The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Chapter 6

Lan Xi did not understand. Xie Cheng had invited her to move in with him, but when she actually wanted to live there, he regretted it!

This unreliable man finally frowned and called a taxi for Lan Xi, then pushed her into the car and told the driver to send her back to the employee dormitory without further ado.

What kind of person is he!

An earthling! Dishonest!

But when she returned to the area near the employee dormitory, Lan Xi was not idle, because Wang Zhiqiang contacted her—

"Princess, let's meet at SeeU Café!"

When Lan Xi hurried to the cafe, Wang Zhiqiang was relieved and anxious when he saw her. He lowered his voice and said, "Princess, I don't know what happened either. The company transferred you to Chengxin to be Xie Cheng's assistant!" Wang Zhiqiang had been immersed in earth's corporate culture for decades and was long familiar with the ins and outs of Cheng'an Group. It was obvious that Lan Xi had been caught up in the Xie family's internal strife.

After all, she was the princess of Mu Yi Star. As the liaison for the Mu Yi Star Earth Branch, he had to ensure the princess's safety.

"I came out today at the risk of my life. Princess, things have come to this, we can only respond positively. Let me make a long story short. The following points are the corporate survival skills I've honed over many bitter years on Earth. You must remember them!"

"In the corporate world on Earth, if your boss tells you to go east, don't go west. In short, listen to everything he says! Execute 100%, don't talk back, don't question your boss. Over time, your boss will appreciate you!"

Lan Xi nodded solemnly: "Don't worry, that's what I'm doing now."

Wasn't she?

Xie Cheng told her to report immediately after completing the analysis, so she reported at 3 a.m. Xie Cheng invited her to live together, so she immediately surveyed the living environment. When Xie Cheng broke his promise and didn't let her live there, she kindly returned to the employee dormitory instead of forcibly occupying his residence.

Wang Zhiqiang breathed a sigh of relief: "Princess, you did very well. I believe you will soon gain Xie Cheng's appreciation! Keep it up, keep at it!"

He went on, "Secondly, you have to understand the 'strength theory' and learn to amplify your strengths! Show off your particularly outstanding talents!"

Alright, her most outstanding talent was strength—Lan Xi had come in first place in both close combat and long-range attack back on Mu Yi Star!

She would give Xie Cheng a good demonstration next time.

"Also, in addition to your boss, teamwork is emphasized in the corporate world on Earth, so you also need to get along well with your colleagues. Let me give you some pointers on this. This year, in addition to you, several new hires will soon join Chengxin. I'm only responsible for recruiting at Cheng'an Group. As an independently operated company, Chengxin's recruiting is not handled by me, so I don't know the background of these newcomers. But according to reliable information, one of the new hires has connections! Moreover, it's someone with connections to Xie Cheng. I heard it's a sister of his or something. Anyway, she has quite the background!"

Wang Zhiqiang urged, "So during the onboarding training for the newcomers, you must pay close attention and observe carefully. People with connections are like local tyrants on Earth. Princess, you must be careful and get along well with your boss's connections, otherwise beware of her badmouthing you and tripping you up from behind."

"But some connections are deeply hidden, so you have to identify them carefully!"

When it came to his corporate experience, Wang Zhiqiang was extremely knowledgeable: "As for those without connections, don't worry about them! Just dump the dirty and tiring work on them! But the work that produces results, the high-profile projects you can report to your boss, you should keep those for yourself!"

Lan Xi suddenly understood. She didn't expect there were so many intricacies in the corporate world on Earth.

"Also, there's one more extremely important point I forgot to mention last time. On Earth, we Mu Yi Star people have mortal enemies!"

Lan Xi immediately became serious. She had learned in her Mu Yi Star history class that there had once been an enemy species on Mu Yi Star, but unfortunately it had gone extinct thousands of years ago. Not even a photo was left behind, and the description of this enemy was just a short text.

She lowered her voice, "Where are they? Should I go and exterminate them?"

