Hollywood Taxes: A Tycoon in TV Land

Chapter 27: My Brother Can't Possibly Be This Bizarre

"Son of a b*tch! You science freaks!"

Penny's furious yell echoed from next door, followed by heavy footsteps stomping down the hallway. Leonard quickly took a sip of coffee to calm his nerves—then froze.

"Wait… How does Penny know it was us? Did Ron rat us out?"

"Or," Sheldon said cheerfully while sorting through cereal boxes, "maybe because I left a note on her table suggesting improvements to her room's organization."

Right on cue, their apartment door burst open.

"You snuck into my apartment while I was sleeping?!" Penny was nearly hysterical.

Leonard jumped up, scrambling to explain. "Yes—but only to clean your place up! That's all."

"Technically, it was organizing," Sheldon added with a straight face. "Your place wasn't dirty, just... spatially inefficient."

Penny looked like she might combust. "Give me my spare key. Now."

"I'm so sorry," Leonard said, handing it over immediately.

"You have any idea how terrifying that is?"

"Yes, actually, we discussed it at length last night," Leonard said weakly, clearly not helping his case.

"In my apartment! While I was asleep—" Penny's voice grew louder, only to be interrupted by Sheldon.

"Also while you were snoring," he said matter-of-factly. "You may want to get that checked—it could be sinus-related, or even early signs of sleep apnea. You should see an ENT."

"And which doctor removes a shoe from someone's ass?"

Penny had stepped right up into Sheldon's face, fists clenched. She swore, if she hadn't seen Ron's entire suitcase full of weapons, she would've already planted her heel into this weirdo's backside.

Sheldon replied calmly, "That depends on the depth—either a proctologist or a general surgeon."

Leonard had finally had enough. He grabbed a piece of paper, scribbled "SARCASM" on it in big letters, and held it up to Sheldon's face.

Sheldon blinked, then gave an awkward "Oh," and fell silent, finally realizing the room was on fire (figuratively).

Penny stared at him like he was an alien. She realized in that moment the gap between some people and others might actually be greater than the gap between humans and dogs. At least dogs could respond to commands. Some people? Not even a common language seemed to help.

Maybe somewhere there was a Sheldon User Manual. Probably in Ron's possession. She should ask him later. After all, if she had to put up with the damage caused by the little brother, maybe the big brother could make up for it with… other benefits. It might be a fair trade.

Leonard quickly stepped between them, trying to salvage what little was left of his image in front of his dream girl.

"Maybe... when you feel a little less, uh, violated—sorry, I can't think of a better word—we could sit down and talk things out?"

"Get away from me!" Penny growled, shoving him aside and storming off.

"Okay… that's another approach," Leonard muttered, looking like a kicked puppy.

"Penny! Wait!" Sheldon called after her.

"Just to clarify," he added, completely serious, "when you say you were upset about us entering your apartment while you were asleep, do you mean the breaking in part—or are you also offended by the organizational improvements?"

Penny froze mid-stride, stunned.

She finally understood: Sheldon might have a sky-high IQ, but when it came to basic social interaction, he was a complete and utter idiot.

As she stormed out, she bumped right into Ron, who had come over to enjoy the show.

"Control your weirdo brother!" she barked.

Ron strolled in, looking perfectly relaxed despite the chaos, and greeted the two miserable scientists who'd just been verbally curb-stomped by Penny.

"Morning. You two look like those poor seals I once clobbered with a bat up in the Arctic. Want me to grab you a mirror?"

Leonard groaned, barely managing a response. "No need."

Then he turned to Sheldon, steel in his voice: "You. Apologize to Penny. Now."

"Hahaha~" Sheldon chuckled lightly as he walked past Leonard and continued preparing his cereal.

"What the hell are you laughing at?"

Sheldon raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't that sarcasm? A new kind?"

"No!" Even Leonard's patience had a limit, and Ron—of course—added fuel to the fire.

"Leonard, listen. I swear I'm not covering for my brother. But seriously—do you really think sending Sheldon to apologize is a good idea?"

"Why not? He's the one who caused all of this!"

Ron didn't answer directly. Instead, he turned his amused gaze to Sheldon. "Oh my foolish little brother, suppose you were to apologize to Penny—how would you phrase it?"

