Void Lord: My Revenge Is My Harem

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He gestured toward a rock slab he'd been using as a cutting board. Sliced roots, questionable herbs, and something that might have once been cheese were all laid out like ingredients for a dark ritual. A single sausage lay skewered on a dagger, it was half melted and smoking ominously.

John picked up a wooden ladle, dipped it in the bubbling mess of Fizz's stew, and sniffed. His face instantly contorted. "This smells like regret and burnt desperation."

"That's the flavor profile!" Fizz puffed his chest proudly. "I'm experimenting with emotional cooking. I imbue the food with mood."

"Yeah? What mood is this?"

Fizz looked serious. "Rage. Mild self-loathing. And… a hint of paprika."

John sighed and turned to the bystanders. "Has anyone actually tried it?"

A few miners shook their heads rapidly. One man whimpered. A kid behind the crowd yelled, "It made my goat throw up!"

Fizz looked offended. "That goat had no taste!"

Another pop sounded from the cauldron. A mushroom fragment launched itself skyward and slapped John in the cheek. It stuck there for a second before sliding off, leaving behind a trail of oily orange slime.

Fizz winced. "Okay. That one might've needed less boomroot."

"Boomroot?! Where did you even find that?"

Fizz smiled innocently. "I asked the weird old lady down the hill what herbs she uses for curses. Then I bought everything she had and paid her in song."

"You… sang?"

Fizz fluttered proudly. "Yes. I call it 'Ballad of the Burnt Bun.' It made her cry."

"Probably from pain." John replied.

Fizz pointed to a nearby stone where three flattened rice cakes were sizzling directly on metal. One had caught fire and was now being fanned aggressively by two miners using an old shirt. The rice cakes were stuffed with crushed mushrooms, root jelly, and a single roasted bug each.

"I call these Firepuff Crunch Cakes," Fizz said.

John stared at the bubbling concoction inside the pot, then the blackened cakes, then back to Fizz. "How are you not dead?"

Fizz poked his chest. "Elemental resistance. Also, I don't taste it with my tongue. I taste it with spirit. Tongue taste is for you."

"That explains a lot."

Fizz suddenly zipped down and snatched one of the cakes, juggling it between his cute paws before blowing a tiny controlled stream of fire to reheat the edges.

He asked a miner to take a bite. That miner was scared but he could say no to lord Fizz. 

Crunch!

A long pause from the miner.

Fizz's eyes watered. "I am sure he is speechless with the yummy."

John crossed his arms. "Is it bad?"

The miner chewed slowly. "No… just… emotionally aggressive."

John blinked. "What?"

"It tastes like betrayal and gravel. And maybe love. But mostly gravel."

Another miner raised a hand. "Sir… is this safe?"

John looked at the miner, then at Fizz, who had begun to glow faintly red around the edges. "No. But I'll build a real kitchen soon. Until then, no one eats Fizz's cooking without a signed waiver."

Fizz puffed out his cheeks. "Excuse you. My cooking is transformative."

John nodded. "Yeah, it transforms food into ash and trauma. Look at his face," John pointed at the miner who tasted the food. "he might faint."

Fizz floated back toward the firepit and grabbed another mushroom. "Just you wait. One day, people from across the realm will beg for Lord Fizz's Molten Mushroom Delight."

John turned to leave, muttering, "Only if they're begging for a swift end."

Fizz called after him, "Put me on the chef schedule! Tuesdays! I make soup grenades!"

John walked faster. The pot behind him gave one last glorp, then exploded in a rainbow puff of smoke.

Fizz coughed. "Okay. Maybe fewer mushrooms next time."

The onlookers quietly dispersed. One man patted John on the back. "Sir, if your contact ever opens a tavern, we'll burn it down ourselves."

John didn't reply. But a new sign was added to the tool shed that day.

WARNING: FIZZ IS NOT A LICENSED CHEF. DO NOT EAT ANYTHING HE COOKS. EVEN IF IT LOOKS SHINY.

And just like that, the culinary reign of chaos had officially begun.

Back to the present time… John pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fizz, mushrooms are filled with water."

"So am I. But you don't see me detonating when I'm warm."

"That's not how biology works."

Fizz narrowed his eyes. "Don't bring logic into this. This is my kitchen now."

"Your 'kitchen' smells like burnt hair and regret."

Fizz pointed a cute furry covered paw at John's boots. "Your face smells like burnt hair and regret."

John glanced toward the line of newly built shelters near the forge. Several miners had finished basic wooden frames for houses. A few already had walls and thatched roofs, while others were simply foundation outlines and tarps. Some of the miners sat around a fire, eating soup and passing around flasks. The five who had received Fizz's "blessing" sat together in another group, whispering excitedly as they inspected their third batch of daggers.

One of them suddenly shouted. "Hey! Mine… it sparked!"

John stood and approached. "Let me see."

The man, a thick armed miner with a crooked nose and burnt fingertips, handed over the dagger. Its surface shimmered faintly blue, and the metal felt colder than it should in John's hand.

Fizz appeared over John's shoulder, licking powdered sugar off his own fluffy paw. "Ah yes. That's the Fizz effect. Unpredictable. Overpowered. A little sticky."

John frowned. "System, what is this?"

[Ding! System Notification: Item identified – Frost Touched Dagger (Uncommon Rank). This weapon carries a weak ice elemental mana and can inflict minor freezing damage on contact. (Three times use only.)

Estimated market value: 200 silver.]

John looked up. "Congratulations. This is our first elemental weapon."

The group of miners erupted in cheers.

Fizz puffed out his chest. "You're welcome, peasants. Worship me."

The blessed miner's eyes widened. "So I really was blessed? It wasn't just a fever dream? Lord Fizz, you are great."

John hesitated. Then with a small smile, he nodded. "Fizz may be annoying, loud, and have the attention span of a squirrel on lightning juice… but yes. That bite gave you a chance to forge something with elemental power."

Fizz flew a lazy circle around John. "Now you're learning. Worship me. Build me a statue."