"No way to completely exterminate them, there are too many! What's more, our enemy here on Earth is one of the most treasured things of earthlings. With the earthlings' protection, they are very confident. We are no match for them!"

Wang Zhiqiang also lowered his voice, "On Earth, this species is called 'cats'. They like to meow. They're very bad and make earthlings pet them. They've evolved into cute furry creatures, bewitching earthlings and being taken home by earthlings to be cared for. They've become the masters of many earthlings, controlling earthlings and enslaving them."

"If you exterminated earthlings' cats, all earthlings would fight you to the death!"

How could this be!

Lan Xi became a little nervous, "What do we do when we encounter the enemy?"

"Keep your distance! Don't go near them. This kind of cat, the reason why they could become the mortal enemy of us Mu Yi Star people, is because they secrete hormones and smells. As long as we inhale them at too close range, it has an addictive effect, like a drug!"

"If by some chance you go near a cat and get bewitched by it, you're finished! You'll be haunted by this cat for the rest of your life! The cat will become your master, lording over you!"

Wang Zhiqiang said uneasily, "Over the past decade, I've been very careful not to go near cats. To be honest, because they went extinct early on our planet, there are no records of what the aftereffects are of close contact with cats. But cats are definitely very dangerous, that's for sure. Just go to places that ban pets in the future, like this cafe that doesn't allow cats inside."

Lan Xi nodded solemnly. She made a mental note.

But although they were just sitting in the cafe talking normally, Wang Zhiqiang's eyes kept darting around, looking left and right, acting jumpy and on tenterhooks, making Lan Xi a bit tense as well.

She lowered her voice and moved closer to Wang Zhiqiang, "Old Wang, what enemy are you watching out for? You said earlier that you came out today at the risk of your life. Has our identity been exposed? Don't worry, I'm full now so I have enough strength. No matter who it is, I can pound them to death with one fist."

"No, Princess. I'm watching out for my wife." Wang Zhiqiang checked the time. "It's about time. Princess, I have to go. I told my wife I was taking out the trash! If I don't go back soon she'll come looking for me! If she sees me with you, I'll have to sleep on the floor tonight! On Earth, in many families, the wife is at the top of the food chain!"

After saying this, Wang Zhiqiang ran off at top speed.

Watching his receding figure, Lan Xi thought of Wang Zhiqiang's years of suffering and forbearance, and couldn't help shedding tears.

Zhiqiang, when we return to Mu Yi Star, I will certainly give you a grand funeral and get everything clearly arranged for you.

**

Soon after, the new hire training arrived as scheduled, but because of Wang Zhiqiang's warnings, Lan Xi was not nervous at all, but more confident instead.

Chengxin recruited a total of eight new hires, three women and five men.

Lan Xi was arranged to sit between two female colleagues. The one on the left was called Wan Yan, and the one on the right was called Liang Di.

Wan Yan was quite pretty, wearing a white dress and delicate curved eyebrows. Her makeup was very meticulous.

Lan Xi greeted her. Wan Yan looked Lan Xi up and down, her gaze falling on Lan Xi's face with displeasure. After a moment, she perfunctorily nodded in response, not even introducing herself, seeming aloof and unwilling to chat more with Lan Xi. She appeared somewhat haughty, cold and nobly elegant.

Before Lan Xi could say anything more, she was interrupted by a new male colleague who wanted to exchange contact info with Lan Xi.

The male colleagues were very enthusiastic toward Lan Xi, constantly asking her questions, as if wanting to get acquainted with Lan Xi quickly. But so many questions made Lan Xi afraid of exposing herself and feel uneasy instead.

Finally, Liang Di came to her rescue—

"Stop crowding around her, all of you! Just because she's a pretty girl you won't let go, is that it? We're here for onboarding training, not matchmaking!"

Liang Di was a girl with chubby cheeks and bright eyes, cute and vivacious. She pulled Lan Xi aside, "Next time just reject them directly. There's no need to exchange contact info with them."

