Hollywood Taxes: A Tycoon in TV Land

Chapter 26: My Quirky Little Brother…

From a distance, the sound of police sirens grew louder.

Following the traditions of his Eastern heritage, Ron splashed a large bucket of red paint across the warehouse door. Then, in a clean, visible spot, he neatly placed an IRS tax delinquency notice—before vanishing from the scene.

But he didn't go far.

Instead, he melted into the shadows of a nearby alley, waiting silently.

Fifteen minutes later, Police Chief Jack finally arrived, sluggish and unhurried. His face froze as he took in the bloody mess of corpses sprawled across the warehouse grounds. After making sure no one was watching, he slipped into a quiet corner and pulled out his phone.

"Lee, your warehouse's been flagged by the IRS. And it's not just anyone—it's that guy. I'm telling you, you'd better pay up immediately. If you do, he might just let you off."

"What? You want to kill him? Are you out of your mind? That man's one of the IRS's top agents! He just wiped out every single guard you had at the warehouse—alone."

"Yes, not one survivor. And he even dumped a whole bucket of red paint on your warehouse door. I don't know what it means, but knowing him, if you still haven't paid your taxes, next time he'll show up at your house with heavy weapons."

"Whatever else you've got going on, I don't care. But our share—the FBI's cut—better not be missing a cent. If it is, you know what happens next. I'll be bringing a SWAT team through your front door first thing the next morning..."

That should be enough.

Ron pressed the "stop" button on the recorder in his hand. The microphone was wired to a bug he had planted earlier—one of several he discreetly left behind before walking away. As expected, one was right near Chief Jack.

Just as Ron had suspected: this whole Toretto mess wasn't as simple as it looked. Behind Toretto was a Korean-American gang, and behind them… the FBI.

No wonder in the movies, the FBI had locked onto Toretto so easily. They weren't clueless—they just didn't have hard evidence. So they sent that dumb kid in as an undercover agent, hoping to catch someone red-handed. That way, they could quietly let the Korean gang off the hook and have both sides scapegoat each other, moving on to the next pawn.

Which meant not only Toretto, but even that idiot O'Conner had been played.

As for why the FBI upper brass would pull something like this? Come on. It was obviously to squeeze out "extra funding." And where that money ended up? Well, that's another story entirely.

Satisfied, Ron packed up his equipment and strolled out of the alley, casually flagging down a cab to head home.

---

2:00 AM

Leonard awoke with a jolt, disturbed by an odd rustling noise.

"Sheldon?" he called out hesitantly.

No response.

A cold chill ran down his spine. Could it be… a burglar?

Grabbing a plastic lightsaber from Star Wars, he flicked it on for courage and crept into the living room wearing nothing but socks.

"Sheldon?" he whispered again, but still—no sign of him.

Even Sheldon's bedroom was empty.

Strangely, the front door was ajar, and across the hallway, so was Penny's.

Through the gap, Leonard could just make out a figure moving around inside.

It was Sheldon.

What the hell is he doing in Penny's apartment in the middle of the night?

"Sheldon!" Leonard hissed.

Sheldon immediately turned and made a shushing motion. "Penny's sleeping—keep it down!"

"Are you insane?" Leonard said, exasperated, setting the lightsaber aside. "You can't just sneak into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night... to clean it?"

He paused, realizing that yes, cleaning was the most accurate word.

As it turned out, Sheldon had indeed broken into Penny's apartment to tidy up. Earlier that day, when they brought her some furniture, the chaotic state of her room had sent Sheldon's obsessive-compulsive tendencies into overdrive.

2:00 AM

In the apartment, Leonard was abruptly awakened by a strange rustling sound. He sat up straight in bed.

"Sheldon?"

He called out cautiously but got no response. Could someone have broken in?

He grabbed a Star Wars lightsaber for courage and, still in his socks, crept out into the living room.

"Sheldon?" he whispered again. No sign of him. Even his bedroom was empty.

The front door of their apartment had somehow been left ajar—so had the door to Penny's apartment across the hall. Leonard squinted and saw a familiar figure moving around inside.

It was Sheldon.

Why was he in Penny's apartment in the middle of the night?

"Sheldon!" Leonard hissed. Sheldon quickly made a "shhh" gesture.

"Penny's asleep—keep your voice down!"

"Are you insane?" Leonard whispered harshly. "You can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night… to clean?!"

He struggled to find the right word but finally settled on one.

Sure enough, Sheldon was tidying up Penny's apartment. Earlier that day, when delivering her new furniture, he had been deeply disturbed by how messy her place was.

So now, he was seizing the chance while Penny slept… to clean.

"I had no choice," Sheldon said while placing throw pillows back in their designated spots. "Just the thought of her messy apartment being right across the hall from our shared living room… It's unbearable. I can't sleep like that."

Leonard couldn't believe he shared a lease with this lunatic.

"Do you even realize what's going to happen if Penny wakes up right now? There's no way we can explain why we're here!"

"I just did. I gave you a perfectly logical explanation."

"That wasn't logical—that was an excuse. A jury will decide whether it's logical."

