Caught in the Villainess Crossfire: My Totally Not Heroic Isekai Life

After what felt like forever, the city finally pops up on the horizon. And by city, I mean the place where I'll probably make a fool of myself. Yeah, my luck.

Alicia's up ahead, walking like she's the queen of this place. She's got that "I'm the heroine" vibe for sure. I'm just the sidekick, though. Great.

Seraphina's acting all cold, probably judging the city already. Seriously, does she ever not judge everything?

Iris is bouncing around like a hyper gremlin, tugging at my sleeve. "Hey Haruto, you ready to embarrass yourself in front of everyone?" she says, all giggly. Ugh, I can already feel the cringe.

Evelyn's floating behind us, all calm and angelic. She probably thinks I'm hopeless or something. Yeah, I get it, Evelyn. I'm not the hero.

We hit the city gates, and my stomach drops. Here we go. I've got no choice but to walk in. Everyone's staring, but who cares, right?

Iris spots food right away. "Wanna try some exotic stuff, Haruto? Bet it'll mess with your stomach." Not today, Iris. I'll pass on that disaster.

Alicia gives me that innocent smile again. "Don't worry, Haruto. Just enjoy it!" Enjoy it? Yeah, okay. Like I'm not already freaking out about being the only dude in a party of girls.

---

We finally make it to the city, and of course, Iris is already on a food hunt. She's practically bouncing in place, that pink hair shining from food stall lights. Her big fox ears twitch, and her long, fluffy tail swishes behind her like it's alive. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen her not in motion.

"Ooooh, food!" she squeals, and before I can even take a breath, she's got herself a meat skewer. But surprise, surprise, she doesn't just eat it like a normal person.

As she takes a bite, the skewer slips right out of her hands—and lands straight into her already way too exposed crop top. I swear, it's like she's doing this on purpose. I can practically see the damn thing poking out of the top, half-hidden behind her perky, pink-haired head. I don't even want to think about it. Her top's barely covering anything, anyway.

"Oh no, looks like it's stuck!" Iris giggles, her voice all sweet and teasing. But the way she's acting? It's not sweet. She's pulling the meat out of her top slowly, like she's making sure I'm watching every second. My heart is about to explode.

I can't help but glance at her... my eyes glued to the sight of her tail flicking around, and her bare feet squishing into the dirt. She's got those ridiculous sandals on, her miniskirt barely covering anything, and I know for a fact she knows how distracting it all is.

And then—then—she says, "Mmmm, Haruto... You really enjoying the view? Or is it too much for you?" She gives me this look, all half-lidded, voice dripping with that teasing, sexy tone. Her tail moves like it's alive—around my neck, flicking and wrapping like she's pulling me closer to her.

I can't even move. My brain's mush. She's so... close now, and I feel like I'm about to combust just from the way she's staring at me.

I try to look away, but her voice keeps getting to me. "You've been staring for a while. Is my top really that... distracting?" She wiggles her shoulders like she's putting on a show, totally enjoying the way I'm struggling. "I bet you wish you could take a closer look, huh?"

My face is on fire. Why is this my life now? Why is she so good at making me feel like a complete mess?

Alicia, Seraphina, and Evelyn? Just... pretending they didn't see anything. Seriously, they just act like Iris isn't playing with my mind, making me question my entire existence with every teasing move she makes.

But Iris? Iris is loving it. I swear she's betting on how fast I'll lose it from all this.

---

Honestly, how the hell did I end up in this mess??

I've spent—what, over a thousand hours in Eternal Phantasm Requiem and this is what I get? This is the adventure I signed up for?? Endless walking, food spills, and—oh, let's not forget—being sexually harassed by a freakin' fox-girl rogue who thinks it's funny to make me lose my mind. I didn't even think the game world would be like this. I thought there'd be, you know, dungeons to explore and villains to fight. Not... this.

