.

Even so, in the depths of that darkness, his eyes gleamed distinctly.

Those piercing, luminous eyes cut through the shadows like blades, stabbing into Jae-jin. It felt like locking eyes with a nocturnal predator just before the hunt.

“…Not me?”

Seo Eui-woo’s voice dropped as he asked the question.

His tone, low and measured, carried far more menace than outright shouting ever could.

“What kind of dream could have you so worked up, Jae-jin? This isn’t like you… You seem really shaken.”

“……”

“In your dream… did someone die?”

He let out a quiet chuckle.

“Someone other than me?”

Eui-woo patted the pillow beside him, wordlessly beckoning Jae-jin closer. But Jae-jin remained frozen at the edge of the bed, unable to move toward him.

“It’s okay. I won’t bother you this time,” Eui-woo murmured. “I just want to comfort you. Hmm?”

He continued patting the pillow, but after a moment, his hand stilled, and he tilted his head slightly. His gaze, which had flickered dangerously before, gradually settled. The ominous air that had sent a chill down Jae-jin’s spine was carefully tucked away, pressed down and hidden from view.

“Really. I’ve spent my whole life struggling with sleep, so I know exactly how it feels.”

“……”

“Or would you like some medicine? I have all kinds of sleeping pills. Alcohol too. Plenty of it, in every variety.”

“Ah… No… I don’t need it.”

Only then did Jae-jin finally relax. Slowly, he shifted back to his own pillow and lay down, his back turned to Seo Eui-woo.

“Seo Eui-woo… Pills and alcohol—they’re bad for you. Get rid of them.”

Eui-woo, who had also lain down, naturally wrapped his arms around Jae-jin from behind.

“Should I? Would it be okay to throw them away?”

“……”

“Now that I have you… is it alright to let them go?”

Jae-jin didn’t answer. Instead, he shut his eyes, pretending to fall asleep. He took slow, measured breaths, acting as if nothing had happened.

It was just a meaningless dream, a trick of the mind. He told himself that once he woke up, he’d forget everything.

But he couldn’t shake the sound of Eui-woo’s voice from his dream.

If someone who was meant to die ends up living… will everything else stay the same?

Do you think Seo Eui-woo would still love Kwon Jae-jin?

The voice from the dream merged with the voice in reality.

It would be best to forget it completely.

Even if, by some stroke of luck, you force a reunion… it won’t be the same as before.

At some point, Jae-jin could no longer tell the two voices apart.

It sounded like the same Seo Eui-woo, speaking the same words.

Jae-jin squeezed his eyes shut and clenched the blanket tightly in his fists.

Even though Eui-woo was holding him, his body felt disturbingly cold. It was as if a draft was creeping in from somewhere.

A fierce northern wind was howling through.

The fragile illusion he had carelessly maintained was being torn away by the storm, revealing the ominous truth he had refused to acknowledge.

Reality, terrifying and inevitable, loomed closer, jaws wide open, ready to consume him.

He wanted to turn away.

But he couldn’t.

The truth clawed at him, ripped through him, and shook him to his core.

***

Morning.

Jae-jin hadn’t slept a single minute.

Eui-woo, too, must have suffered a restless night. Jae-jin could feel his gaze lingering on his back for hours. But he deliberately ignored it.

To be honest, he had no room to think about Eui-woo.

After an entire night of relentless deliberation, he had finally reached a conclusion.

I was the idiot.

Kwon Jae-jin staggered out of bed and headed to the kitchen. He filled a glass with cold water, downing it in one go, all the while swallowing down bitter chuckles.

It wasn’t Seo Eui-woo—it was me who was the fool…

The ominous truth. The terrifying reality. The conclusion he wished to ignore.

They all pointed to the same thing.

Jae-jin’s goal was to survive. But that, in itself, meant changing the predetermined future.

Changing the future.

Altering the course of his second life so that it would not follow the same path as the first.

