Madness of Regret

So summary is done. It left more questions than answers. But that's just life. If you can do something about it, then don't worry about it. If you can't do anything about it, then what can you do about it? And if you don't know what you can do, then don't worry about it. No point in worrying if you can do it. No point in worrying if you are unsure of it. No point in worrying if you can't do it.

Adulthood 101.

Summary done. Now the warnings left.

Warning number uno: Novices are typically handled with lenience yet equitably.

The english is strong with this young one.

Fuck what does equitably means? Equal? Fairness?

Let's go with being fairness. So being fair and lenient to novices. ME. How?

How can you be fair and lenient at the same time? Understanding and Forgiving while being partial? A lenient, pacifist terminator by skynet? Unit 731 curing global cancer with their research? Britishers giving so much food during Bengal Famine that gave people generational diabetes? The supposed form of law never brought to fruition due to emotions and interest? 

Fuck, none of the examples match the fair and lenient. My brain is really getting all gibberish. I am either too extreme or wrong or so confused by my current plight.

Extreme? Maybe, drifting on a raft without shade while puking your guts out every minute with the feeling that you will be dried like a salted fish of 3 weeks before you meet human life does that. Yea, brings so many changes to how you start viewing things. No wonder the old man from wars are so cynical. They are suffering from PTSD and whatever I am suffering. And I am not even a day in this raft, I think.

Wrong? Is my thinking wrong? Might be. Who knows, the system might be a creation of some ROB trying to make my life a wish fulfillment novel and being omnipotent and all he should know what lenience and equitably looks like together. Damn, I really do hope the ROB behind the system makes my life a wish fulfillment novel. I want cool powers and other shits maybe a harem too. 

I confirmed at least one thing. The system should not be man made at least not from people of my time. No way, they have the tech for it and even if with illuminati and shit they did have the capability they choosing me is like 1 in 8 billion and god be damned I am not that important for them to choose me.

So, I was chosen by some ROB after eliminating all the options left. Just wow. I do hope he is fair and his fairness definition matches mine. And definitely, definitely don't want my ROB to be human.

Why?

Because, no human and his creation shall be partial because we humans ourselves don't understand what being partial means. It's always about interest. 

People follow people because their interests are tied to others. Have a group of people of different interests fight for the same interest. Hard to do. Use a gun or the way of dog eating dog to make them follow the interest of one? Applicable, but the interest of the one holding the gun is to complete his interest, and the one at the other end is to live. Chances are that he is going to be devoured by the ones he led. Especially if he wasn't some sort of Messiah, a spiritual guide. So everything boils down to interest. 

So, if it's human. I am fucked. Humans will kill more human than any natural cause. And If they haven't done it yet, it's cause they need more time.

So, please don't be a human. 

Moving on from extra thoughts, I read the number uno again. And what did I find again?

Contradiction yet again. Questions yet again. Blank space for answers yet again.

Questions with contradiction. Answer to find. Life is always tiring if you got homework to do. 

Can I make mistakes and would it be forgiven? If even mistakes are forgiven then what about something correct? Can the correct answer be regarded as mistake and be pardoned? Would the correct answer grantee a praise or an extra reward?

Fuck! What does mistake and 'correct' mean here? Something that follows rules and bottom line of the system or mine? Does the system has the right to final interpretation? Can it just void my efforts just because I didn't do it in the way the system wanted?

Lenience. Lenience? Lenience to first time offender? Or lenience till the end of the novice period? 

Forgiving while being strict? Forgiving while being strict. Forgiving while being strict!

Just like a parent. Taking away the kids phones, grounding them, no pocket money, chores. Is this what being lenient and equitably means? 

And add the word novice in it. It sounds like a parent taking care of their child till he is mature enough to make his own decision. 

Then, can the summary be considered a message, a advice from a parent to his child? Be bold on your decision. Trust no one but yourself in the man eat man society out there. Your future is in your hand and the choices that follow you till the end. And trust your instinct(yourself). The society is fickle and you will decide if you live as a master to your own desire or a slave to other's desire. There is no guidebook to your destiny except your choice and your willingness to get it.

Then would the kraken be the the top dog of the society and the siren be the lady that seduce you to climb the social ladder or seduce you till you settle in her lane or leave forever making you a broke nobody not even fit to be in mentioned in the storybooks. 

So, the summary if you look at it as your parents care sounds awfully like a dad's advice with mom's care in it. Never direct words but words of warning, care and advice. Even the warning number 1 sounds like him. 

