The Sword Saint (FateRoute!Shirou in Danmachi)

Ryuu Lion

"You're lying."

The words came out of Ryuu's mouth before she even consciously understood what he was saying.

Because it couldn't be.

"My Lady wouldn't have come back without a good reason. Not without telling me." Stupid, she shouldn't keep talking. Why was she humoring this joke with her answer?

Orario was dangerous for Lady Astraea. Had she chosen to come back she would have told Ryuu first. She might not have been answering her letters, but Ryuu read every one Lady Astraea sent her.

The last time she received one from her, her lady had told her she might go to Solingen next and stay for a while, not come here. She even told Ryuu to visit her once she settled.

"I'm not lying," he answered, before smiling with some amusement. "It's not like it would be hard for you to figure out if it's the truth or not." The adventurer then shrugged. "Head back to Stardust Garden where she's waiting for you and you'll know."

…he was right, it wasn't like a rookie adventurer could keep up with her. She could just check quickly and then come back if it turned out that an ambush was waiting for her.

He might not have the look of a bounty hunter, but someone could be using him. It wouldn't be the first time.

But what if it wasn't?

If her lady had truly returned, what was Ryuu supposed to do? Lady Astraea had excommunicated her. It wasn't like she could return to her side.

There was nothing for her to offer to her goddess, even if she wanted to... see her.

Your goddess wants to see you, Captain.

Then his words finally fully registered.

Her hands shook, and Ryuu felt the room close around her. No, it couldn't be.

"Why did you call me that?" Luckily the bar was mostly empty for now, and not many people could see her losing her mind. Unfortunately there was no avoiding the fact that her friends were descending the stairs, looking at the scene with some curiosity.

"Hm?"

"Captain. Why did you call me 'captain'?" Just one reason came to mind. One that also answered the question of why he was sent by her goddess to notify her of her return.

"Because that's what Astraea said you were. The Captain of the Familia," he declared simply, like he wasn't shattering her daily life with a couple of sentences.

Astraea, he said. No Lady, no Goddess, just plain Astraea. So casual, so irreverent. Not even Alise…

"You- Who are you?" she asked uselessly. Ryuu didn't know his name, but she already knew what he was.

He smiled softly, comfortingly, condescendingly, like she was a dangerous animal that had to be calmed down before continuing. No, shut up. Don't continue- "Nice to finally meet you, Ryuu Lion. My name is Shirou Emiya, and I'm the Astraea Familia vice-captain… or that was what our goddess said. It's not like I have anyone else to lead."

She dimly heard Syr and Anya gasping in surprise, she barely took note of Mama Mia looking at him with some interest, or the way Lunoire did it with suspicion.

There's no way. She thought. It wasn't that she expected Lady Astraea to never take any more children, she wouldn't wish that on her. Just like Ryuu had found her friends, she wanted her lady to find new people dear to her.

Some part of her did recoil at the thought of her Familia being replaced in her goddess' heart, but that was just her jealousy speaking.

No, if he was telling the truth, the problem was not that.

The problem was…

He's a man.

Her lady had been living with a man, alone.

And she hadn't been there to protect her from his advances.

-Line Break-

Ryuu looked at the gates of Stardust Garden with mixed feelings, trepidation and hope warring in her heart.

For almost a year, the building in front of her had been full of nothing but memories of those she loved, of those she lost. It broke her heart every time she came here. To enter a place that had been so full with life and laughter and purpose, and find it quiet.

Dead.

Visiting to clean just a couple of times a month, trying to keep the memories from being covered by dust until nothing was left, was the best she could do. She'd sooner die than live surrounded by the ghosts of her past.

She abandoned Stardust Garden, just like she had abandoned her goddess once upon a time, and found her place in the Hostess of Fertility. It wasn't easy at first, but as time passed she had come to accept the bar and her coworkers -her friends– as her new home.

But now Lady Astraea was waiting for her there. Looking at the garden, no longer overgrown, and the lights lit up in the inside, Ryuu felt she had gone back in time. Like she was going to open those gates and find her friends inside.

Like she was coming back home.

…But was she?

What would she find there once she entered? Lady Astraea welcoming her with open arms?

Or with scorn?

Lady Astraea had not removed her Falna the day she told Ryuu to abandon her justice, and the words in her letters always seemed more concerned than angry, but now she was here. Now she knew, or if she didn't she would soon know, of her sins. The crimes she committed, the bloodbath she left in her path.

Would she be left without her wings now?

…It wasn't like Lady Astraea would be left alone if she wasn't there anyway, or that her presence would be a boon for her fledgling Familia.

She glanced at the young man who was waiting for her to gather her courage and enter the house, a hand resting comfortably on the hilt of the sword on his waist. Alise's sword.

Shirou Emiya had been nothing but patient with her, answering question after question to prove he was telling the truth about Lady Astraea. Not even when he showed her that blade she accepted the truth of his words.

So doubtful she had been about a man being blessed by her lady that it hadn't been until he began telling her details of stories that only her or her goddess would know that she began to believe him.

He even knew about Lady Astraea's penchant for overindulging in sweets, something her goddess kept carefully hidden from the world from fear of appearing childish.

He truly was a part of the Familia.

And with that realization came the regret, the guilt.

Because of her paranoia she had been willing to hurt -to kill- Lady Astraea's Familia newest member. What kind of wretched thing had she become if her first reaction to anyone just knowing about her was to plan their murder?

…No, her being around her goddess' child would be a mistake. What would she do? Help him grow stronger? Protect him in the Dungeon?

With her hands dripping with blood?

She'd sooner leave than sully-

"Lion?" She looked up, meeting the bronze eyes of Emiya, who was looking at her with confusion. "You okay there, Captain?"

Don't call me that, she thought as she took a step backwards, shaking her head. She had been so lost in thought that he had gotten so close and she hadn't even noticed.