If someone who was meant to die ends up living, then wouldn’t everything else be thrown off course as well?

There’s a theory called the butterfly effect.

A single flap of a butterfly’s wings could set off a typhoon far away. Likewise, Jae-jin’s survival could trigger unforeseen changes in the future.

What had happened in his first life might no longer occur in this one, and events that never existed before might suddenly come into being.

Like dominoes toppling over, everything could shift.

In other words, the romantic feelings Seo Eui-woo once had for me… could disappear as well.

Even the future in which he had confessed to Jae-jin—

The way he had once bound him in obsessive chains, the desperate longing, the regrets over his own mistakes, the remorse, the moments of realization, the raw emotions he had confronted head-on…

That entire predetermined future—

What if it all crumbled?

No—

What if it already has?

I was the one who changed everything. All of it.

This was the outcome Jae-jin had sought from the start.

Rather than waging war with Seo Eui-woo, he had chosen to submit to the guiding bond, bypassing unnecessary conflicts and cutting down on wasted time. He had endured and persuaded Eui-woo, seeking quick and efficient cooperation rather than suffering through hardship.

But maybe—just maybe—his decision had been the wrong one.

The time he had skipped over was, in truth, the years of tangled emotions that had built between them.

For four years, they had felt countless, immeasurable emotions toward each other, navigating an inescapable and brutal dilemma, swallowing down those feelings, forcing themselves to process them, and pushing forward.

Seo Eui-woo had felt desperation and urgency, suffocating obsession and coercion, reckless impulses, passion, lust, regret, remorse, humility, guilt, sorrow, anguish, and loneliness.

Kwon Jae-jin had felt denial, rage, hatred, disgust, frustration, resentment, exhaustion, compromise, resignation, depression, disbelief, reluctant acceptance, pity, sympathy, understanding, tolerance, forgiveness, a sense of liberation—

And finally, the foundation of a new beginning, a new relationship.

After overcoming all of that—after everything they had endured—

How could I have been arrogant enough to assume that Seo Eui-woo would still feel the same way about me?

What the hell was I thinking…?

Maybe—just maybe—everything Kwon Jae-jin had done so far had only led him further away from Seo Eui-woo.

Not running away.

Submitting to the guiding bond, even if conditionally.

Calling him Eui-woo-ya.

Trying to take care of him—feeding him, putting him to sleep.

And even… trying to change the direction of his hair part.

From beginning to end, Jae-jin had treated Seo Eui-woo differently from their first life.

Yet, despite that, he had still expected Eui-woo to remain the same as before.

Only now did he realize how absurdly contradictory that was.

The future Jae-jin had rewritten was not only one where he survived—it was a future where his Seo Eui-woo no longer existed.

Because he had returned.

Because he had fought so desperately to survive.

He had lost Seo Eui-woo.

…Then, what am I supposed to do now?

Should he, as Eui-woo had said, let go? Abandon all lingering attachments? Forget about it completely?

Not as lovers—

Just as an Esper and a Guide, nothing more? A simple, detached relationship?

…….

Jae-jin had been lost in deep thought for a long time.

Then, in an instant, his gaze flickered violently. His dark pupils dilated in sharp, furious disbelief. His hands trembled as he clenched his fists, before burying his face into his palms.

With a harsh, dry rub over his face, he suddenly snatched the glass of water in front of him and flung it across the room.

It should have shattered upon impact with the hardwood floor beneath the carpet.

But—

The moment it was about to hit the ground, it froze in midair. Not a single drop of water spilled.

Of course.

Seo Eui-woo must have stopped it.

Jae-jin didn’t even need to turn around to confirm it—the languid murmur of his voice drifted to him from behind.

“Jae-jin, what’s wrong? Are you mad?”

Eui-woo strolled over leisurely, slotting fresh bullets into a magazine.

The floating glass obeyed him like a loyal subject, hovering toward him before coming to a stop.

He took a sip of the chilled water inside, tilting his head ever so slightly.