'I will cherish and guide you as my little boy until the day you venture into the world. From that pivotal moment onward, you will embark on your journey as a man—though a small man, you will wield the power of choice and responsibility. I will stand by as a spectator, a witness to your story. You will fall down more than you can stand but remember me and your mother shall be there as wise old couple to advice you, scold you, care for you. Talk to your mother if you ever disagree with my advises. There will be moments of hardship, but remember, a man faces death with a smile, not tears. Remember. A man protects.. A man is peaceful not harmless. A man doesn't know when to give up. A man doesn't regret. He never regrets. You should never regret.'

Now that's making me emotional. Couldn't do jack shit before I somehow came here. Even if they didn't want anything from me. I should have at least done something for them before I came here.

Sigh! What a hard advice. A man doesn't regret. Less than 22 summers yet I have so many regrets. I don't think, I will be able to forget this regret.

 So many stuffs flashed through my eyes that it almost felt like death was approaching and my mind was doing everything to slow down time. Pulling my parent hand to buy stuff in a fair. Going places eating foods. Smiling without a trace of worry. Growing up. Getting scared to talk with that one girl. Doing teenage stuff. Growing up and moving out for my studies. So little events yet so many regrets.

I looked at the blazing sun, the ever changing ocean and its tide. Don't you have some regret? Even if you are so high and almighty, enjoying a exalted position, you should have something you regret right? Do you regret the relentless heat you bestow to us humans who see you nothing more than a source of energy? A obstacle to be conquered. A battery that sustain us for eons to come. 

Do you find the myths that diminish you, depicting your nine brothers shot down from the sky by a human with a bow, condescending? Do you find it degrading that there are myths, lore where gods are depicted as the true owners of your radiance, when they merely borrow your radiance, claiming it as their own?

Do you lament your solitary brilliance, shining brightly yet eternally alone.?

Solitude. Loneliness. Regret. I have a feeling that these three words would describe me much more than any other words out there.

Just like you. The never ending ocean.

Do you too, in your endless expanse, harbor regrets? Despite your power and beauty, is there something that troubles you? Do the relentless tides in you lament regrets? Do you, as both a force of nature and a source of life, find it demeaning when we humans, perceive you merely as a navigational challenge and a reservoir that sustains life across millennia?

And what of the myths that diminish you, depicting your tumultuous waters as mere playthings of gods and titans—do you find them condescending? Is it not demeaning that in most myths, the trident is depicted as the one thing that controls you, when you are inherently uncontrollable? Do the gods not proclaim themselves masters over you?

In your vast solitude, amidst the shifting currents and echoing depths, does the magnificence that defines you also bring a profound sense of loneliness? Do you, like us, seek understanding and connection in the embrace of your endless horizon?

Do you the sun and the ocean regret it?

Do you?

Do you?

Regret such a small word yet holds a weight hard to ignore. I know I can't fully describe it. It was more than just being or feeling sorry; It was like carrying a heavy weight of sadness and wishing things could have been different.

Even the genie 3 wishes wouldn't be enough to not regret just forget. An unsolved case again stored in the archives. The archives are getting full, aren't they? 

What if the archive cases were solved one by one? Would the burden be any lighter? Would the smile that graze my lips be worry-free? Would it be permanent? Would my life be worry free? Would the sights be more colorful? Could the vibrant hue get more vibrant? Would the soul lighten? 

Would the canvas of life paint a lovely picture showcasing my future? Would the color used be colorful enough to light the canvas? Would the strokes in the canvas be truly mine? Would the canvas show me the things I always wanted? Would it paint a picture of an happy family?

Would I be truly happy?

I don't know. 

But I do hope the answers match what I want. 

Yet, I know it won't.

Life. It never is easy, is it?

What would I not do to hear that care hidden behind the scolding. What would I not do to hear that love behind all the caring. What would I not do to fight a boxing match with my siblings and exert the eldest right. What would I not do to eat the homemade food. What would I not do to act as my mother's tail while she cooks to get the first bite. What would I not do to annoy the youngest through tricks and life lesson through brotherly love. What would I not do to for that familial love.

What would I not do to make them happy.

ROB or whoever is behind the system, I appreciate the system even if I am stranded in the middle of nowhere with sea sickness and no supply in the blazing sun. I truly am. It's like a dream come true.

A dream to have a system just like in all those web novels, manhua, manga, manhwa. A dream to be a protagonist face slap multiple young arrogant young masters. A dream to rizz up girls without trying. Seeing a +1000 aura when I do something cool and attractive. A dream to be on the top. A dream to give everything my family needed.

While I haven't done any missions nor have I even completely read the warnings. I haven't even started my journey. I am thankful.

I wouldn't have minded if I came here after a natural death but my memories tell me I didn't. 

So, if you are listening to my thoughts. I would like to wake up from this dream. This coveted dreams to go back to reality.

Why? Because the regrets would keep me awake even in this dream.

What would I not do to make them happy.