Uma Musume : The Trainer Who Just Wants to Live

"Here... and here... are there any other loopholes?"

As night fell, unlike C.B., who was seeking comfort at her parents' home, Symboli Rudolf had returned immediately to the student council office. She had dismissed her vice presidents, Air Groove and Narita Brian, without giving them a chance to react.

"I'll handle today's work alone. You two go do something else."

"And don't let anyone disturb me today. I don't want to see anyone. I want to focus. Please."

After giving her instructions, she locked the door. Her only need now was to occupy her time and thoughts with the tedious work, to make herself forget the things that angered her.

She couldn't run home like C.B. For her, the Symboli household was not a wall to lean on when her emotions were out of control. Her impression of her family... was all about strictness, etiquette, and expectations. It was not a safe harbor, but a heavy burden she had to bear.

Therefore, she could only lock herself in and slowly forget these troubles... She tried hard not to think about Stay Gold's provocation, about her barely concealed intentions towards Kitano.

All of this had nothing to do with her. In the end, Kitano Ryuichi was just a stranger. Although she had verified some secrets about him, their lives were not intertwined. She didn't need to feel guilty, much less feel that she owed him anything.

She... and he, clearly had no relationship.

...drip.

However, as she thought this, she noticed a teardrop fall onto the document in front of her. The next moment, like a prelude to the downpour outside, tears welled up and uncontrollably streamed down her face.

"Ugh... waaaaaah..."

Why am I crying? Why am I being so pathetic... like a loser in love.

Why can't I convince myself? This is the truth, why does my heart find it so unacceptable? What... what have I forgotten?

"I have to figure it out! I have to figure it out!"

"Kitano Ryuichi! No matter who you are, I will get to the bottom of this! You won't torment me forever!"

Completely losing control, Rudolf, while trying to compose herself, swept all the documents and materials off her desk. With red eyes, she took out a notebook from the bottom of a drawer. Frustrated and anxious, she immediately flipped to a marked page.

On that page, she had recorded every dream she had had from the first time she met him until now. Every fragmented piece was recorded. She was now determined to explore her memory from the inside out.

Time passed. Rudolf, who couldn't even focus on her work for ten minutes before, now forgot time itself. She was like a high school student desperately trying to finish her summer homework, oblivious to everything around her. Her eyes were only on the thing that mattered most to her.

Finally, under the cover of night, after who knows how long, she put down her pen. She didn't even notice her stiff body from sitting for so long, but impatiently reviewed the contents of her notes.

"This should be all of it. All my dreams... even the ones I'm not sure about are here now."

"If the person in all these dreams is him, then his and my past..."

...It seemed too long ago. At this moment, the muttering Rudolf subconsciously closed her mouth, because she found that her notes recorded dreams not only from her active days but also from her childhood.

And that just didn't make sense. She couldn't help but laugh at herself. Her childhood, filled with strict teachings and cruel training, had no fond memories. A childhood without a single playmate, how could there be a Kitano Ryuichi who wasn't even a member of the Symboli family?

Even if, by some miracle, she had had a playmate like him, how could she have forgotten everything about him?

"All of this... was it just my own wishful thinking? Could it be that my past childhood is still seeking compensation, making me have these fantasies?"

Laughing, she finally couldn't hide her exhaustion. After more than ten hours of work, a delayed fatigue overwhelmed her. As she leaned back in her chair, her eyelids could no longer stay open.

Just like this... I'll just get some sleep. Maybe after sleeping, I'll forget all of this.

With that thought, she finally closed her eyes. Soon, with slow, steady breaths, Rudolf, who hadn't slept well for a week, seemed to have finally fallen into a deep sleep.

And this time, her dreams no longer tormented her... Perhaps because she had written everything down, this time, her dream was not fragmented, but connected smoothly.

What did she dream of? She dreamed of a version of herself with a different starting point but the same ending. A completely different life of herself in another world.

...

Rudolf sometimes thought that if her life could be frozen on a certain day, she would without hesitation choose her childhood.

She had once read, "A lucky person is healed by their childhood for a lifetime, while an unlucky person must spend a lifetime healing their childhood"—she felt she was probably the "lucky one."

It all started at the very beginning. She still remembered their first meeting at the Tokyo Racecourse. She had come with her parents to watch the races, thinking she could finally have a fun day out with them, but her father had denied her:

"This isn't for fun, Rudolf. As a future horse girl of the Symboli family, you will have to face this racetrack sooner or later. You must start familiarizing yourself with it now."

"..."

Her father's words instantly wiped away all her joy. When she realized her parents had brought her here for educational purposes, not out of love, she immediately showed great resistance and disgust.

She took advantage of the huge crowd to deliberately get separated from her parents. However, perhaps due to the strict education she had received, even her rebellion was measured. She didn't run out of the racecourse, but only to the other end, the farthest point from her parents.

Just getting there was satisfying enough. But as she was reveling in her "rebellion," her gaze fell on a conspicuous boy.

He was conspicuous because she noticed he had no adults with him. His height barely allowed him to see the track, but unlike her, he was intensely focused on it, as if he could understand the boring race.

