I’m a Villainess, Can I Die?

Since the original novel wasn’t particularly complex, remembering the characters’ names was difficult, but recalling the general plot was easy.
And as soon as I reviewed the broad strokes of the storyline, it wasn’t just the monsters that stood out—I also recalled all the other oddities I had noticed until now.

Ian. Jacob. And the monsters.
Ian and the monsters had never appeared in the original novel. And Jacob had, but he had shown up at a different point in the story than he was supposed to.
Every time they had appeared, I had found something suspicious.

Of course, I had deviated from the original story from the very beginning. It was only natural for events to unfold differently.
But if that was the case, then it meant these changes were direct consequences of my interference with the plot.
“…What exactly caused this? What changed?”

I blinked slowly.
A heavy sense of unease settled over me.
I didn’t know exactly what had changed to trigger this outcome, but the fact remained—this was all happening because I had altered the original story.

Haa…
I let out a deep sigh and pressed my hands lightly over my face.
If I had just kept my head down and followed the script, everything would have ended with me quietly dying alone.

Instead, I had strayed from the story and ended up stirring up dangerous situations.
How useless.
Sleep had completely fled from me. I had been drowsy even when I couldn’t sleep, but now, even that feeling was gone.

My mind was filled to the brim with everything I had done since arriving in this world.
First, I had apologized to my brother. Then, I had pushed Aaron into an engagement with Princess Ariel. I had cut ties with Mia.
I had gone to the plaza and helped a child. Later, when I was with Aiden, I had jumped off a tower. That had led to Ian arriving at our estate, Jacob appearing earlier than expected, and me practically forcing Aiden onto the path of becoming a mage.

I had changed so many things.
And yet, I felt like I had done nothing but waste time.
But that wasn’t what mattered now. Out of all these events, one of them had triggered the appearance of monsters. That was the real issue.
No matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out the cause.

Nothing seemed to be directly connected to monsters.
This wasn’t some multiple-choice quiz where I could just guess my way through.
While I was lost in thought, the sun began to rise.

I sat alone in my messily tangled sheets, staring at the sunlight creeping through the curtains.
“…I don’t know.”
No matter how much I thought about it… I had no idea.

In the end, I reached no conclusion, only starting the day with a heavy sense of confusion weighing on me.
“Miss!”
Before daylight had fully taken over the sky, I braced myself for someone to come wake me up and pretended to be asleep.

I could confidently say this was my best performance since pretending to have amnesia.
“Gasp, you didn’t sleep? You look so tired!”
…Guess it wasn’t convincing.

Jane, with her big eyes filled with concern, hovered over me. I waved a hand dismissively and got up.
When I checked my reflection in the vanity mirror, I had to admit—my complexion did look terrible.
Great. There’s no way I can bring up the idea of going out with my family now.

They weren’t the type to agree to a fun outing when I looked like this.
Not only would they refuse to go out, but they’d probably stay in just to hover over me and fuss.
Considering how excited they had been yesterday in the carriage while making plans, that would be such a waste.

“…Jane.”
“Yes, Miss?”
When I absentmindedly called for her while staring into the mirror, Jane quickly approached, still looking worried.

“Let’s do some makeup today. Something bright.”
Throughout breakfast, the sound of clinking utensils filled the dining hall.
Meanwhile, my family kept sneaking glances at me.

They probably wanted to ask if I wanted to go out, but they were too anxious to actually say anything.
Well, it wasn’t surprising. It had already been four months since I became Selina, and not once had I gone out for a casual outing with my family.
Still, was it really necessary for them to be this hesitant about it?

I continued eating my salad, pretending not to notice their dilemma.
Yes. A child should be raised to be strong.
If you always rely on others to speak up for you, you’ll eventually lose the ability to voice your own thoughts.

…Though, it seemed my family only became timid when it came to me.
“…Selina.”
The first one to gather the courage to speak was my brother.

His face was tense, and he hesitated before finally saying,
“We’ve decided not to attend the ball today.”
I let out a small hum of acknowledgment and nodded, acting as if I hadn’t already known.

Seeing me listen so attentively, Aaron seemed to gain more confidence. His awkward smile became just a bit more natural as he continued.
“So, we thought… maybe we could all go on a picnic by the lake in the capital. What do you think?”
The dining hall fell silent.

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Even my parents, who had been mechanically moving their utensils, suddenly froze.
I rolled my eyes, glancing at my family members before finally meeting my brother’s gaze.

“…That sounds nice.”
“Oh my.”
Mother’s excitement slipped out in a surprised gasp.

She quickly covered her mouth, as if she hadn’t meant to let it show, but the joy in her expression was undeniable.
“It’s been so long since we last had a picnic! Selina, is there anything you’d like to eat? I’ll have the chef prepare it.”
“Yes! And do you need anything? If there’s anything you want to bring, I can pack it for you.”

