The Sinister Screen Queen

The morning sun filtered softly through the kitchen window, casting a golden haze over the breakfast table where Tanya sat, fork in hand, chewing on a waffle.

Across from her sat her father, John, looking as though someone had just insulted the Queen.

Beside him, his elegant wife Sonya poured juice with a quiet smile, while Keira stirred her tea absently, eyes flicking between the people at the table like she'd wandered into the wrong scene of a play.

At the stove, a woman in a crisp, perfectly pressed apron moved with the grace. She was humming a tune cheerfully, but carried on with the authority that could silence a classroom of rowdy schoolboys.

Mary Poppins was cooking.

"And who, exactly, is this?" John asked Tanya pointedly.

Tanya blinked mid-bite.

"Dunno." She mumbled around the waffle.

Then, swallowing with a satisfied sigh. "But this waffle is insane. Like top five breakfasts of my life."

John's brows shot up to his hairline. "You can't just have your mother send people to the house! Especially not to cook for us!"

As if on cue, Sonya breezed in from the kitchen carrying another tray of warm pastries and fresh fruit. She beamed at Mary.

"Don't be so dramatic, John. She's delightful. Mary, dear, you must cook all our meals! I could learn so much from her."

Keira stared at Mary, confused because she hadn't seen her last night when she left Tanya.

"Tanya are you listening!?"

John, already halfway to a tantrum, was gearing up for another round of parental disappointment when Mary Poppins turned from the stove and marched into the center of the room.

"I beg your pardon." Mary said crisply, eyes sweeping the table.

"Tanya do stop eating like a wild boar. Keira, if you don't start putting some food in your mouth, you'll blow away in the wind. And you—" She turned to John with a perfectly polite smile, "—have been too sour this morning. Here."

She handed him a steaming cup of coffee. "Drink this."

He took it instinctively, eyebrows climbing higher as he tasted it. It was… perfect. Exactly how he liked it.

Sonya gave him a gentle shove into his chair. "Darling. Let her handle it."

John did, if only because he was too stunned to argue.

"Now then…" He asked warily. "Who are you? How did you even get into our home?"

Mary folded her hands over her apron and stood tall. "Mary Poppins, at your service."

"Mary Poppins?" Sonya's eyes widened.

Mary waved her finger at her. "Don't speak with your mouth full, dear. It's unseemly.

She turned to John and continued in a matter-of-fact tone. "Tanya called for me. I answered. She is, you see, tragically undisciplined."

"She's neglecting her homework, drinking wine, and frankly if I may be blunt… she needs a proper spanking."

Tanya nearly choked on her waffle. "Excuse me?!"

But Mary was in full stride now, detailing a laundry list of Tanya's recent misadventures. Sonya and John sat frozen, stunned by each new revelation.

Keira, meanwhile, looked positively delighted, sipping her tea like she was front row at a play.

"Stop talking!" Tanya groaned, trying to disappear into her chair.

"Well…" Mary said with a clap of her hands. "I believe that covers the basics."

There was a long pause before John leaned back in his chair, exchanging a glance with Sonya.

"If she can keep Tanya in line." Sonya said slowly. "And cook like that…"

"I say she stays." John finished.

"And she can look after Keira too." Sonya added quickly.

"Just to be safe."

Mary gave a firm nod. "Agreed."

Tanya slumped with a despairing groan. "You can't be serious…"

"As much as I'd love to watch this collapse further, I've got morning training." Keira said, rising and grabbing her bag.

"I don't want to be late."

Sonya checked her watch. "I'll drive."

They left together, the door swinging closed behind them.

Mary quietly gathered the breakfast plates and carried them to the sink, humming again as if nothing unusual had just occurred.

That left Tanya and her father alone.

He stared at her, still holding the newspaper he hadn't yet opened.

"So." He said dryly. "How was your night?"

Tanya gave him a sweet, clueless smile. "Good."

With a flick of his wrist, he tossed the paper onto the table.

Splashed across the front page.

LONDON LAMBO RAMPAGE: Teen Trio Wrecks Dozens of Cars in Wild Police Chase!

Busted! Casey giggles.