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The Celestial Roulette by The Dark Wolf Shiro

Books » Worm Rated: M, English, Humor & Fantasy, Panacea, Words: 122k+, Favs: 3k+, Follows: 3k+, Published: May 23, 2024 Updated: Oct 11, 2024

1,727Chapter 4: Just Desserts!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my original characters and works; all other characters and worlds belong to their respective owners. I'm just playing with them.

Betad by Marethyu, priapus, Mike God of Lore, Beans Malcolm Tent, Old man of the mountain

The Celestial Roulette

Chapter 04: Just Desserts

As I'm going over Leet's stream schedule, I have to ask something. How the fuck have these two morons not gotten captured when they outright advertise their crimes?

They aren't stupid enough to announce the location, but they do tell people the time and general 'plan' for their stream. Leet talks too much, and some people bugged him to ask if they could see the pair live and in person.

Leet admitted that they planned to hit a specific mall, leaving a fucking riddle to work out which of the three malls they were looking for. Uber deleted the comment, but people had already screenshotted it. If they're smart, they'll go to a different place than where they hinted at…

I suspect they are not smart. I plan to go to that mall because Leet's riddle could be solved by a five-year-old or one of those gorillas that have learnt sign language. If they attack somewhere else, then I'll either have to head there quickly or just patrol normally this time.

100cp gained, 150cp total

…I still don't know why I keep gaining 100cp when I'm not doing anything.

[Dimensional Warship] - 400cp

Ohohoho, what do we have here? It's a fully functional warship fresh from the docks of the Bureau, and it's ready for its maiden voyage. It can be any model of TSAB ship that isn't a MacGuffin or an experimental prototype and has the ability to cross dimensions on its own, along with basic FTL travel. You'll have to find a crew and figure out how to fly this vessel, something that could take years, depending on the tech level of the setting you are in. Comes with a hanger bay in the pocket dimension.

Well, I can't afford that and it's a little more extreme than I currently need.

[Knight Bus] - 100cp

A magical ticket that will summon the Knight Bus. Not the most comfortable way to get around and it only works within the nation you start in, but your ticket is ever-lasting

Purchased. 50cp remaining.

Now, this, this I can use. My power informs me that… muggles can't see the bus unless I want them to, and it can take me anywhere in America at incredible speeds. I could be on the other side of America in a matter of minutes with the magic of the Knight Bus.

Also, I could just go to the border, step over, summon it again and repeat to get anywhere out of America. It can't go across the sea, but it definitely has a lot of uses.

Closing my laptop, I look around my room with a small smile. It genuinely is good to be home. I've enjoyed the freedom of college, but there's something comfy about being home again.

The sound of Amy yelling at Vicky to get out of the bath already makes me chuckle. Yup, home sweet home. Now, all I need is for Vicky to pull a door out of its frame again, and it'll be like I never left.

Heading downstairs, I decide to do something nice for the family while I have some free time. Beniemiya makes me a top-class chef even when I'm not using my magic to empower the food, and I know full well that mom doesn't like cooking and dad certainly doesn't do it anymore.

Mom is at work, but is due back soon, so now is a good time to test my cooking skills. If they ask, I learnt to look after myself while I was living in college. Only Crystal knows my diet is entirely takeaway and instant ramen, and I can get her to go along with basically anything.

I'm not the only one with college secrets that I want to keep quiet, plus I plan to bring her in on mine sooner rather than later anyway.

– Victoria Dallon (Glory Girl) –

"Damn, Felix," Vicky praised, taking another bite of the meal her big brother had made for them. "Are you sure you wanna go back to college? You could just stay and become New Wave's personal chef instead."

"Vicky, don't speak while you have food in your mouth," Mom sighed, giving Felix an approving look. "Though I have to admit, you have gotten very good at cooking."

"It was that or rely entirely on Fugly Bob's and takeout. College had some classes on it, so I signed up," Felix explained with an easygoing smile. Mom gave him an approving look, proud that he was at least taking care of himself in college. Mom was always in a better mood when Felix was around, not that she'd ever admit to having a favourite.

"Plus, I bet it impresses the ladies," Vicky teased, making him chuckle. "Come on, you telling me you haven't invited any classmates back to your dorm for a candlelit dinner?"

"My dating life is, as always, none of your business," Felix replied, giving her an amused look. Her dreams of double-dating continued to be just that. Amy refused to even try dating, no matter who she tried to set her sister up with, and Felix always told her to mind her own business.