If anything she'd meet her goddess to make her dismiss the foolish notion that she put on Emiya's head.

Her? The Captain of the Astraea Familia? Taking Alise's mantle? What a joke.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." She shook her head, focusing back on the present. "I'm just still coming to terms with all of this. It was so sudden."

Emiya scratched the back of his head, his expression sheepish. "Sorry. Probably should have come at another time, not in the middle of your shift." Ryuu almost scoffed. It wasn't like the shock would have been lesser if he did that. "Speaking of, you sure it was okay to leave? The other girls looked quite displeased."

And with that he meant Anya, who was loudly complaining after Mama Mia just took a look at Ryuu and told her to take the morning shift to compensate. Syr, though… Syr had looked almost distracted when she wished Ryuu good luck.

For some reason her friend hadn't taken her eyes off Emiya until they left.

"It's fine. Mama Mia would've told me if I was truly needed. It's not like I could just keep working after learning Lady Astraea was back."

"Alright, if you say so. Should we go inside then? Astraea's going to rush out on her own to look for us if we dally any more." Ryuu nodded.

Emiya approached Stardust Garden and took a key out of his pocket, opening the gates casually.

Of course he did, he lived here. In the home her Familia had built over the years.

In spite of herself, Ryuu felt a mixture of regret and just plain jealousy settle heavy on her stomach.

But she didn't say anything, not even when, once again, the thought of her goddess living alone with a man came to her mind. What right did she have to say anything when she had chosen to abandon her goddess for revenge?

"I'm back, Astraea!" Following Emiya inside and past the foyer, Ryuu was struck once again by nostalgia once she saw the soft lights illuminate the living room. Furniture no longer covered in sheets and dust, the stale smell of abandonment having been replaced by the sweet scent of flowers.

And the woman standing from her seat, her radiance the same it was the last time Ryuu had seen her, her white dress as pristine as ever, her blue eyes shining with care, love, regret.

"Welcome back, Shirou… Ryuu," Lady Astraea said as she approached them, her voice bringing back memories of better times.

Ryuu froze.

She had imagined this moment many times during their year apart, and yet, now that she was here, she didn't know what to do, what to expect.

"My lady, I-" Ryuu let out a shuddering breath when the soft hand of her goddess caressed her cheek, cleaning tears that Ryuu didn't know had been falling.

And then Lady Astraea hugged her, and all Ryuu knew was warmth and comfort.

Ryuu Lion, the infamous Gale Wind, broke.

Sobbing like she was a child, she didn't even notice when her goddess brought her to the couch and took a seat with Ryuu still in her arms, tears falling from her own eyes, or when Shirou Emiya left the room, a soft smile on his face.

Ryuu, at least for this moment, was home.

-Line Break-

"Shorter hair fits you, I think. It makes you look more mature," Lady Astraea said, playing with Ryuu's hair. "I miss the blonde, though…" Ryuu wasn't looking but she knew her goddess was pouting.

"I miss it too, sometimes…" she whispered against her goddess' chest. "But if people started to recognize me… It would attract unwanted attention. I wouldn't want to do that to the Hostess."

Lady Astraea hummed, her caresses not stopping.

"The Hostess of Fertility. Quite the name, hm?" She giggled, and Ryuu felt herself blush, the tips of her ears turning hot.

"It's nothing scandalous!" she hissed. "It's just a bar, I- I wouldn't work somewhere like that."

"I know, silly. I'm just teasing. Still, I've never expected the prim and proud Ryuu Lion to be working as a waitress of all things," her lady mused. "Ah! Not that it's a bad thing, of course! It's just that… you were never the most… capable in household duties."

Ryuu wanted to groan, remembering the months of excruciating humiliation until she became able to work without breaking a single plate. "I wasn't. To be honest, I never expected to end there either… The owner and everyone else in the bar helped me a lot at first, when things were the worst…" Especially Syr. Ryuu wouldn't know what would be of her without her friend in her life.

She'd be dead, most likely.

"You've made some good friends, I see," Her goddess whispered. "I'm glad. I…knew you were alive, but I can't say I haven't been worried about how you were faring, especially after I heard the things that were said about the situation here." There was some sadness in Lady Astraea's voice, and Ryuu could guess why it was there.

"I… I wanted to write to you, my Lady, but every time I sat in front of the empty pages… words wouldn't come out." Countless hours she had spent with a quill in her hand, and yet the pages remained blank. "I wanted to tell you that I was… fine, that you didn't have to worry anymore, that I made friends that helped me through my pain, but I never could. Forgive me."

"Silly girl, there's nothing to forgive. I'm here now, you can tell me anything you want from now on, and you can introduce me to your friends." Lady Astraea's hug tightened. "I really want to thank them for taking care of my child in my absence."

Silence fell between them, both enjoying the comfort of each other's warmth, not wanting to deal with the elephant in the room. Ryuu knew it wouldn't last, that there were words that must be spoken, but she indulged in her childishness for a moment, feeling herself almost being lulled to sleep by Her Lady's caresses.

Of course, that just gave time to Lady Astraea to get back to her favorite pastime.

"...And for finally making you put on a dress~. Truly, that was the most remarkable deed they could accomplish!" Her goddess gushed. "I could hardly believe it was you when you entered."

"I-it's just part of my work uniform!" Ryuu had been in such a hurry that she had only removed the apron and headdress and just went out in her work dress. "I don't normally wear this kind of thing!"

"Aw~ really? I thought I could finally dress you up in my favorite dresses~." Ryuu shook her head, and was about to answer when the sound of steps approaching finally made her leave her goddess' embrace.

Shirou Emiya entered the room, a tray expertly balanced on top of his right hand, and Ryuu had to raise an eyebrow at the ghost of a smirk on his face. "...What?" she asked defensively. Was he feeling amusement at the moment of weakness she shared with her -their- goddess?