As if the previous tension had never existed, my family’s excitement burst forth. Smiles filled the room as they chattered nonstop.
…What is this? Some kind of kindergarten field trip?
It felt a bit excessive, considering I was nearly twenty.

But… their enthusiasm wasn’t unpleasant.
And since they were enjoying themselves so much, I answered each of their questions sincerely.
For the picnic, I wanted sandwiches with cheese and meat.

As for items to bring, I had already packed a small sketchbook and pencils in case I felt like drawing the lake.
When I mentioned I didn’t need them to prepare anything for me, Aaron looked noticeably disappointed.
In the cheerful atmosphere, our gazes intertwined—smiles directed at one person, then shifting to another.

This must have been exactly how the carriage had felt yesterday, just as Lucas had described.
They must have planned today with this kind of warmth and excitement in mind.
The mood was so infectious that even my heart began to race.

The steady pounding in my chest, the lively conversation filling the air…
There wasn’t a single sound I disliked.
There wasn’t a single sound I disliked.

Alright. I take back what I thought last night.
More precisely, I decided to revise my previous thought:
"If I had stayed quiet and followed the story, I could have ended everything by dying alone. Instead, I messed things up and caused dangerous situations. How useless."

If I had behaved the way the original Selina did, my family wouldn’t be this excited to be with me.
Even expressing affection would have been something they had to do with caution, treading on eggshells around me.
And my brother—he wouldn’t have been able to be engaged to Princess Ariel.

I knew how much they loved each other.
It wasn’t about who loved more or less. It was mutual, overflowing, and absolute.
After all, the reason they had been separated in the first place was Selina.

If things had followed the original plot, Ariel’s place would have been next to Lucas, while my brother would have been nothing more than a lonely side character.
I felt a little bad that Lucas had lost his place as the male lead, but…
Wouldn’t that have been too sad?

So, even if things had shifted a little, this was undeniably better.
Yes, if I could figure out exactly what had triggered this change in reality…
Then, wouldn’t that mean everything had ultimately turned out for the best?

As I sat there, lost in thought, I realized the lively chatter at the table had died down.
My father’s voice, warm and slightly louder than usual, called out to me.
“Then let’s leave at noon. You don’t know how beautiful Lycen Lake is, Selina. I’ve always wanted to show it to you. I’m glad we finally have the chance.”

His voice carried an unmistakable excitement.
Yes. With such a cheerful expression on his face, I definitely shouldn’t regret anything.
Good job, Selina.

With the mood still light and lively, my family finished their breakfast and dispersed to prepare for the outing.
Their footsteps even seemed lighter than usual.
I watched them leave before heading to my own room. Unlike my family, who moved with energy, my legs felt impossibly heavy.

The exhaustion from last night clung stubbornly to my limbs, dragging me down.
See? This is why sleep is important.
Reflecting once again on the necessity of sleep, I returned to my room and prepared to choose an outfit.

Or rather, Jane did.
I simply gave a half-hearted nod when she handed me a green dress, then collapsed straight onto the bed.
Jane had good taste—I trusted her judgment.

Since there was still time before we left, I decided to dump the rest of the preparation onto Jane and take a nap.
There was no way I’d survive the picnic in my current state.
I could already imagine myself collapsing midway through.

I was about to bury my face in my pillow when I remembered—I’m wearing makeup.
With a sigh, I flipped over and stared at the ceiling instead.
“You’re going to sleep, Miss?”

“Mmh… Wake me up in an hour.”
“Yes, Miss.”
Jane must have noticed how exhausted I was because she answered with relief before quietly leaving the room.

A cool breeze slipped in through the window she had left slightly open.
Ah, this feels nice. Bright, warm, but still refreshing.
Unlike last night, where I had spent hours tossing and turning, this time, I drifted off in no time at all.

In my sleep-deprived state, I dreamed.
A memory, from after Aiden had left for the Magic Tower, of a conversation I once had with Jane.
"Jane, do you know how to be happy?"

I had been pondering the idea of happiness and decided to ask Jane.
She always seemed cheerful, smiling as if ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) she genuinely enjoyed whatever she was doing.
Not the forced, customer-service smile that Aiden used to put on—no, Jane’s smile was real.

"How to be happy…? Hmm, that’s kind of hard to explain… Oh! But I did hear somewhere that if you smile, you’ll become happy."
"Isn’t it the other way around? You smile because you’re happy?"
"Well, isn’t that like the whole ‘chicken or the egg’ debate?"

It was a strange metaphor, but somehow convincing.
Now that I thought about it, the elderly ladies in the hospital back in my past life used to watch a drama called “Smile, and Good Things Will Come.”
Maybe I should try it.

The thought was nice.
Actually doing it… was much harder.