"Meh, I'll just ask Crystal," Vicky teased. Honestly, she was a bit jealous of how close Felix and Crystal had gotten after they'd both gone to college. She kinda hated that she'd drifted away from Felix after he moved out, but he was always busy with college, even when she flew over to see him.

"And Crystal will keep her lips sealed unless she wants me to have an embarrassing conversation with Eric," Felix laughed, making her snort. "Crystal knows full well that I can embarrass her far more than she can embarrass me."

That, she believed. Crystal was always a party girl, while Felix was more indoorsy.

"Fine, fine… anyway, I have an announcement, everyone," Vicky started, getting their attention. "Amy's got a crush~"

"Vicky! I don't have a crush," Amy spat out, face burning as Mom and Felix turned to her.

"So you didn't give Sugar Rush your number?" Vicky asked, a grin on her face as Amy groaned.

"It makes sense; Sugar Rush is the new healer, right? Amy can't heal herself, so he'd be a useful person to know," Felix pointed out, an amused smile on his lips. "Plus, she's always had a sweet tooth."

Amy nodded at his logical explanation, but as he joined in on the teasing, Amy turned a deeper red, freckled face, almost radiating heat, and let out a frustrated growl.

"Don't you start," Amy warned, kicking Felix under the table as he laughed quietly, giving her a wink. "And you don't want to go down this road, Vicky."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vicky asked, making Amy raise an eyebrow.

"Last Saturday morning," Amy said bluntly, making Vicky pause before she paled rapidly. Friday night was date night with Dean, and she needed Amy's help making sure date night didn't come with a nine-month surprise the next morning.

"Oh?" Mom asked her tone both knowing and very unamused as she turned to the shrinking Vicky. "Something you want to share with the table, Victoria?"

"Nope," Vicky squeaked, understanding when she was entirely outmatched. Amy had brought a nuke to a fistfight.

"As for Sugar Rush, Felix is right. Obviously, keeping Amy out of danger is a priority, but we can't guarantee anything in this life. Having someone capable of healing her in emergencies on call is a very good idea," Mom said, giving Amy an approving nod. "It may be worth looking into acquiring some of his healing 'treats' for you once he starts selling if they have a long enough shelf-life. Either way, he's a good person to connect with. Independents should stick together."

Mom frowned slightly, as she always did when it came to dealing with masked capes. She took the whole accountability thing far too seriously, even if that movement was dead in the water. Vicky understood. If the others gave up on the movement, then Fleur had died for nothing.

As the dinner continued, she watched Felix and Amy carefully. She wasn't dumb, blonde stereotypes aside, and she could tell they were hiding something. It was actually kind of insulting that they thought she wouldn't be able to tell. The three of them had been inseparable before; she could tell when they were up to something.

So, Amy and Felix meet a new cape. Suddenly, they have a secret, and both react weirdly when she hints that Amy is crushing on the new cape. The cape is food-related, and Felix is suddenly a master chef (despite Crystal joking about his blood being 90% salt from all the instant noodles he eats).

Felix wasn't just good; he was too good. She'd had worse food at the expensive restaurants Dean took her to. So, she was almost certain that Felix was Sugar Rush (something to tease him about later), which left her with a question.

Why was he trying to go independent instead of joining New Wave? Well, because he wanted to keep his identity secret, obviously. Mom would make him unmask; she wouldn't budge on something like that.

Eating the very nice food, she watched her siblings subtly. Honestly, they weren't nearly as smart as they thought they were. Dad was too depressed to notice, and Mom was just too busy to really pay attention to what they were up to.

So, what should she do about it? Confront them was her first thought, but after a moment, she decided against it—not yet, anyway. She was kind of hurt that Felix had told Amy and not her. Okay, yeah, she could be a bit of a blabbermouth, but she knew how to keep a secret when it mattered.

Plus… if there was one thing she knew for certain, it was that she would never miss an opportunity to mess with those two, especially when they deserved it.

– Felix Dallon (Sugar Rush) –

The acquisition of the Knight Bus has changed things, because suddenly I have the ability to move much faster. Clutching the railing, I watch the world fly by as the magical bus zooms around at speeds that would make Velocity jealous.

I thought I'd try a quick trip to Boston to test it out, and thank whatever god made sure I didn't go on a longer trip because whoever enchanted this bus has never heard of safety standards.

Each turn sends me tumbling across the bus, wondering why the original owner of the bus didn't consider adding seatbelts. But there's one thing I can't deny… it is incredibly fast.

