Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fking Ridiculous

Chapter 40



I got beaten up by the Cheonma until the training time was over.

And boy, was it thorough.

By now, the spectators had vanished.

The sparring ground’s system started moving once more, completely indifferent to the situation.

I couldn’t even remember how many times I’d repeated it.

After hitting over 50, I figured the numbers didn’t mean much anyway.

In the end, throughout the whole day, I managed to land effective hits… twice.

Once at the start and once when I attacked in the middle.

For the first effective hit, just refer back to previous content.

The other effective hit was just sheer luck.

Without even meaning to, I ended up yanking out some of Cheonma’s hair.

You might wonder how that’s an effective hit, but it absolutely counts.

Because it was an attack on both Cheonma’s mental state and body at the same time.

Just that afterwards, Cheonma lost his mind for a bit and stomped on my corpse like a chew toy, which was a bit of a blemish.

Luckily, the sparring ground’s system shut down just in time.

As Cheonma’s hair returned to its original state, he finally regained his composure and stopped the brutal violence.

“Come on, it’s a bit much to beat me up over some hair being pulled out.”

“…To me, my hair is as precious as life itself. Losing my hair is like losing the title of Cheonma.”

I guess Cheonma was terrified of baldness.

But what’s the Cheonma Martial Arts all about, anyway?

Fist. Breath. Step.

Isn’t everything one of the Cheonma Martial Arts?

Isn’t baldness just a form of Cheonma Martial Arts as well?

“Cheonma Baldness (魔羅脱毛)”

“One more time.”

“F*ck, for real.”

Judging by the feeling of being pulled, unlike my times with Lucian and Ryu Kang-hyuk, this was definitely hair transplanting.

In the end, no matter how much of a Cheonma you are, you can’t outrun the genes of a bald family.

[Ah, here’s the Hunter’s living point.]

‘When facing a Cheonma, just yank out some hair.’

I can vouch for that as the third one to cause baldness.

Then suddenly a question popped into my head.

Why was Cheonma lamenting the name of Ryu Kang-hyuk so much?

“But hey, who’s that Ryu Kang-hyuk guy you’re bashing so much?”

“I don’t wanna admit it, but he’s a stronger man than I am.”

“So, that’s where your inferiority complex bursts out, huh?”

“Gal!!!!! It’s not just that!!!!”

“No, then why do you dislike him?”

Cheonma was clenching his fists like he was still seething with rage.

“That guy called me a coin. Recommended that thing.”

“Huh?”

“While saying it’s a money-for-money ordeal, he made me use up all the savings I had.”

“Are you serious? Did you really spend it all?”

“…I lived on nothing but wild grass for a while. Surprisingly tasty, you know.”

“Crazy, f*ck.”

Cheonma was muttering, “Pine needles were delicious,” with his eyes closed.

However, even after going through that period, Cheonma said it was alright.

“It’s my fault for buying it, so even if I’m angry about it, I don’t hate that Ryu Kang-hyuk guy.”

I didn’t quite understand.

If you don’t hate him for that, why show so much hostility?

“Then why that reaction?”

“I asked how much he lost since he said he bought the same thing.”

“And then?”

At that moment, Cheonma ground his teeth.

His eyes were spewing an ocean of anger that surpassed any limits.

“That guy said, ‘Of course, I didn’t buy it. I’m not an idiot or something.’”

“……”

I figured Ryu Kang-hyuk didn’t retire from the hunter society because it was filthy.

Maybe he was driven out because the hunter society couldn’t handle him.

“Anyway, if you ever see that Ryu Kang-hyuk, let him know. We’ll run into each other again tomorrow.”

“Are you kidding? I still can’t enhance my body. You saw my limbs flying all over earlier.”

[Like a hamburger set menu, they flew off harmoniously.]

‘For an extra 1000 won, you could have your head fly off too, real talk.’

Then Cheonma crossed his arms and looked me in the eye with bravado.

“Learning starts in real battles, after all.”

“You’re trying to play vicariously through me because your fight style is similar to Ryu Kang-hyuk’s, right?”

