Although a Villain, My Wish is World Peace

As Cha Song-jin said, since I created the organization called Weltschmerz, this organization had no choice but to move according to my standards as the leader. The problem is that even I never properly thought about those standards.

Until today, I moved as I wanted without clear standards.

I stole when I wanted to steal, killed when I wanted to kill.

I moved according to whatever thoughts came to mind at the time, without any consideration.

—And those thoughts were exactly like your former master’s, you know.

‘Well, that’s true, but I don’t want to blame that person. Although I was influenced by Seol Rok-jin, in the end it was me who acted on the thoughts that came to mind without any consideration.’

I have no intention of passing everything off to someone who isn’t even by my side now. My mind might feel a little easier, but in the end nothing changes.

What’s important is not making the same mistake.

‘To do that, I need to clearly point out where I went wrong.’

Although I said it was wrong, I don’t regret all the choices I’ve made so far. I’m not suddenly suffering from guilt for killing bad guys. It’s partly because my sense of guilt has faded, but basically it’s because what I feel sorry for isn’t those guys’ lives.

What I’m worried about is only Han Seo-hyeon and Kim Jae-ho who have been by my side like this and may have been negatively influenced.

“What if it’s already too late?”

“What do you mean it’s already too late?”

“If Jae-ho and Seo-hyeon have already been badly influenced because of me…”

At my worry, Cha Song-jin blinked his eyes.

“That’s what you were worried about?”

“How can I not worry? Even the Edward incident, if you think about it, happened all because of me.”

“Because of you?”

“Jae-ho is pure.”

“Th-that guy is pure?”

“Yes. Jae-ho’s depth of thought is still shallow. Like young children.”

Kim Jae-ho was pure in a good sense, and ignorant in a bad sense. Kim Jae-ho, who hadn’t been out in the world for long, wasn’t yet properly prepared to live in this world.

Because he doesn’t know anything, he has no clear standards to make any judgments, and because his standards aren’t clear, his behavior is so strange that ordinary people can’t understand.

Just look at how Kim Jae-ho attacked Taika Cooper in the Edward incident.

An ordinary person would ask why on earth he attacked that guy there.

It’s strange! Why suddenly attack a person there!

But if Kim Jae-ho recalled his outing with me, the answer becomes simple.

That’s also why I couldn’t severely scold Kim Jae-ho during the Edward incident.

Because Kim Jae-ho just acted as he learned from me.

So even if I scold Kim Jae-ho, he clearly won’t understand why. At best, all he could think of would be ‘Ah, Boss is angry because I attacked without his order!’

Isn’t that similar to the reason I actually scolded Kim Jae-ho then?

I didn’t say things like you shouldn’t attack people recklessly, or that it’s a bad thing.

‘Because…’

—Because of what you’ve done so far. And because of what you’ll do in the future. You couldn’t carelessly say such things.

‘Yes.’

This is why I can’t help but feel nauseous at my own actions.

I slowly opened my mouth while looking at Cha Song-jin.

“Jae-ho doesn’t know anything. I just brought a child who doesn’t know anything and used him as I pleased.”

Yes, the word ‘used’ is appropriate.

I just picked him up randomly and said he had to earn his keep, dragging Kim Jae-ho into my revenge.

Of course, Kim Jae-ho lived a miserable life because of Seol Rok-jin in the past, and it’s true that his current life is better than that life. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that I’m using Kim Jae-ho.

At first, the reason I bought Kim Jae-ho was just because I needed a suitable awakener to use for my revenge.

Until then, I didn’t think about Kim Jae-ho at all.

Yes, I did help with Kim Jae-ho’s revenge. But Kim Jae-ho’s revenge is already over.

‘He personally killed the people who tormented him at the Bomnal Orphanage, and dealt with Assemblyman Kim Seong-deuk who was involved in that incident.’

It means I can no longer use the pretext of helping Kim Jae-ho’s revenge to use Kim Jae-ho.

What I’m doing is just, using Kim Jae-ho.

—You tried to let that guy go, didn’t you?

‘I said let go, but it was no different from just abandoning him. In the end, he came back because he was hungry.’

To make someone who hasn’t received proper education independent. That’s not independence. It’s abandonment!

—You abandon other people at the drop of a hat… No, from the start you were always thinking of sending those two away someday.

‘I don’t intend to drive them away…’

But if they want to leave me, I’ll say goodbye blessing their future lives.

Of course, I’m saying this, but I have no intention of cutting ties while driving those two away.

Han Seo-hyeon and I share the same enemy, and Kim Jae-ho isn’t properly prepared yet.

It’s just that guilt inevitably builds up. The conscience that didn’t flinch even when killing dozens of people pricks only when thinking of those two.

Cha Song-jin who heard my words quietly rolled his eyes, thinking about something. Then he suddenly asked:

“Come to think of it, I never asked before, but where did you bring Jae-ho from?”

“…I bought him from the black market with money.”

Cha Song-jin’s eyes narrowed at my words.

“Bought him?”

“Yes. Jae-ho was an experimental subject who underwent physical modification in a laboratory. After he was no longer needed, he was put on the market. He was in a state of being returned often because of his bad temper.”

