Just A Friend

#29

If it was meant to earn some kind of points, it was truly a futile act. Although Kang Jihan liked him now, people’s feelings were bound to change naturally. As Nam Seonwoo, who knew well what face and actions Kang Jihan would make when his feelings cooled, this behavior was even more unwelcome.

“Don’t do this kind of thing unless you’re going to dedicate your whole life to it. It’s useless.”

He thought about returning the rice ball, but he couldn’t bring himself to create food waste. As he tried his best to hold his breath while chewing and swallowing the salty rice, he heard a calm murmur.

“Can I do it if I’m going to do it for life?”

“How could you? Didn’t I tell you not to act up?”

“It’s not acting up.”

Unlike Nam Seonwoo’s disgusted expression, Kang Jihan’s face was brazen. He tilted his head slightly and said,

“I can do this much, right? As friends.”

…Huh.

Nam Seonwoo pinched his cheek with a bewildered look. Since it hurt, it seemed this was indeed reality.

“I’ll try something different tomorrow.”

Fearing that if left alone, he might really come up with something strange, Nam Seonwoo hastily spoke up.

“What do you mean tomorrow? Did you really make this for people to eat? And what, this for life? You’d better not touch cooking ever again.”

While cursing as if performing an exorcism, Nam Seonwoo still ended up putting the rice ball in his mouth. Kang Jihan watched him somewhat quizzically.

“What are you looking at?”

Instead of answering, Kang Jihan held out his share of the rice ball. But when Nam Seonwoo glared at him, the extra rice ball went back into the plastic bag.

The library was sparsely populated on weekdays. Standing under the rare sunlight in a quiet park instead of school at midday, even the humid breeze felt quite pleasant. Perhaps that’s why he disliked the idea of going back to that cramped place to look at textbooks even more.

Nam Seonwoo sat on the railing, watching people coming in and out of the library. People coming out to smoke, people sitting in front of parked motorcycles looking at their phones. Strangely, whenever he saw various people, he thought of only one person.

For instance, when he smelled cigarette smoke in the air, he thought, ‘Why haven’t I seen Kang Jihan smoking?’ and when he saw one of the parked motorcycles, he thought, ‘That looks kind of similar to Kang Jihan’s.’

‘…But that really does look quite similar.’

Since he had come with Kang Jihan on the village bus, there was no way that motorcycle could be his. As he was casually shifting his gaze elsewhere, his phone rang in his pocket.

[Bak-gyu: Where r u?]

[Bak-gyu: I’m born again starting today]

It was obvious he meant to study together. Normally, he would have ignored it, but now it was a bit different. It was because being alone with Kang Jihan had become a bit awkward now. Thinking that it might be less burdensome if Park Gyuhyeon was there too, he quickly typed on the keyboard.

“What’s wrong with your phone?”

At Kang Jihan’s sudden interruption, Nam Seonwoo looked at his phone again. There were cracks here and there, probably from throwing it yesterday because of someone. But he couldn’t bring himself to say, ‘Because waiting for your call made me feel like crap,’ so Nam Seonwoo pressed the keys with his lips tightly shut.

“Doesn’t your hand hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“Why don’t you replace it?”

“Replace it? That’s a waste of money. Better phones will come out soon if I just wait a bit.”

As he habitually wiped the screen, his thumb stung a little. It felt like his skin had been scratched in the cracks. Nam Seonwoo frowned, shook his hand, and pressed the send button.

Despite clearly seeing the message calling Park Gyuhyeon, Kang Jihan didn’t say anything. When the message was sent, the message box underneath filled the screen. ‘Jihan Kang,’ with whom he had been exchanging messages until this morning, was also there.

Nam Seonwoo quickly closed his phone. He didn’t like seeing Kang Jihan at the top of his contacts, so he had moved the surname to the back, but despite such efforts, ‘Jihan Kang’ was always at the top of his recent messages these days. Then Kang Jihan asked out of the blue,

“Want to go to the Han River?”

He wondered if Kang Jihan had seen the saved name. But as the conclusion seemed strange, Nam Seonwoo looked at him, and Kang Jihan added,

“You don’t want to go in either, right?”

“When would we get there and sit around? Too bothersome.”

“It’ll only take about ten minutes.”

Before he could ask what he meant by ten minutes, Nam Seonwoo followed the direction of Kang Jihan’s fingertip and saw the motorcycle he had briefly glanced at earlier.

“Want to go?”

“…Why is that here?”

It was indeed Kang Jihan’s. Taking out the familiar motorcycle key, Kang Jihan answered,

“I dropped by briefly this morning.”

“Why in the morning? You didn’t come to study alone, did you?”

“It’s my first time coming to a place like this.”

