Undying Love: Maria the Orphan

How much I have wished to live as I please, without considering others, keeping my heart entirely my own...

I woke up this morning without knowing when I fell asleep last night. What matters is that my mind felt somewhat relieved. After changing my clothes, I went downstairs in search of breakfast and a cup of coffee—because nothing adjusts my mood like sipping coffee.

At the table, I found my mother, Alfredo, and John, while Sophie was serving coffee and preparing breakfast. John pulled a chair for me to sit beside him. Everyone was talking and laughing at jokes they shared, while I watched them, observing their happiness.

There was a stark difference between me and them. They lived in the moment, their minds carefree. Meanwhile, I felt trapped in a closed circle of sorrow and regret, unable to escape. Perhaps not everyone is like me; human psychology differs from one person to another.

Happiness might be easy to achieve if each of us emptied their heart and kept it solely for themselves, not letting anyone reside in it and claim it as their own. But if one falls into the trap, it's impossible to find peace unless they are beside the one who has captured their heart.

I quickly finished my breakfast and put on my coat. The weather was bitterly cold and gloomy, foretelling an inevitable windstorm. I hate carrying anything with me, so I left with just a small bag holding a few essentials, without even taking an umbrella.

As I walked toward work, raindrops started falling. Curse me! This happens every time, and I never learn. I wanted to hide somewhere, but time wasn't on my side. Luckily, I heard someone calling me from behind. I turned to see John holding an umbrella, walking toward me.

Me: "John, thank you! You came just in time. I don't want to get drenched; I have a whole day of work ahead."

John: "You're welcome, dear Snow White. If I don't rush to help you, who else would I help?"

Me: "Tell me, how do you find London? Do you like it?"

John: "Honestly, it's beautiful, with its organized streets and people who seem to mind their own business. But its weather is tough to adapt to."

Me: "True, but I can't imagine leaving it. I'm like a fish; take me out of the water, and I won't survive."

John: "Are you hinting that you'll spend your whole life here? What if someone wanted to marry you, and he wasn't from here, but you loved him? What would you do?"

Me: "I've never thought about that. Now that you've brought it up, it seems like a tough decision to make."

John walked me to my workplace and promised to pick me up when I finished so we could go on an outing together. I didn't object; I needed to fill my time to keep my mind from wandering.

I greeted my colleagues and immersed myself in my usual work. Time flew by quickly, and soon, I found Livia standing over me with lunch—our daily routine.

Livia: "How are you, Snow White? I hope your mood has improved."

Me: "I doubt it ever will, but I won't let it dictate my life while waiting for the impossible to happen."

Livia: "You're starting to speak in riddles. The important thing is to accept that life won't grant us everything we dream of; otherwise, dreams wouldn't exist."

Me: "You're right. By the way, I'm going out with John to lift my spirits, even though I feel nothing for him."

Livia: "The important thing is to enjoy yourself and live in the moment, my dear. Be like me; I have fun with Alfredo, even though I'm unsure of his feelings."

Me: "I think he loves you, Livia. But my brother is not one to confess easily. Don't worry; one day, he'll open up to you."

After work, I found John waiting for me in his car. He opened the door for me, and I took my seat, my mind drifting back to Jack. I felt as if I was about to make a mistake, betraying a genuine love. Even though everything between us had ended, my feelings told me Jack still loved me. Every fiber of my being longed for him. How could I redirect those feelings toward someone else?

John drove silently without asking me where I wanted to go. We ended up at a café overlooking the sea—a coincidence? This was the place where I had left my memories with Jack. We got out and walked toward the café. I didn't look back to the sea; its view no longer pleased me.

John pulled out a chair for me, took my coat, and hung it on a rack. I noticed how considerate and attentive he was toward women—something I appreciated. There was nothing wrong with him; the problem was inside me. I struggled to resolve the conflicting emotions within me, hoping to live again. I wouldn't let them control me, crying for a love that wasn't meant to last.

He asked me what I wanted. I ordered ice cream, and he did too. I tried to match his energy and let him get closer. I didn't object; I wanted to test myself and see if he could stir anything within me.

But deep down, I cried. I felt nothing for him. I let him touch me, yet my feelings remained frozen. I no longer owned them to love again—they had been stolen.

Time crawled by, and I wished it would speed up so I could return to my bed and cry for myself. Everything had changed, even me.

When we got home late, everyone was already asleep. He wished me a good night and kissed me. I let him, as if fulfilling a duty, and then went to my room, lay on my bed, and cried bitterly over this hollow life.

I wondered, Is Jack suffering like me, or am I alone in this? Perhaps he is. I won't give up; I'll keep hoping he comes back to me.

I looked at my father's picture beside me and felt as if he was crying with me. How I envied him for leaving before witnessing our lives and what had become of them. I kissed his picture and fell asleep, seeking solace from myself.