Madness of Regret

No reply. Hah, what am I thinking. Of course, they won't reply. 

Maybe I am not worthy. Maybe I am useless. Maybe I am just a toy. Maybe I am a livestock to them. Maybe I am weak. Maybe they don't hear me. Maybe they don't want to hear me. Maybe I am sidelined. Maybe I can't go back. Maybe.. Maybe..

Or all of the above. 

Sigh! A man doesn't regret, huh. I am sorry but I know I will regret it till the day the sweet embrace of death would claim me.

I will carry this regret. The regret till I complete it. 

So wait for me. 

This is naught but a small interval before I make you all happy.

Warning no. 2: Destiny resides in selections. Destiny is forged, not altered.

Selections. Forged. Not altered. Destiny. 

Destiny is like a pile of iron. You need to make a weapon from the pile which you will use. Select a weapon that shall accompany you till the end. That is your destiny desired. Forging shall be done by your selected fire, your selected hammer, your selected anvil, your selected number of strikes, your selected method of quenching, your selected method of tempering, your selected handle, your selected engraving, your selected destiny. Once forged it can never be altered. 

For that is the destiny chosen by you. You can run from destiny but it always catches up. 

But what happens to the pile of unused iron? Surely it doesn't take everything from a pile to forge a weapon. Isn't it like having capabilities for a lot of stuff and choosing just one or two while discarding the rest? If that's the case what happens to the rest of the iron? Is it taken by the system or just left unused? 

Can the remaining iron be made into more weapons? Utilized to the maximum with no scraps left? 

It should be possible but I don't think I can achieve it. I won't have time nor the heart to reach the maximum height for all of them just a selected one or few. I am not those perfectionist MC nor do I think the system would provide me experience packs for quick face slapping gig. 

Warning no. 3: You possess a solitary opportunity.

Just one opportunity. One opportunity for what? To forge destiny? Be the master of my destiny? To get what I want or what I need? Or to take what I want and need? To decide my path? A path of solitude? A path of camaraderie? Or bit of both? Or to do the system bidding?

I don't know nor do I have all the answers but I plan on making it count. Warning or not.

If these is a opportunity with no string attached then it's a good thing for me, a gift, a rare blessing in disguise. 

If it isn't then I have to do the one thing humans are best at.

Defy.

The most excellent qualities in us. From the weak to the strong. From the pacifists to the warmongers. Defying is what we know. What we do both subconsciously and consciously. A genetic trait. A trait that makes us human human. A nature to challenge the status quo, to question authority, to rebel against the constraints imposed among us.

And oh boy, do we not defy everything. Expectations from parents, society. Defied. The societal norms that bind us. Defied. The laws that govern us. Defied. 

We find ways to push back, push hard. And push hard is what we do. Defiance isn't always born of malice; often, it comes from a primal need for autonomy.

What is life if not a series of choices? What is life for humans if not the defiance to death? What is life if it not lived for your own desire? What is life if it's not full of your own fuckups?

What is life if you are already dead on the inside? Dead on the inside? Most of the people are already dead on the inside in this modern era. They just work enough to eat, have a little fun with the hopes of a class elevation. What is this if not being dead on the inside? 

I was also on the same lane, wasn't I? Maybe that's why I am confused, angry and sarcastic to …life. 

Then how can you feel alive deep inside while living? How do you truly live? How do you find inner peace in this era as one of the 99%?

Do I have a answer? No. Even if I did, it would be the answer for only me. Not for the 99%. 

Life. Life. You can only truly feel it in death, can't you? A man's gotta die to live, huh? 

A man live the liveliest he ever has when he lives on the death edge. Maybe to truly live you have to walk the path of death.

A man meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it. So why not tread the path you fear before it overtakes you?

I can feel it. Maybe this path would make me the liveliest I ever have been. Maybe this would be the death of me.

I don't mind. But hear me o' system if there are threads in the forms of opportunity. I shall do the one thing humans have done for history and never learned.

I shall defy the ones who attached the string to me. 

Warning no. 4: Effort does not necessarily guarantee reward.

The destiny chosen won't yield what I want, will it? Even after all the effort poured into forging it.

Reminds me of society, our lovely Education system. With a degree as a proof of the hard work that was put in it. All those years, money, energy, soul invested to face rejection because of what. Experience.

Experience, the almighty requirement for any and every job in the modern era. And where do we gain this experience? I think something just flew over my mind. What was it? Ah! right, from jobs. And how do you get a job? With experience, of course. The math ain't mathing. 

Common sense ain't common anymore.

