Wasn’t This a Night Game

Guess I’ll Just Be a Saint

Late dawn.

I lay tossing and turning in my private room, prepared within the Mage Tower Temple.

Grand Priest Yodel had made a fuss about creating the space, saying it was finally time to make a space for the Saint.

The bed was wide and luxurious, nice and soft, but I couldn’t get a proper night’s sleep.

Scary.

The Goddess might send down lightning at any moment.

What to do.

A constellation of thoughts, each more ridiculous than the last.

Should I vanish, leaving strict orders never to be found?

Grand Priest Yodel’s an ‘OK man,’ isn’t he? He’d listen to my commands, wouldn’t he?

No.

No matter how I turn it over in my head, that’s impossible.

If I disappeared, the poor would probably throw a childish tantrum, begging for me to be found.

And the Lilia Order would say they needed me too.

Even if Yodel *is* an OK man, he couldn’t ignore the Lilia Order and all the poor people’s relentless demands, swept up in the tide, eventually setting out to find me. A picture I can already see.

Do this, I’m screwed; do that, I’m screwed.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

How do I survive this?

For a guy with no faith, how did I even climb this high?

Like that Karma Company, blazing their own trail right now.

Or this opulent magic tower temple.

Everything I touch just…thrives.

At this rate, I’ll be trapped, irreversibly, as the Goddess’s Saint.

Living in constant fear of divine retribution, forever.

Is that how I’m going to live? Seriously?

I can’t sleep.

Especially tonight, it’s truly, exceptionally bad.

Perhaps a walk would do me good.

I left my room.

Carefully, I went out for a dawn stroll, intending to loop around the slum, and the changes that had swept over the place struck me.

The muddy road, once choked with filth and refuse, was being neatly torn up and repaved with pretty bricks.

No more souls sleeping on the bare ground.

I’d heard tell jobs had sprung up, enough for everyone to grab a room in an inn or two.

They say they’re buzzing about, excited to tear down their own shacks for a bit of coin, thinking of moving into the homes that’ll be built in their place.

The air didn’t hang heavy with rot anymore.

A sleek, crisp dawn air tickled my nose.

I stood there for a bit, dazed in the road, taking it all in, when suddenly a question popped into my head.

A faithless b*stard like me, playing the saint for almost half a year now, and the Goddess hasn’t smote me yet – could it be ’cause I’m just doing too damn good a job?

Logically speaking, I dug up some forgotten elixir spring in a busted factory basement, purified the slums. Made folks happy.

And ’cause of all that, the overwhelming majority in the slum are now Lilia’s followers.

At this point, I seriously wonder if the Goddess knows damn well what’s going on but is just letting it be.

Even a faithless sod like me, if I’m doing this good a job, maybe she’s just giving me a little wink, a pass?

No.

Not even joking.

Ain’t that the truth of it??

Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

Shit, my thick-skulled head.

Seemed like I’d been scared for nothing all this time?

The moment all my struggles to escape the cult I’d belonged to felt like a complete waste of effort.

“Having trouble sleeping, perhaps?”

As the absurdity washed over me and a hollow laugh escaped my lips, a familiar voice spoke from behind.

Erpa was approaching me, waving her four arms, as iconic as her name itself.

Almost 3 AM, why is she still awake???

“I was just trying to take a walk… the scenery has changed so much I was just looking around for a bit.”

At my words, Erpa smiled and moved closer.

“It’s all thanks to you. Saint. If it weren’t for you, this place would still be a filthy and wretched slum.”

“I didn’t do anything. To be honest, I’m just… puzzled how things escalated this far.”

I really don’t get it.

A nobody like me.

Is it really possible to rise this high with skills straight out of a trashy ero-game?

At my words, the witch carefully approached me.

She smells nice.

Is it perfume?

Or is that just her natural scent?

A pleasant, refreshing scent stimulated my nose.

“Would you permit me to hold your hand?”

I nodded.

The witch takes my hand, careful-like.

And then, quiet as anything, she kisses the back of it.

“You have the ability to move people’s hearts. It’s not simply because you heal the incurable and cared for the poor that they call you a saint.”

Move people’s hearts, she says.

Ha.

If they knew the real me, they’d all scoff, wouldn’t they?

Moving hearts my ass.

I know better than anyone just how selfish I am, and how…

foolish.

“I’m not such a great person.”

“I mean… I tried to destroy the world.”

A jolt goes through me.

I sneak a look at her.

Truth be told, she’s still a damn nuke.

Just changed her mind, is all. The power to wipe out the whole world is still there, locked inside her.

Just snuffed out the fuse that was burning down to her core in real-time.

The things that could set her off are still inside her, that’s what I’m saying.

A wave of unease washes over me, and I scan her face, but Erpa’s expression is calm, too calm.

“I hated the world for not accepting me… I hated myself. Why was I born with such a hideous face? When people threw filth at me, I just… I thought of burning the whole Empire to the ground. My research and the magic inside me would have been enough.”

I know.

I must have perfectly recreated the scene I saw in my dream.

“When the Saint smeared filth on himself and kissed my hideous left face. That’s when everything changed. The resentment inside me, the hatred. It all just vanished. How could I hate myself when someone like you loves me? Maybe, just maybe, it was the first time I ever loved myself.”

Erpa laughs.

Her laughter is almost too refreshing.

“Ridiculous, isn’t it? After that, everything went exactly as I wished. The position of next Master of the Magic Tower. The recognition of my colleagues. And the downfall of the witch who hated and despised me. It all happened so naturally, as if it were only right. Things I couldn’t have even when I desperately desired them fell into my hands so easily.”