"Why should I, a man with two PhDs and a Master's, apologize to Penny?" Sheldon asked indignantly. But then, seeing the dangerous fire in Leonard's eyes, he sighed and raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine. I'd say: 'I'm terribly sorry for last night. The responsibility lies entirely with me. Leonard had nothing to do with it. I hope this doesn't affect your opinion of him. He's a great guy—and I've heard he's a remarkably considerate lover, with an impressively large organ for someone of his petite stature.'"

Ron doubled over laughing, tears in his eyes.

"Leonard, how's that apology sound? Think it'll win the girl back?"

Leonard collapsed into the couch, cradling his head in his hands. "I never should've cleaned Penny's apartment with Sheldon. I should've just used your seal-whacking bat to knock him out and drag him back here."

Ron sat beside him, grabbing Sheldon's freshly made cereal and gulping it down before offering his own form of comfort.

"Buddy, maybe you need to set a simpler goal to start. Think of it like World of Warcraft. You don't go after raid bosses at level 1—you start with low-level mobs, level up, get better gear, and then go for the elites."

Leonard looked up, confused. "Wait, you play World of Warcraft?"

Sheldon's eyes lit up for the first time. "You play WoW too?!"

Ron shrugged noncommittally.

That was a past life. Back in college, he'd skimped on food and rent just to afford net café time and WoW game cards. He'd wasted countless hours trying to save a fictional Azeroth. Honestly? Kind of nostalgic.

And with The Burning Crusade expansion on the horizon, maybe he could relive those old days with this gang of misfit scientists.

Leonard's muffled voice came from behind his hands. "What should I do, Ron?"

Ron thought for a moment. "Maybe write her a heartfelt apology note. Then ask her out. If you're not planning to level up first, that is. But wait until this afternoon—she's probably gone back to bed by now."

After all, this whole mess was his brother's fault. If it messed with Leonard's love life, it felt wrong not to help clean it up.

"Me? Go on a date with Penny?" Leonard asked, stunned.

"Yes. And also—look at yourself in the mirror right now. Hold onto that expression. Trust me, that vulnerable, hopeless look might just be the thing that gets to her."

Ron pulled out a shiny new car key and tossed it to Leonard. "And if you need some extra help—consider this your reward for babysitting my idiot brother. You can use my new car. It's definitely a step up from your family sedan."

Ron had gone down earlier to grab the keys from the mailbox while Penny was chewing out the other two. The car was already in the building's lot—he hadn't even had time to check it out. Along with the key had come a check—its amount matching the exact figure listed on an attached 1040 tax form.

Sender: Ahn Sang-kyu.

The real power behind L.A.'s Korean mob.

Leonard's eyes lit up the moment he saw the Autobot logo on the key.

"Wait—is this Bumblebee?! From Transformers?! We just saw that movie a few weeks ago. It's still in theaters!"

"All I know is—it's a yellow Camaro. Maybe take Penny to the movies in it? Go watch Transformers again. I bet you two would be the stars of the whole theater."

Sheldon practically sprinted over and snatched the key from Leonard's hand, holding it up to the light like it was a sacred artifact.

"Oh my god, this really is the key to Bumblebee from Transformers! Ron, you have to let me take it to the comic book store. And to work. Every day!"

"No way! This is my date vehicle!" Leonard cried, snatching the key back. "I'm using it to go out with Penny!"

"I declare that this car is now official Cooper family property," Sheldon countered. "And as such, it should be used by a Cooper first. Right, Ron?"

Ron just shrugged, seemingly indifferent—but his mind was racing.

That "gift" from Mr. Ahn wasn't just repayment—it was a message.

He wasn't just admitting fault. He was flexing his reach.

He knew where Ron lived.

He even knew what his family liked.

It was subtle—but laced with threat.

Ron's eyes narrowed. There was a flicker of something dangerous behind them.

He hated threats involving family.

Looks like Mr. Ahn—and the FBI shadowing behind him—needed a reminder of who they were dealing with.

Meanwhile, the two nerds finally settled their argument. Leonard agreed to let Sheldon ride along to the comic book store that morning—but the car was reserved for his date with Penny in the evening.