The Paranoid Harry Potter

Rita Skeeter was ecstatic. She had started digging as soon as she received word from one of her informants at Hogwarts and it had paid off in spades. This would be the biggest story of the year and the best bit was it was all absolutely true. She even had proof in the form of copies of the expulsion notice sent to the Boy who lived and copies of the testimony provided by Dumbledore and that auror bloke. Her editor was going to have kittens. All she needed now was a good headline.

"Ministry expels Boy who lived for charm cast by an auror!" No, that would not do at all. It wasn't nearly sensational enough.

"Ministry and Dumbledore conspire to have Harry Potter expelled!" Better but still not quite what she was looking for.

"Fudge attempts to have the Boy who lived kissed by dementors then expels him." Yes, that was much better but didn't have quite the correct ring to it.

"Harry Potter missing after dementor assassination plot foiled. Fudge expels him in retaliation."

"Dementors attack Boy Who Lived! Is Harry Potter dead? Why did the Ministry expel Harry Potter? Ministry Cover-up exposed!"

"Boy Who Lived missing after Dementor attack! Is Harry Potter dead?"

"Fudge expels Boy Who Lived to cover up failed dementor assasination!"

"Boy Who Lived Missing - Presumed DEAD! Is Fudge responsible?"

Yes, that last one would do nicely, she thought, although perhaps she should tack on a few more exclamation points. Now the only thing to do is to get that Granger girl to sign off on it and lift that vow she had forced her to take. She was sure that Hermione Granger should have no problem with this article. After the way the Ministry had been taking shots at Potter all summer she should be eager to get some payback.

 .....

Lucius Malfoy was enjoying his early morning cup of tea when the mark on his arm blazed into life. His master was calling him and from the sheer intensity of the burning pain radiating out from the tattoo he knew it was extremely urgent.

Why was Voldemort using the mark to call him? After all, the dark lord was staying in his home. He could have simply told one of the elves to fetch him. He hurried downstairs still clad only in his bathrobe to find Voldemort pacing around in his drawing room. There were burned scraps of paper and ash floating in the air. He barely had time to wonder what they were before he was suddenly subjected to the cruciatus curse.

"Crucio", screamed Voldemort as he pointed his wand at Malfoy.

Lucius screamed and thrashed on the floor as his nerve endings exploded in agony. A thousand white-hot knives were piercing every inch of his skin. Dull rusty jagged knives that were scraping along his bones and he was screaming...screaming louder than he had ever screamed before. Twenty seconds later he was hoping for death and the cessation of all feeling, but it was a full two minutes before Voldemort lifted the curse from him.

"Get up you snivelling worm. Get up and explain to me how you let this happen", shouted Voldemort.

Malfoy struggled to get up, to get his aching limbs to obey. He tried to beg forgiveness from his master for whatever it was that had displeased him but all that came out was -

"Sneerp...gurgle...a suffusion of yellow...warm...slimy...down my leg...Would you like some tea?"

"Stop babbling you idiot. Tell me how you let this happen. You have one job - to keep Fudge under your thumb and make sure he does nothing that goes against our plans, and you couldn't even do that. How did you let him expel Potter? Tell me Lucius, how does it serve my plans to have Harry Potter disappear? How?" shouted Voldemort.

"Urk...P-P-Potter...Fuh-fuh-fudge...don't know...expel...when...peaches..."

Voldemort sneered at the hapless wizard who was still whimpering and drooling. "Damn it to hell", he thought. "Why were all of them so bloody useless? Is it too much to expect competence from my followers? Look at this weak bloody idiot. One little cruciatus curse and his brains get scrambled. I hit Potter with far worse and he still managed to escape. Not only did he manage to get away from the graveyard but he took that Hufflepuff's corpse with him as well. If only my Death Eaters would show half as much resolve."