The Alternative Adventures of Vladimir Dracula

Vlad had been waiting for a time like this when he could finally live free and not under the watchful eyes of his old and wicked grandparents. He had never been to school or even had a friend his age. It was a flapping miracle he could read and write or even do basic maths. Vlad understood he had to be a vampire but couldn't he live a little like a breather just until his 16th birthday? It was a long journey to Stokely and Vlad had a lot to think about. Vlad turned towards his sister who was sleeping and smiled thinking that at least he would have his older sister with him no matter what. He laid his head on the hearse and slowly drifted to sleep.

Vlad had been woken up by a sudden jerk of the hearse and almost jumped out of his seat.

"Renfield drive carefully!" Vlad and Ingrid shouted simultaneously. Renfield grumbles and continues to look at the road. Vlad looked at the road and was unfamiliar with the route Renfield was taking. "Don't you think we should've taken a left there," he asked. Renfield shrugged and kept on driving. Ingrid kept gagging at Vlad's breath especially since they were so close.

"Vlad stop breathing in my face, you haven't brushed your teeth in garlic knows how long," said Ingrid disgusted. Vlad checked his breath and looked at Ingrid feeling slighted at her comment.

"Can you be quiet Mistress Ingrid, I'm trying to read the map," Renfield remarked attempting to keep the map in place. Ingrid was about to insult Renfield before Vlad gave her a look and pointed to the back of the hearse. She against her wishes kept quiet and waited for Renfield.

"Dibs on the tower room just so you know," said Vlad. Ingrid looked at him and laughed.

"No way am I letting you take the tower room," Ingrid replied. Vlad looked at her and pushed her toward Renfield which created such a commotion that the hearse had to be stopped. A crash of thunder and a flash of lightning fell silencing the group.

"What exactly is going on" grumbled the Count. Vlad felt so embarrassed that he couldn't even speak. He looked toward Ingrid hoping to be saved from the embarrassment.

"Sorry for waking you Master," whimpered Renfield. The Count saw Renfield shiver in fear of him and smiled about to torture Renfield a bit more before looking at his children and decided against it. He quietly told Renfield to drive onwards all of them failing to see a young man wearing all black marvelling at them.

"So Vladdy, are you excited for new scenery and new people to eat," questioned The Count. Vlad looked at his dad and asked, "Don't you mean people to meet?" The Count glared at Vlad and seemed to begin scolding him but nodded at him instead. Ingrid began sniffing the air and looked queasy.

"Is no one going to comment on the smell? It smells like a zombie's armpit in here," she all but shouted. The Count opened the curtains a bit more and a stuffed wolf appeared. "Oh of course Vlad's stuffed dog."

"Hey he's a hellhound and he doesn't smell," defended Vlad

"Well, actually Master Vladimir I do smell, my sawdust seemed to have got a little wet in our transit." Vlad began to look at Ingrid sheepishly mouthing an apology for his outburst but Ingrid gave him a small smirk that became a frown once Renfield began driving like a drunk man on a horse. A few minutes later, and after a few wrong turns, they had finally arrived at home sweet home. It was an old, decrepit castle that looked as if it could crumble at any moment

They all entered the castle and looked around. A wave of disappointment filled everyone's faces except Vlad who looked hopeful.

"But where are the cobwebs, the rotting corpses, or even the splattered blood," exclaimed the Count.

"Dad, you asked me to find a castle. This was the best I could find on short notice." soothed Vlad with a tiny smirk on my face. Thoughts of having birthday parties and friends over with pizza and a movie to watch filled his head and his smirk morphed into a full-on grin.

"Well, I guess it would do. Oh and before you and Ingrid begin to squabble. The tower room is yours, Vladimir," remarked the Count.

"What! Why!" exclaimed Ingrid. Vlad began to shrink into himself beginning to regret his decision to call the tower.

"Because your brother called it in the hearse. Hah, you think I don't listen to your measly conflicts!" bragged the Count. He walked completely out of his coffin. Ingrid seemed livid initially but began to calm down after hearing the latter part of the Count's comments. The Count began to look around almost disgusted by the castle.

