Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fking Ridiculous

“Ugh, fuck.”
[Are you okay, my friend?]

I tried to get up, spewing curses and a mouthful of blood.
But it was impossible.

My arms were gone. My left leg didn’t exist below the pelvis.
My abdomen was crushed.
All that remained was my right foot.

I couldn’t even stand up; I was barely managing to sit.
And I was sliding disgracefully on the ground.

In the distance, countless students watched.
But no one seemed willing to help.
Their faces were just filled with shock, surprise, and a bit of awe.

“Get up already!”
“Fuck, who the hell is forcing a 3/4 autodake to get up?”

The presence before me insistently urged me to stand.
This was none other than the Cheonma.
The overwhelming Cheonma was smirking as he looked down at me.

It was an unexpected scene of irrational violence.
To get to this point, the story goes back a few hours.

*

As Cheonma and I exchanged strikes, he spoke again.
Though his eyes were bloodshot, and dark circles were evident,
“My lord acknowledges you as a true Cheonma Jackson from today.”

His voice was clearer than ever.
The moment he finished speaking, tears began to well up in Cheonma’s eyes.
It seemed he couldn’t easily forget the impact of Cheonma Jackson.

“Then, Cheonma, please sign here.”
“I understand. I will sign. Cheonma Jackson is a true Cheonma.”

Quickly, I received the Cheonma-marked HACCP certification.
As soon as Cheonma completed the signature, he turned his gaze to me.

“Though you may be younger than I, I shall regard you as my teacher, for you have imparted true teachings.”
“I’m honored, thank you, Cheonma!”

Everything was a relief.
But then.

“Education received must be repaid. Thus, I shall become your teacher this time.”
“……What?”

If only he hadn’t said the next words.
The following two reactions.
One was the awe of the students. The other was Jeong Ahyeon’s envy.

I thought I must have misheard.
No.
I should have misheard.

“Brother! I mean, Cheonma! What do you mean by that?”
“Literal meaning. My teacher has an enlightened perspective but is too weak to navigate this world.”

Unfortunately, I heard it correctly.
Cheonma was stabbing Professor Pilyong.
And then Professor Pilyong presented a perfectly reasonable counterargument.

“Then what will you do about being a Hunter? Who will deal with the monsters if Cheonma isn’t around?”
“Does the world have meaning if it relies solely on me? Even without me, one must be able to fend off monsters!”
“But still, Ryu Kang-hyuk has retired; Cheonma, you too…”
“Don’t worry. The current Hunters are sufficient for most monsters. In truly urgent times, I will step in.”
“Ha… let’s have a chat.”

Of course, the rebuttal went unheard.
After a bit of quarrelling, Pilyong and Cheonma came to an agreement.
Cheonma would stay at the Academy for about two weeks and then return to being a Hunter.

Naturally, my will was not taken into account.
“Cheonma, wait a moment. Why do you have to come here?”
“I’ve heard you lost your left arm while strengthening your physique.”
“No, fuck. How did you know that?”
“I heard while confirming the one who smashed the martial artists.”

Even so, few knew about losing my left arm.
With the extent to which he knew, it was clear he was here to put me in serious trouble.
“Especially, you dealt with the Maegal tribe as well.”
“Oh, you know that too.”
“Yes. Impressive technique with the Manguncho, yet you spoke in the language of another race.”

[I think it’s also fascinating. How does a pig and a human mate?]
‘This is also human potential, so it’s a hymn to humans, right?’
Still, Cheonma had the right perspective.
He treated the Maegal as a non-human species.
No doubt about it, they weren’t people.

“However, your level clearly has limits, so I wish to personally become your teacher.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I must politely decline. I can’t keep a busy person detained.”
“That’s alright. I’ll truly teach you as your teacher for two weeks.”

Seeing the stubbornness of Cheonma without a refusal suddenly gave me a strong feeling.
And it was strangely shitty.
“……Be honest. Is it because you wanted to hit me a little for acting up at first?”
“……I wouldn’t do that.”

Cheonma avoided my gaze slightly.
As I pressed him again, “You aren’t thinking of hitting me at all?”
“Not a little, but quite a lot.”
“Fuck.”

In the end, Cheonma was half wanting to hit me and half claiming to be my teacher.
Before I could finish my thoughts, Cheonma left the classroom.
Immediately after he left, someone rushed towards me.

