The Paranoid Harry Potter

"Inside a human soul? How are you going to get something inside my soul." Oh God, oh god, he knew it, the kid was going to cut him open and shove something inside his corpse. He struggled to pull himself free from the chair. What the hell was holding him in place? Had the kid superglued him to the chair? It certainly felt like it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the kid pull out a stick and mutter something. Seconds later he felt a feeling of absolute peace wash over him. Damn...whatever drugs the kid was giving him were good, really bloody good. That stick must be some sort of aerosol spray filled with a sedative.

"Please sir, I need you stay calm. All I really need from you is for you to memorise something."

"You want me to memorise something. What? What could be so important that you would kidnap me and drug me and...And..."

"Okay, so the Fidelius Charm is used to hide secrets. It's a magic spell that can be used to hide any piece of information. For instance, if the secret was - 'The Carmichaels live at No 24 Baxter Drive' then it would hide this entire house. You could walk by it every day and never notice it was there."

"So you want to hide your house?"

"No, I want to do something far more effective. Really, just using the charm to hide a house. It seems so...pedestrian. I think you could do pretty much the same thing with a notice-me-not charm. Plus if I do that then I'm stuck in that house. No, what I want is...I want to hide myself."

"So, this fid...whatever, it makes you invisible?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so. However it should prevent anyone who is looking for me from ever finding me. If it works correctly then they should forget I even exist. And all I really need is a secret keeper. That's where you come in. The book recommended getting someone I trust implicitly, but I don't have anyone I'd trust with this. So I figured - What if the secret keeper himself couldn't remember the secret after it was hidden inside his soul? Wouldn't that make it impossible to break the Fidelius? I could use anyone as my secret keeper then. Anyway...So I'd like you to please read and memorise what's written on this piece of paper."

Okay, he could do that. He read what was written on the piece of paper. It didn't make much sense but whatever - The kid was crazy.

"Okay, have you memorised it. Could you please repeat it for me?"

He repeated the sentence. Then again and once again. Finally the kid was satisfied.

"Okay then. All I need to do is finish the spell. First we keep the secret within the ritual circle." The kid placed the bit of paper that he had just memorised inside a circle drawn on the kitchen table. Odd how he had not noticed that before.

"Then all I need to do is cast the charm and..." The kid started waving his stick around muttering gibberish all the while before finally bring it around with a flourish and pointing it at him. He had a bit of a start when the piece of paper suddenly burst into flames and vanished. What the hell? Okay, that was a neat trick. The kid could probably perform at parties.

"Oh...oh dear...that did take quite a lot out of me", said the kid as he collapsed into a chair. "Crap but I'm exhausted, hmm, I wonder if that worked. Let me see - My name is _. My name is _. Wow, I can't even say what my name is now. Dobby, do you know what my name is?"

The kid was grinning away madly. He seemed to be very pleased with himself.

"Dobby does not know what Master's name is", muttered the kid in the orange hoodie. He sounded like he was incredibly stressed out. "Dobby...What is Dobby doing here? Dobby should be working..."

"Could you please repeat what I made you memorise", asked the kid.

"Sure, sure - Harry James Potter, the son of Lily and James Potter, survived the killing curse as a child and is known as the boy who lived."

"Dobby, do you know who I am now?"

"Yes, Dobby remembers now, Harry Potter is a great wizard" squeaked the fellow in the orange hoodie as he jumped up and down.

Wizard? What the hell? Both these kids were absolutely nuts.

"Excellent, just one last thing sir and I'll let you go. Could you please write out that sentence in your own hand? Here's a pen and paper. I'm going to free your hand now, all right."

His hand was suddenly free. Could he throttle the kid? No, he was too far away for that. Okay, just write what the kid wants and hope that's the end to it.

"Thank you", said the kid as he carefully folded the piece of paper up and placed it in his wallet.

"Now I'm going to put you back to sleep for a little while. When you wake up you won't remember any of this. Still I'd like to thank you. You've been an enormous help to me and I'm so sorry about what I had to put you through."

Yeah kid, yeah, just you wait. Like he'd forget any of this. He was going to have the kid arrested and shipped of to a mental hospital the moment he got free. What the hell, the kid was waving his stick around again and what was that red...

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