The TS Memoir of a Misogynistic Novelist

After finishing our meal, we couldn’t go outside immediately. Naturally, if we moved around and played right after eating, it would definitely hurt our stomachs, and if we moved too much, we might throw everything up. We could only go out after taking a brief rest.

While everyone changed into their swimsuits, only Hwa-won and I stayed as we were.

In my case, I didn’t eat that much, so I didn’t need to wait too long, but I still felt a bit shy about showing my swimsuit to others, so I stayed as I was until the others had changed and come out.

“Eh, why aren’t you showing it right away?”

“Why should I change if I’m not going out yet?”

“Because I want to see it.”

“I’m curious too.”

The problem was that Eun-a and Mira were persistently asking out of curiosity, but fortunately, Ji Kang-hyeon and the others went out first. I had the chance to show it, but I still didn’t want to. At least, not right now.

“And you’ve seen our swimsuits, so it’s unfair that we can’t see yours.”

Eun-a was wearing a neat and cute one-piece swimsuit, while Mira was in a slightly sexy yet not too revealing bikini. Both looked pretty and well-suited to them. I didn’t feel any sexual desire looking at their bodies, but I felt like I wouldn’t have even if I were in my original body.

“Still, I don’t really think it’s that great that you’re in swimsuits.”

By the way, Hwa-won, who had slightly worried, didn’t say much to them. It just ended with something like, “Both look good.”

In fact, I was a bit worried that Hwa-won might get flirty with Mira since she was in Hwa-won’s strike zone, but thankfully, it seemed to be a baseless worry. Ah, I didn’t worry about Eun-a.

“Is it okay to see such pretty girls? Being a guy and all.”

“Now I’m a girl.”

I responded curtly to Mira’s foolish comment. It wasn’t that I particularly hated showing off; I just wanted Hwa-won to be the first to see it.

“Well, we’ll go first, so come to our side later. The beach isn’t that big, so you can see everything.”

Finally, after both of them went out, I was able to change into my swimsuit. As soon as I confirmed they were gone, I spoke to Hwa-won first.

“I’ll change and come back. Wait for me.”

“The kids haven’t been gone for even 30 seconds.”

“I suddenly want to change now.”

“Wow.”

Entering the room, I imagined Hwa-won’s face when she sees me. Would she be smiling? Or would she be embarrassed? Would she say it’s okay? Or would she say it’s not good? I was worried, but since Hye-won said it would be okay, I decided to trust that for now.

With a fluttering heart and trembling body, I changed into my swimsuit. I wrapped a pareo around my waist and put on a cardigan over my shoulders. I also put on a straw hat to shield my face from the sun. I couldn’t guarantee since there wasn’t a mirror in the room, but I was probably blushing a little.

After taking a deep breath, I stepped outside.

And I stood in front of Hwa-won.

“… W-what do you think?”

Hwa-won seemed uncertain about what to say when she looked at me. She was just staring at me without a word.

“… Is it n-not good?”

As the silence stretched, my embarrassment faded and was replaced with fear. Is it not good? Or is she just disappointed in me? I didn’t want either. I was scared.

“… It’s okay.”

“R-really? It’s okay?”

“Yeah.”

“W-what about saying it suits me?”

“It suits you. Hye-won picked it out, right? She has good taste.”

Fortunately, Hwa-won was smiling. But it wasn’t the usual kind of smile.

“Hehe…”

“Don’t smile foolishly.”

“Okay, got it.”

“Are you going out right away?”

“If you want to stay like this, it’s fine too.”

“Why would you say that when we’re here? I’ll put mine on too, so wait.”

Hwa-won said that and disappeared. I forced a smile off my face. There was neither anger nor sadness in Hwa-won’s smile. I didn’t know how to name that emotion. But that feeling was definitely…

Sweet yet bitter.

“Why are you burying your head in the ground?”

“Ah, did I… come out?”

Hwa-won emerged in her swimsuit. She was wearing a standard square-cut swimsuit with a beachwear shirt. However, it wasn’t tucked in, revealing Hwa-won’s stomach and abs.

Oh, no, no, this isn’t good. For some reason, I turned my face away.

“You also look g-good!”

“Why are you turning your face away?”

“Because… your stomach….”

It was provocative. It was a straightforward expression, but there was no other way to convey it. I turned my head back to look at Hwa-won. This time, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her; I was staring at her stomach in a daze.

“Why are you zoning out like that?”

“… It’s shameless.”