And Iris—why does she enjoy making me uncomfortable so much?? Is this some kind of sick game to her? I get it, she's a rogue, mischievous, but seriously? Is this her version of fun? I swear, at this point I don't know whether to laugh at how ridiculous it is or just give up and curl into a ball and cry. Is this my life now? What happened to being the hero's best friend? Instead, I'm the one stumbling around, looking like an idiot, while everyone else is just way cooler than me.

How did my character put up with this in the game? Like, did Haruto always get dragged into these dumb situations? In the game, he was the reliable sidekick, always helping out Alicia—so how did he even deal with being this useless? I'm supposed to be the guy who's always around to help, but instead, I'm just that guy—the one who everyone laughs at, the one who never gets any respect.

I don't even know what my goal is anymore. I was supposed to be the one who gets the hero's spotlight, right? Instead, here I am, totally outclassed by everyone. Seraphina's judging me, Iris is tormenting me, and the only one who might kinda respect me is Evelyn, but I get the feeling she's just too pure to understand what's really going on. Am I just supposed to take all this crap and roll with it?

This is some kinda glitch or a joke by the universe. There's no way this is how it was supposed to go. All I wanted was to be useful, but now? Now I'm stuck in this absurd mess of nothingness, with no escape, no way to fix it. Just... great. Awesome. What a perfect way to spend the rest of my life.

---

We finally made it to the inn. I wasn't even paying attention to the outside—honestly, I was just thankful to be able to sit down somewhere that wasn't on the damn road.

The girls are buzzing around like they're actually excited to get some rest. Meanwhile, I'm just here... sitting in the corner, contemplating my life choices. Why is it that every time we stop, I'm the one stuck dealing with... whatever absurd thing happens next?

Alicia clears her throat, standing in front of everyone like she's about to make some big announcement. She's been acting weird all day, so I already know something's coming. I don't know how I know, but I just do.

"Alright, everyone," she starts, her voice way too serious for my liking, "We need to have a serious talk."

I can already feel the tension in the air. Of course, I don't have a clue what's going on, but Alicia's "serious talk" always feels like a bomb is about to drop.

"Haruto..." She turns to me, her eyes softening. "You've been through a lot with us, and we've all come to appreciate you, but…" She trails off like she's trying to say something but can't find the words.

My heart skips a beat. This can't be happening. Is she gonna say it? No, please don't—

"I think it's time for you to go," Alicia says, making a sad face like she's trying to break it to me gently.

What? Did she just—? Did Alicia just say... leave?

I blink, and then I grin. Not like I'm happy, but like I'm really happy. I mean, this is the best thing to happen to me in this messed-up world.

"Y-Yeah... I get it," I say, trying my best to act like I'm totally devastated, but honestly? I'm already mentally packing my bags. I don't even care. It's not like I've been a real part of this party anyway. I've just been the punching bag for all their jokes.

"I mean, yeah... it's not like I wanted to stick around or anything." I let out a dramatic sigh. "You know, I was just... well, here, taking up space."

Alicia looks at me with those worried eyes, like she actually thinks this is bothering me. "Haruto..."

I throw my hands up in a mock expression of frustration. "It's fine, really. I mean, who needs a sidekick when you've got a bunch of amazing heroes running the show, right?"

I give her my best grin, though I'm dying inside from how ridiculous this is.

Alicia takes a deep breath, clearly torn. "I just... I don't think it's safe for you to be traveling with us anymore. You're not really cut out for this life, and I don't want you to get hurt."

I mean, she's got a point, but... really? This is how it ends? I'm not even gonna be part of the team anymore?

She sighs, as if she's making some big sacrifice, and then she reaches into her bag. "Here, Haruto. For your safety." She pulls out a bag of gold and hands it to me. "10,000 gold should be enough for you to survive on your own."

Wait, what? Ten thousand?! Did she seriously just hand me this much money?

I can't help it. I stare at the bag in disbelief. I mean, wow, that's a lot more than I expected. Maybe this whole "leaving the party" thing isn't so bad after all.

