Harry Potter: The Witty Wizard

"Very well," she said. "Ready his bed for him again and, in a few moments, he'll be returned to it by a house elf. As soon as he arrives, secure him to it and tell him I'll be along shortly to speak with him."

"Yes, Headmistress," Robinson replied.

Pulling his head out of the flames and allowing the call to disconnect, the medi-wizard walked back out into the Infirmary, stood at the foot of the bed Dumbledore had so recently vacated, readied his wand to cast and waited.

About five to six seconds later there was a flash of white light and Dumbledore was back and flat on his back on the bed.

Almost before the old man had any idea he had been popped back to the Infirmary by a house elf, he was already securely tied to the bed with an Incarcerous charm. His wand was summoned out of his hand a bare moment later.

"What...?" asked a very surprised Dumbledore. A moment earlier he was 'walking' towards the grand staircase to climb up to the floor of his office.

"Welcome back, Professor," said Robinson.

"Wh-what is the meaning of this?" Dumbledore spluttered. As soon as he tried to move to hop back off the bed he realised he was tied down. "Damn it! Release me at once! Do you not know who I am?"

"You are Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, apparently," replied the calm medi-wizard. "A significantly disgraced former Headmaster of this school and now a simple tenured Professor. You are also my patient and, until I or Headmistress Marchbanks says otherwise, you will remain my patient.

"Besides, the Headmistress is coming here to talk to you about your behaviour of late. Each time you are here you are offending me with both your curtness and tone. You have been and are being quite rude.

"Now you are going to lie there, shut up and wait for the Headmistress to arrive or I will be forced to gag you by way of a silencing charm over your bed."

"Now, see he―" was as far as Dumbledore got before the threatened silencing charm was placed.

When Marchbanks walked in about five minutes later, it was to see Robinson checking his stocks of potions in the wheeled portable potions cabinet while Dumbledore was trying to rant through a silencing charm.

She had to smirk to herself at the sight.

Toddling up to the side of the bed she stood there until Dumbledore shut up and glared at her. Then she removed the charm.

As soon as she did, Dumbledore yelled, "How dare―" And received, for his troubles, the cast of the Filthy Mouth charm on him. A charm perfected by some parent well over a century earlier for washing a child's mouth out with soap if the parent deemed the child deserved it.

She immediately recalled the time, back when Dumbledore was a child and she babysat him, his sister and baby brother, she used it on him when he'd back-chatted her.

He almost instantly began spitting soap suds and liquid soap out of his mouth and spluttering as he cleared it away.

With soap suds still 'decorating his beard and moustache around his mouth he stared at her in shock.

"Remember the last time I cast that charm on you, Albus?" she asked. "What did I tell you back then?"

When Dumbledore scowled and refused to answer, she threateningly raised her wand.

"Don't ever back-chat you again, or I can expect another dose," he hurriedly replied.

"Exactly," she said. "That was almost a century ago, but I keep my word, Albus."

When he refused to look at her any more, scowled and turned away she chose to ignore his behaviour. As long as he wasn't trying to speak when she was speaking, or just interrupt her, she was happy with that.

"Now, Albus," she firmly said. "I have made it a condition of employment here that, regarding the nature of the health of the staff, the staff are to obey, without complaint, the orders and directions of the medi-staff. I made sure you knew this when you returned to the castle from your most recent stay in the holding cells of the DMLE.

"It seems I've had to come down and remind you of that. That is not something I will countenance without issuing punishment. If you do it again I'm going to dock your pay a fine. If you do it too often you will reach the point with me I'll know I can successfully take the matter to the School Board to have you fired; tenure or not.

"Now you can, of course, get out of that bed," she continued. When he looked ready to accept she went on to shoot him down. "All you have to say is, 'I quit my tenure as a member of staff at Hogwarts, effective immediately'. As you won't be a member of my staff, neither I nor medi-wizard Robinson can order you to remain a-bed in this Infirmary.

"However, unless you state that, you will follow the directions of medi-wizard Robinson as if they were an order from Hecate herself. Have I made myself perfectly clear to you this time, Albus?"

Dumbledore looked for any possible way he could get around the directions she gave him and could find none. She'd even given him a way to get off this infernal bed, but it would mean he'd also be immediately tossed from the castle. And he needed to be here.

"Yes," he all-but snarled.

Good," she replied. "Further, if I hear any further complaints from medi-wizard Robinson that you've been rude to him, as well as writing down that infraction to add to my list I'm compiling for reasons to fire you for the Board, I'll yet again dock your pay. Have I yet again made myself perfectly clear to you, Albus?"

"Yes," he more clearly stated.

"Your current orders from medi-wizard Robinson relating to your health is for you to remain in this bed until, I believe, about breakfast time tomorrow morning. Follow them!"

With a swish of her wand she vanished the ropes.

When the old man didn't try to rise but, instead, folded his arms and practically pouted, she made a short little 'hmm' sound, turned about and walked back out of the room.

Dumbledore remained on the bed smelling of burnt hair, crisped robes and sulking.

_‗_

―==(oIo)==―

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Closing out another day, Scimitar received his next report from the watchers.

"Well, well!" he told the others. "The young knight has entered into a Betrothal Agreement with the Bookworm. And a report from Hogwarts has it that the phoenix severed its bond with White Beard."

"White Beard no longer has access to phoenix-travel?" asked one. "Thank Merlin for that!"

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