"Guys like that, just entered the company and instead of thinking about working hard for promotions and raises, all they can think of is romance. They're not good matches either."

She said up to here, blinking looking at Lan Xi's face: “But you really look good. When they see your face so dizzy, they suddenly feel they can understand it too. I feel standing next to you, my soul is being purified by your beauty.”

Liang Di still wanted to say something, the whole scene gradually quieted down, and Lan Xi looked up to find that Xie Cheng had come.

It had to be said that every time this earthling man appeared, he was dressed meticulously, handsome in appearance, emitting a strong estrous pheromone of peak virility.

Liang Di couldn't help but whispered: "As expected of my brother, still as handsome as ever!"

She said it casually, but Lan Xi took it to heart.

Brother?!

Wang Zhiqiang said that among this batch of newcomers, there are those with connections to Xie Cheng's side, who is a sister or something.

Could it be... it turned out to be Liang Di in front of her?!

Probably because Lan Xi's incredulous expression was too obvious, Liang Di, who was being stared at like this, explained embarrassedly: "I got used to calling him that before. Xie Cheng was my senior in university. He was a popular figure on campus. Many people chased him. His looks beat male celebrities. Although he could have lived off his trust fund, he chose to start a business instead. I've seen how hard my brother worked all these years. We have a fan club. I'm the fan club president. I'm used to being a fan girl... So I would casually call him that. You know what I mean?"

"I know, of course I understand!"

Lan Xi pretended to be a seasoned earthling, nodding incessantly in comprehension.

How could she not understand.

After reading the guidebook, Lan Xi knew that on Earth, great importance is attached to the conveniences brought about by blood ties. It is very easy for people to form unbreakable little cliques because of nepotism and cronyism. Many family businesses on Earth also like to appoint their own people.

Liang Di was quite bashful: "I was young then, and had a fan girl mentality, also immature. Now it just slipped out of habit. From now on I’ll remember to call him Chairman Xie. If I forget, please remind me!"

"Sure, no problem!"

Many hidden relations behave like this. They are afraid of not being able to "disguise themselves" again, so they usually address each other very formally as if they were strangers, in order to numb others.

Lan Xi nodded solemnly again. She felt that what Wang Zhiqiang said was not entirely right either. He said relations hide very deep, but Lan Xi discovered it right away!

Now Lan Xi knew who to suck up to. No matter how distant the blood ties, Liang Di was a bona fide “royal relative”!

Lan Xi's thoughtfulness also moved Liang Di very much. She blurted out the word "brother" unintentionally, and was actually very embarrassed. Since college, she had been Xie Cheng's fangirl. She joined Chengxin because she wanted to follow Xie Cheng, but now she was also a workplace person, yet still her future boss's “fan girl”. She casually addressed him as “brother” this and “brother” that. It was very embarrassing to say it out loud.

Fortunately her new colleague Lan Xi was very considerate. She didn’t make her spell out the words “fan girl”.

"I'll have to trouble you to keep this confidential," said Liang Di awkwardly. After all, it would be inappropriate if it got out that she turned out to be her future boss's fan girl.

Lan Xi nodded vigorously. She knew from browsing earthlings' Internet these days that many bosses like their relatives to use aliases and embed themselves in the grassroots, in order to infiltrate the grassroots and obtain information.

Liang Di breathed a sigh of relief, then started explaining: "Among these five men, three graduated from our school, one was a senior, and the other two were juniors."

Speaking of which, she pointed to Wan Yan next to her who didn't want to pay them any attention: "Wan Yan was also my college classmate, and Xie Cheng's junior. She used to come from a very rich family, and was Xie Cheng’s childhood neighbor. They grew up together as childhood sweethearts. Unfortunately her family fortunes took a dive later... But except for being nice to my brother, she has two-faced attitudes towards others, hard to get along with, and a conceited air..."

Liang Di was still conscientiously giving Lan Xi the lowdown, but Lan Xi was no longer listening.