"Well perhaps, I'll begin to feel better when I have someone-sorry something to eat." jested the Count. As much as Vlad wanted to be annoyed with his dad, all he could muster was a chuckle at his dad's corny joke. Ingrid shared a look with her brother that had them bursting into laughter. The Draculas seemed happy like a normal family and a gust of warmth filled Vlad. Vlad began to go upstairs and unpack before mustering up the courage to begin to ask the hardest question of his life.

"Hey Dad, I know you don't like the breather lifestyle but I was thinking what if we could learn their ways and exploit them? If you got me a TV, we could learn their customs and learn how to combat slayers and have a better lunch selection." inquired Vlad. The Count began pondering and shifting through expressions some angry and disappointed before looking toward his son's hopeful and wishful face and almost fell apart.

"Well, my son and heir, what an incredible observation. Ingrid will obviously complain for her own one and ruin my napping time so might as well get her one. a TV for all my children and perhaps one in the throne room for my own research." embellished the Count before looking at his son with a smile. Vlad beamed at his dad and began to run back to his room to tell Zoltan. He rushed up the stairs to find a young man climbing into his room. He peered over the edge startling him before catching him.

"Got you. Who are you?" asked Vlad

"Great time to ask that isn't it," refuted the boy clad in black. Vlad nodded and helped him up. He backed up and with Zoltan began to glower at the kid.

"Shall I bite him, Master," perused Zoltan. Vlad took another look at him as if pondering the kid's fate.

"Not yet," Vlad told Zoltan. Looking toward the supposed bite victim, he asked "I'm Vlad and you are?"

"Robin Branagh" he revealed.

"Okay and you need to leave before anyone finds out," Vlad advised Robin. Loud footsteps and a shout frightened Vlad into forcing Robin underneath his bed.

"Alright, Vlad where the hell did you put my... What is that smell? Do you always have to smell bad, take a shower for once." Ingrid all but spat at him. She began sniffing and looking around. "Ahah found that stupid smell."

"Look I can explain. Came in through the window. Nothing to do with me." Vlad blurted out trying to absolve himself from blame. Ingrid began gaping at him as if he was stupid.

"The dirty pile of laundry on your bed came out of nowhere, did it?" she jeered. Vlad almost looked surprised before nodding and doubled down.

"Vlad, you are so pathetic sometimes." she jibed yet still inspecting Vlad for a slip-up of any kind. She shrugged and then moved on. Vlad watched her leave then began to panic looking for Robin everywhere before coming to the conclusion he had to have gone downstairs. He rushed downstairs hoping to have found him before his dad did.

The Count was bored. He had two possible donors of blood willing or not and the idiot Renfield had turned them away. He wouldn't even have killed them just would've taken enough blood to feed himself and then make them forget everything. He began to wonder why in the world he even kept that oaf Renfield around anyway. He even dared to question why he was being punished, the fool. How could one truly be that stupid? An odd smell yet familiar began to fill his nose.

"Mm, I smell young blood." proclaimed the Count. He began to stalk the room looking for the intruder with his fangs protruding. Oh, he was feeling nice before but to enter his castle without permission was a crime worthy of death. He was going to drain this breather dry. He began to smell sweat, usually common when the victim was fearing for their lives. "So close, so close. Just come to daddy," the Count whispered to no one in particular.

"Daddy can I have a word," his son questioned him. The Count looked behind surprised at the fact he couldn't sense his own son's presence but decided that he was just hyper fixated on his meal.

"Not now, I'm trying to have dinner," the Count chastised. He continued to look for the infiltrator but had begun to lose the scent.

"It's just... I think I'm getting my first fang."

"A fang, my boy. Come let me see. Hmm, I can't see anything never mind my son and heir,"

"Oh of course the boy gets the throne" Ingrid scoffed exasperated. Although distracted by her issues she was still able to see Vlad's gesture behind the Count and saw a dark figure go upstairs before Vlad followed.

"It's vampire law that the eldest male inherits the throne," the Count attempted to explain.

"Well when I become an all-powerful vampire goddess I'll have to change that, Ingrid retorted before storming upstairs.

"Oh, she is going to be the death of me."

"You are an absolute idiot, why would you leave my room without even making a sound." Vlad scolded. He seems exhausted with all he had to do to keep the idiot safe. The boy began offering his neck as if Vlad was going to bite him. "What are you doing."

"Aren't you gonna bite me?" Robin asked. "You're vampires, fangs, talking stuffed wolf, your dad talking about blood."