"Take it," Alicia insists. "It's for your own good. We can't afford to keep you in the party while we finish this war."

I blink and look at the girls. They all seem kind of uncomfortable, but there's a weird sense of relief in the air.

"Yeah, Haruto," Seraphina says, rolling her eyes. "Not that we ever needed you, but it's for the best, right? I mean, we do have to finish this war, and you're... well, you're Haruto."

Iris chimes in with her usual teasing tone. "Yeah, what a hero you are. Go on, make us proud, sidekick!"

I just stare at them, holding the heavy bag of gold in my hands, feeling the absurdity of the situation sink in.

"Alright, alright. I get it," I mutter, shrugging like it's no big deal. "But, hey, I'm gonna miss you guys. It was... fun being the useless guy in the background."

Alicia frowns. "Haruto... Don't joke like that. You were always... well, a part of us." She reaches over and pats my shoulder. "But you're not cut out for this, and I can't keep pretending you are."

I grin wider, leaning into her touch, but inside, I'm practically screaming from how messed up this is.

"Well, whatever," I say, acting all carefree. "I guess I'll have to start my own adventure now. I'll use this gold to live the good life. And hey, no more getting struck by lightning, right?"

Alicia doesn't say anything. She just looks at me like she's genuinely concerned, but there's nothing left to say. I grab the gold and wave as if I'm totally okay with everything.

After we all head to our rooms, I don't waste any time. I'm in my underwear, jumping on the bed like a maniac. Who needs dignity, right?

"Finally! Free at last!" I yell into my pillow like I've just won a gold medal in not being the sidekick anymore. Then I strike a pose, arms out, all dramatic, like I'm about to save the world.

"I, Fujimoto Haruto, shall live my best life!" I spin around, acting like some hero in an anime. "No more lightning strikes, no more weird hero stuff!"

I look at the bag of gold Alicia gave me. "With this, I'll conquer the world! No more sidekick for me!"

I start dancing like a fool, arms flailing around. "Mwahahaha! Take that, Alicia, Seraphina, Iris... No one can stop me now!"

I freeze mid-spin, grin wide. "Wait. No more sidekick, no more weird duties. Just me, living it up!"

I fall onto the bed, clutching my stomach, laughing like an idiot. "Why didn't I do this sooner?"

Then, my mind starts to wander... Thinking about Alicia's sweet innocent smile—if that's even possible, how Seraphina's icy glare can melt my entire soul... and don't even get me started on Iris. That fox-girl and her crazy, teasing grin.

I start laughing harder. "Ahh, Alicia... always playing the perfect hero. Guess I'm the real protagonist now! If only I could see what's underneath that armor of hers..."

I roll again, grinning wider. "And Seraphina! The way she looks down on me? Yeah, totally into that icy cold... I'd like to melt that attitude, y'know?"

Then I laugh even louder, clutching my stomach. "And Iris... with those lewd poses of hers, teasing me like she owns me? I should totally take her up on some of those offers. She did seem to have a good idea of what to do with... those assets of hers."

I roll on the bed again, this time dramatically thrusting a fist in the air. "Haha, screw it! Who needs them? I'm freeeeee!"

I keep dancing around like a total idiot, grinning like I'm the king of the world. "Mwahaha! No more sidekick, no more weird duties. It's just me now, baby!"

I spin around, feeling on top of the world. "Wait... no more Alicia, Seraphina, Iris... Just me! I'm freeee!"

I fall onto the bed, clutching my stomach, laughing like an idiot. "Why didn't I do this sooner?!"

Then I stop and think about the girls... Nah. Screw them! I roll on the bed, grinning even wider.

Then I hear it. A creak. My heart stops.

I freeze, then look up. Crap.

The door's open. And standing there? The entire freaking hero party.

Alicia, Seraphina, Iris, and Evelyn—all staring at me in horror. I'm in my underwear, still grinning like a maniac, arms flailing around like I'm in the middle of a dance battle or something.

