The Fighting Dog of a Ruined Organization

“Where did you get the cigarettes?”

I asked as I put the cigarette Eris handed me in my mouth. Eris answered with a kind eye-smile.

“I just bought them. I heard you had some trouble, so I thought you might have run out of cigarettes.”

Something was strange about Eris today. She usually called me “Hyeonwoo” with her lisp, but this time she called me “Hyeon-woo” normally.

Her kind eye-smile was different from her usual stupid eye-smile. I’m even doubting if this is the Eris I know.

But it’s weird to doubt, so I just treat her as usual.

“There’s no way I’d run out.”

I took out the cigarette pack from my inner pocket and showed it to her. It’s still almost full since I’ve only smoked a few.

However, Eris didn’t get flustered and naturally sat down next to me. Usually, she would have been flustered and shown a cute side.

“Hyungnim Agassi, you seem strange today. Did you eat something wrong?”

“It’s not strange. When a team member is struggling, of course the boss should encourage them. I learned from my mother that counseling team members is a natural virtue as a boss.”

At that moment, I suddenly remembered Shizu’s words.

No matter how much Eris’s personality has changed, Casey is still Casey. Casey definitely remains inside Eris.

Then is the Eris I’m facing now the original Casey?

I don’t know. But I feel strangely reassured. I think I understand why Shizu respected and liked Casey.

“Ah, I have cigarettes, but the lighter’s dead.”

No matter how much I press the lighter, no flame comes out. I can’t smoke like this.

“Hyungnim Agassi, can I borrow a light?”

“Of course.”

With the cigarette in my mouth, I brought it close, and Eris brought the cigar in her mouth to my cigarette to light it. It felt strange, as if the cigar was embracing my cigarette.

“This, it’s been quite a while since I’ve done this. I used to do it a lot for team members in the old days.”

“Why use a cigar to light it when you have a perfectly good lighter?”

“Well, when a big cigar embraces a small cigarette like this, it looks warm, like a boss embracing a team member.”

Eris continued speaking while looking at the smoke drifting from the cigar.

“That’s also the reason I started smoking cigars. I wanted to be a boss who warmly embraces team members, like lighting a small cigarette by wrapping it with a cigar. In the end, I lost all my team members due to my foolishness.”

The smell of the burning cigar is sweet yet sour, like wet wood burning, similar to the smell of earth. Eris’s voice was muffled like the smell of a cigar holding moist earth.

In that muffled atmosphere, Eris asked.

“What exactly happened today? It’s the first time I’ve seen you so distressed.”

“I couldn’t protect one person’s life.”

I explained to Eris what had happened with Reni. What kind of life Reni had lived, how important running was to Reni, and how Reni ended up losing her legs because of my mistake.

Eris didn’t say a word while I was talking. Without putting the cigar in her mouth, just holding it in her hand, she looked at me with deep eyes, sometimes nodding, just quietly listening.

Then the story ended and silence fell. When I stopped talking, Eris put the cigar in her mouth and quietly looked at the smoke.

Feeling awkward in that situation and disliking the silence, I laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Pathetic, right? I could have protected her but didn’t. Got arrogant from beating some small fries. In reality, I’m just a useless bastard who can’t even block a suddenly fired bullet.”

What if it had been high-ranking officials from the top 3 organizations? Could they have protected Reni from a suddenly flying bullet?

How can I talk about catching monsters and toppling those top 3 organizations when I can’t even do that? It’s no different from dreaming an impossible dream.

But Eris held my hand with her small hand. I felt her warm body temperature.

“As I thought, Hyeon-woo, you’re kind. Gentle and warm. Like your big hands.”

“I’m gentle?”

To hear that I’m gentle after teasing Eris so much. It reminded me of Reni calling me considerate even though I kept teasing her by calling her Racist.

“Of course. An ordinary person wouldn’t be suffering like you are in this situation.”

“Why? I failed to protect someone I should have protected.”

“Think about who Reni is. Think about why Reni was in that situation. In the end, losing her ability to run is her own doing. It’s karma for causing great pain to numerous men. Isn’t it?”

─Is it reasonable to suffer over not protecting such a person, when it wasn’t even intentional?

Eris’s words weren’t wrong. There was no reason to be found for suffering. Why should I suffer when I just let my guard down?

“But you’re still suffering. That’s because you’re kind. You’re kind enough to empathize with Reni’s pain and feel sorry for not being able to protect her.”

“…That doesn’t matter. What good is being kind? I’m an idiot. Imagine if it wasn’t Reni who got shot because I let my guard down, but Yu Jin-ri or Shizu, or Hyungnim Agassi. How terrible would that be.”

“That didn’t happen. There’s no need to suffer over something that didn’t happen.”

“Is there a guarantee it won’t happen? I’m weak. You say if I keep getting stronger, I’ll be able to overcome guns? There’s no guarantee that’s possible either.”

