The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

I entered the bathroom after taking off my clothes. When I removed my underwear, it felt as if I were some kind of criminal. However, as I stood naked in front of the mirror, that feeling intensified.

At this point, I thought I might look somewhat older, even if I was short. Perhaps that was just my wishful thinking.

Now that I thought about it, my hair seemed to have grown quite a bit over the past few days. The hair that reached down to my waist was uncomfortable. I wanted to go to the salon immediately to get it cut, but since I was advised to refrain from going out for a while, I decided to leave it as it was for now.

Fortunately, there were towels and shampoo prepared in the bathroom, none of which I had used before. The shampoo had “kids” written on it. Speaking of which, I was told not to use products that were too harsh even while washing. I sighed and turned on the water.

Washing my hair took much longer than I expected. This must be the reason why women’s bathing times are infamously long. Next time I cut my hair, I should just go for a drastic chop. I didn’t want to spend such a long time showering every day.

Still, the warm water felt nice.

After awkwardly washing my entire body with my clumsy hands, I rinsed off. Even though I was the one washing my own body, it still felt strange. I would surely get used to it someday. But I didn’t want to. The more I got used to it, the more I would lose myself.

After drying off with a towel, I stepped out. I turned on the hair dryer and started drying my hair. Since washing my hair took such a long time, I figured drying it would take even longer. My hunch was correct. It took forever to dry. In the end, I sat down to finish drying it. It felt like it took at least 20 minutes.

However, it was only after I had dried off completely that I realized something.

I had no clothes to change into. Not even underwear.

Ham Yejin had really only brought one set of clothes. One set of underwear and one top and bottom, what could I do? With a sigh that felt like the nth time, I put on the clothes I had originally worn. It was a bit uncomfortable to wear clothes I had already taken off, but since they were what I had worn in the morning, there shouldn’t be any major hygiene issues.

Once I was done washing up, I began to feel hungry. I had eaten breakfast in the hospital, but I hadn’t had lunch yet. I opened the refrigerator, only to find porridge and water—nothing else to eat. I had heard that it would be better to eat porridge for a while, but it had already been more than a week since I had been alternating between the bland hospital food and porridge.

Naturally, I opened the delivery app to find something suitable to order. There was nothing in particular that I craved. Thinking about it, I also needed to change the address registered with the delivery app. I found the address in the documents left behind by Ham Yejin. To my surprise, it was very close to Gang Hwa-won’s house. It was close enough that I could meet him on the street with just a little walk.

Well, that was irrelevant at the moment. I wouldn’t be seeing him for a while anyway. After changing the address and looking for something to eat, I eventually decided to order jjajangmyeon.

However, when I tried to order jjajangmyeon, one bowl didn’t meet the minimum delivery charge. This was quite troublesome. Ever since I ended up like this, my portion sizes had decreased by more than half. One bowl was already overwhelming, so ordering more would surely leave me with leftovers.

I had no choice but to settle on one bowl for now and decided to eat the leftovers for dinner. I ordered one bowl of jjajangmyeon and one bowl of fried rice. The fried rice should be fine in the refrigerator.

After placing the order, I waited blankly for the delivery to arrive. Since I didn’t have a TV in my old home, this place didn’t have one either. As I fumbled around on my smartphone, I felt an impulse to search for myself online again, but I ultimately resisted.

I would be staying here for quite a while. I looked around the house, but it still didn’t feel like my home.

When I stepped into the room, I noticed that the computer was set up, but the other belongings were all still packed in boxes, waiting to be unpacked. I had to organize all of this. The National Intelligence Service’s after-service was truly awful.

While I was opening boxes and organizing, the delivery arrived. In the past, I would have to open the door and pay in person, but now I could simply pay with my phone and ask them to leave the food at the door. It was completely possible to live without any direct interactions with people.

I placed the fried rice in the refrigerator and began to prepare to eat the jjajangmyeon when a major issue arose. I didn’t have any utensils. Checking the delivery app, I could see that I had habitually unchecked the option for disposable chopsticks. I was in a bind. I couldn’t very well call the delivery driver who had already left to bring me utensils.

Typically, you’d expect a home to have at least some utensils, but this house had just been set up today. I was told that all necessary items had been moved from the previous house, but somehow there were gaps in that was likely overlooked.

