Congratulations on Your Magical Girl Duties

9 – Magical Counseling (4)

No matter how I look at it, she’s a crazy woman.

She asks strange things out of the blue with a straight face. She smirks, almost mockingly, when I talk about another world. Then, later, she suddenly gets angry.

And now, finally.

“Ha…?”

She’s holding her head, looking utterly bewildered.

I came here to prove that there’s something mentally wrong with her, but the one who’s truly mentally unwell isn’t me, but the magical girl.

“Hey… what, what do you… mean?”

It’s so shocking I can barely get the words out.

Well, to be precise, it’s not just one magical girl, but magical girl*s*.

If she were in her right mind, she wouldn’t be showing such manic-depressive symptoms, nor would she shoot magic at me for being mildly rude on our first meeting.

Ah, could this be it?

A magical girl, it seems, must possess a certain degree of mental derangement.

Therefore, all magical girls are mentally ill.

Exemption from this, it appears, is exceedingly difficult to obtain.

I am normal, while they are, truly, mad.

Anyway.

“You, just now, what was that you said?”

Separate from all that, I decided to faithfully answer the white magical girl’s question.

“What do you think I said?”

From the moment I noticed the true nature of that magical girl, instinct and intuition had been warning me frantically.

If I provoked her carelessly, I’d truly die.

“Just exactly what I said.”

Even now, it felt like I had died and been brought back to life.

“I simply saw my grandmother having s*x.”

“What…?”

“I saw it in reverse, too.”

“What?”

“Ah, that’s right. I saw it written down, too.”

“What!”

The white magical girl grabs her head again.

Even with both hands now.

Could her mental illness be flaring up particularly badly?

I felt truly uneasy. My goal of obtaining an exemption through mental illness seemed to be rapidly receding into the distance.

Meanwhile, whether the old adage that time heals all wounds held true, the white-haired magical girl, in a slightly improved state, asks me.

“Why on earth would you watch such a thing?!”

“Why did I watch it? Are you fucking kidding me?”

I blurt out, choked with emotion.

The magical girl desperately spews out her question.

“No! It doesn’t make any sense! There’s no reason to!”

“Do you think I wanted to see something like that?!”

Why don’t you try being a mod for a while, you piece of shit.

A conversation that seemed to mesh, yet was grievously misaligned, drawing parallel lines between us.

Was that why?

Our reactions were worlds apart.

“A magical girl… isn’t… ? Why…?”

One of us was adrift, lost in a dark, unknowable chaos.

“I’d rather she was a magical girl, honestly.”

The other was slowly being buried beneath a viscous despair and weighty gloom.

“Like I… wanted to see that, did I?”

This is seriously fucked.

My life, working as a mod because of money.

Is this the feeling when you sell your soul for a few bucks and become disillusioned with life?

Honestly, I don’t know.

My head won’t work.

I just felt sad. That’s all I could think.

“I wanted to see a magical girl too.”

My voice was starting to tremble, and my vision was blurring.

It was the first true sorrow I’d felt in this life.

“Even mods are human. It’s hard. I want to rest…”

And so, the magical girl and I, each gripped by our own sentiments, slowly sank.

“No… how can a person… it doesn’t make sense…”

“I’m just gonna go full burner account and post grandma stuff from now on…”

Into the deepest, darkest depths of my heart.

“Excuse me, Mr. Kim Siyul.”

In that instant, a calm voice pulled me up from my despair.

“I wanted to ask you something, is that alright?”

“…Yes, it’s alright.”

It was hard, but somehow, I managed to gather my emotions.

It’s a painful past, but even so, I must overcome it and seize a bright future. A glorious future in the name of exemption.

Because I am a hero.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I turned my gaze towards the source of the voice.

Into my sight, a purple magic girl.

Three stars on her armband. The highest rank among the magic girls here, equivalent to the white magic girl.

The only difference was a ring on the ring finger of her left hand.

Meaning, a married magic girl.

“If I understood you correctly, Kim Siyul-ssi, are you saying even if someone is old, they’re perfectly fine if they’re a magic girl?”

“Yes.”

This time, I used polite speech.

Frankly, I could speak informally, but strangely, an aura emanated that made it difficult to do so.

Is this the maturity of someone older?

“You weren’t thinking something strange just now, were you?”

“Uh… well, I suppose.”

“Tch, this is ambiguous.”

Anyway, she added, and the purple magic girl asked me again.

“When you say ‘fine’… you mean, ‘possible’?”

Well, my answer was already decided.

“Of course.”

“Really? Seriously?”

The purple magic girl asked again, double-checking.

I answered with a little more sincerity.

“Naturally, it’s ‘possible’.”

Magic girls are pretty, after all.

“What’s not to like?”

It’s not like I’m just mindlessly agreeing without thinking. I also have my own reasoning.

This is a kind of build-up.

I realized something through our conversation. To prove that I have mental problems, the magic girls here are already seriously crazy.

In other words, it would be difficult to get an exemption with a half-baked mental state. I’d be dragged off to be a magic girl without a shred of mercy.

