The Price of Love Was Only Despair and Hell

Chapter 1
‘You said you loved me…’

Sarubia bit her pale lips. Her hands trembled as she clutched the hem of her white dress. Her whole body shook with indescribable betrayal.

‘Why? You said you loved me. Why…’

She tried hard to hold back her tears. Even when she bit her lips, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

Sarubia looked at the man standing silently in front of her with tearful eyes—Emperor Jenaden, her husband and the one she had loved, who always used to give her a warm and friendly gaze.

However, now he was looking at her with a cold, detached stare. The man who had always regarded her with affection had long disappeared. His image, which had once felt like warm sunlight in her memories, now seemed like a distant mirage.

‘This is a lie.’

He had never looked at her with such a cold gaze before. Now, his frosty and expressionless face appeared alien and cruel. His lips slowly parted, his expression briefly contorting into a frown.

“…Depose the Empress of El Sania, Sarubia Bronar.”

She had known it would end this way.

‘What a devious fox, trying to ruin the country.’

The murmurs of contempt echoed around her. Sarubia slumped to the floor as people sneered and laughed at her. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

The price she paid for loving him so much that she was willing to give up her life was cold betrayal and endless, hellish despair.

***

Sarubia’s once-lustrous silvery hair had long since become dry and lifeless, like the gnarled branches of an old tree. Her lips were parched and blue, as though she were on the brink of death.

Who cared about the deposed Empress now?

Once the happiest woman in the empire, she now waited for death in a desolate room within the palace, a place no one visited.

“Drink…”

A small glass bottle was placed in front of Sarubia. She stared blankly at it.

Only she and Jenaden were in the dim, silent room, where even the sound of breathing seemed absent.

“Drink, and you’ll feel at ease.”

“At ease…”

She bit her lip and looked up at Jenaden. Her blue eyes brimmed with tears.

“I’ll feel at ease…?”

‘No, she thought bitterly, it’s you who will feel at ease. If I die, you’ll be happy with her forever…’

Sarubia could guess what was in the bottle. It was most likely poison—lethal even in a small dose. He had grown cold and distant, indifferent to her suffering.

Was this how it was meant to end?

Would he spare her life if she begged? Sarubia briefly entertained the thought but knew better. Jenaden had changed; he would never show her kindness again.

‘Why did I live so foolishly?’

She raised a trembling hand to her neck and touched the necklace dangling there. It was a gift from Jenaden, given to her for her birthday.

Soon after receiving it, she was deposed.

She had been the happiest woman in the world when he gifted her that necklace. She thought that happiness would last forever.

‘How naive,’ she thought bitterly.

Sarubia laughed bitterly at herself. She didn’t know things would turn out like this…

Slowly, she picked up the glass bottle. She brought it to her lips but hesitated. A thought crossed her mind.

“Your Majesty…”

“…What is it?”

“Did you ever truly love me?”

Jenaden did not answer. He simply stared at her blankly.

That was enough of an answer.

Sarubia gave a self-deprecating smile. Without further hesitation, she gulped down the contents of the bottle. Her throat burned. Suddenly, she choked and coughed up blood.

Losing all her strength, she collapsed onto the floor. Through her blurring vision, she saw Jenaden’s eyes widen in surprise.

‘Do you feel better now?’

The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. Darkness crept into the edges of her vision.

As she closed her eyes for the last time, Sarubia made one final wish:

‘If I could go back, I would never love Jenaden.’

She prayed and prayed that all of this despair was merely a fleeting nightmare.

***

Sarubia’s eyes snapped open.

She sat up in bed, her heart racing.

‘I was supposed to be dead, she thought in disbelief. Where am I?’

She clenched her hands. The trembling that had wracked her body before her death was gone.

Looking around the room, she recognized the familiar chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

‘This is…’

It was her room, the one she had stayed in before her abdication.

Sarubia’s pupils trembled. This was too vivid to be the afterlife.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.

“Your Majesty?”

It was a soft, familiar voice—Asta, her loyal servant.

‘It can’t be…’

Sarubia got out of bed, her body tense with disbelief. Her hand hovered over the door handle, trembling slightly.

Slowly, she opened the door.

Asta’s familiar face appeared, filled with concern.

“Your Majesty! You need to get ready! What if you’re still in your pajamas?”

“It’s…”

“Oh no! You’ll be late!”

Asta’s nagging echoed in her ears. It was so vivid.

‘This isn’t a dream…’

Sarubia’s fingertips trembled. Tears welled up in her eyes.

‘I missed this voice so much…’

Asta had been the last person to stay by Sarubia’s side, urging her to run away even when all hope seemed lost. But Sarubia had refused.

After that, Asta had disappeared.

And now, here she was, standing before Sarubia as if nothing had ever happened.

Despite trying to hold back her tears, Sarubia’s emotions overwhelmed her. Her body shook as she wept.

“Your Majesty? What’s wrong?” Asta’s voice was filled with panic.

“Did you have a bad dream?”

Sarubia couldn’t stop crying.

“I missed you”

She felt as though she had woken from a long nightmare—one filled with pain and despair.

Finally, Sarubia allowed herself to cry like a child in front of Asta.

***

“Your Majesty, I think you should speak with His Majesty and rest,” Asta suggested cautiously, her eyes filled with concern.

After her emotional outburst, Sarubia had assured Asta that she was fine and hurried to change her clothes.

Now, as Asta dressed her, she couldn’t hide her worry. Sarubia’s eyes were still slightly swollen from crying.

“No, it’s okay.”

Sarubia forced a small smile, though the corners of her lips trembled. Asta seemed reassured and didn’t press further.

Through the window, Sarubia saw the familiar garden of the Empress Palace. The sun had just risen, casting a warm glow over the landscape. The wind was cool but pleasant.

She smiled briefly, but her expression quickly hardened.

‘Was my death just a dream? No, it couldn’t have been. It was too vivid, too painful.’

Had her final wish come true?

Sarubia bit her lip, feeling uneasy. This peaceful reality felt strange.

Stella, walking beside Asta, also looked concerned.

“It’s okay. I just had a bad dream,” Sarubia reassured her.

Their steps grew heavier as they approached the central palace, where Emperor Jenaden awaited.

Breakfast with the Emperor had once been a cherished routine, filled with affectionate conversations.

But now, knowing his true nature, those memories felt more like curses than blessings.

‘It won’t be the same this time. Never.’

Sarubia whispered those words to herself like a mantra.

As they passed through the Imperial Palace garden, her heart raced. Soon, she would face Jenaden, the man who had once been so sweet it was suffocating.

Her complexion darkened at the thought.

“Stella, do I look okay?” she asked nervously.

Stella nodded confidently.

“Yes, Your Majesty. You look as beautiful as ever!”

Sarubia’s beauty had always been admired, likened to a lily in full bloom. Stella’s words were meant to be reassuring.

Sarubia’s lips tightened.

‘Do I still need to show him beauty every day after all this?’

Unaware of Sarubia’s true thoughts, Stella found her Empress’s expression endearing.

In the distance, the central palace loomed, its golden façade gleaming in the sunlight.

It was a place filled with painful memories—nobles who had laughed at her downfall and Jenaden’s cold gaze.

Sarubia’s spine tingled with unease.

After passing through the splendid corridors, they stood in front of the room where breakfast would be served.

Asta tilted her head in confusion at Sarubia’s hesitation.

Sarubia took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Her fingertips felt icy.

‘Stay calm. What happened before hasn’t happened yet.’

She repeated the words like a spell.

The servants opened the door.

Sarubia raised her head and walked slowly into the room.