Leonard's rising frustration caused his voice to spike slightly—just loud enough that Penny's snoring grew heavier. They both froze and turned to look.

Thankfully, she only rolled over and kept sleeping.

Seizing the moment, Sheldon switched to teaching mode: "You need to use your lower register when speaking. Evolution has made women particularly sensitive to high-frequency sounds while asleep—that's why they can wake up when a baby cries. If you don't want to wake her, speak in your low register."

"This is ridiculous," Leonard groaned—accidentally raising his voice again.

Penny's snore intensified.

"No," Sheldon corrected him, now using a deep, bass voice. "This is ridiculous."

Leonard glanced at Penny. No reaction. He had to admit—Sheldon was right. But now wasn't the time for sleep science trivia.

"Fine, you win. But before she wakes up, we need to get out of here."

"I'm not leaving until everything is properly cleaned," Sheldon declared.

Leonard leaned against the wall, rubbing his forehead. How did I end up with a roommate like this?

"You could help instead of standing there. If we work together, we'll finish faster," Sheldon said with annoyance.

Leonard sighed in resignation and began helping clean Penny's apartment.

But they had forgotten something—Penny had another roommate.

Just as they were cleaning, a cold metal object suddenly pressed against the back of their heads.

"I assume you're stealing to save up for the toll on your trip to hell, right? Sweet little burglars~"

It was a gun!

The two of them stiffened in terror. If they hadn't recognized the voice, they might have screamed. But thankfully, it was Ron.

"Ron! It's us! Leonard and Sheldon!" Leonard whispered urgently.

Penny let out another irritated snore.

"Put the gun down!"

God, what if it went off? Leonard had never had a gun aimed at his head before. If he had a habit of drinking water before bed, his pants would probably be soaked by now.

"Ron! That joke isn't funny," Sheldon snapped—his pants were already soaked. "Put that stupid gun down or I'll call Mom!"

For Sheldon, that was the ultimate threat. Ron did care what the family thought.

"Gun?" Ron grinned devilishly. "You mean these?"

He pulled back the object pressed against their heads. It was two high-powered flashlights.

Not a gun.

Both men let out a breath of relief.

"Still," Ron added, now back in serious older-brother mode, "just because I'm in law enforcement doesn't mean I condone breaking and entering. You two better have a very good explanation."

"I said Penny's apartment was too messy and we came to clean. Do you believe that?"

Leonard braced for rejection.

Surprisingly, Ron nodded.

"I believe it. With my eccentric little brother? Nothing's out of the ordinary anymore. I've learned to just roll with it."

Right… they're actually related, Leonard reminded himself, suddenly regretting ever worrying.

Ron tossed his jacket onto the couch, loosened his tie, and grabbed a cold water bottle from the fridge.

Sheldon, visibly annoyed, glared at Ron, then silently picked up his jacket and hung it neatly on the rack.

"I just got back from work," Ron said while heading toward his bedroom. "I'm not joining your cleaning spree. When you're done, don't forget to shut the door on your way out."

"Goodnight, my little elf of domestic hygiene—and his friend."

He flopped into bed without even changing clothes.

As the bedroom door swung shut, Leonard caught a glimpse of Ron's room—immaculate, with everything placed precisely. A stark contrast to Penny's usual chaos.

---

The Next Morning

Sheldon strolled out of his room humming a cheerful tune, looking bright and well-rested. Leonard, in contrast, was slumped over the breakfast bar clutching a mug of coffee, eyes bloodshot.

"I must say, I slept wonderfully," Sheldon chirped. "Short in duration, but excellent in quality."

"Not surprising," Leonard muttered. "Apparently, the ultimate cure for insomnia is midnight cleaning sprees in someone else's apartment."

Even Sheldon, with his notoriously low EQ, caught the sarcasm.

"Was that sarcasm?"

"What do you think?" Leonard shot back.

"Let's assume it was. Still, I believe we improved Penny's and my brother's quality of life."

Leonard rolled his eyes and silently cursed his living arrangement. Why do I live with this lunatic?

"Maybe we should sneak in tonight and shampoo her carpet too."

Sheldon hesitated. "Wouldn't that be crossing a line?"

"Of course it would!" Leonard downed his coffee in one gulp. "Do I need to carry around a sign every time I'm being sarcastic?"

"You have a sarcasm sign?" Sheldon asked, genuinely curious.

Leonard groaned and collapsed onto the couch.

---

Meanwhile, in the Apartment Next Door…

Bang! Bang! Bang!

A loud pounding on the door jolted Ron awake. Still groggy, he opened it to find an angry Penny standing outside, pointing furiously at her now-immaculate living room.

"What the hell, Ron?!"

Ron put on his best innocent face and casually grabbed the coffee machine to make himself a cup.

"Wasn't me."

"Oh really? Who else could it be? Only you and I have keys—and…"

She trailed off as realization hit.

Leonard had her spare key.

Ron nodded toward a note on the table. The handwriting was small and far away, but judging from the script, it was clearly Sheldon's.