Brockton Bay to Boston in less than a minute, then back again in the same time. I reluctantly decided to try a longer trip, and I made a trip to Los Angeles in around five minutes. From one side of America to the other, at the low, low cost of me being flung around like a pinball. I am definitely installing some seatbelts on this abomination and welding down the seats so they stop sliding around so much.

Nobody can see the bus, though I wouldn't be surprised if some thinker powers can see it, which gives me a method of discrete transportation to anywhere in America. It seems to put off some field that stops people from seeing it, even when it has stopped. Plus, people don't seem to find me just vanishing strange. A stranger effect that stops people from paying attention to it and its passengers?

As for the reason I'm currently inflicting this nauseating joyride on myself again? Uber and Leet (I suspect Uber was the main reason) were indeed smart enough to change targets, but the moment they started streaming, I set off.

Parian works fast when you give her the design you want and pay extra for express services. The fact that I agreed to give her a set of healing cookies for free once I start trading certainly helped; hopefully, she'll never need them, but it's better to have them and not need them.

I've made my first Tinkertech creation as well since the PRT were nice enough to give me a fancy mask.

I look ridiculous, of course, but that's the point. Dressed in a white and pink chef costume, with a matching big chef hat and apron, I smile behind the white full-face mask, the cliche Italian chef moustache drawn on the front. Parian seemed to think I had lost the plot when I explained what I wanted, but she was too professional to say it out loud. That said, she did a damn good job of making my costume.

It isn't armoured—Parian doesn't do that—but it is made of very high-quality materials, and despite how silly I look, it also looks somewhat elegant, thanks to Parian's incredible skill and design. She took my half-assed concept and made it into something amazing.

The important thing is that I can hide my entire features since I'm bound to interact with my family in costume. My boots add a couple of inches, and my shoulders look broader than usual. Honestly, Power Overwhelming has given me some very nice muscles I didn't have before. Thankfully, I wear baggy clothes in my civilian life. I should be fine, I think, mentally preparing myself.

It might be these two idiots, but this will still be my first cape fight.

– Jeff (Uber) –

Swapping targets at the last second was annoying since a lot of his planning went out of the window, but Leet's ADHD ass forgot that the heroes watched his blog as well.

"People of the Commonwealth. Do not interfere! Our intentions are peaceful; We are the Brotherhood of Steal," Uber declared, wearing the power armour as he fired towards the PRT enforcer who was getting ideas.

His gun, really just a big fucking taser, struck true, and the man fell to the floor, twitching as the electricity coursed through his body. Leet drove their getaway vehicle, a Brotherhood Vertibird, in circles above them.

Some people screamed as they had when he'd dropped from the sky to land in front of the jewellery store they were targeting, but most scoffed when they realised who they were looking at.

A part of him was happy at that response, since it meant the heroes tended to respond to them slower, but he couldn't deny that the disdain got to him sometimes. He'd read a post saying to flee if anyone saw them, not because they were dangerous but because Leet's tech would probably blow up the moment he tried to use it.

Walking towards the store, he didn't waste any time as he just walked through the window and pulled out his next toy. The giant hoover, made for sucking up ghosts, worked just as well on jewellery as he started to vacuum up the loot.

He knew where the safe was, and in his outfit, he could almost certainly rip the front off it once he was done looting the jewellery. This was a smash-and-grab, plain and simple, and since they were on the Boardwalk, he needed to be fast, as the Protectorate response would be fast.

Leet's surprised shout on their comms warned him of the danger, making him spin around as he took aim. Despite his experience, he froze as he stared down at his enemy.

...was that a fucking chef?

"Do not interfere; these goods have been requisitioned by the Brotherhood of Steal! Stand aside, and you will not be harmed," Uber declared grandly, despite his slight nerves. New capes were always a coin flip. The chat went mad, zooming by on his helmet's heads-up display.

"I think not, villain," the cape declared, equally grandly. "You can't sweet-talk your way out of this, and you were far too slow to escape Sugar Rush!"

Sugar Rush? Really?

"What are you gonna do, bake me a cake?" Uber laughed, relaxing slightly.

"As it happens, yes," Sugar laughed, making him blink as Sugar clapped his hands together.

All he saw was white, something falling on him from the ceiling. He let out a surprised shout and swapped the vision in one of his helmets 'eyes' to Stitch. Staring in bafflement, he realised exactly what had happened.

The fucker just dropped a giant wedding cake on him.