"Ah, sorry," he apologized while approaching them. "It was just funny to finally see someone else on the other end of Astraea's… care," Emiya said, making Lady Astraea huff.

"I'm not that bad," her lady said and Ryuu shared a look with Emiya filled with skepticism. "Hey, don't you two team up against me."

"Of course not, my goddess," Emiya said with a fond smirk and started to serve the contents of his tray, a tea set and a plate with snacks, with the ease of an experienced waiter. He does it better than me… "Here, I made some tea. Enjoy it during your talk," he said softly.

Emiya poured the tea into the cups and then added a spoonful of honey to the cup he gave Lady Astraea. "Darjeeling with honey, just like I like it… Thank you, Shirou." Astraea patted his hand with a soft smile. Ryuu tried to not show her feelings while watching their interaction.

So familiar with each other… I wonder how long ago they met.

"I'll be outside doing some training. Call me if you need anything else." And then he left, being followed by Lady Astraea's warm eyes the whole way out. Ryuu's eyes narrowed.

"That boy, why is he acting so reserved?" Lady Astraea pouted. "He could have just joined us. Is he being shy, I wonder?"

Ryuu felt she knew why, though. If he had heard about what she had done, then he probably wouldn't want to associate too much with her. He was probably just humoring her to make his goddess happy. "You seem… close. I've never seen you get along so well with a man before." Gods are one thing, but with a mortal? She had never seen her even interact with one, for that matter. She didn't truly know how to feel about it.

"Hm? Does it bother you? That he's a man?" Lady Astraea asked before taking a sip of her tea. "Mm~ I know that we only accepted girls before but I didn't think you'd be against it. He's exactly the kind of member we'd be happy to have back then."

Ryuu sighed, and took a sip of her tea to gain some more time to formulate an answer. Oh… It's really well brewed. The fruity flavor of the tea drew a small smile from her as the warmth suffused her body.

Thinking about it, it had been after Maryuu joined that it had become the norm to just dismiss any applications of men without thought. Some of the girls had… problems with men. They took comfort in the fact that there were none in the Familia when they joined and so it remained that way

"It doesn't. If he has your approval, my lady, then I don't mind." It wasn't like she particularly hated men, or feared them like Maryuu, for example, had, but to hear that one had joined Lady Astraea was shocking due to how out of that norm it was. And it told her that even if she returned to the Familia, it wouldn't be the same. "If he was chosen by you, then he couldn't be a bad person."

"It wasn't my intention to accept new members any time soon, but, well, he charmed me," her lady said, placing a hand on her cheek, a faint blush coloring her face. Ryuu's eyes narrowed once more. "Shirou… he's special. He's kind and selfless, with a strong sense of justice…and so, so stubborn. Alise would've gotten along so well with him. After I got to know him, there was no way I was going to let him get taken by anyone else."

"So, is he the reason you came back here?"

"A great part, yes. He was really determined to grow stronger, and the best place to do so is the Dungeon. I heard that things had calmed down here, so it was the perfect opportunity," her lady explained.

Ryuu nodded, it made sense. The best place to grow as an Adventurer was Orario. Now that the only thing people had to worry about was the monsters in the Dungeon, it was the perfect time to start on one's journey to divinity.

She wondered, though, how far could Emiya go. He wouldn't be as challenged as her and her friends had been. The Dark Age, as people began to call it, was dangerous, but it was that danger that had allowed her to grow as fast as she had.

"The fact that you were here made it even better. I missed you, you know?" Lady Astraea said, her smile forlorn.

Ryuu had missed her goddess too, but… She placed her cup on the table with a clink, and met Lady Astraea's indigo blue eyes.

"...Even after all I've done? You told me you've heard about it." Lady Astraea nodded. Of course she did, everyone knew about the Gale Wind's rampage.

Ryuu looked down, before she breathed deeply and looked up again. If she was about to receive judgment, she would do it head-on. "Emiya, he... He called me Captain, but there's no way I'm fit to lead anything, much less your Familia. I've abandoned justice, so I don't deserve it."

Lady Astraea fell silent and Ryuu could see the conflict in her eyes. Then she sighed and grasped Ryuu's hand over the coffee table. "Ryuu. Did you think I didn't know what you were going to do? That I wasn't aware of the path that you were going to follow?" she asked. "I did, I was. And yet I left without stopping you. I share responsibility for what happened." Her Lady smiled softly. "That guilt of yours… Return as my Captain and let's carry it together."

No.

She was making a mistake.

She was the Goddess of Justice and Purity, for her to be dirtied by the blood she had spilled… Ryuu wouldn't accept that.

It was as she thought. Lady Astraea was better off without her.

Ryuu stood up.

"No, I can't accept that. I'm sorry, my lady. If it comes to that, then I prefer you to not be associated with me." She shook her head. "My past actions would only bring trouble to you and your new Familia, and I won't allow that."

"Ryuu, stop. There's no new Familia, it hasn't changed. You… you are still an important part of it. Please, let me- let us help you carry that burden. If there's a way to atone, let us find it toge- Ryuu! Please, wait!"

But Ryuu wasn't listening. Without another word, she left the living room, and headed straight to the entrance, ignoring her goddess pleas to stop.

-Line Break-

"Where are you going?" The voice stopped Ryuu as she was about to jump over the gates of Stardust Garden, feeling stupid for not bringing her key.

She turned around and was met with the sight of Emiya, longsword in hand, approaching her with a confused expression.

"Is...your talk over already?" he asked. "I heard some shouting, is everything alright?"

Ryuu shook her head. "There was not much to talk about. Just some things I felt I needed to clarify. You probably won't see me again after this." She smiled mirthlessly at the confused young man. "Congratulations are in order, I think. You'll probably be named Captain and you'll deserve it more than I do."

"I don't understand, Astraea was so excited to see you again, I can't see her agreeing with this."

