The Villainess Does Not Want to Die

Chapter 61: Story

Even after spending the night together, nothing particularly special happened—no newfound appreciation for life or beauty.

If anything, my back ached, making me feel even more drained.

As the sun peeked through the window, Raphael walked to the kitchen, announcing that he would bring breakfast.

He hadn’t even slept, yet he didn’t seem tired.

“Just brought bread with some jam and a fried egg. Is that okay?”

“Bring me milk tea too.”

“Which drawer is the tea in again?”

“The second one.”

Raphael went back to the kitchen to prepare the milk tea.

Not wanting to eat in the stuffy room, I threw on some clothes and headed to the dining table. I picked at the edge of the bread on the table, chewing it absentmindedly.

“Your face looks half-dead.”

“…I’m tired.”

“Sorry.”

After stuffing Raphael’s breakfast into my mouth and washing it down with tea, I planned to play the piano. But drowsiness hit me hard, and I staggered back to Raphael’s room instead.

I was sleepy, dizzy, exhausted, and my back felt like it was about to break.

Climbing to the second floor was out of the question.

Although the bed had a faint odor, I had no choice but to crawl in, wrap myself tightly in the blankets, and fall asleep.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought.

It felt oddly warm and cozy, like something earthy and homely.

Saying it smelled might sound negative, so let’s call it the scent of a lived-in space instead.

It didn’t change anything, but it was comforting in its way.

Still, I wondered—what if he made a move while I was asleep?

If he did, I’d really bite him.

I hoped Raphael would understand that I wasn’t like him, who trained with swords in open fields all day. My body was used to being holed up, tapping piano keys endlessly.

“Are you going to sleep here?”

“…Yeah.”

“Shouldn’t we just buy a new bed?”

“…Do as you like. I feel like I’m dying of exhaustion.”

Raphael, looking oddly excited, nodded and turned off the room’s lights before closing the door behind him.

Hearing shuffling noises from outside, I wondered if he was actually going to buy a new bed.

I patted my slightly uncomfortable stomach and stared at the ceiling.

Though I was tired, a restless feeling kept me from falling asleep right away.

Was this okay? To just live like this?

Libian said he would visit. Would that cause problems?

My thoughts spiraled back to the questions I’d been pondering. If I had a child, would I be able to love it?

One thought led to another in an endless chain.

I felt a tinge of unease, but knowing that someone cared about me didn’t make my chest feel tight.

Grasping my slightly trembling fingers, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let my body relax.

The lingering scent of last night’s intimacy made my face flush, but it also felt like proof that I was alive. Comforted by that small assurance, I drifted into sleep.

Several days passed after that exhausting night.

The seeds I had planted on the windowsill began to sprout, breaking through the soil.

Unfortunately, today there was no sunlight.

“Still, it’s nice weather.”

Looking outside, I saw rain pouring down with strong winds rather than a cool breeze. The raindrops pelted the windows with a steady thud-thud.

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Well, since you won’t wander outside and can stay by my side, isn’t it nice weather?”

At my comment, Raphael let out a chuckle.

I wasn’t joking; I meant it.

Taking out a cigar, I lit it and cut it in half with a knife. I rubbed the lit end for quite a while to transfer the flame.

If it had been a rolled cigarette filled with shredded leaves, it would have ignited instantly, but I’d momentarily forgotten it was a cigar.

After about three minutes of persistent effort, it finally caught fire, and I handed the shorter piece to Raphael.

Looking a bit flustered, he took the cigar and inhaled, only to erupt into a coughing fit.

You’re not supposed to inhale these deeply.

Embarrassed, Raphael finally responded to my earlier comment.

“When you put it that way, I guess there’s no such thing as bad weather.”

“Hearing you say it out loud makes it more embarrassing than I thought.”

“Right?”

We laughed like we used to in the old days.

I didn’t know why it was so funny, but we laughed for quite some time.

It reminded me of the time we stole a potato from the orphanage’s backyard only to find it rotten. 

We knew we’d get beaten by the headmistress if caught, yet we couldn’t stop giggling at the absurdity of it all.

Even then, we were so hungry we split the rotten potato and ate it.

Despite having spent the night together, not much had changed between us.

We had always been close, living together since childhood. 

After I was taken to the mansion, I brought Raphael over as soon as I could.

In truth, we had spent more time together than apart.

We were so familiar with each other that there was no room for anything fresh or new.

Raphael seemed to want to see me embarrassed, but I wasn’t, so how could I fake it?

There was nothing exciting or novel, but I liked this.

This peaceful life, unchanged, was reassuring.

When I lived with Alina, I used to wish this life would continue without breaking. 

Though we ended up hurting each other deeply, I’m glad she seems to be doing well now.

She even sent a letter boasting that her child had grown enough to read and study.

Although her struggle to answer when the child asked about their father was a little heartbreaking to read.

Raphael is by my side now, and Alina occasionally sends letters. 

Someday, if I have a child, I’ll visit Alina to boast about it.

If the child takes after Raphael, they’ll surely be adorable. If they resemble me, they might look a little scary but still beautiful.

What if the child hates having red eyes and white hair?

Would they resent me for passing that on?

I might cry if that happens.

But I can’t keep brooding alone forever.

Even if I can’t be completely fine, I’ll get better, little by little.

“Raphael.”

I spoke with slight determination, serious but not overly dramatic.

Unfortunately, clutching my aching back as I spoke didn’t add much gravitas.

“Yes?”

“I think it’s time to visit the mansion.

Libian said he’d visit, but honestly, I don’t want him here.”

I didn’t just dislike the idea; I didn’t want the Duchess, Eileen, or Libian leaving even the faintest trace in this house.

If their presence lingered, it would be unbearable.

Even if I were alone, the memory of them walking through this space would haunt me, leaving me trembling with fear.

Call me weak or broken if you must—it wouldn’t change anything.

It might hurt to hear those words, but at least Raphael wouldn’t say them to me.

I hoped he wouldn’t.

He wouldn’t… right?

“…Are you okay with going?”

“I’m not okay. Not at all. So, comfort me.”

At my words, Raphael came over and gently patted my back.

It felt like a mother soothing a child with indigestion.

A bit off, honestly.

Not quite what I had in mind.

But it didn’t matter, I suppose.

“I’ll come with you, so don’t worry too much.

If things go south, we’ll just run away.”

“Right, we can just run. Heh.”

“…What’s so funny?”

“Just realizing how simple things can be.”

I wiggled my toes and teased Raphael in a playful tone.

“If Libian says something annoying, punch him in the face for me.”

“…That’s a bit scary.”

“You’ll do it, right?”

“…Yeah.”

“But I’m still scared, so we’ll leave much later. When the rain stops, and the ground is dry, then we’ll go.”

“Won’t the family send a carriage?”

“Instead of using one from there, I’d rather walk slowly with you, like a trip.”

Raphael blushed.

He hadn’t been embarrassed when he followed me out of the mansion after I escaped or when he whisked me off to a church for a sudden wedding ceremony.

For someone so bold at times, it was amusing to see him shy now.

“…Why are you laughing?”

Still, that was just like Raphael. I smiled warmly.

“Just because. I can laugh now.”

There were so many times when I wanted to smile but couldn’t, forcing my lips upward with my fingers in vain.

Back then, I wanted to tear my mouth apart in frustration.

Now, realizing how easily I could smile, I felt a bit more hopeful about the future.

When the story of my life reaches its end, I hope it’s a happy one.