Shaking his head, he burst free of the creamy prison, giving the cape a highly unamused look which was hidden behind his helmet.

"I hope you're ready for a slice of defeat, because justice is served!" Sugar declared, and Uber found the jokes less funny when he was on the receiving end. He had a matter of minutes before the Protectorate response showed up; they needed to be gone, and this dickhead's interruption meant that they weren't getting the safe.

"So be it, pink apron vs power armour," Uber snorted, taking aim despite the cake in his visor and opening fire on the cape. The cape dramatically raised his hand, and Uber watched as his shots struck… a gingerbread wall. His gun was good, but it had a cooldown period, which the bastard clearly knew. That was the issue with being forced to use the same tech over and over, people learnt its weaknesses.

What the fuck?

"You've bitten off more than you can chew, villain," Sugar laughed, pressing something on the underside of his mask. The mouthpiece retracted as the cape immediately ate something. Was that a strudel? "This heist won't be a cakewalk for you."

Oh god, he was going to keep going, wasn't he?

Rushing to take down the smug hero, his eyes widened as the cape suddenly dashed outside, almost blurring as he moved. A mover? Wait, was he fucking buffing himself?

Before Uber could reach him, he reached into the pouch at his waist and pulled out a small scone, which he immediately ate. Oh fuck, he was stacking buffs for the boss fight. That was bullshit.

"We need to GTFO; we can't stick around the Boardwalk," Leet pointed out, but as he rushed towards the hero, another clap of his hands made the path far more annoying.

He wasn't able to stop before he rushed into the long pathway of sticky toffee pudding that had appeared between them, his boots getting stuck to the floor. If he weren't wearing power armour, he wouldn't be able to break free, but he just activated his jump pack and broke free with a scowl. It was going to be a bitch to clean.

Sugar didn't waste time either, running and leaping into the air as he flew through the air towards Uber. He hadn't expected the fucker to be able to leap like that and was entirely unprepared for Sugar to collide with him, kicking him in the chest and sending him back to the ground.

"You can't escape your just desserts, criminal scum," Sugar declared.

His body ached as he slammed to the ground, but on the bright side, the chat seemed to be loving this cheesy prick.

Landing on him, Sugar grabbed his gun and ripped it from his hands, the vacuum (and his loot) being ripped off his power armour. The pack was literally welded on, but Sugar had no trouble tearing it from the armour. He heard Leet let out a wail of despair as Sugar crushed the vacuum with his bare hands.

Well, that was one piece of tech they were never going to be able to use again.

"Fuck it, I'm shooting him," Leet growled, the Vertibird turning around and aiming its front-mounted gun at Sugar's back. The armour would protect him, but Uber felt a moment of worry. Sugar was strong, but he hadn't shown any enhanced endurance yet…

If they killed him, things would become difficult for them.

He went to tell Leet to just retreat, but the flight of the Vertibird became very unstable, swerving and spinning as he heard Leet let out a pained, panicked shout.

"Leet? What's going on?" Uber asked.

"Get off me, you fucking metal bastard," Leet shouted, a deep rumbling sound being picked up by the comms as Uber looked towards the Vertibird.

"Your friend cannot escape the claws of justice," Sugar declared, smugness clear in his tone.

"Dude, he's going to crash the Vertibird," Uber pointed out, trying to shake off the very strong cape that was standing on his chest.

"He is welcome to land and face sweet justice. I will call off my hunter for thirty seconds," Sugar said, his tone carrying some steel. "If he tries to flee or fire upon me, the consequences will taste all too bitter."

…fuck.

Man, this was supposed to be an easy job.

– Felix Dallon (Sugar Rush) –

Scones of Strength and Power Overwhelming make me very strong, allowing me to easily restrain the power-armoured villain as I summon more sticky toffee to bind him in place.

Watching the Vertibird land, I scold myself for not considering that. Of course, he almost crashed when I unleashed my Grapplehawk on him… which I may have painted bright pink and white. I get the feeling it didn't approve.

As Leet lands, he comes tumbling out of the vehicle, covered in cuts and gashes as he tries to flee my vicious hunter. Whoops, didn't mean to hurt him that badly.

The Grapplehawk flees from the landed vehicle and flies towards me, landing on my shoulder as it lets out a deep, robotic squawk.

"Stop running; you can't outrun justice," I say, cringing at myself as my hawk stares at Leet. He's wearing an old-timey pilot uniform and one of those leather aviator hats and goggles.

