Bleach: I Bound the Hōgyoku, Sterilized a Goddess, I Might Die

No, this script is wrong!

I'm already dead—why are you guarding the corpse?

And what's with the respect? You raised my ashes?

There's something seriously wrong with you, isn't there?

Kurotsuchi Mayuri's eyelids twitched ever so slightly.

Wait a second.

Why is there no movement?

Kurotsuchi Mayuri blinked, confused for a brief moment, before his expression shifted to pure irritation.

In his line of sight—

That damn Quincy brat was charging up spirit particles—actually aiming a fully drawn Heilig Pfeil at himself.

"Stop pretending."

"I know you're not the type to die so easily."

"If you don't get up, I'll really blow you into lab-grade mist."

Kanbaru's tone was casual, but there was no doubt he was dead serious.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri—this mad scientist of the 12th Division—had life-preserving skills that bordered on cheating.

One death? A hiccup.

Two deaths? Just a field test.

"..."

Upon hearing that, Mayuri, who had been silently strategizing, suddenly opened his eyes—his eyelids still twitching.

Here we go again.

This sensation… Why does this brat seem to know me so well?

"Come on. I want you to do me a favor."

Kanbaru got straight to the point.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri wasn't the type to waste time on games like Urahara Kisuke. He had no interest in roundabout tactics.

"A favor, you say?"

"How amusing. A Quincy asking a Shinigami for help—when we're supposed to be mortal enemies."

Mayuri's lips curled into a morbid grin, filled with glee and mockery.

"Enemy?"

Kanbaru gave a loose shrug, unmoved.

"There are many secrets hidden in Quincy blood."

"I'll collect the blood and genetic data of every Quincy alive and give them to you for research."

He paused, then added with purpose:

"That includes my own samples as well."

"But in return—" Kanbaru's eyes gleamed, "—you have to share the research data with me."

"Interesting. Very interesting."

Mayuri's curiosity flared. This kind of proposal—treating one's own body and race as experimental material—was twisted, bold, and exactly the kind of madness that piqued Mayuri's scientific instincts.

He tilted his head and stared at Kanbaru.

That look—it wasn't suspicion. It was recognition.

Yes.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri now saw Kanbaru as one of his own kind.

A fellow deviant. A fellow disciple of the Church of Science (Madness).

This was real scientific devotion (and probably several DSM diagnoses).

To a lunatic like Mayuri, most people were boring, disposable data sets.

Only other lunatics—other broken geniuses—could get his respect and attention.

"Then what's in it for me?"

Mayuri slowly pulled the glowing spiritual blade impaling him from the ground, expression full of manic curiosity.

"The secrets hidden in Quincy blood."

"And…"

Kanbaru's voice dropped to a near-whisper: "The opportunity to surpass Urahara Kisuke."

That name.

That man.

Mayuri's expression visibly twitched. Urahara Kisuke—the bane of his scientific existence. The eternal benchmark he was desperate to surpass.

Everything Mayuri had ever built—the 12th Division's current structure, the Research Bureau, and even his restructured Gigai system—all stemmed from a need to prove he was the better scientist.

Kanbaru had offered him a challenge—one Urahara wouldn't be able to ignore.

A rival's deal.

Just like Kisuke couldn't ignore Kanbaru's Hōgyoku-based enhancements, Mayuri couldn't ignore this invitation to madness.

But Kanbaru didn't trust Mayuri completely, either.

Because Mayuri wasn't just a scientist.

He was a maniacal, utterly unpredictable scientist.

Sorry, my mistake. But I'll still provoke him next time.

That's just the kind of guy Kurotsuchi Mayuri is.

So naturally, Kanbaru had made sure to prepare insurance—fail-safes and backup plans.

"Ho ho ho ho…"

"You really are something else. So much better than the rest of these idiotic masses."

Mayuri injected himself with a regenerative stimulant, grinning wide enough to bare his teeth.

"But tell me this—why are you so special?"

---

"Where's the pervert?"

Kurosaki Masaki glanced over Kanbaru's shoulder, frowning.

"Escaped," Kanbaru answered nonchalantly.

"Escaped?"

"You already beat him half to death, and then just let him run away?"

Ishida Ryūsei raised his voice in disbelief.

He had seen it.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri had been completely dominated—unable to land a single counterattack.

He was left twitching in a crater like a discarded marionette.

And yet you let him get away?

"You don't seriously think all Gotei captains are trash, do you?" Kanbaru shot him a side-eye.

Beat Kurotsuchi Mayuri?

Which one of your eyes saw me beat him?

Didn't you see? He walked away under his own power.

No way Kanbaru was admitting anything.

The Quincies in this world were all suspiciously unhinged. He had no interest in forming emotional bonds with them.

Waste of time.

And time—not blood—was Kanbaru's most valuable resource.

"I guess that makes sense…"

Ishida Ryūsei's face twisted into a skeptical grimace. But the logic did check out.

After all, Mayuri was one of the thirteen captains at the top of Soul Society's hierarchy.

Could someone like Kanbaru really defeat a man like that alone?

If Kanbaru could casually defeat a captain of the Gotei 13, wouldn't that mean…

Wouldn't that mean his Reiatsu already stood at the very peak of the world?

That couldn't be right. Could it?

Still suspicious, Ryūsei begrudgingly accepted Kanbaru's reasoning.

---

"I'll leave the cleanup to you."

Kanbaru glanced around the ruined battlefield.

The land looked like it had been plowed by divine punishment—gaping craters, scorched rubble, and claw-like Reiatsu scars carved into the earth.

The Quincy survivors lay strewn across the ground, unconscious or heavily injured.

"???"

Ishida Ryūsei slowly formed a question mark in the air.

His look practically screamed: Interaction request denied.

Can't you see I'm injured?!

Even if the Blut system repaired most of the damage—look at this blood! You're seriously making me work?

Also…

I'm the future patriarch of the Quincy Clan, damn it! Why should I be on cleanup duty?!

Wait—hey, don't walk away! You bastard!

---

"So dirty…"

Kurosaki Masaki wrinkled her nose, frowning at the dust and dirt on her body.

She stepped into the bathroom and paused, popping her head back out with a mischievous wink.

"Want to join me?"

And just like that—she closed the door with a flirtatious smirk, cutting off any chance for a response.

"???"

You say that kind of thing, and you expect me to sleep peacefully tonight?

A few seconds later—

Masaki's voice echoed from the bathroom:

"Kanbaru! Help me! I'm stuck in the washing machine!"

Kanbaru: "???"