The Darkness I Carry

Chapter 48: Fractured Mirrors

Caleb's thoughts were a fractured mess as he moved through the facility. The fog hadn't lifted. If anything, it had grown thicker, clouding his every decision, every breath. He was caught in a vicious cycle, an endless loop of avoidance and confrontation, of trying to move forward while being dragged back into the past.

Leah.

Her name was a sharp ache in his chest. Every time he thought of her, his heart twisted with something like guilt, mixed with rage, mixed with… longing. He hadn't realized how much of her had been embedded into his own identity until she was gone, until he had failed her, and now, she was nothing more than a shadow in his mind.

A weapon. A tool. A ghost. Still, he couldn't stop the pull. Every time he tried to walk away, she was there, lurking in the corners of his thoughts, a reminder of everything he had lost and everything he had failed to protect.

It was late when Caleb returned to his quarters, but the weight of the day had left him too restless to sleep. His mind buzzed, and his body felt heavy with exhaustion, but sleep was elusive. The quiet hum of the ventilation system and the sterile scent of the room only made the silence worse.

He paced, back and forth, his steps slow and deliberate, as though trying to shake the thoughts that clung to him like a second skin.

He couldn't escape it the ache that gnawed at him, the sensation of his own life slipping away, as if he were watching himself from the outside. And then, he thought of Leah again.

He could still feel the coldness of her gaze when she had looked at him that night in the training room. It had been too much like the last time he had seen her. Too much like the look in her eyes when she walked away from him, and nothing in the world could undo the distance that had opened between them.

But in the midst of it all, a thought struck him, one that had been creeping in since the moment he saw her sparring with that trainer.

What if… what if she wasn't lost to him entirely?

What if she was still in there, somewhere, buried beneath the machine she had become?

The thought was reckless, a desperate hope. But the more Caleb thought about it, the more he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe there was still a chance however slim for him to reach her again. Maybe there was a part of her that hadn't been completely consumed by the system. He had to believe that, otherwise, everything he had done, everything he had sacrificed, would have been for nothing.

He couldn't live with that.

The next day, Caleb found himself in the facility's sparse, utilitarian cafeteria. The place was practically empty, save for a few soldiers and other operatives who didn't care enough to make small talk. He had grown accustomed to the silence, to the absence of real human connection. But today, the quiet was almost suffocating.

He was halfway through his meal when a voice broke through the monotony.

"You look like hell."

Caleb didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Parker," he said, his voice flat, without a hint of surprise. "What is it?"

Parker slid into the seat across from him, a half-smile playing at the corner of his lips.

"Just checking in. You've been… off lately."

Caleb didn't respond right away. He kept his eyes on the plate in front of him, pushing the food around with his fork, more out of habit than hunger.

"You haven't been to any of the debriefings," Parker continued, not missing the way Caleb ignored him. "You're falling behind."

Caleb finally looked up, meeting Parker's gaze. "I don't care about the debriefings."

"Yeah, well, you should," Parker shot back, his tone shifting, more serious now. "You don't get to check out of this. You don't get to disappear, not after everything we've been through. Not after everything you've done."

Caleb leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "What, you think I'm just gonna snap out of it? That I'll suddenly care about the next mission? You think that'll fix things?"

Parker's eyes narrowed. "It's not about fixing things. It's about survival. And if you don't start thinking about that, you're gonna be just like her."

The words hung in the air between them, sharp and cutting.

Just like her.

Caleb clenched his fists, his heart skipping a beat. He knew exactly who Parker was talking about. Leah. And he hated that Parker was right, in some twisted way. He was becoming like her, consumed by the mission, by the system, by the empty shell of a life he was living.

But that wasn't what he wanted. Not anymore.

"I'm not like her," Caleb muttered, the words more for himself than for Parker.

"You're slipping," Parker countered, his voice softer now. "You know that, right?"

Caleb's jaw clenched, and he pushed away from the table, standing up abruptly. "I'm not slipping. I'm just… trying to figure out what comes next."

Parker didn't say anything for a moment, letting the silence hang heavy between them. Then, he stood, placing a hand on Caleb's shoulder.

"You'll figure it out. But you're not doing it alone."

Caleb met his gaze, something dark and broken flickering behind his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was expecting from Parker. Some kind of reassurance? Some kind of answer? But there was no answer. There never was.

He just nodded, his throat tight. "Thanks, Parker."

For a brief moment, it almost felt like it used to like there was something real between them, some kind of bond that hadn't yet been completely severed. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't the kind of connection that would pull him out of this spiral.

Not yet.

Caleb spent the next few hours wandering the facility, as aimless as ever, trying to push through the heaviness that seemed to settle over him at all times.

He couldn't ignore the truth, no matter how hard he tried: Leah was gone. The woman he had known, the one who had been so full of fire and defiance, had been swallowed by the system, and there was nothing Caleb could do to save her. Not anymore.

And yet, the question still clawed at him Could she be saved?

It was the kind of question that lingered, one that never let him rest, never let him move on.

And for the first time in a long time, Caleb realized something.

It wasn't just Leah he was trying to save anymore.

It was himself.