Chapter 505: The Woman I Love
(From Evan's Perspective)
'Is this the life I have chosen now? Is this my, what they call, fate? To be the godfather of the child of the woman I love.'
"Ha…! I am pathetic."
I whisked down the glass of wine as I sat on my couch in my room. I had returned to my palace in Trouvaille as soon as I left her bedroom. I had to clear my head. And if I was anywhere near her, even in her kingdom, I would lose my mind. Tonight, it had been too crazy. I almost showed it.
It was bad enough to fall in love with a married woman. Since I figured out I could not stop loving her, I promised myself to never show it in my behavior. Tonight, I almost did so. I would not be surprised if she caught on to it.
If she figured out my feelings for her, she would distance herself, especially after what happened when her knight fell in love with her and killed the child in her womb. I was not like Ezekiel. I would never be like him. I loved her, but that did not mean I would kill the child that she was having with her husband out of jealousy.
I loved her, so I could let her go if she was happy with a man who was not me. I loved her, so I wanted to watch her happy.
To me, love was all about letting go.
If King Demetrius truly did not wake up, I was ready to be by her side, just like I would even if he woke up. I would care for her child, as my own. It was her child after all. It was a part of her. If she wanted me to be the child's godfather, I gladly would, even if it broke me every time.
The way Blue was acting, it did not seem like she would let him die just like that. She was being crazy. Love could make someone crazy and well, their love was not quite normal. It was too deep in an unhealthy sort of way.
I sighed. I never knew I would regret my decision so badly. If only I had not let go. If only I had truly fought to make her my bride instead of letting her go. At that time, I was not in love with her. Hell, why would I be?
She had been a kid! My mind was not played with like King Demetrius's was. Why would I fall in love with a minor? I had seen her once. I had not paid much attention. I never thought of her that way.
To be honest, I had forgotten how she looked, except for her eyes. Then, I saw her again, on the roof of the side palace right beside mine where she was staying in Ataraxia. I still remembered how the fabric clung to her skin in the rain. However, even then, although I had been struck by her beauty, it was not enough to make me fall for her. I had seen many beautiful women before.
Beauty was never enough.
But then, there was her personality, her warm heart, her smile, her funny gestures, the way she ate, the way she talked, and how weirdly sometimes her mind worked. It was everything that she did. I fell for her harder each day. Even after I found out she was pregnant, I could not stop.
I was truly despicable.
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"She is here, Your Highness."
"Send her in," I said.
A woman entered my bed chamber. She was wearing barely anything. She had dark hair, more black than brown. The difference between her and Blue's hair was very little, but it felt too much to me now. Her eyes were blue but lighter than Blue's eyes. They were not the eyes I was looking for.
Her fair skin glowed in the candlelight. She was the most similar looking to the woman I loved.
She was skinny and had beautiful curves. Her breasts were not too big, but not small either. Her lips were pink. I had ordered my servant to make sure she did not wear any lip color. It was a good thing her natural lips were pink as well.
"Come here," I said.
She did as I said. I watched her body, up and down. She was not Blue. She was not the woman I craved. But she had to be. I would just have to use my imagination.
I had not slept with a woman for a long time. I could not. It felt too wrong. But tonight, I could not wait. I had to do something. I was going crazy.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Lily, Your Highness," she said.
"Lily… Tonight, within this chamber, you are not Lily anymore," I said. "You will be… Blue. That's right. If I call you Blue, you will answer, like it is your name."
"Yes, Your Highness."
"And you will not call me Your Highness, tonight. You will call me Evan," I said. "… And you have to act slightly playful, slightly shy as if it is our wedding night."
Yeah, I was crazy. Who cared anymore? At least, I was not going after a married woman. It was okay to at least do it, right?
"What are you wearing? Lingerie?" I clicked my tongue. It would not do. It would have been better if she was wearing a black dress. Black suited Blue. But I did not have that much patience.
"Now, you are Blue, I am Evan, and it is our wedding night. I am not your King. I am the man you love. Understood?"
"Yes," she said, "Evan."
"Good."
Her voice was different from Blue's. But I could just imagine it was Blue's voice. Or, I could just replace her voice with Blue's in my head.
I placed the glass on the table and walked up to her. I touched the side of her neck gently. She shivered.
'It's Blue. It's the woman I love.'
I touched her face gently, letting my fingertips brush against her skin softly. I ran my thumb over her lips. She parted her lips slightly and I pushed two of my fingers into her mouth.
"Suck on them," I said. "Go on. Suck on them hard."
She did as I said. She was not too experienced. It was a good thing. Blue was not supposed to be experienced.
She gagged as I forcefully pushed my fingers deeper into her throat. Her saliva was all over my fingers.
I took my fingers out and pushed her against the wall, grabbing her below her bottoms. I started kissing her crazily. She wrapped her legs around me quickly.
She moaned into the kiss as I squeezed her ass cheeks. I had always imagined doing it. Not just this, but a lot more sinful things. In my imagination, Blue was not married to that guy. She was mine.
I pulled back to let the poor woman breathe and then, pressed my lips to hers again and carried her to the bed. I placed her gently on her back and tore off that lingerie or whatever it was. It was clear she was not used to it.
I started kissing all over her body. She smelled like vanilla. Tonight, Blue also smelled like vanilla. That's why I told my servants to use vanilla-scented oil to bathe her.
"Blue… My Blue… I love you. I love you so much."