“I’m glad, Erpa.”

“I probably could have fixed my own face. The Three Primary Colors research was for that. To wield more powerful magic and heal my face. If I had been given just a month or two more, I would have succeeded in healing myself. But even if I had healed it that way… when I think about whether it could have turned out like this… the conclusion is no, it was impossible.”

Erpa places a hand on her chest.

“You changed my heart. That’s something even magic can’t do. Saint-nim. Only you could have done it. You say you are a nobody, but that’s just not true. You are a great person.”

I belatedly realized I’d never had such an in-depth conversation with the Nuclear Bomb Witch before.

Talking like this, little by little…

I felt the fear and unease I had harbored for her within me begin to dissipate and disappear.

Come to think of it, isn’t it even more ridiculous to worry that a woman who is blushing so much while openly looking at me is suddenly going to twist and go berserk again?

Just a while ago, I felt like an idiot for being scared of a divine punishment that wouldn’t even come, and now I feel like an idiot for being afraid that a woman who likes me this much is going to go berserk again.

I really am…

Why am I such a fool?

“I am definitely not a great person. I know myself very well. Even so…”

I smiled at Erpa.

“I’m happy that many people can be happy because of me.”

It wasn’t a lie.

The slum’s streets had transformed, become pristine.

Those children, faces marred by burns, hawking matches in the back alleys, now wore fine clothes and attended school.

The Nuclear Witch was officially recognized as the next Archmage, a happy smile gracing her face as she stood near me.

Jonathan Karma’s family, too, beamed with joy, and everyone, even High Priest Yodel, seemed revitalized by my presence.

All of this, of course, stemmed from misunderstandings and delusions – a fabricated truth.

But what did it matter if it was a lie?

Wasn’t the fact that I’d made them happy the more important thing?

No.

I’m not joking, really.

Isn’t the Goddess just… turning a blind eye to everything?

At this point?

Then there’s no need to run, fearing divine retribution.

Even if I lack faith, well, I could just believe in the Goddess right now.

Then there’d be no more worries, no more anxieties of any kind.

If everyone calls me a Saint, wouldn’t it be enough for me to simply change my mind and become one?

That thought occurs to me.

“The night is cold. I’ll head inside now…”

“Saint.”

Erpa takes my hand, refusing to let go.

“Just one thing… I wanted to ask. Please, tell me honestly.”

“Yes. Speak. Anything I can answer. I’ll answer without holding back.”

“When you saved me. You told me I was beautiful.”

Mm.

That’s what I said.

It’s a ripoff of Miyazaki grandpa’s famous anime quote.

“In that meaning of beautiful… even just a little. Even the tiniest bit would do… did it include the meaning of me being beautiful as a woman?”

The witch’s face is red.

I’d always looked at her with anxiety and fear, but after those feelings vanished, only now does her breathtaking face, the one that’s practically equipped with charm magic itself, enter my eyes.

I might be a heavy user of Bixibu and Tear Sites, Toptoon.

But no matter how great internet art is, it’s not greater than a real woman. I realize that anew today.

Smell.

Touch.

Appearance.

Everything is truly perfect.

“It was included. I’m ashamed, but even now, you being so close makes me feel ashamed. I’ve never seen someone so beautiful up close before.”

A face practically equipped with charm magic!

Incredible!

My mouth was blurting out that line without me even knowing it.

But no seriously, think about it.

The feeling of a woman’s skin in my hand.

The heavy, clinging scent wafted.

And a woman with a pretty face, flushed, right there up close!

Could you stand it?

Could you stomach that?

Before Erpa, only once had I been this close to a woman.

Back in college.

Confessed to a junior I liked, and she turned me down, said I was too nice, not right for her.

Later, saw her coming out of a motel with some tall, handsome b*stard when I was working at a convenience store.

Augh, goddamn it!

Why did that shitty memory have to…

Memory…

Uh…

Erpa’s two upper arms wrapped around the back of my head.

I could see her rising up on her toes.

Her face, inherently blessed with allure, closed the distance in an instant.

And a soft, moist sensation registered on my lips.

Her lower hand, holding mine, trembled with tension and fear.

Even a virgin like me could tell it was her first time, clumsy beyond belief.

More of a peck than a kiss, really.

She carefully pulled away from me.

“D-Did I… did I not upset you, perhaps?”

If that upset her, she’s gotta be gay.

There’s no way it upset her, right?

“It’s just… k-kissing is my first time. I was probably too clumsy…”

I stare at her, blank.

I knew she felt something for me.

But I didn’t expect her to come at me so straight like that.

“It was my first time too.”

Across both Korea and the Arcal Empire, actually my first time.

Erpa smiles at my words.

“I’m happy!”

She kisses me again.

Receiving that kiss.

Feeling her fresh scent tickle the tip of my nose, I thought.

Maybe I could just live as a saint?

At this point?

The goddess seems to be condoning it.

Yeah, I’ll just live as a saint. Me.

A woman who likes me even showed up.

Maybe I, too, can finally…

Let’s try and actually enjoy this blissful isekai life a little, shall we?

I hesitated, then wrapped my hand around Erpha’s waist.

Carefully, I drew her closer.

The scent hitting my nose was almost intoxicating.

Around 3 AM.

On a street devoid of souls.

And so, the two of us stood there, locked in a kiss, for a good long while.