Wang Zhiqiang said to just treat those who aren't related like fallen leaves in an autumn wind!

She had already ingeniously identified the only relation Liang Di among this batch of newcomers. Just suck up to Liang Di, that’s all she needed to do. As for people like Wan Yan, they were simply unworthy of a princess like her paying any mind. The messy and tiring work should fall on Wan Yan in the future!

**

When the new employee training officially started, Xie Cheng came as the boss to give a brief speech to welcome the newcomers. After that, he appeared again at the icebreaker after the new employee training graduation ceremony.

Chengxin was still in its initial start-up stage with a lean workforce. Xie Cheng recruited several meteorological data analysts with solid professional skills this time. Therefore, in order to boost the morale of the new employees, he made an exception to participate in such an activity.

Xie Cheng had originally wanted to make a brief appearance and then leave, but among the employees recruited this time, there were several of his former schoolmates. One of them was a senior he had good relations with back in college—

“Although you’re my boss now, most of the people here are our schoolmates. It’s rare that we could gather here, Xie Cheng, you should at least stay and have a drink for my sake!”

The icebreaker atmosphere was great. Everyone had drank some liquor. Xie Cheng finally couldn't decline his senior's enthusiasm and was pulled to sit down.

Xie Cheng’s senior tapped his beer glass with chopsticks. He was passionately orchestrating: "Every time two people team up, draw cards to compare size. The bigger one wins, the smaller one loses. The winner can punish the loser a little!"

At first, some of the new employees were still a little restrained, but soon, as the game progressed, everyone got acquainted, and the punishment projects were also varied. Some asked the other person to drink a cocktail mixed with celeries, some asked the other person to reluctantly ask for someone else’s contact information next door.

Chengxin could be said to be the company Xie Cheng built from scratch after graduating completely from nothing. Apart from occasionally having Xie Jing forcefully plant some spies, most of the people were young people recruited by Xie Cheng himself. The team atmosphere was good, cohesive and strong. Colleagues were both coworkers and friends. Xie Cheng would not put on airs as the boss.

Therefore, although Xie Cheng was a little helpless when pulled by his senior to participate in the card drawing activity, he also obediently complied.

**

Lan Xi had never attended an earthling party before. This time, the new employee icebreaker party aroused her curiosity. She found it very novel and interesting.

She didn't participate at the beginning, only watching from the sidelines.

The atmosphere of the game reached its peak after Xie Cheng was pulled in. There were cheers from those cheering, and claps from those clapping.

Unfortunately, it was unclear whether it was good luck or not, but Xie Cheng drew cards with several juniors, and he won every round.

Until Wan Yan...

"Xie Cheng, you finally lost!" Xie Cheng's senior looked smug. "Little Yan, come on, don't stand on ceremony. Give him a taste of color!"

Wan Yan, who was rather cold to Lan Xi, was now eager to be as gentle as dripping water in front of Xie Cheng. She bit her lip, as if undecided, then hesitantly reached out, her voice soft and sticky: "Senior Xie Cheng, I’ll have to offend you then."

With her words, Wan Yan seemed to pluck up her courage and gently flicked Xie Cheng's forehead with her hand.

There were boos from the crowd—

"That's too lenient!"

"Child's play, child's play!"

The guys really liked Wan Yan's act, but Liang Di didn't like it. She sneered: "Overdoing the demure act. And it’s ‘Senior Xie Cheng’ again. Why not call him ‘Chairman Xie’ like the rest of us, pretending to act out a play?"

Lan Xi could understand Liang Di's dissatisfaction very well. After all, she was almost dizzy from the estrous pheromones Wan Yan was vigorously releasing towards Xie Cheng. It was really too strong.

She read the guidebook and learned that in Earth's marriage and mate selection system, not only the feelings of the parties involved were important, but the approval of relatives and family also carried great weight.

This Wan Yan was obviously disliked and eyed with hostility by Xie Cheng's sister Liang Di.

