Taming the Obsessive Attachment

“You’re not the only one who’s angry right now, and you’re not the only one who feels wronged, Jae-jin. I had to live twenty years without you. And still, I thought it was fine. Because I didn’t know. I had no idea what guiding was, what a guide even was…”

Seo Eui-woo stared intensely into Kwon Jae-jin’s eyes, his gaze burning with turbulent emotions. His heat-filled gray irises swirled with a mixture of sentiments, as if different emotions had been kneaded together and blended into one.

“It’s unfair. Why did you have to be a mutant?”

“…”

“Why did you only appear before me now?”

“…”

“Why couldn’t you have just been born an ordinary guide…? Gone through the standard training like the others, become a proper guide, and been officially matched with me? If that had happened, I would have been fine, just like all those other espers out there. I wouldn’t have had to worry about anything, and I could have guided you to my heart’s content without ever having to feel this… this miserable…”

Seo Eui-woo’s voice, which had started off steady, gradually turned rough. His breathing grew uneven and erratic.

“Kwon Jae-jin, you’re my… guide.”

“…”

“You’re supposed to take responsibility for me. That’s a guide’s duty.”

“…”

“You left me alone for twenty years! Twenty fucking years, while you clung to someone else, acting like it was all good—”

“…”

“Lover? Partner? Don’t make me laugh. While that person was busy running their hands all over your body, mapping out every mole and counting your teeth, I was getting torn apart, limb from limb, like it was nothing. And now, you won’t even let me erase a single fucking memory? Looking at me like that… like I’m some inhuman, monstrous freak?”

Seo Eui-woo let out sharp, shuddering breaths, his voice trembling with emotion. His pale face, naturally lacking in pigmentation, appeared almost bloodless, making his bitten lips stand out in a stark, vivid contrast.

“Of course, I know this isn’t your fault, Jae-jin. I know it’s no one’s fault. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m angry. Even if I erase your memories, rewrite the past like it never happened, there will still be times when the fury boils up inside me. The moment I catch a glimpse of a tiny mole or see a perfectly aligned set of teeth… I’ll recognize that person. And I’ll want to tear them to shreds, grind them into pulp, until there’s nothing left but a heap of bloody meat…”

Seo Eui-woo raked his disheveled hair back with a violent motion, pushing it away from his forehead. As the strands swept back, the wounds on his face were revealed—half-healed gashes running along the side of his neck, where veins stood out in sharp relief from his barely contained rage.

“Jae-jin, have you ever thought about me, even once…? My insides are churning, I’m about to lose my fucking mind, and did it never cross your mind that I’ve been holding back all this time just so I wouldn’t take it out on you? That I’ve been pretending to be fine, acting like I’m okay, forcing myself to keep it together?”

“…”

“Not even once…! Did you really never think about me, not even a little?!”

Seo Eui-woo clenched his teeth hard, his breath ragged with barely restrained fury. He was holding back an overwhelming force that kept surging to the surface, forcing it down, burying it deep within the abyss. He was twisted, his entire being distorted from what could be called normal. It was clear how much effort it took to suppress the power that threatened to erupt uncontrollably.

He squeezed his eyes shut, his rigid throat trembling.

After taking a few steadying breaths, he opened them again, his silvery-gray irises gleaming as he looked down at Jae-jin.

Seo Eui-woo’s gaze had always been precarious, teetering between cold detachment and unsettling tenderness.

“Kwon Jae-jin.”

He called his name, his voice devoid of inflection, dry and brittle.

“Am I still the one being unreasonable?”

Jae-jin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Seo Eui-woo’s wounds. He couldn’t stop staring at the deep gashes that were slowly healing, at the newly regenerated ear settling into place. The sight made something stir violently within him.

“Or are you the one who’s been too cruel to me?”

Jae-jin’s gaze lingered on Seo Eui-woo’s ear—pale, almost translucent, with a soft pink hue. And then, from deep within, emotions boiled over, flooding his expression.

It struck him to his core.

The truth was, he hadn’t thought about Seo Eui-woo at all.

He hadn’t had the time. His mind had been so overwhelmed with his own thoughts that there was no room to consider Seo Eui-woo’s. Everything had happened so suddenly—worrying over whether to erase his memories, agonizing over what choice to make. He hadn’t even figured out what to do next, so of course, his vision had narrowed.

Looking back now, Jae-jin realized he had been thinking only of himself from beginning to end. Every single thing he had wanted, all of it, had been his own selfish desires.

His memories. His future. His life. Seo Eui-woo.

The life of an ordinary person, the life of a guide, the life of a mutant.

Not once had he considered Seo Eui-woo’s thoughts.