“…….”

“…….”

An abrupt silence fell.

Cheonma suddenly averted his gaze like a guilty kid.

“…….”

“Hey, answer me.”

“I gotta go.”

Without answering me, Cheonma quickly dashed off, completely out of character for his physique.

Left alone in the sparring ground, I gazed longingly at Cheonma’s gradually disappearing back.

[Is that a Cheonma running away?]

‘F*ck Cheonma.’

Then in the distance, I spotted Hyeji training.

She was facing off against a spider-like monster using just a military knife, held reverse grip.

Hyeji’s attacks were different than usual.

She wasn’t haphazardly smashing through with brute strength.

It was all quite elegant and decisive.

It felt just like watching a special forces squad on TV from when I was a kid.

Calmly evading the spider’s onslaught, Hyeji cut off one of its legs with each turn.

But the speed wasn’t slow at all, and before long she finished it off with a throat slice.

As soon as the training ended, Hyeji quickly ran over when she noticed my gaze.

“Shinwoo, when did you finish?”

“Just now. But it was my first time seeing you use a knife; where did you learn that?”

“Huh? Ah… This? I learned it just simply at home.”

“Really? Got it.”

Hyeji answered a bit awkwardly.

It seemed she didn’t want to talk about it, so I decided to let it go.

Just then, Jeong Ahyeon came over to us.

“Hey, Jeong Ahyeon. Wanna train with Cheonma tomorrow too?”

“……I’m okay. Still not good enough for training.”

Earlier in the morning, she had been enviously hinting at it, and now she was suddenly declining.

It seemed like she was just quite shy.

“No, don’t worry. You were so jealous earlier. We need to share this opportunity. I’ll talk to him.”

“No! I’m fine! I can’t burden Shinwoo Gongja! So please bear with it!”

“Even if I say it, he will agree. We’re doing it together starting tomorrow, got it?”

“Stop talking nonsense! Am I crazy to put myself through that kind of torture! Just kill me here instead!”

In the end, Jeong Ahyeon couldn’t hold back and yelled.

Following that, silence fell between us.

“……”

“……”

“F*ck, no wonder the spectators are all gone.”

“Reality isn’t quite what I envisioned.”

“I thought it’d be more like the standard protagonist growth stories or something.”

It was clear as day that it wasn’t a protagonist growth story.

[Still glad it’s not a despair story, though.]

‘F*ck.’

*

The representative candidates for the World Tree reception were elected by single-candidate voting as mentioned before.

So I initially thought there wouldn’t be any campaigning at all.

But the reality was a bit different.

In front of the classroom building was a designated spot for campaign promotions.

Many people gathered there, conducting their promotional activities.

Normally, I think they would walk around the classrooms.

However, they switched to only doing promotions in designated spots due to too many complaints about being too noisy in the past.

Even with just a single candidate, the campaigning was intense.

Mainly from the opposition side, anyway.

“The candidate for World Tree reception being a hybrid? Preposterous!!!!!”

“Pink hair? Don’t they know pink equals trash!!!”

“Only pure-bloods should meet the World Tree!!”

“Promoting inappropriate chests is a capital offense!!!!!!!!”

That last comment was pretty unreasonable, so I turned my gaze and saw none other than Hyeji shouting energetically.

I considered pointing it out but opted to just ignore it and move on.

Upon reaching class, Jeong Ahyeon spotted me and waved.

“Jeong Ahyeon, you saw outside, right?”

“Yes, Gongja. More active than I thought.”

Jeong Ahyeon looked a bit surprised.

I shared my thoughts on the fervent opposition movement.

“I thought, being a high elf, there wouldn’t be any discrimination. But they’re being so blatant about it?”

“…..I could be wrong too.”

Just then, Hyeji walked into the classroom.

“Today was fulfilling.”

“Hyeji, you’re working hard on your campaign.”

“……Did you hear the slogans?”

Hyeji’s face paled.

She couldn’t bear to answer and remained silent.

So, of course, it spoke volumes.

“……”

“F*ck.”