It wasn’t a lie to say he would have been sold to a worse master if it weren’t for me, but I didn’t want to bring that up as an excuse for myself.

I talked about the time Kim Jae-ho and I spent together.

After taking in Kim Jae-ho like that, I just awakened his ability moderately and used him.

Cha Song-jin quietly listened to my grumbling. With unreadable eyes.

“Do you understand? I’m a terrible person. Just, a bad person who exploits and uses two kids.”

I moistened my dried lips with my tongue. My mouth dried up every time I opened it.

“As I said, I don’t regret bringing in those two in itself. I’ll probably keep using those two in the future. So tell me if your thoughts about wanting to join Weltschmerz have changed.”

At my words, Cha Song-jin quietly asked:

“Why, why did you bring in those two? You left out something important.”

Is that reason important? I looked at Cha Song-jin with such eyes, but Cha Song-jin’s eyes were firm. His expression said he had to hear that reason.

“Well, because I felt I absolutely couldn’t achieve my goal alone.”

“You mean taking down Assemblyman Seol Rok-jin, right?”

At those words, I looked at Cha Song-jin in surprise.

What, how do you know that!

“S-somehow I keep hearing those kinds of talks whenever I pass by! My hobby is definitely not eavesdropping or anything, so don’t misunderstand.”

Cha Song-jin who hurriedly rolled his eyes quickly added:

“And you guys don’t look around enough when you talk. Don’t you know the saying ‘Daytime words are heard by mice, nighttime words are heard by birds’?”

“…You switched them around.”

“W-well anyway!”

Cha Song-jin whose face had turned bright red looked at me and said:

“You say Assemblyman Seol Rok-jin is eating away at the country. Everything you guys are known to have committed, it was all done by Assemblyman Seol Rok-jin.”

Just how much did he eavesdrop and from where…

“D-did you think I said I wanted to become Weltschmerz without knowing anything? I said I wanted to join you guys with my own thoughts.”

“Your thoughts haven’t changed even after hearing everything I said?”

“Yes! They haven’t changed at all. And you know, if you think you’re using Jae-ho, talk to Jae-ho properly later. Don’t jump to conclusions like he won’t understand or you won’t get a proper answer.”

“But…”

It’s because I feel like Kim Jae-ho would just give the answer I want to hear. Asking for his opinion when he doesn’t know anything…

Cha Song-jin firmly cut off my words before I could even say them:

“That’s why I’m saying don’t jump to conclusions like that.”

“…Alright.”

“You’re still young too. Where are there people who are good at everything from the start? So from now on! You just need to do well from now on, right, that’s right.”

Cha Song-jin who muttered as if talking to himself suddenly gave me a thumbs up.

“What are you doing?”

“No, it’s somehow admirable, I guess. That you even think about such things, yes. Usually people don’t think like that. They just use people without even thinking they’re using them. Haha, that’s right.”

“How can you not think like that? Their lives are in my hands.”

After everything is over, I hoped Han Seo-hyeon and Kim Jae-ho would live normal lives.

That’s also why I told Cha Song-jin to teach morality.

After experiencing the Edward incident, I felt I couldn’t leave Kim Jae-ho in this state anymore.

For a very long time, I lived a life where I didn’t judge anything for myself or take responsibility.

In fact, we all did.

Me who lived as a pet dog trying to please Seol Rok-jin while being subordinate to him, Han Seo-hyeon who lived as a good brother suppressing his instincts to fulfill his brother’s expectations, and Kim Jae-ho who was a lab rat from birth. Lastly, Cha Song-jin who ended up here pushed by circumstances.

We were all people who had never properly chosen anything for ourselves.

Cha Song-jin said I should be the standard.

Because I became the standard for our choices, I need to take responsibility for that and become an unwavering person.

I was prepared, but honestly I was scared if I could do it properly.

Because they’ve become precious to me, I want to treat them well, but I don’t know how to do well.

Still, after talking with Cha Song-jin, my thoughts became a bit more organized.

“…Thank you for today. I’m glad you’re here after all.”

“You?”

Cha Song-jin rolled his eyes as if displeased at my words.

“You say thanks, but what’s with ‘you’. You.”

At those words, I made up my mind.

Right, this is someone who gives advice without holding back. There’s no reason not to call him hyung once.

Kid, I’m in a good mood.

“Thank you, Song-jin hyung.”

But contrary to expectations, Cha Song-jin’s expression when he heard my words was stiff. I thought he’d be happy. What’s with that face?

“Y-yeah…”

Cha Song-jin started jerking like a poorly assembled robot.

“What’s with that expression?”

“N-no. It feels strange to actually be called hyung by you.”

“What’s so strange about it?”

“W-well, I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s strange, but…”

Somehow seeing him jerking like that makes me feel twisted inside.

“What’s wrong, Song-jin hyung? Huh? What’s strange about calling hyung hyung?”

“N-no! Stop calling me that now. It just feels strange somehow, okay?”

“So I’m asking what’s strange about it, Song-jin hyung!”

I persistently called out to Cha Song-jin who was trying to run away from me.

—You’re really something. You said you didn’t like it when he asked you to call him that.

‘Well! Not wanting to call him that and not wanting to be called that are different things!’