I think you might have already guessed what I’m getting at, but I didn’t have chopsticks. I didn’t have a spoon either; I simply had no utensils at all. No, shouldn’t there at least be some basic utensils? There was a pot and a frying pan, and even a rice cooker, but there were no damn utensils.

How was I supposed to eat the porridge?

I could potentially find what I needed through online shopping, but shopping doesn’t provide immediate delivery, and I needed utensils right away. I couldn’t eat jjajangmyeon with my hands.

That meant the only solution was to go out and buy some, but then I recalled that I had been advised not to go out for a while.

It was a matter of whether to give up my dignity as a human by eating jjajangmyeon with my hands or to risk going out to buy utensils.

The answer was clear. I put on my hat.

As I went outside, I immediately opened the map app on my smartphone to search for nearby stores. The nearest convenience store wasn’t that far away. I would just buy some utensils and come right back. It didn’t seem like it would take long.

Pulling my hat down low, I started walking to the convenience store.

Soon, I realized the flaw in my plan. My stride. Compared to before, I had drastically less stamina and shorter strides now.

The convenience store that seemed so close wasn’t getting any closer no matter how much I walked. Coupled with the hot weather, I had already started to feel a bit exhausted. Damn it. My body was too weak.

As I walked, I saw elementary school students heading home. Was there a school nearby? Unlike me, they all looked full of energy. Moreover, it was quite disheartening that they seemed to be about the same height as me.

As I passed by the elementary students and continued toward the convenience store, I had the strange feeling that someone was watching me. Looking up, I found that it wasn’t just a feeling. Several elementary students were indeed staring at me.

Why were they looking at me? The question was quickly answered. It was my hat. Wearing such a large hat with a wide brim that could cover even an adult’s head must have seemed fascinating to the children.

Fortunately, no one came up to talk to me, but I wasn’t taking any chances. I started running to avoid the elementary students. I held onto my hat tightly, fearing it might fall off, and I couldn’t help but feel I must have looked quite ridiculous.

I barely made it to the convenience store. The store was located in a busy area, and thankfully, there weren’t many people given the time of day. Even though I hadn’t run very far, I was out of breath. Gasping, I stepped inside and immediately sought out disposable utensils. After finding them, I could finally catch my breath. Now I just had to head home.

When I actually entered the convenience store, I felt a bit greedy. Since I might not come out often, shouldn’t I buy something more while I was here? After contemplating for a moment, I shook my head. I should just stick to ordering food. What was there to buy at the convenience store, anyway?

Ultimately, I picked up a few cup noodles and went to check out. I wanted to drink some alcohol and was craving a cigarette, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to purchase them without ID in this state, and since the hospital had advised against it, I held back.

After placing the cup noodles and utensils down, the clerk scanned them right away.

“Would you like a bag?”

“Yes.”

I felt the clerk’s gaze on me as soon as I spoke. Did my hair peek out from under the hat? A bit anxious, I left the convenience store as soon as the transaction was done.

The way back home was even more exhausting. My tension had made me move without thinking. I took a wrong turn. As soon as I opened the map app to find my way, it was inevitable that it would take longer than it had on the way there.

I was out for less than 30 minutes, but my body and mind were worn out by the time I returned. I entered my house by inputting the password 1224. Then, I immediately flopped down onto the sofa. After letting out a long sigh, I rested for a moment. After a little while, I wiped off the sweat and sat down at the table.

The jjajangmyeon was delicious. It was particularly moving as it was the first proper meal I had eaten in two weeks.

However, around halfway through the jjajangmyeon, my chopstick skills began to slow down. It was just too… greasy. There was more than I had anticipated. Finishing it all seemed like it would be impossible. Was this why I was told to eat porridge? Leaving about a third of it, I felt nauseous.

Anyway, after finishing my meal, I returned to my room to start organizing my belongings.

I finally finished organizing by the time evening rolled around. I contemplated whether to eat the fried rice, but since I hadn’t fully digested what I had eaten earlier, I decided against it.

Now then… there wasn’t really anything else to do.

Other than idly browsing on my smartphone, that is.

I hadn’t yet informed my acquaintances that I had been discharged. I sent a text to both Gang Hwa-won and Seo Jae-Ah to let them know I was out. I needed to inform the editor too, but I didn’t want to discuss things so soon.