"She didn't, but that's because she's kind. After all I've done, I would probably just sully the Familia's reputation. I… don't want to do that, so I'll leave and won't bother you two again." She looked at the closed gate and then back at him. "Could you open this? I don't want to leap over the wall."

Shirou Emiya looked at her for a moment, before the sword in his hand disappeared in motes of green light. A magic sword? As he crossed his arms over his chest she remembered.

"Who says my hand would stay empty for long?" A spell then?

"No." She tilted her head in confusion.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"No, I don't think I will open those gates for you. If that's what this is about, then I think you are wrong. Astraea wouldn't want you to leave for that. Come back inside and talk to her, please."

Her eyes widened and then narrowed in anger. "This isn't about what she wants! This is about what's best for her! For you! Do you want to be associated with me and my past? For people to think your Familia holds a murderous maniac?"

Emiya frowned. "You think I care about that? That Astraea does? Something like reputation?" He scoffed. "Then you don't know her at all. Are you really her child?"

"You! You dare-!" Ryuu took a step forward, her fist clenched in anger. It would be easy to shut him up-

Stay your hand, you monster. That's your goddess' child. She let out a shuddering breath through gritted teeth.

"I dare, because this is not about reputation, or whether you are deserving of being here or not. This is you running away." Ryuu froze. "What did you expect when you came here? For you to be forgiven of your sins? For you to be punished? But instead you found Astraea wanting to take responsibility for them."

"How? How do you-?"

"What? You think we don't talk about you? About your Familia's past?" He smirked sarcastically. "Sometimes you are all she talks about. She still loves you, even after finding out about what you did. Enough to want to accept your sins as hers and atone with you. And you can't handle that, so you are running like a coward."

"Don't speak like you know what you are talking about," she hissed. "You think you understand me? Us?" With those clear, innocent eyes. Eyes that don't know suffering or grief. That never saw the worst humanity could do, the sins they could commit. If he knew, he wouldn't-

"I know I don't, you idiot!" He snapped. "The only one who can understand you, who can share your pain, is in there, and you are leaving her for such a stu-" "Shirou!"

Emiya closed his mouth with a click and looked to the door, where Lady Astraea was standing. "Shirou, please stop. I know you are doing it for my sake, but if you keep talking, I will get mad and you don't deserve that," her lady said with an anguished expression. Emiya just sighed and nodded.

"If that's what you want, Astraea."

Ryuu stood frozen, Emiya's words reverbarating in her mind.

As much as she hated it, there was truth in them. She was just running, like she had always done.

Changing her hairstyle, not replying Lady Astraea's letters, even the way she devoted herself to her new job. It was all a way for her to not think about her past, to keep hiding from it. And now that her goddess was here, that her past had caught up to her… she found the first excuse to leave and go back to the life she had built while burying her head in the sand.

Yes, she may hate it, but he was right. She was a coward.

"Ryuu." Her goddess' expression was twisted into a sad smile. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have forced you to come back like that. I won't stop you if you want to leave…Just promise me you will visit me sometimes, hm?"

"My lady, I-" Ryuu sighed. Stop running, coward. "I promise." She then glanced at Emiya, who was looking at her with a neutral expression. Ryuu grimaced. "And… I can't say I will accept, but I promise that I will think about the choice you've given me." It felt wrong, like she was sacrificing her goddess' integrity for her actions, but Ryuu wouldn't just dismiss it anymore. "I... just need some time to think about it."

She had more pride than that.

Lady Astraea approached her and gave her a hug. "Even if you decide you don't want to take the position, you're always welcome back here. It's your home, after all."

Ryuu hugged her back "I promise to come back whenever I have time, my goddess." Lady Astraea hummed happily.

Ryuu separated from the hug, and gave her goddess a brittle smile, before she turned around and found Emiya opening the gates.

They shared a silent look for a moment, before Ryuu nodded and left, feeling his eyes following her back until she turned to the main street.

She walked a few blocks in silence, stopping in an alley in between buildings some minutes after. "Having fun skulking around?" she asked the seemingly empty air.

"Oh, figures you would notice-nya~" A shadow leaped from the roof of the building to her right and fell silently in front of her. "That looked intense for a moment. You okay, Ryuu?"

"I'm fine," she answered, giving the black haired cat woman an unimpressed look. "Why are you here, Chloe?"

"Aw~ Don't look at me like that, it was all Lunoire's idea. She went to look for me when you left with a guy claiming to be a member of your Familia, and told me to follow just in case." Ryuu felt some warmth at the worry shown by her friends, unneeded as it was, but then Chloe smirked slyly. "Still, it was curious to see you get so passionate with someone. Didn't know that was your type of men, Ryuu. A little too manly for my tastes, but I may ask for a ride later if you don't mind-nya."

Ryuu narrowed her eyes, feeling her cheeks grow a little warm at the implication. "No, not him, Chloe. He's a member of my Familia, I won't allow you to sink your perverted claws on him." Besides… if she wasn't reading her goddess wrong… No, she won't allow anyone to meddle in her goddess'... possible intentions with her child, undeserved as Emiya may be.

"Whoa-nya. Kitty has claws." Chloe snickered. "So, it seems everything went… well?"

"As well as it could have, in spite of the situation," she admitted. "My goddess is patient, so she gave me time to think about my options."

"...Oh. Is there a change of profession waiting for you in the future-nya?" Chloe asked nonchalantly, but Ryuu could hear the concern in her voice.

"...Nothing guaranteed yet." She shrugged. "It's not like I can come back easily to Adventuring, blacklisted as I am." And even if she could, exploring the deeper floors on her own would be… foolhardy. Waiting for Emiya to catch up would be the best option in that case but… he's still a Level 1, it would take years at best.

Maybe she could spar with him sometimes? The Level disparity between them was so wide that even that could give him Excelia.

She could offer him some pointers…

That is if he even wants to see me again after the mess that was today. She thought wrily.