When Carpe Diem aimed their scope lasers at me, I froze. There was nothing I could do.

Even though I’m stronger now than I was then, nothing has changed. When I first chased Reni, I was most worried about Carpe Diem’s scope lasers.

“I, I’m just a fucking idiot…”

“Hyeon-woo, you’re thinking about something wrong.”

“What am I thinking wrong about?”

“You know, why do you think there are more ordinary people than gangsters?”

“What…?”

“Being a gangster is much better, right? You can do terrible things without punishment. And you can live stylishly, intimidating people and showing off in front of them. Why do you think people live ordinary lives instead of becoming gangsters?”

It was a question I had never thought about before.

Being at the boundary between the real world and this world, I had no reason to wonder about such things. In the real world, it’s normal for gangsters to go to prison when they commit crimes.

So I vaguely felt aversion to gangsters, and thought people just live diligently.

But hearing Eris’s words, in this world there’s no reason not to become a gangster. There are almost no disadvantages compared to the benefits gangsters enjoy.

“I don’t know…”

“It’s a very simple reason. You really don’t know?”

The cigar, being a treatment for mana addiction, was already worn down, and

“It’s because death is common in this world.”

Eris threw away the cigar that had served its purpose as if it was useless.

“Death is common in the gangster world. Gangsters joined organizations wanting to enjoy that glory and benefits even while thinking they could die at any time. You know that, right?”

Yes, I know.

I clearly reminded Yu Jin-ri of that point and had her join the organization.

“Losing a beloved team member would be painful. But even if it’s painful, it can’t be helped. We’re people who joined the organization prepared for death, so if that’s reality, we have to accept it.”

But I don’t like it.

When someone I tried to protect lost their entire life, I really disliked it as the images of Yu Jin-ri, Shizu, and Eris overlapped with that.

Do I really have to get revenge?

Couldn’t I just collect some money with promissory notes and treat Mom?

I want to run away in fear like that.

So my mouth was saying those words without me realizing.

“I, I still don’t like it. Yu Jin-ri or Shizu, and Hyungnim Agassi dying. I absolutely don’t want to imagine it. Absolutely not.”

“Such a kind child, talking about being a fighting dog.”

Eris sighed. Then she brought her face close and said,

“Then let’s change our thinking. Yu Jin-ri, Shizu, and I will absolutely not die.”

“How can they not die? They don’t even have combat power. They could die at any time if I let my guard down or when I’m not around. You just said with your own mouth that death is common in the gangster world.”

That’s fantasy.

It’s only in fantasy novels that the protagonist and companions don’t die, reality is cruel.

“Yes, death is common in the gangster world. Reality can’t help but be that way. It’s true that not dying is a fantasy.”

“If you know that well, why are you saying such things?”

“But what’s the name of our organization? It’s Fantasia. Is it wrong to have fantasy in Fantasia?”

“What kind of nonsensical sophistry is that?”

“Sophistry? It’s not sophistry. Think about it. If only realistic things happened in this world, Fantasia would already be gone.”

─Yu Jin-ri, Shizu, and me too.

“You saved us all like a fantasy, Hyeon-woo.”

When Eris was about to commit suicide, I joined Fantasia and gave her hope.

When Shizu was kidnapped and didn’t know what would happen to her, I ran and saved her.

When Yu Jin-ri was about to be sexually exploited because she couldn’t repay her debt, I saved her too.

“Do you really think only realistic things happen in this world? No, sometimes fantasy-like things happen too. That’s why people sometimes dream of fantasies and have hope.”

─That’s why our organization is Fantasia. To be a streak of fantasy in a world as harsh as reality.

“Isn’t that right?”

“……”

I saved Yu Jin-ri, Shizu, and Eris like a fantasy.

But the same goes for me too.

I possessed someone like a fantasy.

When I was in trouble because my parents died right after I possessed someone, Huyuka appeared like a fantasy and adopted me.

When I was depressed because the PC room went bankrupt, Eris appeared like a fantasy and I was able to join Fantasia.

I see.

Is it okay to dream of fantasy because we’re Fantasia?

Sometimes cruel reality will try to shatter fantasy and reach out with an eerie hand.

Nevertheless, because we’re Fantasia, do we need to be a streak of fantasy that illuminates that reality?

“You’re the best fantasy to revive our Fantasia. You’re already doing well enough. Don’t kneel to reality. Even if you fall, get up again. Like the protagonist of a fantasy.”

Eris patted my head. That patting hand was so warm that I wanted to lean on it.

I was always the one doing the patting. Come to think of it, I liked it when Mom patted me too.

I’m a fighting dog, a fighting dog to fight for the boss.

Maybe it’s okay to enjoy being patted by the boss sometimes.

So I leaned my face on Eris’s chest, dreaming of fantasy. Eris’s body was small, but today it felt strangely big.

Like a fantasy.