"Oh garlic, please don't tell anyone. I don't want there to be an angry peasant mob on our first day here," Vlad requested of the boy.

"I think you're underestimating suburban apathy. I won't tell anyone, vampires are awesome," Robin squealed.

"That we are breather. Something else I am is a stone-cold killer so if you even speak a word of this to anyone, I will make sure personally that you and whomever you told no longer have your heads attached to your bodies. Got it," threatened the only woman in the castle. Vlad turned and gulped hoping Ingrid would not rat him out.

"Alright beautiful, not a word from me," Robin promised. Vlad nodded and tried to smile at Ingrid to appease her so that she would collude with them to sneak the boy out.

"Let's get him out before Dad sees your new breather buddy," taunted Ingrid. Ingrid would go on the lookout making sure that the Count was distracted and had to force Renfield to sit on Imelda, the Count's tarantula, and while the Count mourned his loss, they snuck past him to the door.

Chloe Branagh was bored. She was promised a camping trip with family and instead was forced to trudge up to the dingy old castle up the road to rescue her dad and her brother. She could understand why her brother was stuck at the castle, he loved anything to do with the spooky and supernatural but her dad was the complete opposite and yet even he was still up there. She was bored and annoyed at her family because of course everything had to go wrong on one of the last days of summer holidays. Her supposed older brothers were told to come with her to protect her but they were as useful as a sponge in sand and they couldn't even ring a bell in fright. She walked toward the door exasperated and rang the bell waiting for a response.

"Yes," said the goth girl, looking as if she had never seen sunlight. Her brothers floundered unable to even mutter a word.

"Have you seen anyone wearing a cloak around," Chloe asked. The pale girl looked at her as if she'd asked the most idiotic question ever spoken in the history of spoken language.

"Yeah, loads. But I'm presuming you want this one," she said whilst shoving Robin out of the way. Chloe was about to comment on the girl's rudeness before seeing a glare being pointed her way that made her uncharacteristically shut up.

"Robin I guess I'll see you around. Oh, and before I forget can you get these things for me?" asked the pale boy wearing slightly brighter colours than his sister. Robin nodded after seeing the list and began to leave after smiling at Vlad and waving goodbye whilst the twins attempted a cool exit but failed miserably. Chloe shook her head but thought that the foreseeable future did not seem as boring as she once thought it might be.

Vlad was annoyed, angry even. His dad had tried to ground him for letting his "lunch get away". All he did was let a kid not get bitten before he had even done actual exams. Vlad had thought that his dad wanted to keep a low profile but obviously, his hunger mattered more than an angry peasant mob storming the castle and staking him where he stands. Vlad knew this might've happened so he made some plans. He created a rope from multiple sheets and got Robin to order some raw meat and a blender to his home. He knew his dad would be over the moon with any form of sustenance so while he was distracted with that he would go to Robin's house and chill with him before sneaking back in with the rope. The plan was foolproof. All he needed to do was wait

The Count was annoyed, angry even. How could his Vladdy and Ingrid deny him food especially food that invaded our home? All to keep a "low profile so there wouldn't be an angry peasant mob". One missing person wouldn't create a mob, just inquires from authorities which could easily be avoided by his superior vampire hypnotism. His children turned against him, if it was for a slightly better reason he would be proud but they had to advocate for the safety of the breathers. He hoped his children didn't become stupid tree huggers when they grew up for they deserved to appreciate the taste of fresh human blood. The Count heard a knock on the door. The sun had finally gone down, the blasted thing, so he could finally answer it in his full glory. He looked for the postman so he could have a quick nibble but there was no one and nothing at the door until he looked down. There was a cardboard box labelled "FOR VLAD". He brought it in because Renfield was still in the slime pit and had to open it himself. He saw a weird contraption called a blender and two fat juicy steaks. He smiled and looked up towards his son's room sighing.

"Oh, Vladimir," he said before entering his room and beginning to apologise for his anger. He was about to say sorry before he realised that "Vladimir" was a skeleton wearing his cape. The Count was angry alright and he was preparing to fly to catch the boy before stopping himself. He realised that the boy was out at night willingly so he turned a blind eye placing the skeleton exactly where it was prior and left the room with a smile. It was going to be a fun time here at Stokely. Well, it definitely wasn't going to be boring.