"Well, anything you need, you can talk to us. Even if you just want an ear to rant to."

Ryuu smiled. "Thank you, Chloe."

"Well! Let's go home-nya!"

Ryuu followed her friend, her pensive mood lifted a little by her constant chatter.

Home, huh…

She wondered which one she would end up choosing in the future… or if there was a future in which she could choose both.

A mirthless smile appeared on her face at that thought.

That sounds like something too nice for it to happen to me.

-Line Break-

Emiya Shirou

"Shirou, why do you follow justice?"

I lifted my eyes from the papers detailing the information of the fifth floor of the Dungeon and met the curious eyes of my goddess.

I raised an eyebrow. Dinner had been a quiet affair after Ryuu Lion had left. Astraea didn't seem to be in the mood for conversation and, to be honest, neither was I.

I had wanted to show a good side of me to the girl my goddess loved, to show that Astraea had made a good choice in giving me her Falna, but I had to admit that I messed it up. I thought that even after my initial misstep in the bar, I would be able to get along well with my Captain, but everything went wrong in the end.

Ryuu Lion seemed standoffish, paranoid, and to be on a hair-trigger when it came to her past. Nothing like the sweet, innocent girl Astraea had described to me, but considering the events of her past, that was nothing unexpected. I figured I would need time until I could get closer to her, but I didn't mind.

When I remembered Astraea's excited expression when she heard I knew where Ryuu Lion was, and saw her loving smile when she had her child in her arms, I thought that even if we didn't get along, things would be fine as long as our goddess was happy.

…But then I saw her leave the house not even ten minutes after I left them with tea and heard her excuses and I got… pissed and ruined everything.

Thus, a silent dinner.

I was just passing some time in the living room by reviewing the details of the floors I would hopefully get to explore soon, and was about to go back to my room to train when Astraea seemed to finish gathering her thoughts.

I put down the paper I was reading and approached the table Astraea was sitting at, near one of the windows. "Quite the question, all of a sudden," I noted while sitting down.

"Mm. It is sudden right?" She agreed, playing with one of her locks. "After seeing Ryuu… I was brought back to how we used to do things here. We often had discussions about the nature of Justice and about why my girls decided to follow it, and I realized I never truly asked you why you do it."

I nodded. Things had been hectic after arriving in Orario, and after our first couple of days here filled with heavy conversations, we decided to just enjoy each other's company without the pressure of more of those revelations.

We had time to get to know each other slowly, and so we decided to just not… delve in those heavy topics for a while.

I smiled. Seems that it was time to share a bit more. Shame it had to be a topic that, no matter how I told it, would be a hard conversation.

"I told you it was a promise, right?" Astraea nodded. "It was one I made to my adoptive father, Kiritsugu Emiya, the night he died."

As expected, my goddess' eyes widened and one of her hands shot to grab mine to give me comfort. I smiled softly, telling her without words that it was alright.

"You... didn't tell me you were adopted," she said. Huh, she was right, I hadn't.

"I never considered him anything less than my true father, so that's probably why I didn't mention it. But more importantly, he was also my hero." Astraea looked at me curiously at that, willing me to continue. "A little more than ten years ago there was a fire in the city I lived in."

I looked away from my goddess, focusing my eyes on the night sky I could see from the window. Astraea was kind, so I knew this would be hard for her to hear. "It consumed a great part of the city, and hundreds died as a result of it, including my birth parents." I moistened my lips. "I also was there and it was in the aftermath of that that my father found me and saved my life."

"I won't burden you with the details, but it was a miracle that I survived, and it was all thanks to him." I smiled, remembering the details of that moment, feeling Astraea's hold on my hand tightening. "He had been looking for survivors in the wreckage for hours, but hadn't found anyone… until he found me. His smile when he saved me was so full of joy, of relief, that I couldn't help but think that someday I wanted to smile just like that."

"Ah, is that why…?"

I nodded. "Mm, after he adopted me, I did everything in my power to follow in his footsteps and when he told me he had wanted to be a hero of justice, I decided to inherit that dream of his, promise him that I would be one in his place. It...wasn't just because I wanted to smile like he had, but also because I didn't want people to suffer if I could do something about it. I alone was the one that survived that tragedy, so I must live for others, those were my thoughts when I gave that promise to my father."

Strangely, Astraea frowned at my answer. "Shirou… That's…"

"Ah, it's kind of a selfish reason isn't it?" I smiled sheepishly. "In the end, I just want the people around me to smile, to not be sad. That's why I enjoy helping others so much... If I could use this life of mine that was saved to help others, I felt I could find some worth in having survived." A second passed, then two, and then Astraea stood up in a flash and buried my head on her chest.

I felt my face begin to burn with something other than lack of air. My goddess, however, didn't seem to care about me being suffocated in her breasts and just caressed my hair. "I won't say that your answer is wrong, or that the justice you follow is incorrect," she whispered. "I like to believe that there are many types of justice, as many as there are stars in the sky, so yours is just one of them…"

Her hold tightened. Were her hands… shaking? "But personally… I would like it if you stopped considering your life as something without worth. To live to make those around you happy is a beautiful thing… but please remember that this goddess of yours will be sad if you are not included in that happiness."

Ah.

This was just like Saber once said. I was a fool who didn't know the value of his own life. I knew that I lacked something that every person had. The place in which my self-worth would be was empty.

Due to that I had thought that true happiness would be hard, almost impossible, for me to grasp.

But I didn't mind being like that, because I had been able take that emptiness and fill it with Saber. Even after she was gone, I just decided to live a life that would make her proud until my final breath. There hadn't been anything more important for me than that, no other happiness available to me.

But now, in the arms of my goddess, I began to think…

Even if I lived a life worth living… If I died, wouldn't that mean that Astraea would be left all alone again?

Could I…be happy with that?

