Chapter 55: Chapter 18: Malice
Uehara Emika's father was a complete drunkard and gambler, which was why he had been fired from the company where he worked. After becoming unemployed, the man didn't reflect on his problems—instead, he threw himself even more recklessly into all kinds of gambling.
"Drugs and porn are all loss-making, only gambling has returns!"
Emika still remembered her father picking his teeth while shamelessly holding out his hand to her mother for money.
"Once I win big, you'll all see what I'm made of."
But the result was their family drowning in over ten million yen of debt. The more he gambled, the more he lost—and the more he lost, the more he gambled. He pushed everything he had into the abyss, gritted his teeth, and borrowed from loan sharks. The compounding interest of those loans became a devil with gaping red jaws that devoured the Uehara family whole.
When he had lost so badly he couldn't gamble anymore, the man turned to alcohol. He had no intention of working to repay the debt; his daily life became a cycle of drinking, vomiting, passing out, and drinking again. Her mother had to pick up odd jobs to support the household and deal with the monthly loan payments, so Emika was often left at home to take care of the drunken wreck.
Cleaning up after her father's vomit became Emika's most practiced, yet most painful, task. The stench of cheap liquor mixed with the sour stench of bile was like the boulder Sisyphus endlessly pushed up the mountain. Each time she exhausted herself cleaning it, she would turn around and find he had thrown up all over the bed again.
At seven years old, Emika once seriously considered wrapping her father in a transparent plastic sheet—so she would only need to clean the sheet each day—but it was only a fleeting thought.
When she entered elementary school, she still carried that lingering stench on her body. It was something others instinctively sensed and excluded her for—just like how she would wait alone at the school gate, never having a parent show up to pick her up.
From her view, she could only see the legs of adults and the spinning tires of cars. She had to tiptoe and navigate this forest of human walls, inching her way home.
Kicking someone who's already down is a skill humans learn instinctively—even children understand this. After all, lifting oneself is hard, but stepping on others is easy. Both can make you feel superior, but one is effortless.
Trampling the weak brings satisfaction and a sense of achievement. After Emika became a target of bullying, she felt like a cheap teddy bear in class—just there to provide everyone with a bit of joy. Every time someone made her look foolish, as long as one person started laughing, the entire class would erupt into giggles.
It was during this time that Emika noticed Karuizawa Kei.
Unlike Emika, who endured everything in silence, Kei was a girl who apologized frequently. Her tears came readily and passionately—but she never realized that her tears and apologies didn't change anything.
To bullies, the reaction of the bullied was like a spinning top being whipped—the faster you spin, the more excited they get.
Emika felt a strange kinship, a sympathy toward Kei. She began to seek out information about her. One snowy winter day, filled with determination, Emika decided to try and befriend her fellow victim.
The snow was heavy that day. Emika's shoes crunched against it, each step making the snow beneath her crack like glass. From childhood, she had lived like a dog, sniffing out others' emotions. She was sure Kei was just like her.
She imagined that maybe, if they could huddle together, they might find warmth. She believed they would share the same struggles, that they could become friends.
But then she saw Kei standing with a boy.
That boy leaned toward Kei and said softly, "I'm transferring to your school."
From the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice, Emika felt something unsettling—something called affection.
Suddenly, she remembered the scenes where boys had pulled both her and Kei's hair at school. Emika felt betrayed.
She and Kei had been tiptoeing through the same ice together. Their lives were just as fragile. They were both victims.
And yet—
Emika stared at the pair with clenched teeth.
Karuizawa Kei had someone who liked her. And that boy seemed ready to rescue Kei from this hell.
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The boy's name was Kitagawa Ryo—a fact Uehara Emika only learned later. By the time she did, he had already become the center of attention throughout the school. On the very first day of his transfer, he boldly put an end to the class's bullying with a method as crude as it was effective: violence against violence.
Uehara Emika had the chance to witness the fight. Kitagawa Ryo was precise with his strikes—the kind that would make you scream in pain but not leave any real injuries. When a nearby girl muttered that "hitting people is wrong," Emika had scoffed quietly to herself.
The effect of the fight was immediate. The bullying that Karuizawa Kei had endured vanished as though it had never existed. Emika watched, filled with both disgust and jealousy, as Kei's life returned to normal. And as she did, she began to gather her own broken pieces, reassembling herself into a semblance of humanity. If violence worked, then she'd use it too.
From then on, Uehara Emika began carrying a fruit knife in her bag. It wasn't much—a blade barely four centimeters long. But one day, when the boys cornered her as usual after school, she drew the blade without hesitation. Despite its size, the glint of metal was enough to make them all flinch and step back.
They feared the knife, yes, but more than that, they feared the eerie smile on Emika's face. It was unnerving, sharp, and cold, like the blade she held.
She stared them down for a long moment, until they shouted at each other and dispersed. Only after they were gone did her energy collapse all at once. She sank to the floor, still gripping the knife, and cried for a long while before finally heading home.
Meanwhile, Karuizawa Kei and Kitagawa Ryo grew closer. They spent almost all their time together. At lunch, they sat in the courtyard sharing bentos. Emika saw Kei completely relax in Ryo's presence, as though she were opening every pore of her being to breathe in the air around him.