So, there’s only one way.

Create a reason why I should absolutely never be placed in the same space as a magic girl.

The most effective thing would be, of course, my s*xual desires.

“Alright then, Mr. Kim Siyul.”

Meanwhile, the violet magical girl fixes me with a gaze that is quite serious.

However refined one might be, a magical girl is, after all, still a magical girl. A feeling of being cowed washed over me.

“Perhaps, a magical girl who is 47 years old? Is that… ‘possible’?”

A question quite specific, wouldn’t you say.

Still, my answer remained unchanged.

Only, I couldn’t bring myself to speak it just yet.

“No! Hey! Lee Seobin! You crazy b*tch!”

Before I could even answer, the white magical girl suddenly barged into the conversation.

Honestly, it was impressive. That she managed to claw her way back from the chaos in such a short time.

Truly befitting of a magical girl.

Meanwhile, regardless of my musings, the white magical girl and the violet magical girl began to bicker.

“Hey! What the heck are you talking about right now!”

“So-ah, you just stay quiet. This is really important right now.”

“No! But why is that suddenly coming up!”

“Just be quiet for now. We’ll talk later.”

Though she says that, in reality, the violet magical girl was the one holding all the cards.

[Yeah, that’s right! Our So-ah needs to shut her trap!]

“I told you not to call me So-ah, you fucking, bird-brained piece of shit!”

Then the white magical girl’s mascot said the wrong thing and ended up getting a one-sided beating from her.

Well, none of my concern.

They’ll figure it out, I’m sure.

[No! Wait! That really hurts! My wing is broken!]

…Probably.

Anyway.

“So, Mr. Kim Siyul. Your answer?”

Nothing too difficult, really.

Actually, it was a decent question.

“At a mere 47 years old? Entirely possible, of course.”

I answered the violet magical girl with confidence.

“Really?”

It was the White Magical Girl, of all people, who reacted to my answer.

I don’t understand.

Why are *you* flipping out, you crazy b*tch.

Clutching a half-crushed mascot in one hand, she demanded the answer again.

“No, *really*?”

“Of course.”

I gave her the exact same answer, again.

In a voice even more serious than before.

“Would I try to haggle for age with a magical girl?”

I’d have to be a goddamn dog to lust without discretion.

Well, not that it’s completely wrong if you think about it. Magical girls are all pretty anyway, what need is there to bother with age?

Even with an old maid elf, there’s no real *reason* someone would bang her. It’s because she’s pretty, that’s all.

“Truly… you say?”

The white-haired Magical Girl, having finally gotten her answer, only muttered to herself. Nothing more.

“….”

As if that wasn’t enough, she was now just staring blankly at the desk, totally out of it.

That one really *is* a nutcase.

If *she’s* not a nutcase, *I* am.

“Then, Mr. Kim Siyul, would it be alright if I asked you a few more questions here?”

Leaving the abruptly stiffened White Magical Girl to her own devices, the Purple Magical Girl gave a slight smile.

I nodded.

The Magical Girl opened her mouth.

“What about a Magical Girl’s personality?”

“As long as they don’t stab me in the back.”

“Huh?”

For the first time, the Purple Magical Girl showed a hint of bewilderedness, repeating the question back to me.

“Why would stabbing come up all of a sudden?”

“Because they actually *did* stab me.”

A lot, actually.

The purple magical girl alternates her gaze between me and the desk, eyes wide with bewildered shock.

Then, abruptly clutching her head, she even begins to mutter something.

“No, why? Why is this real?”

I couldn’t quite catch what she was saying, but it was a perfectly understandable reaction. A statement like that would be far too sudden for this situation.

Presently, the purple magical girl manages a smile, desperately trying to conceal her bewilderment beneath it.

“S-so then, what’s your preferred magical girl body type?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Even if they’re seriously flat-chested, like a kid?”

Her questions have been getting progressively strange since earlier.

At first, they were vague, but from some point they’ve become subtly sharper. I somehow got that feeling.

Especially this one felt like a trap.

I felt like I’d be slapped in handcuffs if I answered wrong.

Or maybe even worse.

Is she trying to weed out the pedos here?

But for me, it’s actually a good question.

“Of course. It’s entirely ‘possible’, no matter what.”

Because if the gender’s female, I can give off the impression of being a brainless dog.

“I’ve walked a path of supremacy, a little pedo is nothing.”

She must know for sure now.

That I shouldn’t be left alone with magical girls.

In the first place, it’s ridiculous for someone like me to be picky.

In the other world, I was constantly being cursed out for being disgustingly ugly and getting stabbed with swords, there’s no way aesthetic tastes would be all that different in this world.

“Ah, is that so?”

The purple magical girl’s eyes glimmer slightly as she gives a thin smile.

“Then, I’ll ask you a little more.”

I don’t know why, but something felt ice cold.

It’s a little vague how to express it exactly, but if I had to use a metaphor…

“Alright?”

It felt like a venomous snake was glaring at me.