“Master! You’ve truly gained the best opportunity!”
“No, fuck. I just want to live peacefully while taking out some mob monsters.”

It was Jeong Ahyeon.
She looked at me filled with envy and opened her mouth.
“This special training from Cheonma is a dream come true for all martial artists!”
“Dreams, fuck; I’m going to get killed.”
“I’m so moved and jealous! I wish I had such an opportunity!”
“……You are listening to me, right?”

Somehow, she didn’t seem to be comprehending at all.
Looking back again, Jeong Ahyeon was staring blankly into space, lost in her fantasies.
She genuinely wasn’t hearing me at all.

Meanwhile, Hyeji, who had been beside me, began to worry.
“Shinwoo, do you think you can win? Will you create a Fire Punch?”
“Sigh. I guess I’ll just give it a try. After all, he’s still human.”

There was no way to avoid it anyway.
Still, I had just punched a golden dude.
No matter how you slice it, Hunters are pretty much the same.
While fighting, if I can also get in some physique strengthening, there shouldn’t be any issues.

[This doesn’t feel good.]
‘Alright, I’m going. Just wait. Human butcher Kim Shinwoo is coming.’
But.
A little later.
I realized that thought was entirely misplaced.

*

The moment the practical training time started, Cheonma entered the sparring ground.
The students who were hunting monsters transformed into spectators upon spotting Cheonma.
Naturally, they had completely abandoned their training.
And it seemed there were quite a lot of spectators.
Looking again, there were students from other grades, second and third years, and even professors had come to watch.

While I was struggling to figure out how to strengthen my body, Cheonma was walking towards me.
By the time I realized, Cheonma was waiting for me on the opposite side.

[It’s time to fight.]
‘Hah, this bastard really came.’
“Hey, why is a pro jumping into a trainee match?”
“I told you didn’t I? I’m here to give you some lessons.”
“Lessons, my ass. You just came to hit me!”
“……Get started quickly.”

He sorta acknowledged it was one-sided beating and urged me to start.
Since the class hadn’t ended yet, the option to run away had long vanished.
I quietly got my weapons ready.
This time I was armed with a mace and spiked gauntlets.
Fairly modest gear for fighting against Cheonma.

“I won’t take the first move. Come at me!”
“If you take that away, that’s just inhumane.”

I put my strength in my legs and charged at Cheonma.
The distance closed in an instant.
With speed, I swung the mace downwards, striking Cheonma on his head.

Given the acceleration, it should have had enough power, but.
– clang!
It didn’t seem very effective against Cheonma.
It sounded like striking steel.
Cheonma stood there unmoving, while my right hand felt a slight tingle.
“Why does his head feel like vibranium?”
[My friend! Come straight at me!]

Grinning wickedly, Cheonma unleashed a powerful strike with his right arm.
I quickly retrieved my mace and twisted my body to the right.
– boom!!!
In the spot where I had just been, Cheonma’s strike hit.

A few seconds later, a shockwave erupted around that spot.
The force was significant.
To avoid being blown away, I braced my legs as I stomped down on Cheonma’s bent left thigh.
In that moment, Cheonma’s left fist was aimed at me in pursuit.
[That’s dangerous!]
‘What the hell, is each of his punches an instant kill?’

I used my right foot for leverage, grabbed Cheonma’s shoulder with my left hand, leaped into the air, rolling forward.
Just as Cheonma’s punch was thrown.
I felt a gust of wind from behind and involuntarily felt a chill run down my spine.

‘Sigh, if my physical spec hadn’t improved, I wouldn’t have dodged that.’
With the rotation of the somersault, I swung the mace down powerfully again.
This time targeting the top of Cheonma’s head.
– clang!!!!
A louder metallic sound rang out than before.
And as it did, my mace shattered to pieces.
Of course, Cheonma remained unscathed.

As my body leaned forward in midair.
With the shattering shards flying, my eyes met Cheonma’s.
“You’re like a rat!”
“Shit, this is bad.”

I discarded the handle of the mace and grabbed onto Cheonma’s luscious hair tightly.
Immediately squeezing my left hand, I propelled my body back into the air.
Simply put, I rode Cheonma’s head like a swing.
Cheonma’s face began to show perplexity.
“Hey! Wait! My hair!”