In his presence, Kei could be as selfish as she wanted. She spoke freely, aired her complaints, shared her joys. Kitagawa Ryo answered every question like an all-knowing encyclopedia.
Emika, from a corner nearby, picked at a frog with a toothpick. It brought her no real pleasure, but after a classmate had seen her do it once and spread the word, most of the other girls kept their distance. That, at least, was useful.
She felt like the little match girl from the fairy tale, watching Kei from a freezing distance, trying to catch a bit of her warmth. Each day was another match struck. And when Kei finished her lunch and cleaned up, Emika would stab the toothpick into the frog's head and toss it in the trash.
On the day of the graduation photo shoot, Emika's class was lined up after Kei and Ryo's. Though she was no longer bullied, she remained isolated. She stood off to the side like a twisted tree jutting out from a cliff—both stubborn and out of place.
Through the gaps in the crowd, Uehara Emika looked up and saw them—Karuizawa Kei and Kitagawa Ryo, secretly holding hands amidst the sea of students.
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Kitagawa Ryo disappeared.
Karuizawa Kei entered middle school alone, and on the very first day, Uehara Emika noticed that they had been placed in the same class.
She took the initiative to elevate Karuizawa Kei to the central position among the girls in the class. The only useful lesson Emika had ever learned from her father was that if you wanted a gambler to lose big, you had to let him win a couple rounds first.
Karuizawa Kei was still as naïve as ever, laughably so. Uehara Emika slowly lured her, step by step, guiding her through the transformation from a bullied girl into a bully. She thought bitterly that if Kitagawa Ryo hadn't shown up back then, Karuizawa Kei would've become like this long ago.
Then, using the rumors spread by Wakada, Emika seamlessly branded Karuizawa Kei with the labels of "murderer" and "bully." That way, she could reinvent herself as the embodiment of justice and use this pretense to thoroughly exact revenge on Kei.
But what she hadn't expected was that Karuizawa Kei actually saw her as a friend.
Uehara Emika nearly burst out laughing when she realized this.
Karuizawa Kei had never even known her back in elementary school, let alone bullied her. And yet, in Emika's heart, Kei was far more detestable than any of her former bullies. Seeing Kei grovel before her, begging humbly, Emika felt a mixture of satisfaction and cruelty. One half of her relished the scene that had played out just as planned. The other half found it insufficient—she wanted to completely annihilate Kei's last shred of dignity, not leave her a sliver of pride.
That day, Emika had a knife in her bag. She had gotten used to carrying one over the past two years. She had decided that that day would be the day she carved a lifelong scar into Karuizawa Kei. She knew Kei would be wearing the white dress Kitagawa Ryo had given her.
She was waiting to stain it red with blood.
In all her fantasies of hope and friendship, when those feelings were never returned, they had all turned into equal measures of vengeful desire. Perhaps those emotions had always existed, trailing behind her like a shadow, but only in these past two years had they finally found a target.
Then, Kitagawa Ryo came back.
So Uehara Emika thought of an even better way to get revenge on Karuizawa Kei.
She would personally destroy the girl's pillar of support—no matter the consequences.
["I hate you. Even though you thought of me as a friend. I hate that you achieved my dreams first. I hate that you live a better life than I do. I hate that you, once the same as me, now have a brighter future. I hate my own cowardice. I hate that I wasn't born luckier, that I didn't have the talent to escape my family. I pour all that hatred onto you—all of it—to hate you."]
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"I want to have a private meeting with Uehara Emika."
After sending Horikita Suzune off, Kitagawa Ryo called Karuizawa Kei and opened with this line, without any buildup.
"...I see."
On the other end of the line, Karuizawa Kei neither agreed nor refused.
"Mm, then I'll hang up now."
Just as Kitagawa Ryo was about to end the call, Kei suddenly shouted:
"Wait!"
"Didn't we agree to face her together?"
She abruptly rejected Ryo's proposal.
"Don't go—don't go anywhere. I'm coming right now. Ryo, stay with me."
Her resolute tone made Kitagawa Ryo hold his breath. Until now, she had never stated her feelings so seriously.
Her emotions seemed slightly transparent, and that made Ryo smile.
"You don't need to force yourself to say such things."
"I..."
"Kei wouldn't say something like that, because the Karuizawa Kei I know is someone weak and strong at the same time, the kind of girl that makes people feel sorry and frustrated. So—you understand, don't you?"
Ryo continued in the gentlest tone he could muster:
"It's okay. I'll be fine. I'll come back for sure, and I'll stay by your side."
"So, Kei, please wait for me at home. Then, let's have dinner together tonight."
After saying that, Kitagawa Ryo hung up the phone.
He knew all of Karuizawa Kei's weaknesses and tricks, but he never rejected her for them.
Even so—he had no intention of backing down.
From the bottom of his heart, Ryo wished that Karuizawa Kei could find happiness. If possible, by his side.
[May you obtain it, may you cling to it, may you never let it go.]
[May you come to understand: the Little Prince didn't love the rose because she was the only one on his planet. He loved her, and thus she became the only one.]
Kitagawa Ryo closed the door behind him.
Today, he was going to create an opportunity to make Uehara Emika disappear from Karuizawa Kei's life completely.
Today was the day.