"Uhhh..." I say, my smile freezing on my face. "Heyyy, guys. Fancy seeing you... here?"

Alicia's face is so red I swear she's about to combust. "Haruto, w-what are you doing?!"

Seraphina's trying not to laugh, arms crossed. "How... how do you even..."

Iris, of course, is loving it. She's got that smirk, the one that says she's already planning how much she's gonna tease me. "Heeey, Haruto~. You really know how to throw a party, huh?" She winks. Great.

Evelyn's just standing there, looking completely lost. "Wh-what... is going on here?"

I grin sheepishly, standing there like an idiot. "Uh, just... you know, practicing my freedom."

The awkward silence is so thick I might drown in it. If I could just vanish, that'd be great. But nope, here I am.

I'm still grinning like an idiot when Iris steps up with that look in her eyes. "Oh Haruto, you think that's freedom? Let me show you a real party move!"

I don't know why I'm surprised anymore.

She twirls around, her tail swishing dramatically, but of course, she trips over her own miniskirt.

Bam! Her skirt flies up, and—boom—underwear. All out there, for the world to see.

She freezes, eyes wide. "W-wait! This isn't what I planned!"

Alicia's face goes red, and she slaps her forehead. "Iris!" she groans. "What the hell are you doing?!"

I can't stop laughing. "Hahaha! Someone didn't plan this right!"

Iris glares at me, but she's too late. Her face is the color of a tomato, her tail twitching. "Shut up, Haruto!" she snaps, pulling her skirt down but it's no use.

Seraphina can't help but smile. "This is... so ridiculous," she mutters, clearly trying not to laugh.

Evelyn just stares. "I... I don't even know what's happening right now."

I'm rolling on the bed by now. "Iris, you've got great moves! Really top-notch!"

Iris glares at me like she wants to murder me. "Ugh... I can't believe this is my life."

Alicia stands up straight, looking all serious again. "Alright, enough," she says, a little flustered from the chaos. "We're partin' ways for the night. Big day tomorrow."

Iris, still fiddling with her skirt, shrugs. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Alicia turns to me, all serious now. "Haruto, be careful tomorrow. No more... stuff. Got it?"

I give a thumbs up. "Sure, Alicia! No problem... maybe." My voice cracks a little, but I try to pretend like I totally got this.

She sighs but gives me a small smile. "Goodnight, Haruto."

Seraphina, who's been quiet this whole time, speaks up. "Yeah, goodnight. And try not to blow anything up while we sleep, okay?" She smiles, but it feels a bit off. Like, is she serious?

I roll my eyes. "I'm not that bad."

Iris, still looking like she might strangle me, winks. "Goodnight, Haruto! Hope you find some way to embarrass yourself tomorrow!" She gives me a playful shove and heads to her room.

Evelyn just nods, her voice soft as usual. "Goodnight." Yeah, she's probably just hoping for some peace and quiet after all that madness.

They all head to their rooms, and I'm left alone, grinning like an idiot. "Alright, goodnight, everyone! Don't let the bedbugs bite!" I wave and crash onto my bed.

And, you know, as much as I hate to admit it... yeah, this is my life now. Could be worse though. Way worse.

Then Alicia stops at the door, turns back, and points a finger at me. "Haruto, I swear, don't follow us tomorrow. Got it? Stay in your room and... just, don't cause trouble."

I blink, totally caught off guard. "Wait, what? You really think I'd—?"

She cuts me off with a dramatic sigh. "Yes! And No more following us around, its not safe... alright?"

I throw my hands up in dramatic fashion. "Oh, so now I'm the 'cause of trouble' guy, huh? That's what I'm stuck with? Fine! I'll stay here, alone, in my own misery!" I collapse dramatically onto my bed, hands over my face like I'm some tragic hero in an anime.

Alicia just stares at me for a second, sighs, and leaves, muttering something under her breath. "So melodramatic..."

I grin like an idiot, knowing she's probably right, but hey, it's me. Drama's my thing.