Wake Up As Ozpin

Ozpin slumped forward, forehead resting against his desk.

He had done it. He had survived his first real conversation with Ruby Rose.

Step Twelve: Do Not Think About The Butterfly Effect.

His entire presence in this world was already a deviation from the timeline. Did Ruby seem slightly more confident than in canon? Maybe. Had he changed her trajectory in some unforeseen way? Probably.

Was that a problem?

…He'd figure that out later.

Right now, there was something far more pressing.

His stomach growled.

Right.

He hadn't eaten all day.

—

Step Thirteen: Acquire Food Without Raising Suspicion

Ozpin—former headmaster, current fraud—stared blankly at the cafeteria menu.

Beacon's dining hall was surprisingly modern. Digital menus, auto-serving trays, even a selection of gluten-free options (because apparently even super-soldiers had dietary restrictions).

Students milled about, blissfully unaware that their beloved headmaster was currently debating the existential horror of ordering a cheeseburger.

Because here was the problem:

Ozpin, in canon, was rarely seen eating.

Coffee? Yes. Mysterious? Always. Food? Almost never.

So, was he about to irreversibly alter the timeline by standing in line like a normal human being and ordering dinner?

Yes.

Yes, he was.

Because screw it, he was hungry.

He approached the counter, steeling himself. "One cheeseburger, please."

The lunch lady barely looked at him. "Fries with that?"

"Yes."

"Drink?"

"Coffee."

She nodded, ringing it up. "That'll be—"

A pause.

Her head lifted.

She blinked at him.

"…Headmaster?"

Oh.

Right.

He was Ozpin.

Students glanced over. A few whispered.

He could feel their confusion radiating off them.

Headmaster Ozpin. In the cafeteria. Ordering a cheeseburger.

This was not normal.

A lesser man might have panicked.

He simply adjusted his glasses.

"Even a headmaster must eat," he said sagely.

The lunch lady hesitated, then shrugged and handed over his tray.

Crisis averted.

—

Step Fourteen: Escape Before Someone Asks Questions

He found an empty corner table, sat down, and finally—finally—took a bite of his burger.

And it was good.

Suspiciously good.

"Wait. Is food in Remnant actually better? Or was I just broke in my past life?"

He contemplated this deeply.

For about five seconds.

Then—

A shadow fell over his table.

He looked up.

Glynda Goodwitch.

Staring at him.

Expression unreadable.

Crap.

"Headmaster," she said slowly, as if testing the word.

He swallowed his bite. Carefully. "Professor Goodwitch."

She crossed her arms. "You're in the cafeteria."

"Indeed."

"You're eating a cheeseburger."

"Correct."

She studied him, sharp gaze scanning for something—some hint, some explanation for why her headmaster, a man of endless mystery, was currently committing the heinous crime of… eating dinner.

Finally, she settled on the only possible response:

"...Very well."

Then, like an unsolved mystery, she turned and walked away.

She doesn't get paid enough for this.

He exhaled.

Step Fifteen: Somehow, That Worked.

He took another bite.

—

Step Sixteen: Maybe, Just Maybe, He Could Do This.

The first day was almost over.

Ruby was at Beacon. He hadn't blown his cover. He had food.

The world had not yet ended.

He could do this.

Maybe.

He took a sip of coffee, staring out at his academy.

Tomorrow, the real chaos would begin.

For now?

He just enjoyed his cheeseburger.