Maybe he just got separated from his family and is just spacing out? Rudolf, who had been praised by countless adults for being smart and competitive, felt a small surge of unwillingness. This emotion drove her to approach him. Though it was a gesture of help, she couldn't hide her pride as she spoke:

"What's a little kid like you doing at the racecourse? Do you even understand horse girl racing? If you got separated from your family, big sister here can take you to find them, okay?"

The moment the words left her mouth, she felt she had gone too far. Was my tone... a little too arrogant? She hoped he wouldn't think she was some strange delinquent, or worse, be scared to tears.

However, before the slightly anxious Rudolf, the boy slowly turned his head, revealing skin even paler than hers. His eyes, deep beyond his years, flickered with an expression she couldn't understand—until his next words came:

"I'm sorry, but my family has already passed away. Can you really take me to find them, big sister?"

—That night, Rudolf couldn't sleep.

She had forgotten how she got back with her parents, how she endured the long scolding. Her mind was in a daze the whole day.

Finally, unable to bear her guilty conscience, she went to find her grandmother, Speed Symboli, late at night. The rebellious little horse girl, under her grandmother's slightly surprised gaze, for the first time confided in her.

"I'm sorry, Grandma. I know my way of speaking is not good sometimes, but this time I really didn't know—please, I want to find that boy. I want to apologize to him in person, otherwise I'll never be able to sleep."

"...This is the first time you've ever voluntarily apologized to me, Rudolf." After a brief moment of surprise, Speed Symboli smiled at this unexpected incident. The family head didn't think much of it and immediately stated:

"But this is the quality a Symboli horse girl should have. I understand. I'll have someone look into that boy's information. What you need to do is to go apologize in person tomorrow with a gift. Can you do that?"

"No problem at all!"

The overjoyed Rudolf didn't know that this apology and meeting would lead to so many interactions between them.

She had forgotten how she entered his house at his invitation. She only remembered that the moment she said her name was "Symboli Rudolf," he looked at her with incredible surprise, as if her name held an infinite attraction for him.

"It's nothing. I just felt that upon hearing this name, you will definitely be a very strong horse girl in the future."

"My name is Kitano Ryuichi. I guess you could say I'm someone who wants to be a trainer in the future. It's a real pleasure to meet you, Symboli Rudolf."

For Rudolf, he was a strange person. Even though she had said such harsh words at their first meeting, he was so enthusiastic towards her. And even though he wasn't from the Symboli family and had never seen her before, his words revealed a deep understanding of her.

For example, the second time they met, he brought her her favorite Fuji apples. And when she asked how he knew, he would just smile without saying a word.

Or how, even though she had never mentioned her family matters, he knew she had a sister named Sirius, and he always told her to get along well with her, so that in the future, their relatives wouldn't compare them.

Or how, even though he was just a child, he was exceptionally knowledgeable about training, even on par with some of the exclusive trainers in her family.

Her willfulness, her rebellion, her bad temper and competitiveness... unlike her family, he completely accepted her, completely tolerated her.

They played together, ran together, went to buy small trinkets that she would have looked down on before. Everything was so simple, without pressure, without worries, only the purest joy.

And through their interactions, she gradually learned many things about him... his parents, his life, and... his incurable disease.

"It's okay. I know about my illness. But instead of moaning and groaning, I want to do something spectacular in my limited life," she still remembered him saying with a nonchalant tone.

"I want to go to Tracen Academy, become a trainer, and cultivate Japan's first undefeated Triple Crown horse girl."

"—Then let me realize your dream!" At that moment, Rudolf had blurted out her own grand ambition. She grabbed his arm and, with a voice full of fighting spirit and conviction, declared the ideal she had never thought of before:

"It's a promise! We'll meet at Tracen Academy in the future. Then, let me help you become the trainer of an undefeated Triple Crown horse girl!"

This boy, whose life was filled with tragedy from birth, had repeatedly healed the heart of this girl, whose childhood was filled with strictness and gloom, with an optimism and cheerfulness that didn't belong to him. To the point that she had made a promise she didn't even know if she could fulfill.

But he, as always, acknowledged her ideal. In his eyes, she saw recognition and certainty as he said softly to her: "—Mm, I believe you can do it."

His voice was not loud, but that one sentence gave her more confidence than a thousand words of expectation from her family elders.

At that moment, for the first time in her life, Rudolf felt a hint of shyness. She did her best to hide her emotions and replied in the most confident voice she could muster:

"It's that we can do it, stupid Kitano! You better not forget me!"

Saying this, she took off the small heart-shaped necklace she always wore and forcefully placed it in his hand, making him accept this token of their promise.

"If you forget me on your own, I will never forgive you! When we meet again at Tracen, you have to return this necklace to me!"

At that moment, if time could have stopped... Rudolf wished she could have stayed in that day forever. The little horse girl had met the first and only light in her life. She didn't know that this light would forever remain in her heart, supporting her through countless difficulties.

Whenever she felt like giving up, whenever she felt things were too hard, she would never forget that a silly boy who wanted to be her trainer was waiting for her somewhere, waiting for them to meet at Tracen Academy.

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