All those financial burdens borne by parents during the kids schooldays. All the night spent on homework, assignment, tests, exams yet the schooldays were the most memorable. Still are.

Then we grow up. We face our own problems. Puberty, Friends both true and false, Love, Life. We grow up a little more. Now, we either focus on higher education or are obstructed in life. We try to find solutions for it.

For middle economy class and the lower economy class it would be a job. A job to sustain himself and his family. A lower economy class could work whatever job he find because society made them that desperate. A middle class, haha they have to much of a pride to work whatever job they find. They aren't that desperate, yet. Even the society obstructs them. Their neighbor's gossip, their parent's expectation and wish, the false pride in them. 

Just to maintain the false pride in them. They restrict the choices they have. Corporate. Army. Government. 

Nowadays famous work of them all. Influencers, Social media star for those with the I dare dream to reach the stars and put it in the pocket and show it off mentality. Dreamers with no limit to their dreams because noone told them their limits. I envy them. Whether successful or not they at least were able to dream that big.

Kind of hard for a normal middle class child. Where they hear not now, next time more than Sure, why not till adulthood and start saying the same during parenthood. The stars we could touch would be the bulb we touch to replace it. And in adulthood we would either grow over the feeling of being grounded by reality or we hid the feeling deep within us just to pass it down to our children. 

Life, huh. No one told me you were gonna be such a bitch. And not even the go to have some fun kind of a bitch. Just a plain old karen.

Effort doesn't necessarily guarantee reward. Yea, heard that my whole life. Lived all of my small life with it. 

Guess even the system is more like life. Effort doesn't guarantee rewards.

At least on the bright side, it should also mean reward doesn't need effort. So I could just get a reward just by lazing in a corner. Neat. Kind of like living the high life. All the plebs and peasants effort could grant me rewards. 

I am gonna be the king of the world.

I really gotta do it in the black pearl.

But easier said then done. I don't think the system is just gonna hand me the rewards even if I dare say it showed a parent concern in the summary and the summary. Nothing is free. And the most expensive are the ones that are free.

And life is free isn't it?

Warning no. 5: Trust is reciprocal.

Reciprocal? Now, Now, why would an almighty system need trust from poor ol' me. I have neither the status, power, intelligence nor anything I know that can convey trust it asks for.

But it wants something form me. 

Wants. Wants? Wants! 

So the system needs something. Can I consider it as something living? Something sentient? Capable of conveying needs and wants? 

Or is the system something beyond human science? Something non-living but can convey want and need.

Or just a pure machine like skynet?

If it wants something, it should have other wants too right? 

Let's think of it as Skynet helping me for something it wants later. So it's basically helping me choose and forge my destiny. It's word not mine. And I should be in a place or world where pirates run amok judging from the summary. A world with the theme of betrayal, freedom and the ocean. Pirates of the Caribbean would be my first guess.

So now why would Skynet transport me to Pirates of Caribbean? What would it gain from it in the long run? Short run, I can think of it taking research data or if it can my body and soul. Or am I in a matrix? A matrix would be much easier than the whole world traveling thing.

Puzzling. Trust is reciprocal. 

But how? Reciprocal is only done between equals. We aren't equal not by a long shot. If we only look in information as a scale. The system should have all the information about me or should have taken everything away from my brain. The silver text that follow my eye movement can support my worries. 

Something related to my eye is wrong and I don't feel anything wrong. It just feels normal. Something magical. Maybe. But since my eyes are compromised, Can I say my brain is too? Eye directly feed the information to the brain. So my eyes or brain or both are compromised or the system is pure magic or I am nothing but a terminator with a human consciousness in me. 

Everything is a danger to me. 

The system should have information about me, this world and what do I have? Nothing I can think of. 

So why does it say trust is reciprocal? 

Please don't let it be 'My future self created a system for the past me' cliche. Because I know the current me doesn't plan on doing that. 

Maybe in the future if I should and have timey-wimey powers, I could depending on the circumstances.

But if the system is asking for a reciprocal trust because I built it then I could either be damned to the deepest corner of hell, be mortal for a lifetime or be flying with the angel depending on the mood at which the system was created.

I sure hope it was either neutral or a good mood. Don't wanna die cause of me. 

All the future timey bullshit aside, I would be more at ease if the system has a want from me. No a need from me. 

If the system's want can be fulfilled by a average person in earth then I am replaceable. If I am forever in the replaceable post, it would be bad for me. I have to be a need for the system. Like I need it right now.

Trust is reciprocal, huh. Looks like I have and can do nothing about it but believe it to be true. 

You have my trust. For now.