That alone was enough of an answer.

Jeong Ahyeon then started trying to comfort Hyeji.

“Don’t obsess too much about trivial things, Sojeo.”

“You’re also big, you little sh*t.”

“…I’m sorry.”

Of course, it didn’t have much effect.

As Hyeji noted, Jeong Ahyeon’s chest was bigger compared to normal people.

It just didn’t show because of her usual clothing, which looked like a dōjō uniform.

I was beginning to understand why Hyeji had exploded.

Because the elf’s breast shown on the poster was outrageous, it probably stemmed from feelings of inferiority from not having that.

“Hey Shinwoo, are you gonna vote for that Kauff girl?”

“I guess so.”

Suddenly, Hyeji said fiercely and reached out her hand.

“You’re also captivated by breasts?”

“……It’s not like that… Just… can you let me breathe a bit…?”

Right around my neck.

In a flash, I found myself being choked by Hyeji, and only after gaining my freedom was I able to breathe again.

“Anyway, that number one Ear Goblin option was torn apart, and all the opposition people are from their supporter base.”

“…True.”

“So I’ll vote for her just to mess with them.”

“Sorry. I was so blinded by the chest that I really missed the real enemy.”

“It’s okay. Just take a deep breath and follow my lead. There are no bad breasts in this world.”

“Se….se…”

Hyeji was desperately trying to follow my words.

She still looked a bit overwhelmed, but she would surely manage it soon.

“Good, you’re doing great. Keep it up and try again. There are no bad breasts in this world.”

“Se….se…..”

“Alright, say it!”

Finally, as if her mind was made up, Hyeji shouted with gusto.

“All the guys with bigger breasts than mine must die!”

“…….Hyeji, Thanos only wiped out half of humanity.”

[We’re all gonna die.]

‘Is this the start of an apocalypse where only Hyeji survives?’

At that moment, Jeong Ahyeon shouted at me urgently.

Of course.

“Gongja!! Run away!! Hurry!!”

“I’m already caught.”

“……dead.”

Hyeji might have been a bit faster, but it didn’t matter.

Cheonma once again arrived on time for his practical training.

However, that day, we couldn’t spar.

And it’s only normal since.

Mad Hyeji mercilessly slaughtered me with numerous killing weapons.

The saying that fists are closer than the law still rings true.

In this situation, agreements or oppositions meant nothing at all.

Hyeji’s weapons were way closer than those pieces of paper they’d written words on.

In awe of the situation, Cheonma quickly moonwalked away as quietly as possible.

Meanwhile, from Hyeji, who had used up every bullet without wasting a single one, a lamenting voice slipped out.

“No more boobs…”

*

For two weeks, Cheonma visited me every day.

Except for the day Hyeji shredded me to bits, Cheonma pummelled me relentlessly whenever he came.

No, “pummelled” might not even be the right term; “made my body explode” would probably fit better.

Yet, by the final day, I began to see slight progress.

Finally, I had adapted to body enhancement.

Bang!!!!!!

Not quite.

This time, I lost my right wrist.

354 times.

The meaning of the number is simple.

It’s the number of limbs I’ve lost during body enhancements.

Bang!!!!!!!

Now it was number 355.

In a quiet focus phase, I had no issues.

But during real fights, mistakes kept occurring.

There was still much to improve.

After all, on the last day.

I finally managed to break Cheonma’s head.

Of course, it wasn’t straightforward.

I used cunning techniques, sneaky moves, and every dirty trick in the book.

Moreover, Cheonma hadn’t brought out his true strength yet.

Thanks to some lucky explosive blows, I momentarily pierced through Cheonma’s defenses.

I turned out to be cowardly, not very heroic, and just a series of lucky coincidences, but.

I succeeded.

“F*ck, I finally got you!!!”

“Cough. I’m letting you get away with this once. Come at me again.”

“Nah, you’re just trash. There’s no way I’m going again. Am I crazy?”

“I’m already on my way.”

“F*ck.”

Thus, all the way to the last day of Cheonma’s academy.

I got my butt kicked thoroughly.



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