Konoha: Naruto's abnormal life choices

The sky was dark, and the stars shimmered above the plains beyond Tansho Street.

Orochimaru, cold-hearted and sinister, one of the Legendary Three Sannin, stood under the night sky passionately narrating the ongoing fight between his old teammate Jiraiya and his current right-hand man, Kabuto Yakushi.

If not for the ever-present malicious grin on his face, someone might've thought Orochimaru had taken up a side gig as a sports commentator.

His hands were useless—still crippled from the Reaper Death Seal. Tsunade was kneeling, paralyzed by the sight of blood. And Jiraiya? He was faking a drunken stupor.

The so-called "Legendary Three Ninjas" were being upstaged by a younger shinobi—Kabuto Yakushi.

When Kabuto sliced through Jiraiya's chakra pathways with a chakra scalpel, then moved behind to choke him out, the crowd—or rather, Orochimaru—watched with amusement. But then Jiraiya lifted his injured right hand and blocked it just in time.

"Hmph. Still quick on the draw, Jiraiya. If Kabuto had landed that, you'd be a corpse already," Orochimaru muttered, his lips curling with both disdain and intrigue.

Kabuto was the most promising talent Orochimaru had nurtured—strong enough to rival any jōnin. And considering Tsunade's trauma and Jiraiya's 'condition,' Kabuto should have had the upper hand.

"Tsunade's an idiot," Orochimaru hissed under his breath. "She has hemophobia, drugs Jiraiya, and then still refuses to cooperate. She's practically begging to die."

"No one's going to save you," he whispered darkly.

Or so he thought.

But as the battle dragged on, Orochimaru's grin began to fade. Something was off.

Jiraiya was still fighting. Well. Suspiciously well.

Had the drug not taken effect?

Or... had he never been drugged in the first place?

"Was he pretending the whole time?" Orochimaru's eyes narrowed. "Just what are you planning, Jiraiya?"

If Jiraiya wasn't weakened, there was no point in continuing this. Orochimaru prepared to pull Kabuto back and retreat.

But then he spotted movement—a shadow stepping into view.

Naruto Uzumaki.

"The Jinchūriki brat... Heh, Danzo must've sent him," Orochimaru mused with a dark chuckle. "To kill Tsunade, no doubt."

Well then, he might as well help Danzo. If Danzo would send Uchiha Sasuke out of Konoha in return, it would be a win-win. Maybe this brat could even be useful in the future—especially with his rumored Scorch Release.

Licking his lips, Orochimaru sprang forward, his body whipping like a snake. His mouth opened unnaturally wide as he drew the Kusanagi Blade from his throat, aiming it straight at Tsunade.

He couldn't use his arms, but that didn't mean he was helpless.

Jiraiya, still grappling with Kabuto, saw it and shouted, "Tsunade, move!"

But Kabuto capitalized on the distraction, slashing Jiraiya's chest and cutting deep into his nerves, effectively disabling his ability to perform jutsu. Jiraiya grunted in pain but retaliated with a powerful kick, sending Kabuto flying and coughing blood mid-air.

Still, Orochimaru was closing in fast.

Tsunade remained frozen, paralyzed by her hemophobia, unable to react. Her life was seconds from ending.

That's it, Orochimaru thought. We've got her. This will be our victory.

From the sidelines, Naruto Uzumaki watched it all. He scoffed to himself.

"The guy with the weakest medical skills here is about to be forced to save the legendary medic. Unbelievable."

He darted out from his cover, chakra surging through his body.

Orochimaru's eyes sparkled. The boy was on the move. Perfect. He'd help him finish Tsunade off.

I should commend Danzo later. This boy is better than expected. Maybe I'll invite him to the Sound Village…

But Jiraiya, still groaning on the ground, wasn't so sure. Orochimaru looked too confident. Too calm.

What is that snake planning now?

He regretted bringing Tsunade into this. If only they'd left sooner…

Then, everything changed.

As the Kusanagi sword neared Tsunade's chest, a whirlwind of chakra crashed into Orochimaru from the side.

Naruto's Rasengan.

The giant chakra sphere flared with power, slamming directly into Orochimaru and sending him flying like a ragdoll.

Wind howled through the plains.

Tsunade blinked. And there, in front of her, stood a not-so-tall figure.

Blond hair glowing in the moonlight.

Naruto turned, grinning.

"Sorry I'm late."

One sentence.

That's all it took for the battlefield to fall silent.

Tsunade. Jiraiya. Kabuto. Orochimaru—all of them froze.

Even the wind seemed to pause.

Naruto, now radiating Nine-Tails chakra, surged forward once more, chasing down Orochimaru without missing a beat.

Orochimaru, however, wasn't going to be killed that easily. His Rasengan-ravaged body peeled like a snake shedding its skin. A fresh form slipped out and darted away.

Kabuto, bloodied and breathless, followed his master's lead and fled.

Naruto was ready. He raised his hand and signaled to his team, quickly surrounding the escape route.

Jiraiya and Tsunade remained stunned.

Tsunade's mind echoed with the moment Naruto turned around and blocked the sword.

Something shifted inside her.

The blood… it doesn't seem so frightening anymore…

Jiraiya was trying to process what had happened. "That's it? Orochimaru just lost like that?"

Had Orochimaru underestimated Naruto?

That had to be it.

"Jiraiya, are you still daydreaming?! Get moving!" Tsunade snapped, finally shaking off her stupor.

"R-right!"

Jiraiya followed, albeit reluctantly. Deep down, he didn't want to hurt Orochimaru. Despite everything, a part of him still longed for their old team to reunite.

But that dream was dying fast.

Elsewhere in the forest

Kabuto was panting hard as he dragged Orochimaru through the woods. "Lord Orochimaru, what was that?! Why did you go after the Jinchūriki?"

"I didn't want to fight him!" Orochimaru spat, "He's Danzo's pawn! Either Danzo set me up, or that brat turned on me. Either way—I'll remember this betrayal!"

Then a voice interrupted them from ahead.

"Orochimaru… long time no see. Who beat you up this badly?"

Orochimaru's eyes widened.

The red cloud cloak. The stitched limbs. The green glow of greed.

"Kakuzu!"

Why the hell is he here?!

"Retreat! Now!" Orochimaru barked.

Kabuto didn't hesitate. They veered off into another direction, fleeing deeper into the woods.

"You're still quick," Kakuzu grunted, extending his arm over ten meters to strike.

Orochimaru cursed. "Why is that damn bounty hunter here? He's not even assigned to me!"

"Yo! Orochimaru! Time to die!" another voice called.

It was Hidan—scythe in hand, charging headfirst.

Of course. Akatsuki always traveled in pairs.

Trapped.

With Akatsuki in front, and Jiraiya and Tsunade not far behind…

They were cornered.

"Kabuto, I'm leaving this to you."

With that, Orochimaru slithered off, abandoning Kabuto completely.

Kabuto's jaw dropped. He ditched me?!

"Bah! Let him run. I'll deal with you!" Hidan sneered, scythe raised.

Kabuto gritted his teeth. No time to complain.

He had to fight.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru, moving at breakneck speed through the trees, allowed himself a breath.

Two Akatsuki members. No backup. Close call.

He had escaped death again.

Damn Danzo. Damn that blond brat.

Damn this cursed world…

Orochimaru's mind raced with fury and paranoia, even as another danger silently approached from the shadows ahead...