Nam Seonwoo was about to ask why he came to a place he’d never been before, but he closed his mouth when he saw the rustling plastic bag on Kang Jihan’s wrist. The sight of him taking out rice balls as if he knew the restaurant would be closed answered his question instead.

“Get on.”

There was one helmet hanging on the jet-black motorcycle that resembled its owner. The way he handed it over and got on the bike was so natural that he didn’t look like a high school student at all. Nam Seonwoo looked down at the black helmet that resembled its owner. The clouds in the sky were perfectly reflected on the helmet’s surface.

Honestly, it was a tempting offer. After staring at the blue sky reflected in the helmet as if glaring at it, Nam Seonwoo spoke after some contemplation.

“You ride in the back. What are you doing, kid.”

Kang Jihan’s head drooped down. His shoulders seemed to shake slightly, and then an unexpected question came.

“Did you grow up under your grandfather by any chance?”

“What’s with the sudden talk about grandfathers?”

“You seem like an old soul.”

“Thanks for the compliment. Hurry up and get up. You wear the helmet-“

With a thud, his vision narrowed. This was the second time Kang Jihan had arbitrarily put the helmet on him. Through the tinted goggles, he could see the guy starting the engine.

“Get on. Can’t let an old man drive, right?”

“Who are you calling an old…!”

Suddenly remembering what Park Gyuhyeon had said in passing in his previous life, Nam Seonwoo closed his mouth. He didn’t know why that silly joke about getting irritated at being treated as old being proof of actually being old came to mind now.

Gritting his teeth, he sat behind Kang Jihan. Anyway, he wanted to get some fresh air, and he judged this was better than having Kang Jihan wrap his arms around his waist from behind.

His two hands, which were pinching the edge of Kang Jihan’s clothes like clothespins, suddenly moved to Kang Jihan’s chest when the bike started at a rapid speed.

“Hey…!”

The complaint about it being too fast only echoed inside the helmet. As he pressed his body close to Kang Jihan’s back while fixing his wildly flapping clothes, he felt the vibration of the resonance under his palms. It could have just been the motorcycle’s vibration, but Nam Seonwoo quickly lowered his hands as if he had been burned.

It seemed that earlier vibration was indeed from the engine. The vibration that had been pulsing like a heartbeat could now be heard not only from Kang Jihan but from his own body as well.

Unlike the library, the Han River was crowded with people. As if the weather had never been bad, people lined the riverbank, seemingly out to enjoy the clear day.

While Kang Jihan went to park, Nam Seonwoo sprawled out on the grass. Although the ground was damp and hard, the sky filling his entire view made everything feel forgivable.

When he was younger, what could have been so busy that he never thought to look up at the sky? It wasn’t just the sky that he hadn’t realized back then. Now, with so many things different from the past, he wondered if he could really live a new life this time.

He tried to imagine what kind of life it would be, but nothing extraordinary came to mind. Even if he had a different job and was placed in a good environment, he could only clearly picture himself alone in that place. So he didn’t feel any particular excitement. He had become too jaded with reality at his age.

“What are you looking at?”

At the voice that had become so familiar from hearing it too often, Nam Seonwoo only moved his eyeballs. Somehow, even when looking up from this angle, that guy didn’t have a single unflattering side.

“The sky.”

At the nonchalant tone that seemed to ask if it wasn’t obvious, Kang Jihan also threw his gaze upward. But soon he asked curiously,

“What’s there?”

“Does there have to be something to look? You just look at it. Do you know how difficult it becomes later to see a sky without fine dust?”

“What’s fine dust?”

“Oh boy.”

Well, come to think of it, the concept of fine dust might not have been that common around this time. Instead of bothering to explain, Nam Seonwoo turned his gaze back to the blue sky.

“There’s such a thing. You too, man, look at the sky sometimes. Don’t just walk looking at the ground.”

Despite the advice, the gaze from above remained constant. Even though he was told to look at the sky, Kang Jihan’s head was directed towards the ground. More precisely, towards Nam Seonwoo’s face in the shadow cast by Kang Jihan. Nam Seonwoo spoke without even giving him a glance.

“Aren’t you going to look away?”

“Can’t I even look?”

“No, you can’t.”

“Why?”

“It’ll wear out.”

By now, Nam Seonwoo had developed some immunity to Kang Jihan’s strange antics. But seeing Kang Jihan turn his head saying, “Then I shouldn’t,” at the mention of wearing out, he couldn’t help but cringe.

“Stop talking nonsense and go buy something to eat.”

“What should I buy?”

“Bring something tasty, you figure it out.”

When he gestured as if to say ‘go quickly,’ Kang Jihan bent his knees to put down his phone and motorcycle key. Then he headed to the convenience store without a word.