What he wanted. What he longed for. His life.

Not even a little.

And for that, Jae-jin felt sorry.

From start to finish, he had made decisions alone, reached conclusions alone, tried to choose everything alone. He should have given this second-life Seo Eui-woo at least some room, let him in a little. But he had drawn the line too sharply.

Jae-jin locked eyes with Seo Eui-woo, his pupils dark and unwavering. He wanted to speak, wanted to say everything.

He wanted to tell him everything—every single thing he had been through.

“Ugh…!”

Jae-jin gritted his teeth and tried to force himself up. The chains attached to his handcuffs went taut, rattling. He kicked the blankets off and tried to shake off Seo Eui-woo’s touch, twisting his body in resistance.

“…Ha.”

Seo Eui-woo let out a deep, heavy sigh. He tilted his head back, eyes briefly fixed on the ceiling, before lowering them again to look at Jae-jin.

The sight of him—struggling, half-naked, restrained in cuffs—irritated him, fanned the flames of his anger even higher.

“Don’t do anything stupid. If you keep moving, you’ll get hurt. Or what, do you want to tear more than just your ass open?”

Seo Eui-woo pressed his elbow down on Jae-jin’s thigh, pinning his bucking hips in place as he forced the catheter into the narrow slit of his urethra. Even though it was made of soft silicone, shoving a tube into such a tight opening was anything but painless.

“Ah! Khhk… Ugh…!”

Kwon Jae-jin refused to give in. He yanked at the cuffs so hard that his arms trembled, his wrists bruising red from the strain. His throat bobbed with swallowed gasps, lips parting uselessly. When that wasn’t enough, he even slammed his forehead against Eui-woo’s shoulder in desperate defiance.

“What—ugh! I said stay still!”

Eui-woo scowled, nose scrunching in frustration, and pushed the catheter in all the way. He inflated the tip to keep it from slipping out, then taped it down in place. As soon as he finished, he ripped off the disposable gloves and flung them to the floor, irritation evident in every movement. Running a rough hand through his hair, he let out a sharp breath.

Even with the catheter fully inserted, Jae-jin still thrashed against him. He kicked at the mattress, ramming his head against Eui-woo’s arm in protest.

Eui-woo stared at him, stunned, as if he couldn’t comprehend what the hell was wrong with him. Pinning Jae-jin’s wrists down, he pressed firmly against his chest to keep him from moving.

“If you keep this up, you’re seriously going to tear something. There’s a fucking tube inside you right now! Why are you acting like this?!”

“Ugh! Uu—Kh…!”

“I told you I won’t erase your memories! I said I won’t! Then why—what the hell is it now? Do you hate the catheter? Does it hurt… is it painful? You want me to take it out?”

Jae-jin shook his head violently. Then, eyes wide and bloodshot, he stared straight at Eui-woo with a desperate, twisted expression. His whites were laced with red, veins standing out starkly. The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming.

“Then what is it… Why are you doing this to me again…?”

Jae-jin clenched down on the gag in his mouth, grinding his teeth against the black rubber bit. The pressure was so strong that it looked like he might crack a tooth.

Eui-woo frowned.

“The gag…? You want me to take it off?”

“Uu!”

Jae-jin nodded firmly, without hesitation.

Eui-woo let out an incredulous scoff.

“…Fine. Lower your head.”

Before he even finished speaking, Jae-jin immediately obeyed, dropping his head forward. The sudden compliance made Eui-woo exhale a quiet sigh.

Strangely enough, when Jae-jin resisted, it irritated him—but when he submitted like this, it made him more inclined to listen.

Eui-woo slowly unfastened the leather strap tightly securing the gag around Jae-jin’s head. He loosened the belt, pulled the buckle free, and slipped the gag out of his mouth.

The moment it was removed, Jae-jin spat out the rubber bit and rolled his stiff jaw, working out the ache.

“It was you, Seo Eui-woo.”

“…Me?”

“You,” Jae-jin said, voice firm. “You were the one I was dating.”

The second his mouth was freed, he spoke without hesitation. There was nothing left to hide, and no reason to keep it secret anymore.

“We were lovers. In the future—four years from now, you and I were in a relationship. But four years later, I got caught in a Gate and died. And then… I returned to the past. Back to this moment, four years before that happened. That’s why I called you Eui-woo-ya. That’s why I asked if you remembered me.”

“…”

“I’m your guide, Seo Eui-woo. And I was your lover.”

“…”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you from the start instead of keeping it to myself. But… I didn’t think you’d believe me.”

“…”

“I didn’t want to forget you. So please… don’t erase my memories…”