"Dude, where in the actual fuck did you get a Grapplehawk?" Leet asks, making me freeze. "At least it's just a Subrique pattern, but what the fuck, man? Some worlds even I don't take ideas from."

What the fuck is he talking about?

"Would you like a closer look at my trusty partner?" I ask, making him flinch back. "Hands in the air, villain, your reign of terror- I mean, your reign of minor annoyance has come to a sugary end."

"Pick a fucking theme; you can't do the cake act and then pull something out of fucking 40k," Leet grumbled, raising his hands with a scowl. I click my fingers, focusing as a cage made of very hard-baked gingerbread forms around him.

What the fuck is 40k?

I don't miss Snitch starting to fly away, and with a whistle, I send my Grapplehawk to hunt once more. Leet's scowl and glare intensify a hundredfold as he watches his precious drone get hunted down, a strangled sound leaving his mouth but any resistance fades as the sound of Armsmaster's bike roars towards us.

As the hawk brings me the drone, I pick it up and look into the camera with a grin.

"This delicious defeat has been brought to you by Sugar Rush, the sweetest hero in town! Justice is sweet, but it isn't fair that only the villains get to taste my sugary gifts. Tomorrow, at the Bayview Gardens, I will be holding an event where all are welcome to come and eat their fill. And yes, before you conspiracy theorists start, the PRT has already confirmed that my cakes are safe to eat; I know you PHO denizens a little too well," I say with a laugh, cutting off those tinfoil theories.

Well, marginalising them, nothing will actually stop them. "Keep an eye on PHO for the full announcement, and spread the word, my friends. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a pair of clowns who need their just desserts!"

Calling on my powers, I start to get rid of most of the food I've conjured. I don't want to leave such a mess behind, after all.

Feats Achieved: Defeat Uber (100cp), Defeat Leet (100cp), Capture Uber and Leet at the same time (50cp). 300cp currently banked.

[That's Just Asking For Trouble] - 400cp

When you make advanced technology far beyond what the locals are used to, it tends to make waves. Maybe your little DNA database is actually one of the greatest weapons ever created or an attempt to prove you can harness the fundamental forces of the universe ends up destroying a planet. The good news is, you're not stupid. It's the Genius tree, not the Drooling Idiot tree! You have excellent insight into the moral implications and long-term effects of your inventions if they were used by others or made commonly available, especially when it would be a purely bad idea. Also, just to make sure nobody steals or misuses it, any sort of failsafe you make to keep it from being abused is unable to be hacked or bypassed...if you made a device that works only for a certain person, no amount of hacking or DNA swapping will make someone else pass off as that person. If you need two keys to unlock a certain feature, you bet only those two keys will work. This goes both ways. All your devices will come with a backdoor for you to take back control if someone does misuse it, and it will always succeed. Enjoy the look on the face of a wannabe thief when the superweapon they stole from you just shuts down in their hand.

I can see why this is worth so much, but I can't afford it, and I don't have the tinker powers to make use of it even if I could. Reroll it is.

[Field of Heart-Shaped Herbs] - 300cp

Out of all the Wakandan secrets that lie within the borders of the reclusive nation, this one is the most potent secret of them all. It is also the most dangerous. It is a small but potent field, its soil infused with radiation from the ancient Vibranium meteor when it fell to such an extent that it would affect any plant life growing within it, like these herbs. The herbs are taken and ground up so that it may be imbibed, and when the imbiber is buried under a light covering, they will find themselves on a spiritual journey to talk with their ancestors... and then rise a greater warrior. Strength and speed that reaches the lower levels of superhuman, durability to survive explosions with minor injuries. Perfect coordination and balance with agility that far outstrips Olympic athletes. It would not be too farfetched to say that the results of this herb match even the ones derived from the Super Soldier formula that made Captain America... and now you have a small field of these plants. Be very careful.

…oh fuck.

I didn't even know I had a pocket dimension until the information on how to enter it flooded my mind, telling me how to get to my field of super soldier plants. Because the plants return slowly, I can literally mass-produce capes. Be very careful indeed.

— Quest Section — Voting Concluded!

Who should be the POV for the start of the next chapter?

[Armsmaster]

[Kaiser]

[Emily Piggot]

[Glory Girl]

What should Felix do with his field of heart-shaped plants?

[Nothing, For Now]

[Sell some to the PRT]

[Auction some of them under a new identity]

[Use it himself and have Amy study the changes]

[Give one to Amy]