-Line Break-

I sat cross legged on the floor of my room, my breathing deep and measured, focusing my intent inwards. Twenty seven mystical channels waited for my input.

"Trace On."

With the strike of the hammer of a gun, I began to open them one by one, slowly filling them with my Od.

Little by little I felt my temperature rise as the circuits worked their magic and processed my od until the magic energy that fueled my spells was ready to be used.

Focusing like this truly showed me how much they changed with just a drop of divine blood.

It wasn't just the capacity that improved, but also the speed in which they worked and the quality of the magic energy being produced –though that could very well be because of the improvement on my Od itself–. Even the strain of processing the Mana of the air into magic energy had lessened.

Really, Magi from my world would give everything for an improvement like this, especially considering that what I was feeling was just the baseline of the Falna.

I inhaled and exhaled, concentrating in the rhythm of my rapidly beating heart. I felt my blood burn as it coursed through my veins, the heat of my active Magic Circuits boiling everything inside of me.

It was easy to ignore the pain, to use my self-hypnosis to wave away the sensation of pure heat, just like I had done multiple times during the course of my life.

Compared to the times I cannibalized my own nerves, compared to the sensation of shoving a red-hot metal rod down my spine, this was almost easy to handle.

I focused, going through my… armory –the word as fitting as any to describe the multiple weapons I could perfectly recall –, the blueprints flashing through my mind, one after the other.

At this point I had hundreds of them.

I inhaled, opening my right hand. "Judging the concept of creation, hypothesizing the basic structure," I muttered under my breath, choosing to take my time with my tracing.

Most of them were mundane. Pieces of cutlery, training shinai, ornamental swords from Old Man Raiga's house, bows and arrows from the archery club. There were also many weapons I caught glimpses of during the dream cycle, weapons Saber had seen during the wars she lived through.

And of course, the weapons I've seen over the course of this week in Orario. Most of them were nothing more than scrap, but there were a couple that were really well-forged. Creations of children of gods.

Sparks of green magic energy flashed through my fingers. "Duplicating the composition material, imitating the skill of its making."

Then there were those weapons that had a more… magical origin, like the Azoth Sword or like the weapons the Servants of the Holy Grail War had used.

Gae Bolg, the spear Lancer had pierced my heart with.

The monstrosity of an axe-sword that Berserker wielded like it weighed nothing, the one that had almost cut me in half for protecting Saber.

The chained daggers that Rider had used to summon her Pegasus.

Monohoshizao, the extremely long and fragile nodachi that Assassin used to fight Saber to an almost standstill, and even manage to hurt her with.

Rule Breaker, the magical dagger that Caster had no chance to use before Gilgamesh killed her unceremoniously with a barrage of Noble Phantasms.

A barrage of weapons I remember as well, alongside the others he used to fight Saber, and the sword he used to cut me.

Merodach, Durandal, Dainsleif, Houtengeki, Gram, amongst others.

Legendary weapons that anyone would know… or rather, pseudo-prototypes of those legendary weapons, empty of history and deeds, held by his Gate of Babylon.

They were blank slates, powerful but shallow. I didn't like them much, but I couldn't forget them even if I wanted to.

And speaking of not liking… Kanshou and Bakuya, the twin swords that Archer used.

I grimaced, the sparks in my hand growing in intensity as I felt the ghost of his presence creeping on the edge of my consciousness, hidden in the history of those swords.

Beautiful and deadly as they were, those I wouldn't fully Trace.

I inhaled and exhaled, finding comfort in Caliburn and Excalibur, both of her swords shining like beacons in my mind, feeling closer to me than any other.

I inhaled. "Sympathizing with the experience of its growth."

And standing by their side were the weapons her knights used. Weapons like Lancelot's Arondight, Gawain's Galatine, Tristan's Failnaught, Galahad's Lord Camelot.

Saber's own Carnwennan and Rhongomyniad, her Prydwen.

Probably the strongest weapons and armaments I could recall and most of them I could not Trace, at least not fully, no matter how much I tried.

Tohsaka had assumed it had something to do with their creation. Weapons created by the Fae or the Divine evaded my full comprehension. There were gaping holes in their making, processes I could not make sense of.

Even now that I had some divine blood of my own, I could not.

I wonder if my training with Hephaestus, a divine blacksmith, would rectify that.

Will there be a day in which I will hold the Sword of Promised Victory in my hands? Was that something I could begin to strive towards?

To see that golden glow again?

"Excelling every manufacturing process."

My spell completed, in sparks of green, a dagger appeared in my hand. An unremarkable iron dagger created by a novice blacksmith from Bristol and that Saber had used during her childhood.

Then it disappeared, the longsword Sir Kay used as a youth and that I used to kill the goblins of Westmount taking its place.

Again, it faded in motes of magic, and in the same way, another weapon appeared. A spear that a footsoldier in Artoria's army had wielded to fight against her enemies, and that had remained in his hands even as he was killed in battle.

The Azoth Sword that had killed Tohsaka Tokiomi, and that had then been used by me to kill his killer.

A shield, a great sword, a shinai, a butter knife, one of Tohsaka's ritual daggers.

Again and again, weapons of all types appeared in my hand, and then disappeared, only to be replaced by another, and then another. I assembled and disassembled, created and destroyed, made and unmade, forged and dismantled weapon after weapon.

My whole being was fire.

The heat of my magic… It felt sweltering, but there was a comfort to be found in it. Over the next hour or so, the fire that coursed through my veins became my only constant, my only tether, as the history of hundreds upon hundreds of blades flowed through my mind.

As my hands held weapon after weapon, the heat in the air brought me back to that day on Hephaestus' children forge. So much I swore I could feel on my chest the weight of the hand of the Goddess of Blacksmiths.

And, for a moment, I thought I was in a forge.

That I was a forge.

-Line Break-

I exhaled, letting the sword in my hand fade back into the magic of the world with a slightly tired, yet satisfied, smile on my face.