Not a relation, and detested by a real relation, so she was also Lan Xi's enemy!

Unfortunately Lan Xi didn't get to think about it for long, because she was also pulled over to sit opposite Xie Cheng amidst the jeers.

"Lan Xi, you haven't played a round yet! Try it! Newcomers often have beginner's luck!"

Perhaps responding to these words, when Lan Xi randomly drew a card, her card face was indeed bigger than Xie Cheng's.

She won.

This time, Xie Cheng's senior wouldn't let this opportunity pass: "Wan Yan and Xie Cheng have known each other for a long time. She's also Xie Cheng's sister. Lan Xi, you aren't. Don't worry about anything else, punish him however you should!"

Lan Xi tentatively looked at Xie Cheng sitting opposite her.

Even in the chaotic private room of the bar, Xie Cheng was still handsome and meticulous.

The senior student patted Xie Cheng on the shoulder with a smile: "Xie Cheng, don't scare the newcomer. Don't let her go easy on you every time you lose! We don't do that take revenge stuff here!"

Xie Cheng pursed his lips, his expression indifferent: "Mm, no need to go easy or deliberately show mercy. You do whatever you want to do."

Hearing this, Lan Xi breathed a sigh of relief. She had just arrived on Earth and was still learning the ropes about everything. She didn't know what level of punishment was appropriate. But the Earthling Conquest Guide said that when in doubt, the best approach is to imitate!

As long as she imitated what a normal Earthling would do in this situation, she would be fine.

Lan Xi thought for a moment, then smiled at Xie Cheng and extended her hand like Wan Yan had done.

"President Xie, please don't take offense."

Lan Xi followed Xie Cheng's instructions one hundred percent, and hit his forehead good and hard without holding back at all.

...

Xie Cheng regained consciousness in the hospital.

His memory faltered for a moment, and he could only vaguely remember that just seconds before he had been participating in a team icebreaker activity. He didn't understand how he had ended up in the hospital.

His forehead ached.

As he struggled to remember, his last impression was of Lan Xi's serious face and her hand moving towards his forehead. Then after extreme pain, he lost consciousness.

"The doctor said it's a minor concussion," Cao An's concerned voice brought Xie Cheng back to his senses. Seeing that Xie Cheng was awake, he stood up, "President Xie, are you alright?"

Cao An felt very guilty. He had something come up tonight at the last minute, so he had asked Xie Cheng for time off. As a result, Xie Cheng could only go to the new employee event alone, and now he must have gotten into a car accident that caused the minor concussion.

Cao An lowered his head, "It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault!" Lan Xi's voice rang out from beside Xie Cheng's hospital bed.

Cao An looked at Lan Xi, grateful. His perceptions of this insider Xie Jing had planted began to change tonight.

Not only had she contacted him right away after Xie Cheng was in danger and accompanied him to bring Xie Cheng to the hospital, but even now she was comforting him - she didn't seem like such a bad person after all.

Cao An just hadn't expected Xie Cheng to speak up as well.

His voice was ominous, as if he had finally remembered the details of the accident: "Cao An, it really wasn't your fault."

"That's right!" Lan Xi nodded vigorously and pointed to Xie Cheng lying in the hospital bed, "That's right, because it really wasn't your fault. It was President Xie's own problem!"

Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi, feeling that simple gnashing of teeth was insufficient to express how he felt at that moment.

Lan Xi, however, was oblivious, and continued explaining to Cao An, "President Xie told me to do this to him. Don't worry, this was President Xie's own decision, he doesn't blame anyone."

Xie Cheng could hardly imagine that the perpetrator was actually still smiling radiantly and could even shamelessly smile at Xie Cheng with an expression that said everyone should praise me for not failing my mission:

"President Xie, I really didn't hold back at all!"

Xie Cheng just wanted to scoff coldly - with a minor concussion, of course you didn't hold back.

Author's note: Xie Cheng: It's time to buy myself more personal accident insurance.