“… What nonsense are you talking about? Are you overheated?”

“It’s j-just provocative.”

“You seem to have forgotten; we’ve seen each other naked.”

“I was a guy then! It was in a bathhouse!”

…But Hwa-won wasn’t wrong. Back when I was a guy, I saw Hwa-won and didn’t think anything of it. If I had, I would be gay.

Back then, seeing Hwa-won’s naked body, my thoughts were simply about Hwa-won’s…

…Wait a minute.

Suddenly, an embarrassing thought crossed my mind. It was too shocking.

My hazy memory suddenly became clear, and I vividly recalled Hwa-won’s naked body. Occasionally, I got confused about whether it had been my face, but why did Hwa-won’s naked body come to mind so vividly?

…She was big.

Definitely… really big.

No, no, no, no, no, I shouldn’t be talking about this. Why am I feeling so flustered?

Back then, I didn’t care! No, I shouldn’t have cared! I was gay!

But that… Hwa-won’s body wouldn’t leave my mind. I momentarily lowered my head to look at my stomach. It was small. No, it was kind of small. Seriously, it was small.

…Could that fit in there?

No, no. What am I even saying? This is insane. I have no idea what I’m thinking. My head was just spinning.

While I was keeping my mouth shut and awkwardly lowering my head, Hwa-won came closer. Then she placed her hand on my forehead to check for fever. Is she really trying to kill me with a fever? It felt insane, seriously.

“Are you okay? You’re not heating up.”

“It’s n-nothing. I’m okay. Sorry, I just got a bit flustered…”

“You’re not clueless young maidens anymore.”

…Still, talking about this was making me feel a bit better. These silly conversations, the ones we’d always had, the ones I liked, even if they seemed a little distasteful.

“…I am a maiden.”

“Guess so. And a virgin too?”

“Fool.”

Really, how shameless.

“But have you really… never done it once?”

“…Done what?”

“Self-pleasure.”

“Seriously, die!”

I threw a small cushion that was nearby at Hwa-won. She easily caught it, which annoyed me.

…I shouldn’t lie, should I?

“…I haven’t.”

“You’re really a pure maiden. I’m sorry.”

“Hey!!”

“Yes, yes, our Seol-guk baby, big brother made a mistake.”

Ugh…! Why are you suddenly saying such weird things?! I felt ridiculous! There was no way that I could get mad; for a moment, I thought about what Hye-won had said. If I whined like ‘big brother, big brother,’ maybe surprisingly, Hwa-won would like it… that assumption.

Ah, this really feels like… not good.

“…Hmph. If you make a mistake, you should receive a penalty, right? O, big brother?”

…Ah, should I just kill myself?

As soon as I spoke, I regretted it crazily.

It was truly embarrassing. I must have gone insane for a moment, seriously.

What should I do?

My face was definitely more than just slightly flushed. However, seeing Hwa-won, the situation didn’t seem normal. Hwa-won was looking away from me, gazing slightly off into the distance.

“…Hey, what’s wrong?”

W-was she feeling bad? Oh no, this is really not good…! But as soon as Hwa-won opened her mouth again, I pushed aside that regret and focused on her words.

“Right now….”

“Right now?”

R-right now?

“I’m trying not to laugh because it’s so funny that I might die.”

I immediately threw another cushion. This time, Hwa-won couldn’t catch it. Eventually, she couldn’t contain her laughter and burst into a fit of giggles.

“Ah, this is driving me crazy. It’s hilarious, really. Just looking at Seol-guk… big brother? Hahaha…! This is such a treasure, a treasure! Wow, I don’t remember the last time I laughed like this. Hey, call me once more.”

“Shut up!”

“Oh dear, you shouldn’t say such foul words! Our Seol-guk…”

“Die!”

I threw the last cushion at Hwa-won, and this time, it hit her squarely in the face. But Hwa-won’s laughter didn’t stop.

I was the one who threw it, yet for some reason, I felt like I was the one who lost out.

…

Fool.

~

After Hwa-won took a while to console me, we finally cooled off and stepped outside together.

As I opened the door to the vacation home, I locked eyes with Eun-a, who was fleeing from the terrace next door. Mira was with her.

There was no need to guess what they were doing.

I rushed over to Eun-a and Mira, shouting loudly, and they screamed as they fled.

“Ahhhh!!!”

“Aren’t you going to stand there?! I’ll kill you! I’m really going to kill you!!!”

It was summer.

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