More than an hour of constant magical training and there were no mistakes, no backlash. The control I now had over my circuits kept surprising me, matter how many times I used magecraft.

I felt some amusement at the thought of Tohsaka ever finding out I was given such a gift.

"Now, just one more thing before I retire for the night."

Shaking my head, I dispelled the distractions from my mind and focused back on my training. My Falna began to warm up as I started feeding Avalon my magic energy.

I didn't have any wounds to heal other than the slight soreness after a day of fighting, but activating the Sheath was the best way to strain my Magic as much as possible, so I did it without fail every night.

Relief rushed through my body as I felt the small amount of damage I had accrued during the day, like muscular tears or almost undetectable sprains, disappear as the golden glow of Avalon emanated from my body.

It felt almost like cheating, how I could feel my muscles getting stronger day by day even without updating my Falna. Probably this kind of growth would soon be overtaken by my updates, but any advantage I could get for now, I would use.

A shame that my magic circuits don't follow the same logic. No matter how much I train my Circuits, how much punishment I put them through, they won't raise in quality on their own. I thought, as the strain I put my circuits through my Tracing training and to power Avalon…was healed by Avalon. But I guess that's why I train my Magic Basic Ability so much, after all.

Once the flow of magic was cut, I considered trying to activate once more the Absolute Defense but I grimaced when I remembered the few times I already tried to do so, or rather the few times I failed to do so.

I shouldn't be surprised, to be honest. If powering the healing aspect was costly enough to require everything I could produce at the moment, then it made sense that the Defense, the deployment of the literal Realm of the Fae in an enclosed area, was too much for me to handle.

I needed… more. A deeper connection to my Magic Circuits, to my soul.

An update to the Falna would be the obvious way to do it, an upgrade to my Magic Basic Ability… but what if I used an Aria? One that would put me in a better state of self-hypnosis than just my trigger.

Trace on wouldn't cut it, I needed something more.

Unbidden, words came to my mind. Words that I had first thought about when I first met Hephaestus, when I was reminded of what Emiya Shirou should be.

That could work.

"My body is made-" I was forced to stop, though, when a knock from my door brought me out of my focus.

"Shirou? Are you still awake?" I exhaled and with a flex of my will, I closed my circuits. I would try that another time.

"I am. It's unlocked, Astraea," I answered, and I began to regret my decision when my goddess entered the room.

It seemed that she had just finished her bath, as her hair was still slightly wet and her skin flushed. Her scent, so reminiscent of lavender invaded my room.

…She was also wearing a sleeping gown that, while covering more skin than her normal dresses, was also… thinner, leaving little of her curves to the imagination. I swallowed, trying to moisten my suddenly dry throat.

"Can I help you, my goddess?" I asked, rising from my place on the floor. Astraea took a second to look around my room, which hadn't changed much since I claimed it aside from the addition of my clothes and my study notes, and then smiled.

"I just wanted to let you know the bath was free. Were you still training this late?"

"Ah, yeah. Since I'm taking the day off, I decided to go a little longer tonight," I explained. "I want to get my Magic to at least H before tomorrow."

Astraea looked at me weirdly. "Shirou, you probably already went past that point. You've been training your magic every day!" She giggled. "If it's not on G, I'll be surprised!"

"Huh, really? Fannett did say that I was probably on H in some of them, but G? You sure about that?"

She sighed exasperatedly. "My hero, I've seen the amount of training you put in every day. I know that." She narrowed her eyes in thought, and then nodded. "You know what? We're Updating now. You'll see."

And with that, my goddess headed straight to my bed and sat down over the covers. "Come on, take off your shirt and lay down," she said, patting the bed a few times.

I sighed. Well, it's not like waiting for tomorrow would change the results much.

I removed my shirt with nonchalance I was not feeling and tried not to be self-conscious about the way her eyes inspected my body.

"You've gotten bigger. More muscular," Astraea noted. "I've noticed your clothes looking tighter on you as the days passed, but, seeing you now, I can see why… It's curious how different you are to them…"

I looked down at my body. Ann had said so as well when I tried on the stuff she gave me as a gift, and I had noticed that every day that passed since, what little of fat I had thanks to my daily exercises back home, was steadily being replaced by hard muscle.

A combination of me using Avalon every day and the changes the Falna made to my body, I gathered.

"Is it so different? Everyone from the Familia was higher Level than me, right?" I asked as I approached her. "Wouldn't that mean that they were multitudes stronger than me? I don't think I'm anything impressive in comparison."

"Ah, I never did explain it properly, didn't I?" Astraea said as she moved to the side to give me space to lay down. "The Falna…it enhances the body of the user, yes, but it also makes it so the physical changes are… tailor made for them," she explained. "Following the conscious and unconscious desires of the user, it molds their body to their ideal image. The Falna takes in account what the Adventurer did to earn excelia and changes their body so they are better at it."

"So, if I'm gaining muscle… it's because I want to?" I asked, trying to ignore the way her weight settled on me. Just like the first time she blessed me, Astraea crossed one leg over my waist and straddled me… only this time instead of hovering she just sat on me. I cleared my throat. "And here I thought that it was because of my training," I tried to joke.

"Fufu, it may as well be. You just got your Falna, so any changes should be more… subtle. It's only after a few Levels up that it becomes truly apparent. But instead you…" Astraea tailed off then and I stiffened a little when I felt her warm hands settle on my upper arms. "I haven't even Updated you once, and yet your arms, your shoulders, your back… everything got bigger," Astraea whispered the last part, her hands leaving a trail of fire as they followed her words, ending up pressed on my back. I shuddered. "My girls, even when they Leveled up again and again, favored a… leaner frame."

Thinking about it, Ryuu Lion was supposed to be a Level four, but her arms looked so thin that I couldn't see them being stronger than mine.

Curious thing, the Falna was.