At that moment, as the number generated above Cheonma’s head rose, mirror fragments formed.
I quickly peeked through the fragments to see Cheonma’s past before regression.
That future was brief.
I struck him with my knee at the temple.
And then punched him once more, yanking a handful of hair afterward.

I rapidly returned to reality and pulled my left arm, still gripping his hair, back.
In a split second, my body was getting closer to Cheonma’s head.
In that moment, I recalled my knee strike on his temple from the future.
Cheonma’s head, which wasn’t marked even by the mace.
However, in the future before regression, my knee strike had landed.
And I reached a simple conclusion.
‘He must have been hit as a result of physical enhancement.’
After all, I had nothing to lose.
I attempted to execute physical enhancement for the first time.
The target for enhancement was my right leg.

Carefully, I began releasing substance from my heart.
Creating a shallow stream, so to speak.
I felt the fluid flowing evenly all the way down to my toes.
And when that fluid returned to my heart, I finished up.

I swung my knee toward Cheonma’s temple.
Brief but forceful.
‘One-hit knockout success! I’m a bit more badass now!’
– thwack!!!!
A proper hit sound.
This was different from before.
Yet, I still couldn’t be satisfied.
In the future before regression, I also struck with my right fist.
So this time I began to enhance my right arm.
But there was a single problem.
That’s because while enhancing my right arm.
– boom!!!!
“My mother, fuck.”
My right elbow exploded.

It seemed I lost control over the amount of magical power due to the excitement of success.
‘Right, fuck. What even is a one-hit knockout?’
[You aren’t suited for a one-hit knockout. The ceiling fits you perfectly.]
Eventually, my follow-up attack went to waste.
And all I had left was falling from midair.

At the same time, a red number rose over Cheonma’s head.
The price of failure was steep.
Realizing my attack wasn’t continuing, Cheonma immediately threw a punch.
– wham!!!!!!!!
Cheonma’s strike caught me directly in the abdomen.
The good news was that thankfully my stomach wasn’t punctured.
The bad news was my left arm and left leg were popped out of their sockets.

My battered body was launched at incredible speed to the end of the sparring ground.
It was propulsion far beyond what the writer had predicted.
Thank you, Midori.

*

Thus, I returned to the initial story.
Right on cue, the sparring ground’s system shut down, and my limbs began to recover normally.
However, I still couldn’t stand up and remained seated.
“Don’t just lie there! Get up, or you’ll die!”
“Hey, what kind of body is that strong?”
“My protective energy can’t be pierced by such scrap metal.”
“…The martial artists are talking in strange phrases because of you, aren’t they, Cheonma?”
“…Shut up.”

It seems the martial artists were a bit off because of Cheonma.
If I stayed any longer, I’d be forced up, so I stood up meekly.
At that moment, Cheonma muttered something while deep in thought.
“By the way, your movements… I’ve seen them somewhere; it resembles that bastard I hate.”
“Uh… who?”
In that instant, Cheonma’s face twisted, and he began to grind his teeth.
Cheonma was definitely Cheonma.
The sound of him grinding his teeth echoed throughout the sparring ground.
“That bastard Ryu Kang-hyuk!”
“Does that mean the things he does are called ‘Cheonma Grinding’?”
“Do you think anything associated with Cheonma can be sloppily dubbed Cheonma?”
“Seriously, what even is Cheonma Martial Arts?!”

Cheonma shot a fierce glare at me.
I returned the same glare, shouting back at him.
“Whether it’s a hit strike or breath, all you do is slap on Cheonma to it!”
“Fuck you!!!!!!!!”

Cheonma shouted loud enough to shake the sparring ground.
However, he still wasn’t calming down, pouring out his complaints.
“Even female Cheonma, everything gets called Cheonma! The world’s gone mad!”
“Oh, but there’s a Clerical Festival only for female Cheonmas.”
“What’s that?”
With his arms crossed, Cheonma glared, as if to say, “Say it if you dare.”
I boldly repeated the phrase meant only for female Cheonma.
“Cheonma Chakjeong.”
“I’ll kill you.”
[Well, you’re screwed now.]
Instantly, the sparring ground activated, and Cheonma aimed a strike at me.
[Then why do you bring it upon yourself!]
‘But that can’t be said to be a technique only for male Cheonma.’
If a man wanted to use it,
I sincerely hope he heads to the J-platform.

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