When The Poor Girl Suddenly Became Rich

It was a normal Saturday.

He had just come home from basketball practice—earphones in, towel around his neck, and a big bottle of Gatorade in hand. Sweat dripping. Mind blank. Stomach ready for snacks.

He pushed the front door open, expecting the smell of turon or pancit canton.

What he got was existential trauma.

"…so this is the banana," Andi said calmly.

Gesly froze mid-step.

That was his sister's voice.

"Here's the condom—see this? This is how to put it on correctly."

Gesly blinked once. Then twice.

Was that—did she just say—

"Don't stretch it. Don't blow it up. This isn't balloon art—it's a condom!"

He turned toward the dining room.

Andi. Bella. A literal banana on the table.

A foil packet next to it.

And a printed handout labeled: Safe Sex, Self-Respect, and Sanity: Dela Vuega Sibling Workshop 101

This wasn't real.

He clutched the door frame like a man returning from war. "Dear God. No."

Bella turned to him, totally unfazed. "Hi, Kuya! Ate's giving me a sex education lesson!"

Gesly dropped his Gatorade. "W-why would you say it like that—"

"She said we need proper knowledge so we don't grow up with nothing but hormones for brains."

"WHO EVEN SAYS THAT?!"

Andi turned to him, full big sister mode and absolutely unbothered. "Gesly, perfect timing! You can be my volunteer model."

"HUH?!"

Bella clapped. "Yay, live demo!"

Gesly slowly backed away like someone had just pulled a weapon on him. "I JUST WANTED CHEESE STICKS. CHEESE STICKS!"

But Andi, planner-loving soul that she was, had already pulled out another banana.

"Come on. Your future depends on this. You think you only use your brain when you get a girlfriend? No. Your body's involved. You need to be informed."

"Ate, I swear—"

"If you end up in a situation, what will you do?"

"Uhm. Run? Pray the rosary?!"

Bella cracked up.

Andi remained dead serious. "Gesly. Sit. Down."

And for some cursed reason, he obeyed.

Ten minutes later, he was sitting at the dining table across from his two sisters, holding a banana like it was a live grenade.

"Why is this my life," he whispered.

Andi smirked. "At least you're not clueless. If you ever do it, I want you to remember this day—and the banana that saved your life."

Bella nodded solemnly. "Thanks, Ate. I feel emotionally safe but also deeply traumatized."

"Good," Andi said proudly. "That's the point."

Gesly blinked up at the ceiling.

He didn't know what was worse—the trauma, or the fact that he actually learned something.

Later That Night

He was brushing his teeth quietly when a MyDay from Alonzo popped up:

"There's a banana on the table—and it's not for snacking. Lol 🤣"

Gesly replied:

"She used an actual banana. Please take her out of this house. I'm begging you."

Alonzo's response:

"That's called character development, bro."

Gesly stared at his reflection and muttered, "I hate this life."

---

"—And I even had a print-out, I swear! With bold font! 'Self-Respect, Safe Sex, and Sanity: Dela Vuega Sibling Workshop 101!'"

Alonzo nearly choked on his iced tea.

They were seated at their usual café booth near campus—window seat, same corner spot where no one bothered them. It was just supposed to be a chill late-night snack date. A few fries, some catching up. Nothing too dramatic.

He did not expect to be handed the most chaotic story of the week.

Andi, eyes gleaming with untamed amusement, poked at her nachos, grinning from ear to ear. Across from her, Alonzo was trying not to collapse from laughter.

"So—let me get this straight," he gasped, wiping his eyes. "You… pulled out an actual banana?"

"Of course!" Andi lifted her chin proudly. "Demonstration is key. I told them, 'We're visual learners in this house.'"

He lost it again. Full-body laugh. He hunched over, head in his arms, laughing so hard that nearby customers glanced their way.

"Alonzo," she warned with a smirk, "you better not die laughing. I'm not about to explain to the police that my boyfriend died beside a tray of banana cue because of sex ed."

"That's the best cause of death," he wheezed. "Not heart attack. Not stroke. Just: 'Died from Dela Vuega Sex Education.'"

She flicked his forehead across the table. "Hey, I was serious. Education is empowerment."

"No, I get it," he said, catching his breath. "But… Gesly? Of all people?"

"Oh my god—his face," she said, nearly crying from laughter again. "I pulled out the banana and he looked like I had opened the gates of hell."

Alonzo slapped the table. "Didn't he once say he's allergic to PDA? Imagine how he feels about PSE—Private Sex Ed."

"You should've seen him. Sitting at the dining table, holding a banana like it was radioactive. Then he just goes, 'Why is this my life?'"

They both burst out laughing again.

Eventually, Alonzo calmed down, wiping his eyes one last time. "And Bella?"

"Complete opposite," Andi said fondly. "Super curious. Very focused. Like a quiz bee contestant. At one point she asked, 'Ate, why do condoms have flavors?'"

Alonzo's jaw dropped. "SHE SAID THAT?!"

"Promise," Andi said with a smirk. "Then she goes, 'The strawberry one tastes like bubblegum?'"

Another wave of unholy laughter hit them both.

But slowly, the chaos faded into a softer quiet. A comfortable pause.

Alonzo reached across the table and took her hand, gently brushing her knuckles with his thumb.

"You're a good sister, you know." His voice was quieter now.

Andi blinked. "What?"

"Seriously," he said. "You're raising two smart, grounded, chaos-filled kids. And in this world? That kind of open communication, safety, education—not everyone gets that kind of sibling."

She rolled her eyes, but her smile betrayed her. "Well, I am Ate Dela Vuega."

"Exactly." He grinned. "And honestly, I still have a crush on you even if you're now known as the walking banana tutorial."

She smiled—genuine and warm.

"Still your Ate," she said with a wink.

"My Ate," he echoed. "My girlfriend. My future—"

"Don't finish that sentence or I'm throwing fries at you," she warned, even though her heart thudded louder than ever.

He smirked. "Fine. For now."

Their hands stayed linked until their plates were empty, laughter lingering in the air. There's something about humor after trauma that makes love feel even stronger.