My thoughts on the matter got derailed, though, as Astraea's hands kept exploring my back relentlessly.

I shivered. "So, about that update…" I trailed off, reminding my goddess about why she was still straddling me.

"Oh, right! Let's get this over with. I'm excited to see your progress." 

Without much of the fanfare that had surrounded the moment I gained my Falna, Astraea pricked her finger with a needle. Curiously, the blood that came out of her finger was red, instead of the glowing gold of last time. Maybe because she wasn't unraveling her divinity while doing so?

The drop of blood hit my back and I… didn't feel any different.

I turned my head, about to ask if something had gone wrong, and was surprised by the glow that seemed to emanate from my Falna.

Astraea had her eyes focused on my Status, her fingers moving as if she was writing in mid-air. "Astraea?" I asked when a few seconds passed and she kept moving her fingers around.

"Be patient, Shirou, just a couple more seconds," Astraea chided me, focused on the glowing symbol tattooed on my back. "There was more Excelia to distribute than I expected... My, you certainly kept busy. You told me you have been helping people, but this many..." She let out a breathy sigh.

Huh, I wonder how she sees what I've done. Is she seeing every moment through my eyes? Seeing the moments in which my skills activated? Can she read my experiences the same way I read my weapons?

"...Very well done, with these numbers your advisor won't have reason to complain," she said after a few minutes, before pressing both her splayed hands on my back.

I inhaled sharply when I felt once more the changes all around my body, not as noticeable as they had been the night I gained my Falna, but considerable nonetheless. I couldn't truly check my physical changes without actually moving my body, but the changes in my magic were obvious from the get go.

My internal reserves had once again grown, and focusing for a second in my magic circuits showed me their obvious improvement.

The rustling of paper pulled me out of my reverie and I opened my eyes to find the sheet with my Status written on it placed on the bed, in front of my eyes.

Name: Shirou Emiya.

Level 1

STR: H137

END: H103

DEX: H146

AGI: I57

MAG: G274

Magic:

Skills:

{Ashes of a Beautiful Dream}

{Pursuit of an Everdistant Utopia}

"Three H ranks and a G in less than two weeks. Remarkable," Astraea whispered softly, once again placing her hands over my shoulders. "Considering this, your new sword and your reinforcement I gather you wouldn't have trouble exploring up and until the seventh or eight floor as long as you are careful. Maybe more if Ry- you can find a party."

Maybe more if Ryuu can help you, she meant to say, I guessed. I grimaced. After the mess that was today, can I expect her to want to help me at all?

Even as I fell in thought, Astraea's hands resumed their exploration of my back "Astraea…?" There was no longer a reason for her to still be up there…

"Hm? Ah! Sorry, does it bother you, Shirou? I just wanted to… give you a massage! Yes, as a reward for your improvement!" Astraea exclaimed in the most blatant attempt for an excuse I had ever seen. "You don't mind right?" I wanted to sigh, was she trying to tease me again?

I glanced back, my eyes narrowed before I blinked in confusion. Was Astraea… blushing?

I considered for a second, on one hand this was obviously a ploy for my goddess to tease me… on the other, a massage sounded pretty nice after the long day I had.

…Screw it, it's not like I'd lose anything other than my non-existent pride by saying yes.

I nodded, and Astraea got back to her… massaging with an eager gleam in her eye.

I tried to calm myself down with… some success. Instead of focusing on the intimacy of the position we were in, on the goosebumps and shivers that her touch kept causing, I just focused on the relief that her warm massage was offering me. Avalon may have healed any torn muscles, but tiredness was another thing entirely.

It wasn't long before I was fighting to keep my consciousness. It had been a long day and this… this was heavenly enough that I was falling asleep on the spot.

"Fufu, I've been told I'm rather good at massages. There was no one in my Familia I could not turn to putty with my hands," she said, her tone proud and I had to ignore the images her words brought. It was hard, my hazy mind working against me. "Getting this kind of treatment, aren't you glad you joined my Familia?"

I huffed, trying to downplay the effect her touch was having on me. "...Maybe. It almost makes up for all the teasing you do regularly." I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

"Oh, shush. Don't pretend like you don't enjoy my attention~." She giggled. "Hephaestus wouldn't do this for you, you know?"

I raised an eyebrow, looking over my shoulder at the grinning Astraea. Why bring up Hephaestus all of a sudden?

"Oh? You think so?" I played along, a sleepy grin on my face. "I guess I won't ask for a transfer to her Familia then. And here I was about to show her this paper to convince her."

Astraea hummed. "Mm~? Were you considering joining just to get intimate with my friend? Were you just after her body?" She then gasped in shock. "Is that why you joined me?"

I snorted. "That's right, I joined this Familia for your body, not because of a silly thing like justice. You got me, Astraea," I declared before I sighed dramatically. "You shouldn't get jealous, my goddess, Hephaestus might be beautiful, but you're the only goddess I would choose."

"Mou, I'm not jealous." Astraea pouted, her lips twitching upwards. "I'm just protective of what's mine, and considering you are going to visit her to pick up your sword, I need to stake my claim," she declared. "...maybe I should just go with you."

And now she was just acting silly.

It was a few minutes later under her care, when my consciousness was hanging by a thread, that her voice brought me back for a second.

"-so mean, calling Hephaestus beautiful… even though you never said something like that to me…" I heard her whispering.

What a silly thing to worry about.

"... you are beautiful, my goddess. Is it really necessary for me to say something so obvious…?" Was all that I managed to say before I lost my fight to Morpheus.

So deep was my slumber that I didn't even react when the weight of Astraea left my back and joined me in bed, pulling the covers over both of us.

I just relaxed even more, pulling her warmth to my chest to keep the chill of winter away.

That night I dreamed of wings flying high in the sky, watching over an indistinctive, blurry world, the scent of lavender and morning dew filling the air.